The O'Neill Chronicles, Book IV: Plague
by chazevelt
Summary: As a plague hits the Pegasus Galaxy and threatens Earth, Jack faces a series of his own plagues.


Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Sci-fi and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

The author of this story owns the character of Maddy and expressly denies permission for anyone else to use her- especially to kill her off!

Comments are welcomed and encouraged. I try to respond to all emails.

WARNING: Adult language, adult situations, violence, and nudity. Mature subject matter, mature readers please.

Note: This is Book Four in an ongoing series, The O'Neill Chronicles. Due to recurring characters, plot lines, and themes I strongly suggest you start at the beginning, The O'Neill Chronicles, Book One, Jack Retires and progress through the series in order.

Book One, Jack Retires and Book Two, The O'Neills had to be downloaded in two installments each due to size vs site constraints. Book Three, Memories, is available in a single download. I apologize for any confusion or inconvenience.

The O'Neill Chronicles

Book Four

"**Plague"**

**Chapter One**

The plague that was sweeping the Pegasus Galaxy was creeping ever closer to Atlantis. It did not discriminate between species or race. But it was gender specific.

It killed anything and everything male.

Humanoids, animals, sea life, vegetation, even the Wraith were falling victim to the horrific swath it was cutting through the galaxy.

The SGC had deployed every available female to Atlantis, and they were bringing home the men. All nonessential males had already been transported back to Earth. Teams were gathering samples of nonhuman life forms and distributing them where room and habitat were available. Athosian males had been moved to the Alpha Site.

General Hank Landry had borrowed Maddy O'Neill's ship, The Nautilus, for Dr. Lam. With Vala at the helm, the small craft afforded the doctor freedom of mobility to gather samples and data without tying up a jumper. The Odyssey was kept in constant use as a transport vehicle, as were the two Al'keshes and several cargo transports Teal'c had managed to appropriate. But as the plague neared, so did the time when male pilots for the alien ships would have to be evacuated. Both Jaffa and Tau'ri women were being qualified on the ships.

**Chapter Two**

Maddy handed Jack a cup of coffee then sat down beside him on the deck. He read her face, felt her tension, and braced himself for another argument.

"I could help," she said quietly.

"I know you could."

"Then I'm going."

Jack sighed. "Please don't do this."

"My beaming device is working again. Better than ever. I can turn and position stuff now. And the memory devices Loki implanted- think of how much help that would be..."

"Yep."

"But you still don't want me to go."

"Nope."

"Why, Jack? I'd be in no danger- the plague only hits males."

"I know. But so do the Wraith. If they ever get their God-awful heads together, they'll hit the city thinking the men have left it undefended."

"The ZPM you used in Antarctica is more than enough to power the shields."

"I know."

Maddy sighed.

"Babe, call me every kind of selfish bastard, but it's gonna be a hellava long time before anyone comes back from Atlantis. Even if they do manage to stop the plague, they could be carriers. Carter and Vala are there indefinitely. Women with kids, families, were forewarned and given the option not to go. You aren't officially a part of the SGC- you have no obligation to go."

"I have an obligation to humanity," she said quietly.

"If you go, I go."

"Ohhh, no," she said quickly. "Oh, _hell_ no!"

Jack sighed. "Don't do this, Maddy. Please."

She was quiet for a long while. "Make you a deal. I won't volunteer. But if Sam asks for me, needs my help, I won't refuse."

Jack thought about that. The chances of Carter requesting his wife to come to Atlantis were slim. Not because Maddy wouldn't be a valuable asset, but because Carter wouldn't do that to either of them.

"That's fair, Babe." He reached out and grasped her hand. She gave it a squeeze.

"It's so scary," she said.

"Yep."

"If they can figure out how to stop it, do you suppose they could figure out how to infect the Ori with it? Haven't all the Priors been male?"

"They haven't ruled out the Ori starting it."

Maddy heaved another sigh. "I guess that would be wrong, anyway. How many cultures would they infest as carriers before it wiped them out?"

"There's that."

"Did I hear Hank right- are all the men going to the Alpha Site when they're recalled?"

"Yep. Gonna wait out at least two incubation periods. More if they don't find a way to cure it or stop it."

"Gonna be awful quite around here," she mused.

"Bite your tongue, Woman!"

Maddy laughed softly. "Do you suppose we could have the addition built on for the kids before they get home? Make a nice homecoming present for them."

"We can work on it. I had a thought..."

"I thought I smelled smoke."

"Funny," he growled. "Hank, George, and I were discussing those Tok'ra tunnel crystals Qua'sel stockpiled for us. We can't come up with a use for them, and we've got lots and lots of them..."

Jack glanced at her. Maddy had given a small jerk when he mentioned Qua'sel's name. His death still haunted her. But she had recovered and was canting him a sideways look. Jack pursed his lips a moment then continued.

"...What would you think about a tunnel between the kids' side of the lodge and Cheyenne Mountain?"

"A tunnel into the base?" She turned in her chair to stare at him. "_Cool_!"

He shrugged. "We can tie into an air shaft and make an entrance right on Level Twenty-seven. Get a couple quads..."

"Wow, Honey, that would be awesome. But how on earth would I get the backhoe beamed across the tunnel when we want some privacy?"

"Isn't that the whole idea of building on for them? So they'll play in their own rooms and leave us alone once in a while?"

Maddy laughed at him. "After seven years of marriage you're still worried about us having privacy?"

"I'll want you all to myself when we're both in our nineties," he growled.

"Yeah, _you_ will. When you're ninety you'll still have the body of a forty-year old and..."

"And you'll feel a hundred?" he teased.

"I was gonna say, you'll still have the mind of a twelve-year old!"

"A twelve-year old with the biggest damned..."

Jack found himself sitting on a bale of hay in the barn. He laughed out loud. A moment later Maddy beamed herself into the barn with him.

She was completely naked.

"You're a man of action, O'Neill. Don't tell me- show me."

**Chapter Three**

Jack skidded around the corner and raced into the infirmary.

"Where is she?" he demanded of everyone in general.

Four nurses all turned to point at an examination room. Jack bolted through the door and pulled up short. Maddy was sitting on an examination table, bare from the waist up, her chest, neck, arms, and face covered with angry red splotches. Dr. Lam was dabbing each with a thick salve. As Jack watched, Maddy sucked in a breath through her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut.

"What the hell happened?" Jack demanded.

"Fryer exploded," Dr. Lam told him. "She caught the brunt of the hot oil."

Jack winced. "Has Landry been notified?"

"Yes. He's on his way down."

"Well he doesn't need to come in here," Jack decided, firmly closing the door.

Maddy rolled her eyes at him.

"Hurts, huh?" he said helplessly.

"Ya _think_?" she sniped.

"_I could heal you."_

'_**No!' That would be too obvious! They'll figure it out.'**_

"Get any in your eyes?" he persisted.

"Some. You're fuzzy, Jack. Have you been drinking?"

He smirked at her. Damn, nothing rattled that woman. He watched curiously as she gently adjusted the doctor's head out of her line of vision.

"Huh," she murmured to the doctor. "He's as good looking fuzzy as he is clear."

Dr. Lam clicked her tongue. Jack made a face at her back then grinned at Maddy for the compliment. Lam gripped her chin and began dabbing the ointment on her face. Maddy rolled her eyes to the ceiling and blinked impatiently. When the doctor finished she stepped back to eye her handiwork.

"I'll be right back with bandages. Don't move!" She tapped briskly past Jack and closed the door behind her.

Jack walked up and found a spot on either side of her breasts that weren't blistered. He cupped them and bent down like he was talking to them.

"Poor puppies," he crooned. "Daddy'll make you feel better... He's gonna take you beauties home and baby you."

"Can I come too?" Maddy asked dryly.

He straightened and kissed her lightly. "You can come first."

"See, I _knew_ there would be an advantage to this," she giggled.

Dr. Lam returned and gave an impatient sigh as she firmly elbowed O'Neill to the side. When she turned her back to him, Jack bared his teeth at her. The doctor plastered Maddy in bandages.

"You look like a mummy," Jack quipped.

"Try not to deflate them, Doc," Maddy said in a stage whisper. "My bicycle pump is broken."

Jack gave her a suggestive leer and mimed inflating his hand by blowing into his thumb. Maddy giggled. Lam whirled around but Jack was faster and she didn't catch him. Maddy giggled harder. Lam shook her head.

"You two are incorrigible," she muttered. "Keep using that eye cup to rinse out your eyes. I don't see evidence of burns on your corneas, but you've got some oil floating around in there. It'll be more annoying than anything. Keep these bandages on, and keep them dry. I'll give you some ointment to put on your face- apply it at least twice more tonight. I'll see you in the morning. I can give you something for pain, but with your weird system I doubt it'll work. Try it anyway and let me know if you get any relief."

"Thanks," Maddy told her. She reached for her smock and Jack helped her into it. She slipped off the table and kissed his chin. "And thank _you_ for coming to my aid, Hero. I'll see you at five."

He caught her elbow as she tried to leave and took a step to level her a hard look. "We're going home _now._"

"Oh, for cryin' out loud," she muttered. "Jack, I'm fine. I'm gonna finish my shift. But I might be persuaded into letting you buy me dinner tonight."

"What's it gonna take to get you to go home _now_?"

"Either teach me to ride a motorcycle, or scuba dive?"

Jack slowly shook his head at her. "Scuba it is. But not until those burns are healed."

"Honestly, Jack, I left stuff hanging-fire. I need to finish up." She glanced at her watch, tapped on it, shook it, then grimaced. "Fried." She lifted his arm and looked at his watch. "It's only three hours. I'll let you smear cream all over me tonight if it'll make you feel better."

"Maddy..."

"Jack..." She stood on tiptoe and kissed him the way only Maddy could kiss.

It took him a moment to gather the thoughts she had just scattered for him. "This was no accident, was it?"

She shook her head. "Another reason I have to go back. Whoever it is, I can't let them think they scared me off- even for a couple of hours."

"Fine," he said briskly. "Let's go." He snagged her elbow and propelled her from the room.

"Tell me you're not gonna sit in the commissary and stare at me for three hours!" she complained as they headed down the corridor.

"Okay, I won't tell you."

"You can't babysit me ten hours a day, five days a week, Jack."

"I can babysit you three hours today."

She leaned her head sideways against his shoulder. "I think this warrants scuba diving _and_ a motorcycle."

"Ohhh, no. Scuba. That's it."

She glanced up at him curiously_. "_No motorcycle?"

"No motorcycle."

"Why?"

Jack sighed. "Maddy, we've discussed this. The way you ride, the way you drive- you'll kill yourself on a motorcycle."

She clicked her tongue. "My ex said the same damned thing," she griped. "I can drive any other motorized vehicle you can name..."

"And probably a few I'd never think of," he agreed.

"You bought us quads. And snowmobiles."

He raised a warning finger as they rounded a corner. "About that snowmobile..."

"_What?"_

"You flip that thing one more time like you did last winter..."

"I didn't get hurt," she pouted.

"You took ten years off _me_."

"Sam and Cam both have motorcycles."

"They don't have quads, snowmobiles, tractors, backhoes, boats, or horses."

"What's your point?"

"No motorcycle."

"What if I buy you one?"

He hesitated. "I have one," he admitted.

She whirled on him and brought them both to an abrupt halt. "You _what_?"

He studied her face. "I have a motorcycle. It's been in storage."

Her expression ran through a range of emotions. "Why didn't you tell me? Seven years, Jack, and you never mentioned it?"

"_Nicely played, Madison. He doesn't suspect you already know."_

"Because I saw the way you ride. And the way you drive."

"I promise to be careful?"

"Your idea of careful starts where everybody else shits their pants."

"I'm doing okay with the Cessna."

"About the Cessna..."

"_What?"_

"You're getting a little too cocky with it. You need to slow down and get some hours under your belt before you go flying upside down like that."

"You didn't complain while we were up there."

"I didn't want you to lose focus."

"You have a set of controls. You wouldn't let us crash."

"You have way too much confidence in me being able undo your cowboy maneuvers."

She sighed as they turned into the commissary. "How about I trade you the motorcycle for a helicopter?"

"You don't _have_ a motorcycle to trade for a helicopter."

"Any chance of getting an old Blackhawk?"

"Any chance of you just letting me sit on the deck and _fish_?"

She gave him a quick kiss. "I'll teach you how to fish if you teach me how to fly a helicopter."

"I already know how to fish."

She gave him a saucy look. "If you say so..."

The intercom kept him from retorting. _"General O'Neill to General Landry's office, please."_

Maddy quirked an eyebrow. "Meet you at the elevator at five."

"I guess. Take it easy, please? And watch your back, Babe."

"_That was opportune. We need another injection of the suppressant. Unless you're ready to tell him of my presence."_

'_**Not yet. He's gonna flip. He's been through so much over the past year or so...'**_

"_Trust me, Madison, he can handle it. You should not keep this from him. Unless we can find another host and I can slip away unnoticed."_

'_**Not until we've come up with a way of keeping Ba'al away from me. As long as we're blended, Ba'al can't implant me with a symbiote he can control. Can he sense you, or will this serum**__**you concocted hide you from Ba'al as well?'**_

"_It will. If Ba'al tries an implantation, Madison, do not fight it. The other symbiote will not sense me, either. I will destroy it before it realizes there is no room inside this body. You will feel ill for a short time, but I will take care of you._"

'_**No offense, Quasi, but you're pretty old. What if the other symbiote kills you instead**_**?'**

"_I will have the element of surprise, and more strength since the other symbiote will be weak from trying to blend. I promise, Madison, I won't allow you to be taken."_

**Chapter Four**

Jack covertly studied his wife's face. The oil blisters had cleared up, only two had left tiny scars, and there had been no more accidents in the commissary. Yet. It worried him that after this long somebody was still out to get her over exposing the former head cook as a drug dealer in the SGC. It worried him more that she wasn't afraid. She had been in the beginning, but so much had happened to her. He didn't think anything could scare his wild wife.

So much had happened to her that he feared she was getting bored with their idyllic life.

She hadn't stepped foot inside her ceramic studio in months. She still rode her horses, but she was venturing further and further up into the mountains and Jack sensed she was looking for something... something to flavor her taste for adventure, excitement. He watched her toy with an elusive trout, tease and taunt the wily fish with her lure, but he knew her mind was a million miles away.

Make that a million light years away.

Maybe he should let her go to Atlantis. He was being selfish, but he just couldn't stand the idea of her being so far away, so far out of his reach. For so damned long. He could happily sit and watch his wife for hours on end. She saw the world through the eyes of a child, amused and amazed and enamored with everything. He had bought them scuba gear and was teaching her in the lake. Her biggest obstacle was overcoming her severe claustrophobia. It both pleased and perplexed him how stubbornly she battled the vexing fear of being confined, enclosed. He would see the panic rising in her eyes, watch her fight it back, almost wish she would give in to it and give up.

He was afraid that one day she would look at him and decide he wasn't interesting enough, wasn't exciting enough, to keep her involved anymore. He wanted to know she could give up her lust for adventure in favor of being with him.

He ran his gaze over her, over the snug T shirt that outlined breasts unfettered by support, over long, beautiful legs that gave him the shivers, over the dark red nail polish on her toenails. Over this incredible woman that still gave him the shakes after seven years. Sunlight glared off the surface of the lake, reflected brightly in her eyes, created an aura of golden light around her head.

Jack was convinced Maddy was an angel.

No mortal woman could love and accept him the way she had. No mortal woman could possess the patience and devotion and complete understanding of the man he was and love him, not in spite of who he was, but for the man he was. It was humbling.

He had been worried about the abuse she constantly put her body through, worried that life with him was going to age her faster than she deserved. He had help. Twice he had downloaded the Ancient Repository of Knowledge that slowed his aging process and gave him a range of enhancements. Then spending nearly a year as host to the Tok'ra, Qua'sel, had rejuvenated his body. But Maddy had been showing signs of age and wear. He would catch her putting a hand to her back, or working her knee... Come to think of it, he hadn't see her do that lately. And she hadn't been buying aspirin as often as she used to. Maybe she had just been hitting a phase and it had passed. Heaven knew she battered her body mercilessly... when he wasn't.

He wanted to give in about the motorcycle- he hated denying her anything. But this woman who drove the way she rode wouldn't be happy until she had tasted road rash and proved to herself she could pick the damned bike up and do it again. Jack abruptly reeled in his line.

"Let's go in, Babe. You're starting to burn."

"Gonna be another scorcher," she sighed. "Maybe we should move to Alaska."

"Gets hot in Alaska, too."

"Siberia?"

"Been there, have no desire to go back."

She canted him a look. "I suppose you'd like to find a tropical island where you could lay on the beach drinking beer and not have to shave."

Jack couldn't help but laugh. "Only if the beach had a TV so I could watch The Simpsons." He took a breath. "Some days that doesn't sound half bad. But only to visit. I prefer snow to sand, cool to hot."

"Me too. I hate being too hot."

"Then life must be miserable for you."

She frowned at him.

"You're so damned hot you're gonna have this lake boiling if you don't get off it and give it a chance to cool down." Her blush melted his heart.

"If you prefer cool to hot, then how do I keep you interested?"

"Cool climate, hot women."

"You just want to see their nipples standing at attention."

"And saluting," he nodded.

"You're a dirty old man, O'Neill."

Jack gave her no warning. He dove across the boat and carried them both into the water. Maddy surfaced, squealing and sputtering. He attacked her neck then kissed her as soon as she had caught her breath. She twisted away and started swimming towards the waterfall. Jack treaded water a moment to give her a head start.

Maddy scrambled out of the lake and waded upstream to stand under the tumbling water. Jack followed, feeling his chest constrict as she tilted her face into the streaming flow and smoothed her hair back. He stopped and stared at her, wanting her, delighting in the growing need he knew she would meet and satisfy. She opened her eyes and met his gaze. When she skinned out of her shorts, let the water carry them downstream into the lake, he did the same. Her lazy smile ignited a fire that was always smouldering just below the surface. She slowly drew the T shirt over her head and let the water carry it away. She raised her arms over her head, lifted her hair and tilted her face into the water. Cascading streams of cold mountain water flowed over her shoulders, over her breasts, trailed down across her stomach and along the length of her legs, encasing her in a cool, rushing flow. Jack had never wanted her more than he did in this moment, but he stood rooted, captivated by the vision before him, mesmerized by the way the water caressed her skin, molded itself to her curves. His hands ached to trace that flow of cold water down over her hips. Her nipples were hard and puckered and he could almost taste them against his tongue. She was putting on a show for his eyes only and he drank her in. He pulled off his T shirt and let it drop, felt the breeze touch his skin, felt himself being drawn into her world of earthiness and abandon. He was torn by two desires. Wanting her in his arms, wanting to taste and feel and dive headlong into her passion was nearly as overwhelming as wanting to sink down where he stood and simply watch her.

When her eyes met his, seductive, anxious, intent, they drew him into the falls without him realizing he had moved. Her skin was cool and warm at the same time, silken and alive in the pouring water. Jack pressed himself against her, let the water merge them together, shuddered when she touched him. He felt as if the water had turned to gentle electrical current, tickling and dancing over and through him, setting his nerve ends on fire. He felt his muscles tense and quiver, felt the building pressure that made it hard to breathe. Her fingers walked over his chest, teased his nipples, felt like fire and ice at the same time. He watched her eyes watching his mouth and he withheld his kiss to torment her. She pressed her breasts into his chest, twined a leg around his, dug her nails into his back to drive him closer. He let his hands wander lazily over her curves, caressing, gripping, trembling.

When she couldn't stand it a moment longer she touched her lips to his, lightly, briefly, asking him to kiss her. He felt her teeth gently tug at his lip, felt the tip of her tongue exploring the rim of his mouth. Jack shuddered hard and clenched his hands into her haunches. In a moment he was going to have her but he drew out the anticipation, let her tease and torment and seduce him. He wanted her kiss first, that incredible, intoxicating kiss that only Maddy could master. He locked away his ardor and gave her the key, then waited patiently for her to use it. His body tensed and quaked, his lungs felt as if he were fathoms under water as he waited. When her hands slid up into his hair, her breasts pressing tightly against him, he knew it was getting closer to the time when she would explode his mind and turn his legs to jelly. She nestled her hips into his, used her leg to pin them together, and he could feel every inch of her molding into him. She drew his head down and he went to her willingly. He couldn't hold his eyes open, couldn't breathe.

Her mouth on his was such a sweet explosion of intensity that Jack wanted to scream, wanted to rake her down into the water beneath him, wanted to sink to his knees and sob. He steeled himself against moving and let her pour her exquisite fire into his soul. Shaking from head to toe, he couldn't stand it a moment longer and let his passion wrest control from her. He devoured her, crushed her against him, tasted her soft whimper as it crossed his tongue. He slid his hands down and lifted her into him, felt her legs come around his hips and clench them tightly. Jack took three steps and pressed her back into the cold stone behind the falls. He broke the kiss and filled his mouth with hard nipple and soft skin. Her fingers were digging into his scalp, her shallow gasps searing across his ear. She sucked on his earlobe, worried it with her tongue, worked little nips around the edge of his ear. She breathed his name and bit his neck, her body straining into his.

Jack raised his head and took her eyes before he took her mouth, took her tongue before he took her.

**Chapter Five**

Maddy's eyes lit up and Jack watched curiously as she walked around the idling Kenworth. She cocked her head to one side and listened to the engine purr, and he saw goose bumps rise along her arms. She reached out then pulled back without touching the shiny metal.

Jack shook his head.

Her eyes took in every detail of the big truck and when she finally turned to him it was with such a wistful look that his heart cramped painfully. She looked almost dejected as she turned for the elevator.

Jack walked into Landry's office and slumped into a chair.

"Mornin', Jack," the general greeted affably. "How was your weekend?"

"Incredible," Jack grinned at him.

"Sorry I didn't make Sunday dinner. Caroline invited me to her place."

"How'd that turn out?"

Landry shrugged. "We managed not to argue. Much."

"I see the truck in the tunnel. That load of hard copy ready to leave?"

"Yeah, be glad to have that pile of paperwork out of my way. The Groom Lake facility is gonna have to build another bunker to hold the amount of SGC mission reports we're producing."

"Having a private contractor transport it this time?"

Landry shook his head. "No, we just rented a decent cab for the trip. Hate like hell to order some poor grunt to make that trip in a duce and a half with no A/C."

Jack nodded and pursed his lips.

"Besides, we could never trust that cargo with a civilian. Being in possession of that much intel takes security clearance close to yours and mine."

Jack nodded. "Hank, lemme run something past you..."

When Jack walked into Maddy's office later that afternoon she came out of her chair and into his arms like she hadn't seen him in days. He scooped her close and kissed her hard.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Almost done for the day?" he asked.

"I'm never done," she grimaced. "Mondays, you know?"

"How'd you like to take a little road trip?"

Her eyes danced. "Cool. To where?"

"Nevada."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Gonna marry me again?"

"I'd marry you every day of the week and twice on Sunday, Gorgeous." He stepped back, drew a small packet of papers from his chest pocket, and dropped them on her desk. "Sit down before you read those."

Maddy's face crimped worriedly. "They aren't miniaturizing divorce papers these days, are they?" She was only half kidding and Jack tried not to wince. He watched her face as she glanced through the assortment of security clearances and identification cards. When she picked up the CDL with her name on it, tears sprang into her eyes.

"Jack...?" She was trying not to be too hopeful, just in case. He grinned down at her.

"It's about eight hundred miles, take us, what, twelve, fourteen hours?"

"Us? As in..."

His grin widened. "You are not driving that rig barefoot!"

She flew out of the chair squealing and threw herself into his arms. She hugged him so tightly his back popped. He pried her back.

"Run home and pack us a war bag. We can't stop, Maddy. They're topping off the fuel tanks now. This is a high-security load and once we leave here, we'll be tracked by satellite. Pack some munchies and a cooler of drinks."

"How did you do this?" she whispered. "The CDL? I let mine go when I got divorced- the first time," she added dryly.

He let that go. "Hey, this is Stargate Command. We can travel to other _planets_, Maddy, you think a commercial driver's licence on demand is a problem?"

He saw uncertainty cross her eyes. "It's been a long time, Jack. I hope I can remember how..."

"It's just me with you, Babe. If you grind a few gears, who cares? Take a wrong turn," he shrugged. "I'll flash a stack of official credentials that'll melt the tires off the police car that pulls us over."

"That work for speeding tickets, too?" Her eyes were dancing again.

He tried to pull off a glare. "Those come outta your own pocket, but I'll try to keep you outta jail." He grabbed her chin. "You just try to keep us on the road."

"I think I can manage to keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down."

He swatted her on the rear. "Get going. And don't forget my opera CDs."

"_Opera_...!"

"You're gonna pay me for this somehow."

"I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out by the root."

He jerked his head towards the door.

**Chapter Six**

Maddy canted him a surprised look when he tucked a zat and a shotgun into the sleeper bunk.

"Expecting trouble?" she asked as she scanned the paperwork for the load.

"I thought I was riding _shotgun_." At her arched look he said, "Regulations. This payload requires an armed escort." He checked the clip on his side arm and slipped it back into the shoulder holster. "You kick all eighteen tires?"

"Yeah, but it's your job to pee on them."

"What'd you bring us to eat?"

She jerked her thumb at the cooler in the bunk. Jack dragged it up between the seats and opened the lid.

"You aren't gonna start eating already?"

"Just checking."

Maddy shook her head and smiled.

"Remember the CDs?"

She fished around behind the bunk curtain and handed him a case.

"Dave Dudly, Jerry Reed, Garth Brooks... Since when did they start singing opera?"

"I put one in," she griped. "Just lemme get this thing outta town before you scrape my nerves raw with it."

"Well, head 'em up and move 'em out."

It took her nerves awhile to settle, but Jack was pleased by the way she handled the big rig through traffic. Once they hit the 'big road' as she called the interstate, she seemed to come alive. He watched her double-clutch her way through the split gears, watched her listen to the sound of the motor, watched her play the wheel as if she were using the truck to caress the road. He watched in amazement as she downshifted through the mountains without touching the clutch, never missing a gear, never grinding the transmission. He felt her thrill when she let the jake brake hold the motor as they sailed down the other side. It was dark by the time they hit the flat country. A closeness enveloped Jack, an intimacy surrounding the night, the stars and moonlight, the headlights piercing the blackness, and just him and Maddy in the cab of the truck. There was no traffic to speak of, no lights in the distance, just the purr of the motor and the hum of tires on asphalt.

"Will we bring the rig back to Colorado?"

He shifted in the seat and took a bottle of grapefruit juice out of the cooler. "Yeah. Landry had made arrangements for it to be returned to a rental down there, but I figured you'd wanna drive it back."

"You're too good to me, O'Neill."

"Don't start that," he warned. "Not until after we deliver."

"That mean you're gonna deliver right after I deliver?"

He grinned into the darkness and reached for the CD case. He popped in a disc of trucker ballads and sat back to enjoy the ride. When he finished the juice he rested his shoulders against the door and pretended to doze as he watched her from beneath lowered lashes.

Maddy shot him a glance, turned off the air conditioner, and rolled down her window. He saw her breathe in the scent of the desert, watched her lift her face into the hot breeze. She adjusted her air seat, locked the throttle, and shifted position. Her eyes never stopped moving. She watched the desert passing, watched her mirrors, watched the gauges. She sang softly with the music, smiled from time to time, stretched her neck. She would glance at him and the tender expression on her face filled him with emotion.

Lord, how he loved her. So wild and adventurous, yet so incredibly tender. She had a heart of gold and a spirit as free as the wind, and she gave it all to him. He was as thrilled at being able to give her this little excursion as she was with enjoying it. Maybe he should get his motorcycle out of storage. The woman could operate anything. He knew she used to drive truck with her ex, had seen the excitement in her eyes as she talked about it, but to experience her thrill as she handled the powerful truck was to taste a little more of her. And Jack ached to touch every vital nuance of this woman who loved him so intensely.

He thought she was starting to look tired. It had been an early day- after a very late night he remembered with a tingle- and they'd been on the road for eight hours already. Time to shake her awake for the remainder of the trip. He sat up and opened the CD case.

She eyed him warily as he changed the discs, then cringed as opera filled the cab. He watched her bite her lip and shoot him a squinting, pain-filled smile. She dug in the cooler and unwrapped a stick of jerky. Jack sat back, rested one socked foot on the dash, and started counting cactus.

"If you turn that down just a bit," she said at last, "I'll teach you a game Mom and I used to play when we were driving somewhere."

He adjusted the volume.

"You gotta do the alphabet off road signs, in order. No looking in the mirrors, no letters from inside the cab." She waited until a sign was nearly past them. "A!"

"Hey!" he leaned forward to try and catch the same sign. "You never do play fair!"

"You've got the advantage- I have to watch the road."

"And I can read signs you can't even see," he taunted. "I think we should bet on this."

Qua'sel chuckled deviously.

"Only because you can't beat me catching fish."

"Yep. A and B!"

She was looking at him and missed the 'B'.

"Don't distract the driver!" she complained. "That's cheating!"

**Chapter Seven**

The trip was over far too quickly for Jack. Maddy had a fresh, bright sparkle to her that made him feel incredibly good. She was more relaxed at home, better able to sit back and enjoy the peace of their high mountain lodge. She had needed the diversion, needed something to take her mind off the dark trouble brewing around their friends at Atlantis.

She had needed something to scratch her itchy foot.

He found her in the kitchen, surrounded by the smell of coffee, watching the sunrise. He slipped his arms around her and scratched her neck with the stubble on his chin.

"Whadda you wanna do today?" he asked softly.

She leaned back into his arms and sighed. "The first thing I wanna do is watch you shave."

He laughed at her. Maddy loved to watch him shave, and he loved watching her watch him.

"After that."

"I thought I'd like to run to the nursery."

"More flowers?"

"Mmmm. I'm looking for something bright to fill that corner between the barn and the bank. ...And I want to plant something more on Vidik's grave."

Jack closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay, Babe. Hey, you wanna take a trip next weekend?"

She turned to him excitedly. "Another load need delivered to Nellis?"

He snorted. "No. I thought maybe we'd fly somewhere tropical and see how much you've learned about diving."

"How do I rate?" she asked with wide eyes. "That would be awesome!"

He sighed. "I'll need to make up for spending the week in Washington."

Her face fell. "Awww-ahh!"

"I'd ask you to come with, but it's gonna be non-stop meetings with Pentagon brass. They want a detailed update on the plague, what we're doing about it, and preventative measures we can sketch out to protect Earth."

"Landry can't do that over the phone?"

"He's been keeping George and the President up to date, but they want a war council and Hank has his hands full at the moment."

"And you thought this civilian oversight position at the SGC was gonna be a cakewalk."

"I swear I spend more time in Washington now than I did when I was based there."

"Look at the bright side, Handsome, you don't have to doll up in dress blues."

"_Doll up_?" he echoed.

She giggled. "You're my Ken doll. Too perfect for words. Every woman's dream guy."

"Anatomically correct?"

"Anatomically impossible," she shot back. "With real, working parts..."

He laughed into the hollow of her neck. "Come on, Babe, let's go shave."

"If you let me shave you this morning," she taunted softly as she turned into his embrace, "I'll let you shave my legs tonight."

"All the way up?"

"As far as you wanna go."

"In the garden tub?"

"Filled with bubbles."

"Can we put it an opera CD?"

"How about I buy you an IPOD instead, and you can listen to it all the way to Washington?"

He laughed again and buried his hands in her hair for a long, luxurious kiss.

**Chapter Eight**

Jack settled into his seat on the chartered lear and glanced at General George Hammond. His old friend was poring over a briefcase full of reports. He slipped the jacks into his ears, selected his favorite opera, and kicked back to enjoy the flight.

His mind drifted back to Maddy and he smiled. He had surprised her with a pair of swans the day before he had to leave. She had been so surprised, so thrilled. He loved to watch her bubble over that way, loved to put that delighted shine in her eyes. They had spent the evening on the deck, tossing bits of bread to the swans and watching them explore their new home. Then Maddy had led him to the bedroom and thanked him far more than a pair of swans merited.

He needed to make some plans. St. Thomas, the Bahamas, no it had to be better than that. More secluded, more private. He'd talk to the Commander of the Pacific Fleet, see if he knew of any isolated little tropical islands where he and Maddy could spend an uninterrupted week alone.

Naked.

Make that a month.

He was sleeping, dreaming of Maddy naked in a blue surf, when the jet touched down, bounced once, flipped over, and burst into flames.

**Chapter Nine**

Maddy glanced up with a smile when General Landry walked into her office. Dr. Warner, Daniel Jackson, and Cam Mitchell were right behind him. She took one look at their faces and an icy hand clutched at her heart. She rose slowly and tried to control her breathing.

"Hank...?" she said warily. Her eyes darted from Daniel to Cam and back to the general.

"_What are they doing back from the Alpha Site?"_ Qua'sel murmured worriedly. _"Prepare yourself, Madison. This does not bode well."_

"There's been an accident," Landry told her without hesitating. "Jack's in the hospital."

"Where? How bad?"

"Bethesda. The Lear crashed at the airport. I have a charter standing by to take you to Maryland."

Maddy's eyes went to Dr. Warner, then touched on the sheaf of papers in his hand. "Tell me."

"His back was broken in three places and his spinal cord has been damaged... in several places," Warner said gently. "He suffered extensive burns. Both legs and one arm have multiple fractures. He has a punctured lung, ruptured spleen, concussion, broken wrist... ankle... cuts..." He trailed off with a helpless, sympathetic gesture.

"Is he..." she swallowed and tried again. "Is he going to live?"

"They're calling him critical but stable. They have him in emergency surgery now, but you'll need to sign off on more extensive repairs."

"George?"

"Alive. He's in ICU- critical condition."

"Who else?"

"They're the only survivors. Both pilots, a flight attendant, and Colonel Collins were all killed."

Maddy sat down hard. She looked around in a daze. Mitchell rounded the desk and gripped her arm.

"Daniel and I are going with you. Do you want to stop at the lodge and pack a bag?"

She shook her head.

"Maddy, you'll be there awhile. Better take some clothes."

"Everyone who could help him is gone," she whispered frantically. "Vala, Sam, Vidik..."

"_They took all the healing devices with them, as well."_

Maddy's eyes darted to Landry. "The Nox! We can get him to the Nox!"

Landry winced. "Their stargate is inaccessible, Maddy," he said gently, "And every available ship is in the Pegasus Galaxy."

"Thor!"

"He's there too, when he isn't handling trouble in his own galaxy."

"If you call him, he'll come. Sam will come back- she can use the healing device. The Jaf'fa can get a ship..."

"We're working the options, but right now you need to go to him."

She nodded. "The lodge, Hank..."

"I've got Corporal Williams coming in to be briefed. He'll handle it while you're gone."

Cam urged her up out of the chair and slipped an arm around her shoulders. She shrugged away.

"I could beam there faster."

"You have no point of reference," Landry reminded. "Let us get you there. Go with Dr. Jackson and Colonel Mitchell."

She nodded and let them lead her from the office.

**Chapter Ten**

Maddy was shaking as the nurse led her, Daniel, and Cam into Jack's room in ICU. He was covered in bandages from head to toe. Monitors beeped and tubes ran from a variety of machines into his body. A mask over his face inflated and deflated steadily.

She moved up beside his head and swallowed.

"Jack, Honey, I'm here. You're gonna be fine. I'll stay with you now. I love you, O'Neill." She brushed her fingers over the bandages on his hand. "Daniel and Cam are here, too. Oh, Jack..."

Daniel pushed a chair up to catch her as her legs gave out.

"I'll find a motel, get us a room," Mitchell told Daniel.

Daniel smoothed a hand over Maddy's head. "I'll go find his doctor," he told her.

Maddy nodded and they left her alone with her husband.

'_**Do something, Qua'sel!' **_she pleaded. _**'I'll lean over him and you can...**_**'**

"_I cannot- I will not- blend with him, Madison."_

'_**WHY? He might die! He's in so much pain! Why won't you help him?'**_

"_My duty is to you,"_

'_**Helping him is helping me! I can't live without him! Please!'**_

"_Madison..."_

'_**No, no, listen to me! I'll lean close. There's enough room in those bandages for you to go through his mouth. Quickly now, before someone comes!'**_

"_Dear Madison. Listen to me. I have Jack's thoughts, his memories. Hear me, Darling. Calm yourself. His pain is being managed. Babe,"_Qua'sel slipped into Jack's voice and Maddy began to sob. _"Ba'al will learn of this soon enough- if indeed he wasn't behind it. He will come for you. Jack would want me to protect you. He would want me to stay with you so that you can stay with him. He needs you, Darling, now more than ever. Ba'al will take you away from him. Jack can't lose you, Madison. Trust me in this. Give this a little time and we'll think of something. We'll get our hands on a healing device. Let me think about this. For now, just clear your mind and let him know you're here. He needs your strength and you have it in you to be strong for him."_

'_**I'll beam you out,' **_she threatened._**'Like I did before. You'll have to blend with him- blend with him or die!'**_

"_Please don't make the attempt, Madison. You would pass out from the pain, the stress and trauma, before you could complete the transport. And I'll fight you, Dearheart. At my age, I am not certain I could even heal him. I barely kept Vidik alive and he did not have this many injuries. There were parts of his spinal cord that were injured beyond my abilities. Vidik never was completely healed. His injuries are beyond my abilities, beyond what strength I would have after blending. I would willingly give my life trying, Madison, for you and for Jack, if I thought there was any chance at all that I could help him. Let the Earth doctors do what they can for him and perhaps in the future, after we've thwarted Ba'al, I will be able to finish what the doctors cannot."_

Maddy dropped her forehead on the mattress and sobbed.

Daniel returned with two doctors in tow, made the introductions. She could tell from his expression that it wasn't good.

"Mrs. O'Neill, we've stopped the internal bleeding and are battling to keep him stabilized. He needs a lot more surgery which he is too weak for, he is surviving solely on life support, and frankly, we see no hope of him ever regaining consciousness. If he does, and if there is any brain function at all, he will face a life of total paralysis. Feeding tubes, ventilators... The decision is yours, but it is our opinion that the most humane option would be to disconnect life support and let nature take its course."

Daniel and Cam each grabbed a hand.

"Give us some time to talk this over..." Daniel began on Maddy's behalf.

She pulled away from both of them. "I don't need any time. You will _not_ disconnect life support. You _will_ continue to do everything possible to save him and ease his pain in the process."

"Mrs. O'Neill..."

She raised a hand to quiet the determined but well-meaning doctor. "Jack is a fighter. You don't know him like I do. We are going to give him every chance there is, the benefit of every doubt. If God's ready to take him, He'll do it in spite of your machines and drugs and I'll accept that. Until then, I expect this facility to treat him as if he _will_ live, not as if he's already gone."

The doctors exchanged glances, then looked imploringly at the two men flanking Maddy.

"You heard the lady," Cam said quietly. "Changing her mind would be a bigger job than keeping him alive."

**Chapter Eleven**

Three suited, lab-coated doctors sat across the conference table from Maddy, Cam, and Daniel.

"Against all odds, your husband is improving," one of the doctors said. "He is breathing on his own, his heart is strong, and he is no longer in need of life support." He leaned forward and folded his hands on the table. "It was nothing short of miraculous. General O'Neill was in incredible overall health prior to the accident, which leant greatly to his survival. Despite the massive trauma he is making remarkable progress and we feel we can safely report that he is out of danger."

Maddy exhaled a long breath. She met Daniel's eyes and understanding passed between them: The Ancient's enhancements and Qua'sel had made his survival possible. It was what Maddy had been banking on when she refused to let him go.

"Thank You, Lord," Maddy breathed reverently.

"_What about me?"_ Qua'sel pouted.

'_**Thank God for you, Quasi. Now if you'd just go to him and finish what the doctors can't...'**_

"_In good time, Dearheart, in good time."_

The doctor paused and shuffled a few papers. "That being said, General O'Neill has suffered burns over eighty percent of his body. That alone will take a long time to heal once we're able to complete the grafts. His lung had collapsed, but we were able to repair it. It will be weak but functional. He suffered a clean break below his right knee which we've stabilized with a plate and pins. The linear hairline fracture in his left femur should knit on its own. His pelvis is cracked and we've done what we can there, as well." The doctor took a breath. "The fracture in his left arm did protrude through the skin and a portion of the bone was snapped off, probably during the extraction procedure. We did a bone graft, alignment, and used a plate and screws there as well."

Maddy sat listening, not quite sure she believed this was happening. Not to Jack. Over a month and it still didn't seem real.

"His back," she asked, surprised that her voice didn't break the way her heart was breaking.

The doctors exchanged glances. Maddy reached out to grab Daniel's fingers. She felt Cam's hands settle on her shoulders.

"The vertebra at L3-4 and L4-5 are shattered. There was a puncture of the spinal cord which has sealed, but he has lost fluid. C-1 and C-2 are badly mangled. C-4 through C-7 have sustained extensive injury as well..."

"What's all this mean?" she demanded.

"Your husband is paralyzed, Mrs. O'Neill. The nerves involved affect his face and all extremities from his neck down."

Maddy sucked in a hard breath. "Will he be able to eat, drink?"

One of the other doctors spoke up. "When he's further recovered he should be able to chew and swallow. We know he can hear, but he has no control over his eyelids or vocal chords. His pupils respond to light and stimulus, and from his reaction we believe he can see."

"What about his organs?"

"Badly bruised, but functional. It almost seems as if they're... regenerating... on their own." He shook his head in wonder. "Quite amazing. We can only attribute it to his incredible physical condition."

"Then he's not in a vegetative state?"

"No, Ma'am. He is aware, but he feels no pain. He responded to questions by holding his breath when asked."

"It's our recommendation, Mrs. O'Neill, that you find a good long-term care facility for him. Once he's out of ICU, with continual medical care, many of his injuries will slowly heal. The paralysis, however, is permanent."

"How far can I expect him...?" She bit her lip and fought back tears.

"Mrs. O'Neill, your husband will never walk again, or use his arms, hands, or fingers. He may never regain the ability to blink his eyes, or even open them. He may be able to eat soft foods with patient help- and by 'help' I mean he will need to be spoon fed. There is hope he could eventually drink through a straw, and once he's done a lot of healing, we may be able to repair the damage restricting his vocal chords."

Maddy sat looking down at her hands. "How long before I can take him home?"

The impatient looks that crossed the doctors' faces were lost on her.

"Mrs. O'Neill, yours is the typical reaction to news like this. Let me save you a lot of grief and heartache, a lot of hardship: This man's needs are beyond your capability. He is not a candidate for home care. Perhaps if you had a nursing degree and a lot of help... But his care is still more than what you want to attempt at home."

"Why?"

Daniel and Cam both heard the quiet stubbornness in her voice that they had learned to dread.

"He will need to be fed every couple of hours so as not to overload his stomach at one time. He will need a constant supply of fluids, possibly an IV to keep him hydrated. Those fluids have to drain, Mrs. O'Neill, which involves a catheter. And diapers. He will have to be turned or repositioned every four hours around the clock and there will still be bed sores to deal with. Bed baths, oral hygiene, a multitude of grueling details the average person finds impossible to contend with."

"How long do you anticipate him being in the hospital?"

"Hard to say, Mrs. O'Neill. We'll have a better idea once he's out of ICU."

Maddy stood. "Thank all of you for saving his life. I've taken an apartment nearby and I've left contact information on his chart and at the nurses' station. If you need me for anything, please don't hesitate to contact me day or night." She turned and walked out of the conference room with her spine stiff and her head up. Daniel and Cam traded worried looks. They followed her back to ICU and waited while she checked on Jack.

"Daniel, would you mind finding me a tablet and a pen?"

He rose immediately and returned with what she requested. He watched her make a list, was concerned by the intensity of her focus. The news had been both good and bad- she should be an emotional wreck. When she handed him the list he scanned it then glanced up at her.

"Maddy..."

"Don't, Daniel. I know what I'm doing, what I have to do."

"What do you want us to do with the hot tub when we tear it down?"

"Upper story of the barn. Put the aquariums up there, too. Have the contractors put a solid floor on the deck, and make sure they use marine-quality plywood. Dr. Warner should be able to help you find an electric hospital bed, but I want two mattresses on it. A bed table on wheels that raises and lowers. Ask Dr. Warner to put me into contact with a good health care supply place, too. I'll need diapers, chucks, catheters... Oh, Daniel, find me a sturdy cabinet I can use for supplies. It'll need an open top- a bin of sorts to..."

"Maddy," he said gently. "Think about this."

She met his eyes with a steady gaze. "I have. I've done this before. My brother was bedfast, paralyzed from the waist down. I've dealt with adult diapers and catheters and bed baths. It'll be easier on me, Daniel, having him at home instead of spending all my time going back and forth to a nursing home."

"He wouldn't want this," he told her sadly.

"I know. But he doesn't have a choice, does he?" Her breath caught and it was a moment before she could continue. "I wish he hadn't survived to be in this condition, Daniel, but I refuse to question God. He lived, and now I'm gonna see to it that life is as pleasant and comfortable for him as possible."

"This has to be as bad as when Qua'sel took control," Daniel muttered brokenly. "If he wasn't aware..."

"If he wasn't aware I'd consider putting him in a home. But his mind is alive, Daniel. I won't shove him onto strangers and just visit from time to time."

"Maddy, do you understand how permanent this is?"

"Nothing is permanent. As soon as there's a ship available, we're taking him to the Nox."

Daniel's eyes widened. "That might be years."

She shrugged. "Years, decades, it doesn't matter. The Nox will restore him and I'll do my damnedest for him in the meantime."

**Chapter Twelve**

It was eight months- and many more surgeries- before Jack was released from the hospital. Three of them had been spent in critical condition in the ICU unit.

George Hammond fared slightly better. He was released in five months then underwent extensive physical therapy, which Maddy helped him through. He was walking again, and his daughter was taking good care of him. His granddaughters gave him all the incentive he needed to battle towards a full recovery.

**Chapter Thirteen**

When the ambulance stopped, Jack strained his ears for some sound that would tell him where he was. He had heard Mitchell's voice, and Dr. Warner had accompanied him on the plane. Nobody talked to him unless it was to shout a few words of caution or encouragement as if he were deaf.

Instead of numb and blind.

The plane probably meant Colorado, and he wondered if Maddy had chosen the same facility he had put her in when she was comatose. He knew from bits and snatches of conversation that it was close to Christmas, and he wondered how much of the holiday she'd celebrate. He wished they had left him in the hospital where he wouldn't be a bother to her, to anybody.

All he wanted for Christmas was a bullet in his brain.

'_**I'd probably survive that, too,' **_he thought morosely.

But as the doors opened and a blast of icy wind raked over his face he immediately knew he was _home_. He could smell the barn, hay, the pines ringing the lodge. Maddy's cookies and smoke from the fireplace.

'_**Aw, Maddy, don't do this to either of us!' **_he thought frantically. He knew his eyes were tearing up and he hoped everyone would blame it on the cold wind.

He wished he could lift his face into that wind. It was the only part of his body where he had any sensation at all. When someone drew a cover over his face to protect him, he railed at them.

He was bounced and jostled and he could hear the snow crunching. A warmth surrounded him and the cover was drawn away. Bonnie was fussing and he heard Diamond nicker nervously. The fireplace was crackling and it smelled so good. When they transferred him to a bed and rolled the gurney away, he was surprised to still hear the fireplace. Maybe Maddy had lit the bedroom fireplace for him. He heard her voice in the distance, heard doors slam, heard the ambulance start up and leave.

Then she was beside him. He could almost taste her presence. When her lips touched his he wanted to wrap his arms around her, wanted to touch her face. He was so stunned he didn't have a chance to return her kiss.

"It is so good to have you home, Jack," she enthused as she bustled around. He heard the sound of a motor, felt a slight compression in his chest, and wondered if he was sitting up. Her hair brushed his face and he inhaled deeply.

"Jack?"

He knew she was stuffing a pillow behind his back, knew her face was close to his. He breathed her in again, sucked her deep into his lungs despite the pinch it caused.

'_**Freaking paralyzed from the ears down and I still get to feel pain in my damned lung!'**_

"You always did love this perfume," she told him softly. "I put a little on just for you. Can you smell it, Honey? Can you smell anything?"

'_**Yes! Yes yes yes! I smell you, the fire, the barn, the pines, Bonnie, Diamond, the snow! I smell my life, Babe! I can smell and I can hear and I can kiss you if you just give me a chance!" **_

She laid her cheek against his and he felt her tears, knew his own were mingling with hers.

"I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry I wasn't at the hospital with you more- I know nothing would have torn you from my side- but I had to get the lodge ready. Do you know it's the week before Christmas?"

Jack wasn't sure how he knew, but she was sitting on the bed with him. He felt a stab of guilt. When she had been comatose he had put her in a facility, not brought her home to be with him. He had shoved her care off on strangers, continued his work, his life, and thought he had made ample time to visit her.

She was taking care of him and making time for work. She had put everything else on hold. He _was_ her life.

'_**Aw, God, Maddy, don't put us both through this! Don't turn me into a ball and chain, a noose around your neck! Send me away! Let someone else deal with me. You have so much you want to do, so much life to live. Damn it, this is useless. Can't you see that? I don't wanna live like this, and I sure as hell don't want to live knowing I've robbed you of any sort of life..."**_

"You're home to stay, Jack, and I'm so glad to have you here. I know you're bitching at me, telling me to put you away somewhere and not to bother, but I do as I damn well please and you know it. It pleases me to have you home, Honey." He felt her hair against his face again and he realized she had laid back beside him.

'_**You know what would please me, Maddy? Open those glass doors and shove this damned bed right into the lake! I don't want this! Not for me and not for you! You screwed up when I was on life support and you didn't pull the plug! If you really loved me, that's what you would have done for me. For both of us!'**_

"The Christmas tree is where the hot tub used to be. I didn't bother with one last year, but I put this one up for you. For us, so we could share it..."

'_**A lot of sharing I'm gonna do. Nothing works, Maddy! Don't you understand? I can't see it, I can't move. I can't talk, I can barely breathe! I can't help you, I can't hold you. What the hell enjoyment do you think I'm gonna get out of a friggin' Christmas tree?'**_

"...Your hospital bed is angled out from the corner where we had the big aquarium. I moved the couch long ways to where it was, and that's where I'll sleep. Where I can open my eyes and see you. I've missed you so much, Jack."

'_**Oh, for cryin' out loud sleep in the bed where you'll be comfortable, where you'll rest! Where you won't have to see me like this!'**_

"Don't yell at me, Jack, I want to sleep near you..."

That made him chuckle, lightened his black mood, and he couldn't help but love her for it.

"...I made your favorite cookies- white chocolate macadamia nut. They told me to put everything through a blender for you, but as soon as you show me you can chew and swallow without choking, I promise to feed you decent stuff. I made meatloaf for dinner- we'll start with that as soon as it's done. You should see the lake, Jack. It's frozen over and there's about three feet of snow on it. I made a spot in the boathouse for the swans. There are nine of them now, can you believe it? Next time they hatch eggs we need to think about selling some- we're gonna be overrun. But Jack, two of this batch are _black_! You know I gotta keep those..."

Jack listened to her chatter; loving her for talking to him, resenting her for attempting this, for putting them both in such a miserable, awkward situation... but aching for her to kiss him again. He wanted her to lift his eyelids so he could see her. He blew out threw his lips, tried to get her attention. He did. She sighed and got up.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm talking your ear off, probably making you impatient."

'_**No! No, don't stop, don't be quiet! That's not what I was trying to do!'**_he thought frantically. _**'Aw, Maddy, my entire existence is dark and quiet and still. I've been buried alive- **__**don't move away! Don't shut me out! God, Maddy, don't leave me alone. ...Don't leave me...'**_

He heard sounds coming from the kitchen and wanted to cry. He tried to whistle but couldn't. He strained his vocal chords but no sound emerged. He struggled until the biting pain in his lung forced him to stop. When something touched his lips it startled him. He could smell something sweet, smell her perfume, feel her presence. He opened his mouth.

It was a small bite of warm cookie.

'_**Heaven! Solid food! Her wonderful cookies, to boot!'**_ He felt a warm flush rush through him and knew it was all in his head. But it was all he had so he latched onto the feeling and guarded it fiercely. He chewed, swallowed, and opened his mouth for another piece. _**'I can taste! I was so sure I wouldn't be able to taste anything. That crap in the hospital was like swallowing oil... Oh, God, thank you, Babe. Thank you...'**_

Maddy laughed delightedly. "Oh, yeah, Handsome! There you go!"

She patiently fed him two cookies then somehow managed to help him sip an entire cup of her wonderful coffee. He knew she was wiping more off his chin than he was swallowing. Emotion threatened to close his throat, but he savored every drop she so patiently got into him. She chattered to him the entire time, then gave him a quick, coffee flavored kiss.

'_**Damn it, Maddy, if you ever give me the chance I'll show you I can kiss you back!**_**'**

"Supper will be ready in little bit. I need to go feed and bring in some wood. Are you warm enough?"

'_**Like I can tell,'**_he thought grumpily._** 'Don't you leave me alone. Have Daniel or Mitchell come feed for you. Let them carry in wood. You stay where I can feel you, smell you, hear you. You brought me here, damn it, now stay with me!'**_

He heard her coat rustle, the sound of her stomping into boots. She called to Bonnie and a finger of cold air brushed his nose. The door closed. Jack sighed and waited for her to return. The meatloaf smelled so good, and he heard his stomach rumble. He could tell the fire was dying down- the smoke had an acrid bite to it. He tracked Diamond's hooves across the floor, heard a rattle and clang, and decided she was stealing cookies off the counter. He tried to envision the lake covered in snow, the lights twinkling merrily on the tree, the gifts stacked underneath.

There would be none from him. The thought stabbed through his chest and he was instantly depressed again.

That depression deepened when, after she came in from the barn and got warmed up, she changed his diaper and catheter drainage. He could feel nothing more than her rolling him around, but he could smell. She kept up a steady stream of chatter, talked about everything except what she was doing, but it didn't help. He didn't want her doing this, didn't want to be so helpless, such a burden. He was embarrassed, angered that this had to be tied to him being here with her.

'_**Hire a friggin' nurse, Maddy!'**_ he fumed**. '**_**Don't do this to either of us!**_**'**

"Cam wanted to come have dinner with us tonight, but I called and told him the lane was snowed shut. It wasn't a lie, but I hung up before he could suggest I beam him here. I just want time alone with you, Honey. We'll get things down pat before we perform in front of an audience, okay? Know what I get to do?" She dropped a kiss on his cheek. "In the morning I get to shave you!"

She made it sound like a treat. Jack grunted to himself.

"I need to set you up straighter to eat," she told him. He heard the motor running but felt no sensation of movement. She was behind him then, and he sensed her hands gripping the sheet beside his head. She grunted a little when she pulled him towards the head of the bed. "There. Let's see if that works." The motor sounded again and in a moment her hair was tickling his face as she tucked more pillows around him to hold him steady. She wiped her fingers over his face.

"My hair had to tickle. Did that take it away?"

God, she was so considerate. **'**_**I love you so much, Maddy! I'm starved, but how are we gonna do this? What if I can't keep it down?**_**'**

She dropped a kiss onto each of his eyelids. He barely felt the sensation on his skin, but he felt the full force of it in his heart.

'_**You can't keep this up, Doll. I'll stay until after Christmas, then you send me away. You'll work yourself into the ground. Please don't do that, not for me, not for yourself, not even for God.'**_

He felt her fingers running over his head, through his hair. The sensation was delicious and he moaned to himself. At least he could feel that much.

'_**Don't stop, Maddy, please don't stop! It's all I can feel, the only place I'm alive. Forget supper, forget everything and just touch me...'**_

But all too quickly the soothing sensation stopped and he felt her move away.

She ate supper with him, trading him bite for bite, feeding him slowly so that his stomach could adjust. Her incredible meatloaf, mashed potatoes, peas, and applesauce.

"The doctors said you'd had real food, they just pureed it first. So this shouldn't bother you, but I'll keep a basin handy just in case..."

'_**Because the nurses didn't want to be bothered feeding me like this. They didn't have your patience. They had a whole floor of people to feed. I was a chore to get through so they could go home to their lives.'**_

"...When you've had enough, just clamp your jaws shut so I know you're full. You know, the way you do when you're pissed at me and don't trust what will come out of your mouth." She giggled softly and fed him another bite.

After supper she removed the extra pillows and laid him at an angle. She built up the fire and turned on the stereo.

"I'm gonna take a nap," she told him. "When I get up, you need to turn. Feel like sleeping on your side for awhile tonight?"

'_**Sleep with me, Maddy. Turn me on my side and hold me. Let me use your breasts for pillows, sleep with your cheek on my head, let me feel your breath in my hair .'**_

"There you go, Babe. Comfy?" She stroked his cheek and moved away.

A short time later he heard her snoring softly. The sound was music to his ears. Something tickled his face and he realized Bonnie had jumped up onto the bed and was nosing him. He didn't mind except for the tickle.

'_**At least your momma has sense enough to wipe away the itch.'**_

She snuffled at his ear then licked it.

'_**Tell Maddy to lay here and do that.'**_

She moved away, and he realized she was snuggled against him when he smelled doggie gas.

'_**Never thought I'd see the day when **_**that**_** was welcome!'**_

He realized a song he'd just heard was replaying, and he listened to the words.

'_...Just remember I love you, and it'll be alright...'_

Jack wanted to cry. He knew she had burned the CD, and he knew it was her message to him. It played three times in the course of the disc.

**Chapter Fourteen**

The next morning Maddy gave him a bath, changed his bed, massaged him from head to toe, shaved him, fed him, managed to brush his teeth, then put on an opera CD while she went to the barn. He heard the tractor roar past and knew she was plowing the lane. She came in with an armload of wood that she dropped on the hearth, then he heard the scrape of ashes being removed.

"Hey, Honey, you still awake? I'm gonna dump these ashes then come move you around a little bit more. It's Monday, Sweetie, and I need to go in to the base for a couple of hours. You'll be okay by yourself- I'll beam back now and then to check on you, I won't leave you alone for all that time. I think I'll turn the TV on for you while I'm gone. Get you hooked on soap operas," she snickered. "Coffee smells done. How about sharing a cup with me before I get started?"

'_**Get started? Maddy, you've been on the gallop since you got up! What time was that, anyway? Slow down, Babe. Please don't run yourself into the ground on my account.'**_

She returned with a cup of coffee and sat on the edge of his bed. She helped him take a sip, then he heard her sip.

"I hope you don't mind Bonnie laying with you. You never minded before... and it's not like she's hurting anything. Jack, can you stick your tongue out?"

He did it.

"Awesome! Tell you what. That means 'no', okay? Let's try this out. Does Bonnie bother you?'

He stuck out his tongue.

"Good!" she praised. "How about a cookie?'

He opened his mouth. She giggled and gave him a bite.

"Are the nuts too hard for you to eat? I broke them up pretty small."

He stuck his tongue out. **'**_**Please, Maddy, pry my eyelids open so I can**__**see you.'**_

She fed him the rest of the cookie and coffee, then he could tell she was fussing with his bed.

'_**Landry will give you time off. Take leave, something, just don't leave me here alone. I want you with me. I've been trapped alone inside this coffin for so long...'**_

"I'm raising your knees and propping them on pillows. They're bent like you're sitting. Hope that's comfortable for you, Hon. You look comfortable. When I check in I'll prop you forward more, then later on you can lay on your side for awhile. Teddy used to spend a lot of time on his belly..."

As Jack listened to her putter around the lodge he thought about the things she had told him about taking care of her brother. Responsibility for one invalid in a lifetime was more than any one person should be asked to do.And here was his Maddy, doing it again. Facing another lifetime of it.

"Okay, Sweetie, I'm headed for the base. I'm just gonna beam into your quarters- be faster." She gave him a light kiss and he missed his chance again. He opened his mouth as wide as he could.

"What's that? Want something to eat before I go?"

He stuck out his tongue.

He heard her sigh. "You want something... Different TV channel?"

He stuck out his tongue.

"Volume up?"

He stuck out his tongue. **'**_**Kiss me again, Maddy! Give me a chance to kiss you back!' **_He puckered his lips. She mistook it for impatience.

"I'm sorry, Jack, I'm trying... Are you cold?"

He stuck out his tongue.

"Too warm?"

He stuck out his tongue and held it there. Maddy laughed at him.

"We need something to denote 'yes' other than opening your mouth. That can mean you want something to eat or drink."

He drew in a breath and blew out as hard as his sore lung would allow.

"That's 'yes'?"

He blew again.

"Doesn't that hurt, Sweetie?"

He tried to smile and it made her gasp.

"Oh, Jack, smile for me again!" she breathed. The tone of her voice sent an imaginary wave of shivers down his spine. He did, and it was easier this time. She rewarded him with another kiss. He blew as many times as he could in quick succession.

"You... want me to kiss you again?" she asked uncertainly.

He blew twice, then blew again.

He heard her laugh. Then her lips caught his and this time it was one of her special kisses. In his mind, his body was shaking. He responded and it surprised her. She pulled back.

He stuck his tongue out at her.

"You weren't finished..." she mused. She kissed him again and started when he tried to give her his tongue. "Why, Jack! You devil you!" This time when she kissed him it was a long, delightful experience. He caught her lower lip in his teeth and held on so she couldn't move away, then wondered how long he thought he could hold her there. She finally, gently, disengaged his tenuous grip.

"Well! _That_ certainly works for me!"

He blew at her.

"Is there anything I can get you, or do, before I leave?"

He sighed petulantly, then stuck out his tongue.

"Alright. I'll drop back in shortly to check on you."

It seemed like hours, but he knew from the TV that it was less than an hour- one program hadn't finished yet. She had Dr. Warner with her.

'_**Oh great,'**_ he thought sourly.

The doctor checked him over thoroughly. When he pried open one eye to check it with a pen light, Jack rolled that eye wildly trying to catch a glimpse of Maddy. The doctor moved back and studied him. Jack stared hard at him, then rolled his eye around again.

"Maddy, come over here," Warner urged.

"Why? What's wrong?" she demanded worriedly.

"Watch." He opened Jack's eye again.

Jack saw her then, and he could have sworn he felt a tingle sweep his body. He stared hard at her, not wanting them to let his lid shut her out. When she moved, he tracked her frantically. Warner gently closed his lid and Jack stuck his tongue out at him.

Maddy laughed. "That's his way of saying 'no'."

"Oh. He's definitely aware. I think very short periods of having his eyelids opened would be beneficial, Maddy. He wants to look around, to see."

Jack blew out furiously.

"That's 'yes'. I believe he agrees with you, Doctor."

"That's very encouraging, but you can't hold them open for too long or his eyes will dry out. Think about how often you blink and that's how often he needs to as well. Do you have another catheter bag? I'd like to take this one with me and run some tests. Keep fluids going into him. That's important. If we find he's not getting enough by mouth we may have to start an IV..."

Jack listened to them discuss him, all the while hoping they'd let him see her one more time before she left.When he felt her soft touch on his eye he waited anxiously. She lifted both lids at once and he gazed at her gratefully. She graced him with one of her brilliant smiles.

"Well, hello!" she beamed. "So you _are_ in there!"

He ran his gaze over her face, her hair, and back to stare into those beautiful eyes.

"I love you, O'Neill. Now that I know I can do this, we can play when I get home, okay?" She gently eased his lids down and gave him a light kiss.

'_**Ah, Maddy.' **_He blew twice.

"We're leaving now, Babe. I won't be long."

Jack lay listening to the TV, and when Bonnie crawled up beside him he coaxed her with kissing sounds. She nosed his face and he smiled.

Daniel came after Maddy's second visit. He let himself in and called a cheery greeting.

"How'ya doing, Jack? Maddy said you blow for yes and stick your tongue out for no. I'm up to speed- learned another language; O'Neillese. Listen, Jack, I did some shopping for you.I figured it'd be kinda nice to surprise her with presents from you, so..."

Jack heard the rustle of paper.

"You know that slinky red top she has that makes you drool all over yourself?"

Jack blew twice.

"Well, I found an a angora sweater in the same color. Incredibly soft and fuzzy. That, and I got a book on antique tractors, some of those fingernail decals she likes to wear, a box of those chocolates she likes in the gold foil, and a big, floppy stuffed horse. It's black and white with spots- sorta looks like that picture of the horse she's riding in that picture in your office. And you know those glass baskets she collects?"

'_**The ones I trashed for her?'**_Jack thought with sharp pang.

"...I found one in amethyst- her birth stone."

Jack blew out several times.

"Did I do good, then?"

'_**Oh, God, Daniel, thank you!**_**'** He blew again.

"Well, good, then. Sam just checked in. No luck yet in finding a cure or source for that plague. Landry is bringing home another unit. The only men left there are the core team- Sheppard, McKay, medical staff, a few key scientists, Teal'c. We're sending back a bunch of Christmas gifts with the Odyssey. They'll be late, but better late than never, right?"

Jack blew again.

"Maddy's been cooking her ass off so she can send them desserts and cookies and stuff. Quick freezing everything so it'll survive the trip. Landry ordered two more freezers installed aboard the Odyssey, just for her. Delivered a bunch of gifts for Sam, Teal'c, Vala, and Dr. Lam. She missed her calling as an ambassador."

Jack blew just to let Daniel know he was listening. He heard Daniel playing with Diamond, heard the miniature horse's hooves tapping rapidly, heard Daniel laugh at her.

"Jack... I haven't seen Maddy this happy since the crash. She's so glad to have you home, to be taking care of you... She's all bubbly and giggly... downright effervescent... be nice to her, wouldja? I know I'd be cranky if I was in your... situation... but try, okay? For her sake?"

He sensed his friend standing near the bed. His voice was closer.

"I tried to put myself in your... um, shoes," he said uncomfortably. "I'd be raging, frustrated... pretty pissed off. Don't take it out on her, Jack. She wants to do this for you, needs to. Give her that much."

'_**When it's all I have left to give her? Ever? Thanks for the reminder, Daniel!'**_ But he appreciated his friend's concern.

Daniel stayed about an hour. Jack was grateful to his friend for taking care of Maddy for him.

Two days later Mitchell paid him a visit. He had the same idea as Daniel, bearing gifts of perfume, slippers, a diamond bracelet, and a set of authentic Texas Longhorn steer horns that had a seven foot spread.

'_**She's gonna love those horns,'**_Jack thought. _**'Bet she hangs them on the outside of the lodge.'**_

So Jack wasn't surprised when Landry showed up, also bearing gifts he had bought for Maddy on Jack's behalf.

"I found a sweet antique Walker Colt for her collection, Jack, nine inch barrel..."

Jack heard him jostling the tree, heard the ornaments tinkle together, smelled a quick rush of pine.

"...It's in a case with shells arranged around it. Caroline wrapped it for me- I'm all thumbs when it comes to that stuff. I picked up a bathrobe, too, and a set of dishes with wildlife and pine branches on them. Complete with pine cones. They seemed to fit Maddy and the lodge both. I got two sets. Figured one wouldn't be enough with all the people she feeds..."

**Chapter Fifteen**

Jack heard Maddy rustling through the growing stack of gifts under the tree. He heard her sniff a couple of times and knew their friends' generosity and thoughtfulness had touched her deeply.

When she opened his eyes for him, he looked at her for a long time, then tried to see the pile of gifts. She understood and shifted him forward and let him look. His grin made her cry.

"They're so good to us, Jack."

'_**Because you're so good, Maddy. Because you've showed us all how to be good to each other. Let them help you, let them pamper you. I love you so much. I want so much for you. So much more than this.'**_

She let him kiss her every night before bed, and a couple times through the day. She changed him and washed him and shaved him and brushed his teeth and massaged his dead body every day. She did her best to make him comfortable, keep him amused, keep him from being thirsty or hungry. Along with that she prepared the lodge and cooked for the Christmas Eve celebration with their friends. She took care of the barn, and she spent a few hours at the commissary. Every day. Jack worried that she was wearing herself out. He wanted so badly to tell her just to spend a day sitting with him. Or sleeping- would she ever catch up on sleep? It seemed that anytime he woke during the night she was at his side, offering him a drink, checking his bedding, turning his pillow.

By Christmas Eve day Jack could hear the tiredness, the stress in her voice.

The meal she laid out was up to her usual elaborate standard. Mitchell, Jackson, and Landry praised her lavishly and ate their fill in the livingroom off tray tables while Maddy shared her dinner with Jack.When it came time to open gifts Maddy crawled into the bed behind Jack, settled him back against her, and opened their gifts in his lap. She patiently opened his eyes for him to see, kept up a steady stream of chatter, enthused happily over what they had gotten, constantly nuzzled and kissed him. She bought things for Jack that he knew he'd never get to enjoy, but he appreciated her optimism.

He wished their friends would leave. He wished they could see the exhaustion he heard in her voice.

She would whisper little remarks into his ear and he loved the feeling of intimacy she gave him.

When they finally gathered up the waste and fed it into the fire, helped her carry dishes to the kitchen and put leftovers away, Jack was glad she would at last have a chance to rest.

The last cheery goodbye was called and the door closed. She brought residual coldness with her as she came to give him a quick kiss. He understood she was too tired to play and he resented them for denying him that tonight.

'_**Maddy, if I were a whole man, I'd carry you into the shower and wash you. Then I'd carry you to bed and love you. I'd hold you tight and watch you sleep and cook you breakfast in the morning, and serve it to you in bed. I'd keep you there and make you rest. I want so badly to rub your feet and rub your back and kiss your shoulders. Lay with me tonight, Maddy, in front of the fire, beside the tree, hold me for both of us.'**_

He heard her snoring softly and he sighed. At least she was finally resting. He lay thinking about all the things he would never get to do with her again, and tried to remember the last time he had made love to her. She was so good and patient and loving and considerate with him, and on an hourly basis, every day, he appreciated it beyond words. Loved her for it. But when he thought about those hours, those days, stretching into decades it became a horrific nightmare. She knew him so well, she had to know he wouldn't want this for either of them. What earthly good was he now? To her, himself, or anyone else?

The happiness and contentment of their Christmas Eve abruptly morphed into resentment, disgust, and depression. Jack opened his mouth as widely as he could and screamed his frustration and bitterness. But the sound was all inside his mind.

Something woke him. The lodge was still, quiet. No TV, no music, no crackle from the fireplace. No rattling in the kitchen. He could hear the wind battering the outside of the lodge.

He could hear Maddy crying softly. She took a shuddering breath and it sounded muffled, like she had her face buried in her pillow.

'_**Maddy, Maddy, what's wrong? What isn't wrong, but why are you crying? Come to me, cry on me, let me give you that much.'**_

He heard a door close in the distance and he decided she had gone into the spare bedroom so he wouldn't hear her.

'_**Oh, God, if you have one miracle to spare for me, let me get up and go to her, if only for ten minutes!'**_

It seemed like hours before she returned. She came to sit on the edge of the bed and she was silent for so long that he blew out to let her know he was awake.

"Jack, Honey, you are gonna be _so_ mad at me," she said at length.

The heaviness in her voice worried him. _**'There is absolutely nothing**__**you can do to piss me off now, Sweetheart. Whatever it is, it's okay.'**_

"God, you're gonna kill me. I know this isn't gonna make you happy. I know I have a lot of explaining to do. I wish now I had handled this differently, but I was so afraid of your anger. Your disappointment in me."

Jack started to worry. It wasn't like her to fret this way over something she'd done. He wished she'd just spit it out and get it over with.Hell, it wasn't like he could do a damned thing about it.

"Honey, I have one more gift to give you..."

When her mouth covered his, he opened his jaws to meet her kiss with all the tongue he could give her.

He felt the scrape on his tongue, the fullness in his mouth for just an instant, and he knew. Mentally he choked and gagged, cringed and recoiled, but his body didn't react. For a moment he was too stunned, too shocked and abhorred to think.

"Don't hate me, Jack," she whispered desperately. "_Please_, don't hate me!"

"_It is I, O'Neill. Qua'sel."_

'_**You're dead!'**_

"_Vidik died. When his spirit left his body and there was nothing more I could do, Madison rescued me."_

'_**She's had you all this time? **_**And didn't tell me?'**

"_I am weak, O'Neill. Tired. I have been exhausting myself to keep her going. Truly, healing you may prove to be less of a challenge than forcing her body to withstand the demands she makes of it. Allow me to rest and I will tell you all you want to know."_

'_**Son-of-a-bitch!' **_

For a long while Jack's fury and horror over rode any semblance of reason. He seethed and fumed, tried to wrap his mind around what had happened, how Maddy had deceived him. Disbelief stunned him; realization rattled his trust.

She didn't come near him for a long while. Eventually he felt her changing the sheets, knew she was changing and washing him, felt her adjust the bed. But she didn't speak, didn't come near his face, didn't open his eyelids. The lodge was so quiet, so still. Qua'sel was so quiet and still.

**Chapter Sixteen**

Daniel and Mitchell dropped in for awhile on Christmas Day.

"Maddy, I know you planned a New Year's Eve party for us, but we really wish you'd just take it easy. You look exhausted," Daniel told her.

"Ah, pork and kraut- nothin' to it," she responded.

"But you won't leave it at that. You've got so much to handle. Just relax, okay?" Mitchell pleaded. "Are you feeling alright? You look..."

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Just tired. Call me about the middle of the week and we'll decide then," she told them.

She must have left the room because Daniel and Cam were talking in quiet tones.

"God, she looks awful," Daniel murmured.

"She won't quit her job unless Landry forces her to. Maybe we should do the animals for her today."

"I think she needs that time away... out of the house..." Daniel's voice dropped off and Jack felt his sentiment to the very bone.

"I'm gonna offer to do her laundry," Mitchell said.

"Like she'd say yes," Daniel grumbled. "Only way that'll happen is if you just go in there and do it."

"There's gotta be more we can do to help."

"Landry's shipping us off to confront that Prior tomorrow. Maybe Dr. Warner can talk her into hiring a nurse to help out."

"I'll put a bug in Landry's ear about the commissary, you talk to Warner."

"Maddy, we didn't come to eat," Daniel complained gently.

"Jack and I will never eat all this. Sit down and I'll start coffee."

"I can make coffee," Daniel protested.

"I've tasted your coffee," she teased. "It'll only take a minute."

It was two hours before the men left. Jack was starting to cool off, and the discussion about Maddy had him worried.

'_**Go back to her,'**_he told Qua'sel. _**'She needs you more than I do.'**_

"_Ah, so you're speaking to me now,"_ Qua'sel taunted.

'_**How the hell... What's been... You're still a bastard, Quasi.'**_

"_Nice to see you again, too. I sense you are ready to listen, and I have the strength to talk. I can finish healing the burns for you, O'Neill, remove the scars. I can repair the flaws in the reconstruction of the broken bones. The damage to your spinal cord is extensive and severe. But I do not think it will be permanent as the doctors expect. I cannot completely heal you, and it will take a long time as I am not as strong as I once was. I can, however, speed the natural process of your body's own healing powers. If only Madison had access to a healing device. She could assist me greatly. "_

'_**That's encouraging, I guess. Tell me about Maddy.'**_

Qua'sel sighed into his head. _"She is devastated on your behalf. She has been pleading, begging me to blend with you. I refused, O'Neill, because it is my belief that Ba'al will come for her. I can protect her from a blending."_

'_**Then go back to her. Now. She's already exhausted- and that was with your help.'**_

"_I have not the strength for another immediate blending. Madison understood that if I did this, it would be a long while before I could go back to her, protect her."_

'_**How...?'**_

"_I grow weak, O'Neill. I will give you the information you need, but you must allow me to rest. This blending was against my better judgement because I did not believe I could help you."_

'_**She talked you into it.'**_

"_Her heartache and helplessness drove me to make the attempt. You think her tears are devastating on the outside- you should experience them from the inside. Perhaps she was correct in her insistence."_

'_**One thing you gotta learn about Maddy, Qua'sel. She's always right.'**_

The symbiote chuckled. _"Let us both hope she never fully realizes that. Leave me alone now, O'Neill, and let me try to give you back to your wife."_

**Chapter Seventeen**

Maddy had the traditional SG-1 New Year's Eve party.

She refused to allow anyone else to take care of Jack, or help around the lodge, or care for her animals.

She took meticulous care of Jack, every single day, by herself.

She refused to quit the commissary, but she did relent and cut back on her hours.

She refused to allow Jack close enough access to give Qua'sel back to her. Jack knew, with a sinking feeling, that she wouldn't take him back until Jack could physically hold her down and force her. Something he could never bring himself to do, even if Qua'sel healed him enough to try. But she was working herself into the ground. Despite Qua'sel having healed her body of the aches and pains he knew she had, her self-imposed workload was overwhelming her.

It was mid March before she collapsed.

Jack heard her hit the floor when she fell.

'_**Maddy! Oh, God, Maddy, what happened? Are you alright? Call to me, say something!'**_

Her silence frightened him. The TV was on and he marked two hours, then four, and still not a sound from her.

'_**When we wanted to be left alone, they were always jammed up our asses! Now, when she needs them, nobody shows up!'**_

He listened for her through the night, and by noon the next day she still hadn't stirred. Jack was going through himself. At last the phone rang.

'_**Surely when she doesn't answer they'll come to check on her.'**_

It rang with more frequency, but still nobody showed up. He heard a vehicle, a knock on the door, but they went away without forcing entry.

On the morning of the second day, Landry himself opened the door. Jack heard his voice, heard him call for an ambulance, heard him calling to her.

"Jack, she's gonna be alright," Landry told him. "She's out cold, and I think she hit her head on the hearth, but she's got a strong pulse. Help is on the way. How long has she been laying here?"

'_**Two friggin' days, you son-of-a-bitch! What took you so damned long? Why didn't you or Daniel or Mitchell or Warner come to check on her? She's been busting her ass, stressed out, worried about everybody else...!'**_

Two silent male nurses came to care for Jack. He was rolled and washed and shaved, his bedding changed, fed and given lukewarm water to drink through a straw. Dr. Warner stopped by to check on him.

"Maddy is going to stay in the infirmary for awhile, General," the doctor told him. "She's exhausted and her system is depleted, but she's going to be alright. She's resting comfortably, but we have to keep her sedated to keep her from beaming back here. There's a gash on her head where she hit the stone- took twelve stitches- but she's not in danger from it. Just a mild concussion. I'm going to assign a rotation of nurses to take care of you, and the general asked me to let you know Corporal Williams will see to the animals."

'_**Not good enough! Take me away before she can stop you. Put me in a facility somewhere, hell, stick me in an air shaft for all I care, just don't let her do this to herself!'**_

"I'm going to have a long talk with her, General. She needs to cut down somewhere. Nothing will pry you out of her care, so General Landry and I are going to push her quitting her job. We're overwhelmed at base. Casualties and being short-handed, a lot of confusion, personnel working double and triple shifts... It's sad to say, but nobody realized she hadn't showed up for work. She beams in and out so often, is always on the go, never in one place for very long... She's hard to keep track of. We'll try to take better care of her, be more help, but Maddy's got to make some concessions. General, she wasn't unconscious because she fell and hit her head. She hit her head when exhaustion, stress, lack of sleep, and overwork caused her to collapse."

**Chapter Eighteen**

When Maddy finally came home she fussed over Jack until he wished he could yell at her to stop. But when she crawled into the hospital bed with him that night, slept with her arms around him, her face against his neck, he was glad he hadn't been able to.

And she went right back to the killing pace she had maintained before her collapse.

Landry sat down one day and tried to talk sense into her.

"Maddy, you can't keep this up," he told her sternly. "Don't make me fire you."

"Hank," Jack heard her sigh, "I can't quit. I need the money."

'_**What?'**_

"You're having financial trouble?" Landry asked. "His medical bills were covered..."

'_**Quasi, is that true?'**_

"_It is stretching the facts quite a bit, O'Neill. But our Maddy frets."_

"I know," Maddy answered. "But he's not working, Hank, and I'm down to half my regular hours. I refuse to live off our savings. The contractors aren't working through the winter, but we're still paying on the loan. We don't know how long it'll be before a ship is available to take him to the Nox... and I'm scared that the longer he goes like this..."

"The Nox will heal him, Maddy. I'm so sorry we can't get him there sooner. How can I help? The lawsuit is pending, and you'll probably net a huge settlement from the faulty landing gear that caused the accident..."

"That could be tied up for years yet, Hank, and we both suspect sabotage. If they prove that... I'm not going to depend on it. And I'm not going to have Jack come home from the Nox to find I've put us in the poor house. My half-salary covers the bills, daily living expenses, critter chow. The insurance is covering about half for the supplies I need for him. I've only had to dip into my savings for taxes and extras, like holidays, truck plates, stuff like that."

'_**Your savings, Maddy? Use mine, for cryin' out loud! My retirement is deposited directly into my savings- have it switched to our checking account and use it! But you won't touch my money, will you? Stubborn... Damn it, Woman, I'd rather live on hot dogs and canned soup than see you kill yourself this way! Can't you hurry up, Quasi?'**_

"_I am doing my best."_

Jack could sense the exhaustion, the weakness in the symbiote and he fretted for both Qua'sel and Maddy.

"How is George?" Maddy abruptly changed the subject.

"I talked to his daughter yesterday. He's back to work but not full-time. Getting around with a cane, but I suspect that will get thrown from an open car window sometime soon. He's been sitting in on meetings, general council, in an advisory capacity- nothing taxing. His knowledge and experience are too valuable to refuse, especially now. Anxious to come visit you and Jack, but they're keeping a tight rein on him. He and his attorneys are handling the lawsuit for both of you, and he asked me to have you sign release forms for Jack's medical records. They should be in my office tomorrow or the next day."

"You don't know how much I appreciate him handling that for me," she sighed. "I just wouldn't be able to concentrate on it. It's a relief to know I can trust you and him both to do right by Jack."

"Maddy, let me hire help for you. I'll pay for it."

"Thank you, Hank, but when the boys come home they'll pitch in."

Jack could hear the embarrassment in her voice.

"The 'boys' may not get back to Earth for quite some time. And the help you need involves turning and feeding and bathing a full-grown man all hours of the day."

'_**Tell her, Hank!'**_

"What's the news from Atlantis?"

'_**Don't let her distract you!'**_

"Not good. They've narrowed the plague down to an airborne virus. That's about it."

"Did the Ori start it?"

"Still don't know. We suspect, though, that it was initiated in another galaxy as an attempt to destroy the Wraith. Colonel Carter has a theory that a race of females may have designed the virus, infected the Wraith, then they became carriers. Thor is checking Asgard databases for a race that might fit her theory's parameters. If they can backtrack it, we'll dispatch the Odyssey with a team of first-contact experts to talk to them. See if they can offer us a solution, an antidote, or at least enough information to give our people a starting point."

"When is the Odyssey scheduled back?"

"Maddy... I can't let the Odyssey come home now."

"The plague has hit Atlantis?"

"It has. The women are fine. McKay, Sheppard, Tea'c and the rest are working from orbit. Loki and Thor are there, too, pouring all their available resources into the endeavor."

"If you could spare Vala and my ship for a week..."

"Maddy, I can't take the chance that your ship, or Vala, won't bring the plague to Earth. Or spread it to the Nox."

"I'll beam him aboard..."

"And you'll beam him back again when you get home. In the meantime you and he both will have been breathing contaminated air, been exposed to Vala... Be patient, Maddy. We'll get Jack to the Nox as soon as we can."

"_She cannot even ask him for a healing device,"_ Qua'sel fussed. _"It would give away our secret. And the device itself may be contaminated."_

'_**Why not just tell Landry about you? I realize she kept you from me because she was afraid, but now that I know...'**_

"_She fears the information will reach Ba'al. She is determined, O'Neill, to take the battle for your life, your safety, directly to him. Advanced warning of my presence would be disastrous."_

"Can we get a message to the Nox?" Maddy asked Landry. "Can they come here?"

"I can't let that happen, either. We've stopped all incoming stargate traffic."

"The program is shut down?"

"It's running from the Alpha Site, Chulak, and a few other places."

"That's why you said Cam and Daniel won't be back for awhile. They're staying off-world to work on the Ori problem, and now you can't let them come back."

"Exactly. And we've got so many of our people manning other sites the SGC is down to a skeleton crew. That's one of the reasons you can take time off, Maddy. Not as many people at the base to feed. The commissary can practically run itself at the moment."

"Daniel and Cam didn't tell me..."

Jack could hear a pout in her voice. He cursed them for hurting her feelings.

"They didn't know until it happened. _I_ didn't know until a half-hour before I was ordered to shut the gate down."

"Figures," Maddy grumbled. "Most of the suits at the Pentagon are male."

Landry chuckled. "And without George and Jack there for so long to talk sense into them, it all went to hell in a handbasket. Maddy, let me advance you vacation days. No money will be involved, just take the time now and..."

"And have no free time coming to spend with Jack once the Nox heal him? He's been planning a vacation for us..."

"There's never been a problem with the two of you taking time off. You both always manage to make it up and then some."

"I really appreciate the offer, Hank, but as confident as I am in the Nox, I need to live now as if this is going to be a permanent arrangement. And if you cut my hours any more, I'm gonna find a part-time job."

"Are your finances that shaky?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said quickly. "Not right now they aren't, and I have options I haven't tapped. But I need to be responsible, Hank, for Jack's sake. If he needs something more, or if I should find myself with a huge vet bill, or if I get down sick..."

"Which is a foregone conclusion if you don't slow down. You're burning your candle at both ends, Girl."

"If George lands us the millions that high-toned clutch of lawyers promised him, I'll take a week off."

"That doesn't help you now."

"It may never help," she said tightly. "We both know Ba'al sabotaged that landing gear. It's not right for that company to have to pay for something they weren't responsible for. I trust George to have it thoroughly investigated then do the right thing. But if he finds out it _was_ Ba'al, I'm gonna make sure the bastard pays through the nose for it. All the families of the victims deserve compensation- I'm gonna empty his bank accounts for him!"

"_Careful, Madison," _Qua'sel coached. _"Do not give us away!"_

"You know what'll help?" she said a bit too brightly. "When you come for dinner this Sunday, bring it with you."

"I don't have to come..."

"Oh, no! I look forward to our Sundays. But if I didn't have to cook..."

'_**Yes, Maddy, yes! Finally! They don't understand the effort they cost you. Good girl!'**_

Landry chuckled. "What shall I bring?"

"Surprise me, Hank. Jack used to take me out so I could get a break from my own cooking- whatever you bring will be a welcome change..."

'_**Aw, Maddy, I miss that, too.'**_

"...Jack can tolerate most everything- and the man will eat anything."

**Chapter Nineteen**

Spring brought an uncharacteristic onslaught of thunderstorms, and Jack could envision Maddy sitting by the window, watching. He'd never known anyone to enjoy weather the way his Maddy enjoyed weather.

When the power went out during one particularly violent storm, she stoked the fire and spent the night sleeping beside him. He lay awake listening to her breathe, trying to remember how she felt in his arms. When a particularly loud crash of thunder shook the lodge, Maddy jumped.

When Maddy jumped Jack opened his eyes.

Stunned, he blinked experimentally, then kept blinking because the tears forced him to blink. He rolled his eyes around, looking at everything, trying to see her. All he could see was her hair and the arm she had across his chest, but he stared at that arm, her hair, until his eyes burned.

'_**Maddy, Maddy! Look at me!'**_

She planted a distracted kiss on his cheek and murmured, "Did that wake you, Honey? Woke me." She got up and padded to the glass doors overlooking the lake, then went to the front door and stepped outside. He knew she was checking the barn. She came back, slightly damp from the blowing rain, and built up the fire. Jack ate her up with his eyes. The way she walked, that delicious sway of her hips, the fine mist of rain clinging to her tousled hair, the curve of her cheek. The tired lines in her face. When she slipped back into bed with him she shivered.

"Sorry I'm damp. Are you warm enough? The fireplace is keeping the livingroom warm, but the rest of the house is chilly. Furnace won't run until the power is back on. Bonnie and Diamond are snuggled together on the couch."

It was so dark. The only light was from the fire. He knew she couldn't see his face, see his eyes. He groaned inwardly and stared around the lodge, grateful for the ability after so long without it. He couldn't wait until daylight, couldn't wait to share his tiny step towards recovery that had such a huge impact on his existence.

'_**Quasi? Was that you? Did you do that?'**_

"_It was. I am still trying, O'Neill. Doing my best..."_

'_**I know you are. Thank you. Thank you, Quasi.'**_

"_Perhaps a taste of what I can do will quell some of your anger towards she who gave me to you."_

'_**She kept you from me. Betrayed my trust. I don't know if I can forgive her for that.'**_

"_You are a bastard at heart, O'Neill. We both know what you've kept from her. And after all the times she has gladly and completely forgiven you."_

'_**She's a better person than I am.'**_

"_In this we agree," _Qua'sel told him acidly.

'_**Quasi, when you go back to her... don't tell her all those things I've kept from her. If not for my sake, for hers.'**_

"_I could never burden her in that manner, O'Neill. Or subject myself to the pain of her disillusionment."_

There was no way Jack was going to sleep now, and when the livingroom slowly brightened he knew it wouldn't be long. Maddy eventually stirred, rubbed her face against his shoulder, and got up with a soft groan.

"Be right back, Jack."

He tracked her into the bathroom, then into the kitchen. He heard her on the phone, heard her tell Landry she wouldn't be in until the power came back on, that she didn't want to leave him alone without the furnace running.

Through it all Jack watched her. She had donned a gray sweat suit, her hair was a wild, tangled cloud, her face still pinched with sleep. She yawned and stretched then, _finally_, headed towards him. Jack kept his gaze on her face, almost afraid to blink for fear he'd lose the ability again. And when her eyes touched his face, when their eyes met, she pulled up short and gaped at him.

"_Jack...!_ Aw, Honey!"

She threw herself at him, across him, hugging him, kissing him, kissing his ear, his eyes. She held his cheeks in her hands and bent over him, looked deep into his eyes.

"Oh, Jack! Those beautiful, wonderful eyes! I can see you!" she giggled.

'_**Oh, Babe, I can see you! You're so beautiful, Maddy. I missed seeing you!'**_

Her hands were stroking his face and he could feel them. He couldn't move into her touch but he could feel her palms, her fingers, their trembling. He blinked hard a couple of times and tried to love her with his gaze. She kissed him, and let him kiss her back, gave him that outlet to share their joy and excitement.

Neither of them noticed the brief flash of light near the fireplace.

Ba'al stood watching the pair, arms clasped behind his back, a sardonic smirk on his chiseled features.When the touching scene became tedious for him he cleared his throat.

Maddy cried out and whirled around. She gasped and clasped Jack's hand protectively.

"_It is a clone,"_ Qua'sel told Jack. _"I sense no symbiote. Madison understands this as well. Look at her, how she defies him. Her strength and nerve are glorious to behold, are they not?"_

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"A cup of coffee would be pleasant."

"Get out, Ba'al." She was regaining her composure.

Jack wished she'd step aside so he could see the bastard. Wished she'd kiss him again so Qua'sel could go back to her.

'_**Qua'sel...!'**_

"_I will try to go to her, O'Neill. I am very weak, drained of vital energy from giving you the ability to open your eyes, but I will be prepared if she gives me the opportunity."_

"You should be more courteous, My Dear. I come to offer my assistance."

"I don't want anything from you."

"Don't judge too quickly," he cautioned. "You don't know what I have to offer."

"Doesn't matter," she returned levelly.

"Even if I can heal your husband?"

Jack saw her start. _**'No, no! No, Babe, don't let him get to you!'**_

"With a symbiote?" she asked quietly.

He inclined his head. "I can implant him, and he would be whole again."

"Whole enough to turn into a Gou'ald? I don't think so, Ba'al."

"Think of it, Madison. Your man would walk again, be stronger, healthier, than he ever was. He could make love to you again..."

"Get out, Ba'al."

"Or what?" he challenged softly.

"You don't wanna play with me," she warned just as softly.

"Don't anger me, Madison. You wouldn't like me angry."

"Apparently you aren't the Ba'al I butted heads with a couple of years back."

He shrugged his shoulders. "An incompetent fool. He's been dealt with appropriately."

"Defective model?" she sneered.

"You could say that. Here are my terms, Madison: I'll bring two symbiotes. One for each of you. O'Neill begins the healing process and you... well, you'll be under my control. But," he held up a finger to stem her protest, "Once you are both blended, there will be no conflict. You can resume your tawdry love affair..."

"We'd just be on your side," she said dryly.

He inclined his head. "How much do you love him? Truly love him, Madison? Enough to give him back his life? You hold that ability in your hands, right this moment."

"We should go discuss this on your ship," Maddy suggested.

'_**Maddy, no! What are you doing? Zap him into space, beam him to the moon! Don't go with him!'**_

"So you can beam me off it, then use it to take him to the Nox for healing? No, My Dear, I'm wise to your ways."

"Well the answer is still no."

"I'll give you time to think about it."

"Don't come back, Ba'al. I won't be happy to see you."

"How long will you let him suffer like this?" Ba'al taunted.

"Turning him into a Gou'ald would hold him just as captive inside a body he can't control."

Ba'al clicked his tongue. "Such pessimism. Think about it, Madison. The two of you could rule an entire universe. Not _mine_, obviously, but..."

Maddy closed her eyes and Ba'al disappeared. She turned to look at Jack.

"Wish there was some way to get that ship of his."

Jack blinked at her.

Maddy smiled grimly. "Remember the Iraqi battlefield we saw on the news last night? Ba'al's neck deep in hot lead right now."

'_**You go, Girl!'**_He watched her pick up the phone. **'**_**No, Maddy, wait! Come to me, come take Qua'sel first. Before Ba'al comes back!'**_

"Hank, it's Maddy. Ba'al just paid us a visit. You might wanna check orbit for his ship. ...Yes, we're alright, but I'm moving Jack to the base for awhile. ...Well, I can beam him lock, stock, and barrel, but I need his bed moved against the wall so there's room. ...Okay, thank you, Hank. I'll check in with you after I get him settled. ...Okay, Bye."

She turned to Jack.

"Sorry, Handsome, but I won't take any chances with you. At least you'll be handy for Dr. Warner to check on you- maybe opening your eyes is an early sign of something good, huh?" She carefully avoided mentioning Qua'sel.

'_**Flash my eyes at her, Quasi. Send her the message.'**_

Jack's eyes flashed and Maddy jumped. She cringed.

"You want me to take him back," she said on a sigh. "Not yet. He got your eyes open. Give him more time. Ba'al can't reach us at the base."

'_**Damn it, Maddy!'**_

She saw his reaction in his eyes and laughed softly. "I'll argue with you once I get you moved to the base. Let's get outta here before Ba'al finds his way outta Iraq."

The phone rang and she answered. "Thank you, Corporal. The bed is tight against the wall? ...Okay, step into the bathroom for a moment, please? I wouldn't want him landing on top of you." Maddy turned to look at Jack. "I'll be there in a minute, Babe. You ready?"

He stuck his tongue out at her then blew twice.

She quirked an eyebrow. "Talk about mixed messages. I take it that means you don't wanna go, but if you have no choice you're ready?"

He blew at her.

Maddy smiled. "See ya in a few." She closed her eyes and Jack found himself in his quarters at the base.

A corporal stepped out of the bathroom with the phone receiver still held to his ear. "Are you alright, Sir?"

Jack closed his eyes and blew once, wondering if the man would understand.

"Yes, Ma'am, he blew at me. ...Yes, Ma'am, I'm back out of the way."

Jack watched the stand with the supplies she used to care for him appear near the door. He wanted to see her appear, he didn't want to be alone- and alone was anytime she wasn't nearby. A box filled with CDs and other items appeared. The corporal spoke to her then hung up the phone and looked at Jack.

"Mrs. O'Neill says she'll be here as soon as she dresses for work, Sir." He began arranging the room, trying look busy when there was nothing much for him to do.

It was a long time before she came to him, and when she did she was all briskly business. She thanked the corporal and dismissed him, made quick work of arranging the room the way she wanted it, then set up the TV so he could watch it comfortably. When she finally turned her attention to him, Jack was feeling rather cranky.

He hoped it showed in his eyes.

"I scared up tapes of last season's NHL- you want to watch those, or regular TV? Blink twice for the NHL tapes."

Jack stared at her without blinking.

"Regular TV, then? The soaps you've been listening to? I'll TiVo The Simpsons for you."

Jack refused to answer her. She shifted impatiently.

"Honey, you can see now. Surely you don't want to stare at the ceiling with opera blaring? Of course," she added dryly, "Opera grating across your nerves might bring them to life out of protest."

'_**I want you to sit with me, touch me, kiss me, damn it! I want to look at you, Maddy, not the damned TV!**_**'**

"Are you uncomfortable?" she fretted. Then she frowned at him. "Jack, answer me."

He stuck out his tongue.

"Was that a no, or a comment?"

'_**I can't freaking answer multiple choice questions!'**_

She sighed at him. "I have to go to work, and I need to bring Hank up to speed. I want to stop at the infirmary and ask the doctor to check you over. Is it too much to ask that you cooperate with me, please?"

He narrowed his eyes at her then looked pointedly down at the bed. She frowned.

"I can't sit with you right now."

He stuck out his tongue.

"You have something on your mind?"

He blew.

"Okay." She sat on the edge of the bed and smiled into his eyes. "Let's see if we can work this out. Are you upset because I brought you to the base?"

He blew then stuck out his tongue.

"Yes, but that's not what's on your mind?"

He blew. Damn, this was tedious.

"You want to talk about Ba'al? Honey, I'm not going to let him implant you with a..."

Jack stuck out his tongue.

"Not Ba'al?"

He stared at her.

"What else? What I put on TV?"

He stuck out his tongue and wagged it at her. She laughed at his impatience. "You don't want me to go to work?"

'_**You're getting warmer.' **_He blinked rapidly.

"Not a yes or no... I'm getting close?"

He blew at her. She kissed him.

"Ohhh. My discussion with Hank about our finances?"

Jack closed his eyes and blew several times.

Maddy smiled sadly. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. Okay, Jack, listen to me. We're fine, honest. Ask Quasi if you don't believe me. I'm just trying to plan ahead- the way it always pissed you off. Fixing things before they're broken. But the way I see it, if I can manage to live off my salary until you're... better, I won't have drained us dry. I can do this, Jack. I want to make the adjustment now."

She didn't elaborate and he knew she was afraid the Nox wouldn't be able to heal him. She was worried that Qua'sel was too weak, too old. She was bracing for a lifetime of him being confined to bed. He sighed and stuck out his tongue.

"You don't agree with me? What's wrong with my plan?"

'_**Like I can spell it out for you,'**_he thought angrily. **'**_**You're killing yourself, Babe. We'll be okay, and you need to quit this damned job. Or put me away somewhere- the insurance will cover it. Please don't run yourself so ragged!'**_

Maddy studied his eyes. "Can I go now? Are you satisfied?"

He stuck out his tongue.

"Jack, your savings are intact. I haven't touched a cent. That ace in the hole my dad always preached at me to have. I've hardly tapped mine. George is working on getting us a settlement for your accident. _If_ he doesn't prove sabotage and that comes through- depending on how much we end up with- I'll cut back on hours. But Jack, we need the SGC, their resources. I feel so cut off from them... with Sam and Vala so far away, Teal'c and Cam and Daniel off-world indefinitely... What would we do if we lose this connection?" She sat back and spread her hands wide. "Right now, for instance. Where could I take you to keep Ba'al from implanting you with a symbiote the first time I turn my back, or while I'm asleep? We need the SGC, Jack. We have to maintain this connection. I can't quit. Right now my job is the only thing giving us a legitimate tie to the people who can help you."

Jack's heart fell. She was so scared, felt so alone. She didn't trust their friends not to abandon them. His Maddy was shouldering the weight of the world again.

He sighed and blew at her.

"You're not okay with it, but you understand?"

He blew again.

"Okay. Lemme go to work. I'll check in on you as soon as I can." She stroked his cheek and smiled into his eyes. "You know, it should be against the law to be so damned handsome. You should have to have a licence to take that face out in public." She kissed him, and gave him time to kiss her back.

"NHL playoffs?"

He stuck his tongue out.

"There's more?"

Jack's eyes flashed.

Maddy sighed. "I am not taking Qua'sel," she said firmly. "We're safe here. Let him heal you first. Now, do you want the tapes on or not? I have to leave."

He pressed his lips in a tight line.

"Once Qua'sel makes it so you can talk, you can yell at me all you want."

Jack stared at her for a long time then finally blew.

Maddy put a hockey tape on and left.

**Chapter Twenty**

By June, when Ba'al had made no more visits, Maddy relented and took Jack back home.

Jack fretted even more at the way she drove herself. She looked tired all the time, and was starting to let little things irk her. She was always patient with him, but he saw her snapping more and more at Bonnie, Diamond, Landry, and Dr. Warner. It seemed to Jack that every time she laid down for a nap, something or somebody woke her the minute she fell asleep.

His blood pressure was up, and he had no way of telling the doctor it was because he was so upset over Maddy. Qua'sel told him he'd regulate it as soon as he had finished with his elbow.

She was having a particularly rough day when the doorbell rang. She had been putting in hay all day, had just finished changing his bedding and laid down for a well-deserved nap. Jack heard her curse softly as she dragged herself to the door.

She didn't even try to muster a smile for the slight, mousy-haired woman who stood twisting her fingers in the hem of her denim blouse. Bright blue eyes looked at Maddy with surprise and trepidation.

"I... I'm... Is this where Jack O'Neill lives?"

It was a voice out of his past and Jack strained to see the doorway.

"Yes," Maddy answered curtly. "Can I help you?"

"I, um, I need to see Jack."

'_**Oh my God,'**_Jack thought desperately.

"_Uh ohh,"_ Quasi agreed.

"Jack is... indisposed," Maddy said carefully. "What can I do for you?"

"I, um..." The bedraggled woman winced nervously. "Are you his... wife?"

"Yes. Maddy."

"Oh. Oh, um, well, I hate to bother you, but... I'm in trouble and..."

"Trouble? What kind of trouble?"

The woman glanced past Maddy and saw the hospital bed. She sucked in a sharp breath. "Is that...?"

Maddy sighed and stepped back. "Come in. Jack was in an accident. You look like you could use a cup of coffee," she ran her eye over the woman's slight figure, "And a sandwich. What's your name?"

The woman shot a glance over her shoulder then stepped into the livingroom.

"Sara. Sara O'Neill."

**Chapter Twenty One**

Maddy had turned towards the kitchen. At the woman's name she slowly turned back.

"_O'Neill_?" she asked carefully.

Jack groaned inwardly. Sara said she was in trouble. She would never have tracked him down if it wasn't important.

The woman nodded. "It's Bellissimo now, actually, but I am Jack's ex-wife." She took a tentative step towards the bed and looked at Maddy for permission.

Maddy took a deep breath. "He can't speak, but he is aware and his mind is as sharp as ever. If you ask direct questions, he'll blow for yes and stick his tongue out for no. What do you take in your coffee?"

"Black, thank you."

Jack's heart was hammering as Sara moved up into his line of vision. She looked awful. What was it that the women in his life ended up looking so worn and frazzled?

"Hi, Jack," Sara said uncertainly. "You look... I'm sorry..."

Jack took a breath and blew at her.

"Don't be mad at me for coming here."

Jack met Maddy's gaze over Sara's shoulder. She raised an eyebrow at him.

'_**Damn it, Maddy, don't take that the wrong way! She meant because this is awkward for all three of us!'**_ He stuck out his tongue then caught his upper lip between his teeth.

"_Truly, O'Neill?" _Qua'sel prodded. _"You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me."_

"I should just go..."

He stuck out his tongue.

Sara squeezed his hand and made a sympathetic face.

"Here," Maddy said gently.

Sara turned. Maddy set down a plate and a cup of coffee. The woman licked her lips and frowned. She darted a glance at Jack then sat down on the edge of the couch. She had the look of someone ready to make a run for it. Her hands were shaking as she devoured the sandwich. Maddy shot Jack a worried grimace.

"I'll get you another. Slow down, Sara, there's plenty," she cautioned kindly.

When the woman had eaten her fill Maddy began questioning her.

"You mentioned being in trouble. You don't look so good- what's wrong?"

Sara frowned prettily. "My... second... ex husband is after me," she said carefully. "He, um, is connected with _people..._ in Chicago... and New York. I didn't know. He led a second life I had no idea about..."

"The _mob_?" Maddy asked.

She nodded miserably.

"How long were you married to him?"

"Eight years. I just found out, told him I wanted a divorce. He threatened to kill me."

"Does he live in Colorado Springs?"

She shook her head. "I moved back to Chicago after Dad died."

Jack winced. He had liked his father-in-law.

"I met Ray there."

"Sara, what is his connection with the Mafia?"

"He's a hit man."

Jack groaned silently.

"And now he's after you."

"He's not the only one. Others in his... organization... mistakenly think I know things I don't."

"There's a _contract_ out on you?"

She nodded miserably. "The only person I could think of who could handle them was Jack."

Maddy patted her shoulder. "You did the right thing, coming here. We'll figure something out."

"I can't involve you, especially now..." her eyes came to rest on the helpless man in the bed.

"Nonsense," Maddy said firmly. "The shower is through the bedroom, there," she pointed. "Go get cleaned up. I'll find something for you to wear and straighten up the spare bedroom." When Sara hesitated she forced a smile. "Go. My robe is on the back of the door. Wrap up in that and make use of the bed for awhile. You look exhausted."

Sara stood and hesitated. "I'm putting you in a dangerous... and uncomfortable... position. I'm sorry."

Maddy shook her head. "It's alright."

Sara disappeared into the bathroom. Maddy turned to Jack and smiled tiredly. "We have a guest, Honey."

Jack could see the frustration in her eyes. She was too worn out to deal with this, but he knew her heart was too big to turn Sara away. He wanted to reach out to her, wanted to comfort her, needed to reassure her.

Their gazes locked.

Maddy bit out a curse that Jack had been fairly sure she wasn't capable of thinking, let alone uttering.

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Jack watched Maddy battle with jealousy.

Sara bent over backwards to help out around the house, and Jack knew that Maddy resented it. She tried not to let it show, tried to maintain an easy-going facade, but Jack saw the fire in her eyes, the tightness around her mouth. She complimented Sara's cooking and thanked her for keeping up with the laundry, the dusting and dishes. But the day she dropped in unexpectedly during her work hours to find Sara shaving her husband, Jack thought she was going to come unglued.

"General Landry is still in Washington," she informed them stiffly. "Sara, have you ventured up to the barn yet?"

Sara turned with a bright smile. "No, I haven't. I've enjoyed the horses out by the fence though..."

"Maybe now would be a good time."

Sara looked startled. "Oh... well, sure." She motioned helplessly at Jack's half-shaven face. "I really should, um, finish this first..."

"I'll do it."

"But you have to get back... Maddy, where do you park? I never hear your truck."

Maddy's glance shot to Jack. "It's in the garage."

Sara heard the warning in her tone and frowned as she headed for the door.

Maddy watched her through lowered brows until the woman was out of sight. Then she advanced on Jack. She planted her hands on either side of his pillow and leaned forward.

'_**Why be pissed at me? I have no control over what she does! For cryin' out loud, Maddy, you should be happy she's helping you!'**_

Inside his head, Qua'sel clicked his tongue in sarcastic pity. Jack had the image of him shaking his head.

'_**What?'**_

"_I believe Madison is about to explain. I wouldn't want to interrupt. Not in the mood she's in."_

"You, of all people, should understand jealousy," Maddy raged through clenched teeth. "I'm doing my best here, Jack, to make her welcome and comfortable until I can talk to Landry and see if we can help her. But I am not going to be the one to tell her to keep her hands off you."

'_**I'll get right on that, Babe. Explain it to her in terms she'll understand. It's not like we can have an affair behind your back.'**_

"I have to be everything else around here, I refuse to be the bad guy in this situation. You make her understand that she's not to touch you. You're a bright boy, Jack, you'll figure out how. But do it, or I'll stay at the base and the two of you can just play house all you want."

He widened his eyes at her. _**'Damn it, Maddy, nobody's playing anything!'**_

"It kills me that I have to leave the two of you here alone most of the day. It kills me that we have no alone time- and this is way worse than the kids, Jack. And it kills me that the two of you are both as helpless as sick kittens and I have to be the strong one, the patient one, the understanding one. So do us both a favor and lay down some ground rules."

"_Do you require assistance understanding that, O'Neill?"_

'_**Shut up, Quasi!'**_

He lay staring at her, hurting for her, wondering how the hell he was going to make her demands known to Sara. When Maddy picked up the razor, he widened his eyes and stuck his tongue out.

"Put that away or I'll shave it, too," she snapped.

**Chapter Twenty Three**

Jack did his best to convey to Sara that he didn't want her handling him. Sara was bright enough to get the gist of his yes and no expressions, and she did her best not to let Maddy see anything that could anger her.

But Jack could still feel Maddy's tension, the stress she was under.

Sara was alone with him the day his voice began to come back. They were watching a TV show, and when Jack laughed, when a sound emerged from his throat, they stared at each other in shock. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"Sa... Sa... ra."

She leaped up and hugged him. "Oh, Jack, that's wonderful!"

"Ma... Mad...y."

"You want me to call her? I have her work number here somewhere..."

"No... no."

"She'd want to know..."

Jack nodded and tried to cough. "D... dr... drin..."

"I'll get you a drink, Jack," she said immediately.

By the time Maddy got home Jack was talking almost normally. There were a few fits and stutters, his voice was low and hoarse, but he was talking.

She came around the kitchen doorway with an astonished look on her face. Jack grinned at her as she stared at him with her mouth hanging open.

"When did this happen?"

Sara answered before Jack could stop her. "This morning! Isn't it wonderful?" she enthused. "We were watching a talk show and this guy..." Her voice trailed off as Maddy's face froze.

"_That, my friend, can only be defined as 'icy thunder'," _Qua'sel chortled.

Jack watched Maddy's expression as she bent over to give him a quick kiss.

"Awesome, _Dear_. How's your throat? Sore?"

"No... Maddy..."

She looked at him questioningly, her demeanor strangely stiff, somehow distantly polite.

"_Prepare yourself, O'Neill. She has clouded up and it is about to rain nails."_

"I love you so much," Jack told her. "I've been waiting over a year to say that again. There's so much I want to say to you..." He coughed a moment and grimaced.

"Rest it, _Dear_," she told him. "I'll make you an herbal tea to soothe your throat, then I'll call Dr. Warner."

"I don't need tea or a doctor- I need you!"

"In a moment, _Dear._"

'_**Okay, Quasi, explain that **__Dear__** to me.'**_

"_All my influence, all my knowledge, and you're still incredibly dense. It's her way of telling you that she doesn't appreciate that you allowed your ex wife to share in your accomplishment- my accomplishment- for an entire day without bothering to include her. That both hurts and angers her. Her jealousy in this moment must surely rival that which you feel towards Daniel. Must I explain everything to you?"_

'_**Oy.'**_

Maddy's smile was forced. Jack thought her face would crack. "Sara, why didn't you call me?" she asked without turning around.

"I wanted to but Jack..."

"I asked her not to," Jack added hurriedly. "I wanted to get it working to surprise you..."

She turned on her heel and started for the kitchen. She paused to drop a withering look on Sara.

"You didn't think I'd want to know _immediately_?"

"It's my fault..." Jack insisted as Sara blinked at her.

"_Look at Sara's face, O'Neill. She has the look of having been caught. Guilty, defiant, a fit frightened... You will have to exercise caution with her. I do not believe Madison's jealousy is unfounded."_

'_**Oh, for... I told her not to call!'**_

"_Ah, but she went along with you a bit too willingly. Mark my words, O'Neill: This woman is starting to have feelings for you again."_

'_**Yeah, in my shape...'**_

"_It is your condition that has melted the ice you left in her heart. She is frightened, lonely, in need of comfort and safety. The maternal instinct which prompts her to give you care is transforming into something deeper, dredging up past feelings. Madison senses this."_

Maddy shook her head and continued into the kitchen. Sara followed her. Jack listened to their conversation, his heart twisting, angry at himself for not being able to step in and solve both of their problems.

"Maddy, don't be upset with us," Sara pleaded. "We were so excited, so anxious to..."

"Let it go, Sara," Maddy said curtly.

"But I want..."

Maddy spun on her. "Know what _I_ want, Sara? I want ten minutes alone with my husband." She filled the tea pot and slammed it on the stove, then raised her eyes to drill the other woman with a steely look.

"So you can berate him? So you can yell at him for wanting to surprise you? We worked so hard all..."

"Sara! You say 'us' or 'we' one more time and I'm gonna heave you into the lake!"

Sara moved back a full step. "You could probably do it," she said uneasily.

Maddy grimaced. "I'm sorry. That was outta line. But you need to understand that I don't appreciate the position I'm in. More to the point, I don't appreciate the position _you're_ in."

"You see me as a threat."

Maddy sighed tiredly. "Jack loved you a lot. He still loves you, and that's hard for me to handle. Don't misunderstand me, Sara. You won't come between us. I'm not the least bit concerned that you'll take him off me. But I love him so damned much that it's hard as hell to have you here. I want to be Christian enough to help you, make you feel at ease until we get your problem ironed out, and I'd do that whether or not you and Jack had a history. But don't you dare stand there and judge my attitude towards my husband, not after I've taken complete and constant care of him in that condition for over a year. And don't you doubt for a moment that I'm capable of tossing your ass into the lake."

"I'm sorry to have foisted myself on you, Maddy. You've been gracious and generous- more so than I probably could have been. I do appreciate everything. But he's so helpless. It's hard for me to see him that way. Jack's always been..."

"You don't have to tell me," Maddy interrupted. "It kills me to see him like this. Look, my nerves are raw. I should apologize for snapping at you, but I won't apologize for my feelings, or for my jealousy."

"I should probably move into a motel."

"Not necessary and not safe. General Landry is working on your problem. He's a worker of miracles, Sara. You'll be a free woman in no time."

"I'll be free of Ray and you'll be free of me?"

"Something like that," Maddy muttered as she poured boiling water over an aromatic tea ball. She added honey, lemon, and a shot of whiskey. "The keys are in my truck, Sara. That's safer than chancing someone recognizing your car. Why don't you take a drive, go shopping or something?" She brushed past the other woman and retrieved her purse.

Sara looked at the wad of bills topped by a credit card that Maddy shoved at her. "Buying me off?"

"Buying some alone time with my husband. Take my cell, too. The lodge is number two on speed dial."

"Number two?"

Maddy managed a smile. "One is the pizza place."

Jack didn't take his eyes off her face as Maddy propped him up and shoved pillows around him.

"I'm so sorry," he croaked.

"What'd you do now?" she quipped.

"Maddy..."

"Shut up, Jack."

He canted her a look. "I just got my voice back and you want me to shut up?" He was angry and hurt.

She sighed. "If apologies are the best you can come up with, getting your voice back was a waste."

"Thank you for taking care of me. And Sara."

"Not a lot better," she murmured. She tasted the tea then held it to his lips.

"I don't want tea! I want to talk to you!"

"Drink."

He had to swallow or choke so he swallowed.

"Maddy, I love you so much. Don't be angry- with me or Sara."

"Fair warning, Jack. If I don't hear a sentence come outta your mouth that doesn't include her name- especially in conjunction with yours..."

"No fair," he teased gently. "I can't thumb a dictionary."

She didn't smile. He wondered if she'd ever smile again. She held the mug to his lips and he drank to make her happy.

"I hate what all this is doing to you," he said quietly.

"Turning me into a drudge before my time?"

"Yeah."

Her eyes flew to his face. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm trying."

"I know you are. It's too much on you, and when you need the kids the most they're out of reach."

She shrugged and had a sip of tea. "Might have overdone the whiskey."

"It feels good going down. You're too good to me, Maddy."

"I'm sorry for coming off as a bitch lately."

"Hmm, lemme see... Your husband is paralyzed from the neck down, your best friends are in other galaxies, there's a male-killing plague on the loose, someone in the commissary has it out for you for exposing a drug trade on the base, a system lord wants to control the alien transportation device inside your head... and now your husband's ex wife shows up on your doorstep. And the amazing thing is, none of that is what's pissing you off."

She studied his face. "No? Then what is?"

"You once told me the woman I'd grow old with was two or three down the pike yet- the one who would change my diapers and wipe the drool off my chin in order to get her hands on my money. You hate that I proved you wrong for a change."

Maddy closed her eyes at the memory. "Well, I haven't touched your money. But I'm in contention for Bitch of the Year."

"You haven't qualified by a long shot. But you might if you don't quit the commissary."

"I explained that to you."

"And I don't agree. The SGC isn't gonna abandon us."

"I wonder if they already have."

"Why? What's happened?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I'm just scared. We're so out of touch with everybody..."

"Maddy, we'll be fine. Quit and be here with me."

"Sara is here with you," she muttered.

"Sara isn't who I want."

She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Maddy. I want you, not her. I'm in love with you, not her. I made her understand I didn't want her shaving me- doesn't that count?"

Red began creeping up her neck. "I'm sorry about that."

"I'm not. You were right. I though she was helping you. _She_ thought she was helping you. Neither of us looked past helping you to consider your feelings."

"She'd take you back in a heartbeat."

"Don't know, don't care, hasn't come up."

"Hasn't it, Jack? What did you two talk about all day?"

It was Jack's turn to feel heat creep into his face.

"Forget I asked that," she said hurriedly. "It's not important and none of my business."

"Of course it's your business, Maddy. We talked about her dad. And you. Her _other_ ex."

"Jack, don't. I shouldn't have asked."

"God, Maddy, I want so much to grab hold of you and make you look at me! I want so badly to make love to you."

Her head dipped and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "I'd probably be too damned tired."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I really don't mind, it just gets to me sometimes. And Sara _has_ been a lot of help. Did I tell you I got to talk to Sam today?"

"Don't change the subject."

She grinned at him. "What was the subject?"

He grinned back.

"Oh, Jack, it's so good to see that smile of yours again."

"Kiss me, Maddy. You can't imagine what it meant to me that you'd kiss me when I couldn't move, couldn't see..."

She leaned over the bed and kissed him.

"Come up here with me."

"I'm afraid of hurting you."

"Never worried you before."

She clicked her tongue at him.

"Come here. Across my lap," he coaxed.

Maddy gingerly straddled his lap and leaned down to kiss him again. They were still at it when a car pulled into the drive. Jack groaned. Maddy hurriedly slipped to her feet and straightened his covers. Jack's eyes were dancing.

"Next time, take your blouse off first. For that matter, get naked and I'll put my tongue to good use."

She shot him a murderous look. "Yeah, you're feeling better."

"Promise me, as soon as Sara leaves, you'll spend your weekends naked."

"What, you think that'll wake the rest of you up?"

"Up is good."

Maddy laughed at him as she answered the door. Dr. Warner greeted her warmly.

The doctor finished his examination and sat down. Maddy handed him a cup of coffee and a plate of Sara's cookies.

"I'd like to run more extensive tests, but it appears that the nerve damage in his neck and upper back are beginning to heal."

"After so long?" Maddy asked, shooting a glance at Jack.

"Nerves take a very long time to heal- especially when they've been pinched off and numbed to this extent. A nerve heals at about the rate of the width of a pencil lead a day. That's once they start to heal- which can take an awful long time to begin with. You've done a remarkable job of keeping his muscles supple and hydrated, Maddy. It has to have been a lot of work, but it's paying off. His circulation is excellent, his blood pressure is still a little high and his pulse is elevated..."

Jack and Maddy exchanged smirks.

"...But his overall health is quite good, considering."

"Does this mean he might walk, eventually?"

The doctor shook his head sadly. "The damage to his lower spine is much worse, much more permanent, than the upper. There is hope- a slight chance at best, but it's there- that he'll regain some use of his hands, perhaps his arms."

Maddy beamed at Jack. He pulled a face, but the expression kept twitching.

"All I can suggest is keep doing what you're doing. Whatever it is, it's working," the doctor concluded as the phone rang.

Maddy excused herself and answered it. It was Sara, and she sounded scared.

"Maddy. I just saw him."

"Saw who? Ray?"

"Yes."

"Did he see you?"

"I think so. He followed me into the store. There are two others with him- I recognize them both. Can you call the police for me? Explain it to them while I try to stay out of sight?"

"Where are you now?" Maddy locked gazes with Jack.

"In the restroom. Maddy what..." Sara caught her breath.

"Quick, Sara- what store are you in?"

"K-Mart," she whispered.

Maddy heard a loud, echoing bang and Sara gasped. She grimaced at Jack.

"You can't beam into a public place!" he warned.

"It's a restroom. I've been there."

"Maddy...!"

But she was already gone.

Jack and Dr. Warner stared at each other.

"What's she gonna do?" Jack demanded. "No weapon..."

A moment later Maddy appeared with Sara clinging to her arm. Sara stumbled and screamed. Maddy grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Sara! Describe Ray to me! Which one is he?"

"Ummm, blue eyes, dark hair, the tallest."

"I'll be right back." She winked at Jack and disappeared again.

Sara whirled on her ex husband, her face stricken. "What just happened? How'd she do that?"

Dr. Warner raised his eyebrows at Jack.

"Thanks, _Dear_," he grumbled. "Just 'cause I can talk now you leave me to explain it."

He didn't have time. Maddy reappeared, and a moment later Ray Bellissimo appeared, a gun in his hand. He shouted and took a step to steady himself, the gun tracking wildly. Maddy beamed the gun into her own hand.

"Hi, Ray," she greeted lightly.

"Who the hell are you? Where the hell am I? How the hell did I get here?" His eyes landed on Sara. "You bitch, I'll..."

He disappeared.

"Oh, here we go," Jack growled.

"What is going on?" Sara demanded. "Jack?"

He stuck his tongue out at her.

Maddy laughed at him and beamed Ray back. The man went to his knees and clawed at his throat. His eyes were bugged out and terrified.

"Ray," Maddy called. She put her hand under his chin and gently raised his eyes to her face. "Ray, can you hear me?"

He nodded stupidly.

"Listen carefully. Sara is under my protection. You will give her the divorce. You will not bother her ever again, and you will not send anybody else after her, either, understand?"

He nodded, his eyes still bulged.

"You will never again lay eyes on her, do you understand, Ray? You don't call her, you don't email her, you don't send her a letter. Got it? She ceases to exist after today- or you will cease to exist."

He nodded.

"Can you operate a computer, Ray?"

He nodded again and loosened his tie.

"Excellent!" Maddy gripped his chin and raised him to his feet. He towered over her by a good foot, but he was shaking in his Italian leather shoes. "We're gonna go into my office and you're gonna transfer every dime, every stock, every investment you can get your hands on into my name, which I will, in turn, transfer to Sara." She contemplated him for a moment. "I think you need more convincing." She closed her eyes and Ray disappeared.

All three of them tried to speak at once. Maddy wagged a finger at them and walked outside. She moved into the driveway and peered upwards. The doctor, Sara, and Jack all looked at each other. In a few moments a distant scream reached them. Sara and the doctor darted outside. They followed Maddy's gaze and saw the man tumbling downward from high in the sky. His arms and legs were pinwheeling, his screams were getting louder, closer.

"Maddy..." the doctor urged.

"Not til I see the whites of his eyes," she said grimly.

"Maddy, don't kill him!" Sara pleaded.

"I'll try not to," Maddy replied dryly. "But I can't concentrate with you two harping at me."

Sara fainted. Dr. Warner caught her and glared at Maddy. Maddy waved cheerily at Ray. At the last possible moment before he hit the ground, he disappeared. Maddy turned and walked through the livingroom and out onto the deck. Ray was bobbing, face down, on the surface of the lake. She beamed him inside. Dr. Warner laid Sara on the couch and crouched beside the dripping hit man. He flopped him onto his back and checked his pulse.

Ray sucked in a harsh breath and screamed. Maddy waved the doctor back and went to stand over the man.

"Hey, Ray."

He squealed like pig and scrambled away. Maddy followed.

"Ray, listen to me," she said calmly. "Ray? Answer me so I know you're listening."

"Stay away from me! Get back! _Get back!_"

"I can go clear to China and still do as I damn well please with you. Do you understand that I'm nobody you want to mess with? That I'm more powerful than your whole organization put together? Tell me you understand, Ray, or I'll have to give you more proof."

"No, no! I understand! What are you, a witch?"

"No, Ray, I'm a _bitch_. A bitch who has just become your worst nightmare. I have a space ship, Ray, and I can find you anywhere, anytime. I can beam you to the moon, to the bottom of the ocean and make you stay there without cement overshoes. I have a little gray friend with a space ship who likes to experiment on humans- he'd love you, Ray. In fact..."

"No, no, no! Please! NO! I'll do whatever you want!"

"You can't tell anyone about this, Ray." She pulled a face. "On second thought, go ahead. You'll wind up in a straight jacket in a rubber room. So here's what you're gonna do, Ray. After you clean out your accounts and give them to me for Sara, you're gonna use your credit card to buy a plane ticket to India. You're gonna spend the rest of your life helping the impoverished in Calcutta. You won't start up a racket, you'll obey the nuns, you will never have sex with anyone ever again, and you'll spend two hours on your knees every night. The first hour you will repent for all the people you've killed, maimed, or beat the hell out of- for any reason. The second hour you will spend thanking God that Sara has a generous heart and begged me to let you live to serve Him as penance for the miserable, vicious life you've led so far. Have I made myself clear, Ray?"

He was shaking like a leaf. "Gimme a computer."

"That way," she used the gun to point down the hall, then followed.

Jack and Dr. Warner broke out laughing.

Sara sat up, ran a shaking hand through her hair, and stared at them.

**Chapter Twenty Four **

Jack looked out over the lake and listened to Maddy and Sara talk. Maddy was fishing. Sara was still pale and shaken.

"You understand you can't mention any of this to anyone," Maddy cautioned as she recast her line.

Sara nodded. Her face wore a stricken look. She darted a glance at Jack, who was looking everywhere but at her.

"I was taken by an alien," Maddy explained. "He implanted transportation technology in my brain- as an experiment. His race is too advanced for the version he has now, and he used me as a guinea pig."

"When did this happen?" Sara asked unsteadily.

"Couple of years ago."

"Wow."

Maddy snorted. "Yeah, wow."

"Why did you have him transfer those accounts to you?"

"So they can't trace you, Sara. I'll cash in all the stocks and investments- you can do what you see fit, but we don't want a paper trail. There's a pile of money there. You can live wherever you want, quite comfortably."

"You always wanted to live in Malibu," Jack suggested quietly.

"Is that a subtle hint for me to leave Colorado Springs?" she asked carefully.

"You never liked it here," he responded, watching Maddy wince as if he had hit her.

They sat in silence. Maddy abruptly reeled in her line. She propped her pole against the rail and stood.

"I'm going to the barn."

Jack understood she was giving them space to discuss Sara's future... and lay their past to rest. He didn't want her to go but he didn't stop her.

"She's quite a woman, Jack," Sara said at length. "And she fishes with you..."

"Maddy is incredible," he agreed. "I love her a lot."

"You loved me a lot," she said wistfully.

"Yes, Sara, I did. I still do."

"But not like you love Maddy."

"Sara..." he said in a pleading tone.

"I know, Jack. I'm sorry. I'm sorry we didn't work it out."

He didn't answer. How to tell her he agreed, yet not hurt her by explaining how much more Maddy meant to him? He muttered a soft oath.

"I shouldn't have come here," Sara said bitterly. "I just didn't know where else to go, who I could turn to..."

"It's alright, Sara. You did the right thing."

"I'm causing trouble between you and Maddy."

"No, you aren't. You don't know Maddy. She's a little unsettled, jealous, but she'd tear her arm off and give it to you if she thought it'd help." He took a breath. "It's up to me to reassure her."

"What she did to Ray..."

"Let it go."

"Yeah, like I can forget about it."

"She's giving you a chance to start over. Anywhere. In style."

"Time for me to leave?" she guessed.

"That's not what I said," he answered firmly. "Maddy and I both want you to take your time, think about it, make the right choice."

"This time? Jack, I had no idea he was..."

"Stop putting words in my mouth!" he barked. "Neither of us are judging you! Just take Maddy's generosity at face value and..." His words trailed off as Maddy came around the lodge. Her face wore a stricken expression and she was crying. She grabbed the corner of the cabin for support, steadied herself and gasped, then staggered onto the deck.

"Maddy! What...?" He cursed his immobility, his impotence.

He watched worriedly as she sank into a chair, dropped her head into her hands, and sobbed.

"Maddy?" Sara rose and laid a hand on Maddy's back.

"What's wrong, Babe?" Jack demanded. "Are you hurt? What happened?"

"Taco... Taco's dead."

Her words hit him like a sledge hammer. "Taco? Aw, Maddy! What happened?"

She shook her head. "There was no sign of a struggle. Looks like... like he just... dropped. Probably a heart attack. Oh, God, not Taco!"

Jack's eyes welled as he sat, helpless to comfort her, helpless to do anything to handle it for her.

"Maddy... I'm so sorry..."

Sara looked at him uncertainly and he closed his eyes.

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Jack and Sara listened to the sounds of Maddy operating the backhoe.

"That has to be so hard for her to do," Sara murmured. "I can't believe she's burying him herself."

"Maddy has a strength you and I will never understand," Jack sighed. "I should be doing that for her."

"You can run a backhoe?"

"I can do anything when it comes to Maddy." Then he grunted sourly. "Except put my arms around her, comfort her, ease her through this..."

"That horse meant a lot to her."

"She had his mother and father- he was born into her arms. Sixteen years ago. He saw her before he saw his own mother. She raised him, trained him... Sara, when she rode that horse it was like they were one creature." He paused to choke back his emotion then told her of the night he and Maddy had met. His eyes raked the distant mountains. "On top of everything else..." He closed his eyes and ached for her.

'_**Quasi, what can I do?'**_

"_At this point, nothing. Just comfort her as best you are able. Let her know the way you ache for her."_

"I could help you buy her another horse..." Sara offered.

Jack sighed again. She didn't understand. There was a time when he wouldn't have understood that going out and buying some horse wouldn't replace the hole in Maddy's life, in her heart.

"Doesn't work that way, Sara. Get me the cell phone, wouldja?"

Sara retrieved the cell and dialed the number he gave her. She held the phone to his ear and listened as he spoke to General Landry.

It was long after dark when Maddy came back to the lodge. Not looking at either of them, she headed straight for the bedroom.

"Come here," Jack barked.

She stopped, shoulders slumped, chest heaving, and shook her head.

"Lemme alone," she mumbled.

"Maddy."

She sighed and trudged over to the bed.

"Up here."

She obediently crawled onto the bed and lay with her head on his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Babe. I wish I could hold you."

She started to cry. She pressed her face into his chest and sobbed her heart out.

Jack's face mirrored her heartbreak. "I called Landry. He said take as much time as you need. He wanted to come up, but I told him you probably didn't want company."

She nodded briefly.

Jack felt entirely useless in the face of her grief. He murmured to her quietly, ached to touch her, searched his mind for words of comfort that simply didn't exist. He couldn't even rub his cheek against her hair.

'_**Qua'sel, can you go to her yet? She needs you. You can make it not hurt so much.'**_

"_I cannot, O'Neill. She needs to grieve, needs to live this. I could only postpone her pain."_

**Chapter Twenty Six**

"I wish I'd let her go to Atlantis," Jack told Landry as they sat on the deck in the cool evening air.

"Wouldn't have changed anything, Jack. She'd have just come home to all this."

"Maybe not."

"Can't change it, Jack. I just wish I knew how to help her through it."

"You and me both, Hank. I don't know how she's handling it all. Sara, Taco, me like this, the kids off-world indefinitely, the bullshit going on in the commissary, never knowing when Ba'al will get a bug up his ass to try for her..."

"We'll get you to the Nox as soon as we can."

"Wish there was a way to take Taco with us," he muttered.

"At least the situation with your ex-wife has been handled. The FBI has Ray's two cohorts in custody. They're still looking for Ray..." He left it hanging as a question.

"Maddy saved him the plane ride to Calcutta," Jack said dryly.

"How much longer is Sara going to stay?"

"Don't know. She does help out a lot around the house, but I think the stress is harder on Maddy than the help she gets."

Landry shook his head. "You'd better take her on a long vacation when this is over. Very far away."

"Yeah, maybe a permanent one."

Landry canted him a look. "You thinking about retiring again?"

"Can't do much in this condition," Jack retorted dryly.

"The Nox..."

"The Nox might not be able to fix me, Hank. It might have been too long now. We don't know the extent of their powers..."

Landry grimaced in sympathy. "If that Tok'ra symbiote is still alive, the one blended with that..."

"No way!" Jack said adamantly. "Once was enough. ... More than enough."

"_Is that so?"_Qua'sel asked dryly.

'_**What do you want me to say?'**_Jack shot back acidly.

"They have wheelchairs for quadriplegic patients that can be operated by mouth," Landry was telling him.

Jack winced and rolled his eyes to give Landry a dark look. "Let's not go there."

"There's still a lot you could offer the SGC, Jack, in an advisory capacity alone. You can still supervise the training program for new recruits- you just wouldn't be in the field with them."

Jack grunted. "If I came back in that capacity, maybe Maddy would quit, take some time for herself. Sleep a solid eight hours for a change."

"She does look awful haggard. I saw her go off on a line cook the other day. Wasn't like Maddy at all. Corporal Zybek told me he deserved it- he had been goofing off with another cook, wasn't paying attention, and ruined ten gallons of gravy. But he said she apologized to him."

"She used to take stuff like that in stride."

"She's at the end of her rope, Jack."

"_She needs a night of passion in her husband's arms,"_ Qua'sel brooded. _"Try to move a finger on your right hand."_

"I'm turning her into a drudge," Jack moped as he absently tested the unresponsive finger.

"Maddy bounces back faster than anyone I've ever seen," Landry encouraged. "As soon as you're back on your feet..."

"Yeah. As soon as I'm back on my feet," Jack echoed bitterly. He took a breath, and a page from Maddy's book on changing the subject. "What do you hear from Carter?"

"Colonel Carter reports that Caroline has isolated the virus. It's a start, anyway."

They sat in silence for awhile.

"I want you to fire her, Hank."

Landry didn't reply.

"She's killing herself."

"Won't that add to her stress, Jack? I think she needs to feel like she's doing something..."

"She's doing _everything_!"

"I know you've told me your finances are fine," Landry said carefully. "But if you take that off her, she'll only fret and worry more. What's to stop her from getting another job- one that isn't so forgiving?"

Jack sighed again. "You're right. It's just driving me nuts!"

"The answer for both of you is getting you to the Nox. I'm working on it, Jack. I'm working on it. You want me to push the bed back inside before I go?"

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

Maddy sat staring out over the lake with a pensive look that bothered Jack. There was something going through her mind that didn't have to do with grief over him or her horse. The fact that she had asked Sara to stay awhile longer nagged at him like a festering sore. It wasn't like Maddy to ask for help, let alone from his ex-wife. There was a growing panic in her eyes when she looked at him and he knew the longer he was in this condition the more it worried her. There was no more good news from Atlantis, and that had her frustrated.

She and Qua'sel had explained the suppression drug to him, and he had gone along with the injections they both took to keep the symbiote's presence hidden from Ba'al. It was key to defeating his plan to implant Maddy and control her transportation device.

Jack tried to talk Qua'sel into going back to her, but the symbiote insisted he was too weak for a blending. He was still draining his vital energy trying to heal Jack's spinal cord, and Jack argued with him constantly that he'd rather he was helping Maddy. Protecting her.

They both agreed she had something on her mind, and neither of them was going to like it.

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

When Ba'al showed up again thankfully- conveniently- Sara was out running errands. The system lord appeared, as he always did, in front of the fireplace. Jack rolled his eyes to find Maddy.

She was just coming out of the kitchen. She pulled up short and heaved a sigh. She didn't register surprise and Jack decided she was too numb to be surprised by anything.

Ba'al turned to her. "No better, I see," he mused. "Are you so willing to allow him to remain in this state when I can help?"

"No, Ba'al, I'm ready to discuss options."

"_What?_" Jack roared. "Maddy...!"

"Ahh, he can speak now. There has been some improvement."

"Heal him, Ba'al."

The system lord raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"If you're not a clone you can use a healing device."

"I left it in my other jacket," he returned sarcastically.

"We'll wait for you to come back," she said dryly.

Ba'al shifted uncomfortably. "I can implant him with a symbiote."

"Heal him and I'll come with you."

"_NO!_" Jack shouted. "Maddy, don't do this! It's not worth it! _Maddy!_"

"Are you the real Ba'al? Can you power the device?" she demanded.

"_She does not sense a Gou'ald," _Qua'sel said.

"A symbiote is the better solution," Ba'al hedged.

Maddy closed her eyes and the arm device he used to access his ship appeared in her hand. Ba'al glanced down in surprise.

"You're a clone," she said coldly. "I can't use you." She closed her eyes and he disappeared.

"Maddy...!"

She turned to give him a quick look before she touched the glowing pad on the arm band. When she disappeared, Jack knew she had beamed aboard his ship. He seethed and cursed and ranted into the empty lodge. She returned a short time later.

"What the hell is going on?" he shouted. "What's gotten into you?"

"I tried to see if I could fly it," she said angrily. "Must have hit a wrong button. Damn thing self-destructed!"

"Thank God you got off in time! And what if there had been more clones on that ship? Maddy, stop this nonsense! You are not going to Ba'al! Not for me, not for any reason! Do you understand what it means?"

"It means you'll walk again, Jack. He can heal you. I can't _not_ take advantage of that."

"It's my damned choice, and I choose for you not to become a Gou'ald!"

Her smile was sadly stubborn. "I love you, Jack. More than anything. More than everything."

"If you love me you won't do this!"

"I'm so scared. The longer you're like this the more likely it'll be forever. I can't stand that."

"So you'll become a Gou'ald? Once that thing is inside you, you won't have control to beam it out. You won't have control over anything. You won't be able to help me- it won't let you! Get this notion outta your head!"

When she turned and left the room Jack about went through himself with anger and frustration.

"_This is what she has been planning,"_ Qua'sel told him._ "The reason for her moodiness. The reason she asked your ex wife to stay."_

'_**Tell me how to talk her out of it.'**_

"_It would be easier convincing the wind not to blow."_

Another Ba'al appeared less than an hour later.

"_The real Ba'al,"_ Qua'sel warned. _"Prepare yourself, O'Neill."_

"Don't take her, Ba'al," Jack growled. "Take me- leave her alone!"

The Gou'ald sneered at him. "You don't have Asgard beaming technology in your brain. Where is your beautiful wife?"

"Right here," Maddy said from the bedroom doorway. "Are you the real Ba'al or shall I beam you into open space, too?"

"I wondered if you had escaped the ship after you sent the message to me. Very astute, My Dear. So what is this deal you are proposing?"

"Get a healing device. Heal him, and I'll go with you."

"How do I know you won't double-cross me?"

"How do I know you're the real Ba'al?"

"You'll know if I can use this." He produced a healing device from within his coat.

"Heal him."

"I shall implant the symbiote first."

She shook her head. "I see him walk first."

"Maddy, stop this! Beam him away!" Jack demanded.

"See, Ba'al, it's like this," she said, ignoring Jack's angry pleas. "You have nothing to lose. It doesn't matter to you if Jack is healed or not, so if I do have a double-cross in mind, all you're out is a little vital energy. I, on the other hand, have a lot to lose and a double-cross from you is a foregone conclusion. You've been after me for how long now- this is your chance. What's it worth to you?"

"_Maddy!_ **Don't**!"

"You've whittled down my clones substantially," he said with a trace of admiration in his voice. "It's time I put you to better use." He slipped on the device and it glowed.

Jack's eyes raged at Maddy as the system lord moved towards him.

"Wait, Ba'al," Maddy stopped him. "Let me kiss him one last time."

Ba'al bowed sarcastically.

Maddy moved to Jack's side, her eyes searching his. She bent over him. "I love you more than anything. More than everything. Let Sara take care of you," she whispered. She opened her mouth and locked it over Jack's.

Qua'sel made the transfer as they kissed. Maddy hugged Jack hard and used the gesture to cover her momentary disorientation. When she raised up to look at him, her eyes flashed and glowed briefly.

"Don't do this," Jack pleaded desperately. "Maddy, don't! Just... beam him away. Don't _do_ this! God, don't leave me."

She stepped back and motioned for Ba'al to step forward. He held the healing device over Jack's body and the device glowed. Ba'al closed his eyes and they could see the strain in his face. When he had drained himself, Jack was able to raise his arms.

"I will have to return tomorrow," Ba'al told her. "Perhaps the day after."

Maddy beamed the device into her own hand. Ba'al glanced down in surprise.

"Remarkable," he murmured. "I shall return at this time on the morrow." He touched his arm device and disappeared.

"Are you in pain?" Maddy asked cooly.

Jack glared at her. "What are you up to?"

"I just want you better."

"Come here."

She sat down on the bed and curled up in his arms. "That feels so good," she said into his shoulder.

"Maddy, it's not worth what you're planning."

"Sure it is, Jack. Look at you! In a couple of days you'll be walking again!"

"I don't wanna walk if it means you're a Gou'ald! Talk to me! You have something planned, right? You're not gonna go with him."

"Not if I can get out of it, but I will if that's what it takes."

He crushed her tightly and kissed her head. "Don't do this, please."

She raised up and drew his mouth to hers. "Do you know how much I love you?"

He kissed her for a long time, reveling in being able to hold her, feel her, feel anything. He buried his hands in her hair and devoured her.

"We'll think of something, Babe, just promise me you won't go with him."

She sighed and snuggled close. "What are we gonna tell Sara?"

"The truth?"

"Is that wise?"

"She can be trusted. She's seen weird stuff before..."

"The crystal being that turned into Charlie?"

"Yeah."

"We don't want Ba'al to see her, Jack. We need to send her away for some reason."

"I wish Ba'al had never seen you!"

"But he has, and he's healing you."

"You are not going with him!"

"Qua'sel is resting, gaining strength. He'll beat the other symbiote then I'll beat Ba'al. We'll be done with him once and for all."

"Maddy, you can't take him on..."

"Qua'sel and I can," she assured him. "Ba'al will think my symbiote is his and Qua'sel will take care of me, show me what to do, how to do it. Jack," she said tiredly, "I can't take anymore. We're gonna beat that bastard once and for all. Take down The Trust from the inside, find out who the mole is, stop those CIA sleepers coming after you... I'll empty his bank accounts for the families of everyone involved in the crash he caused. And then you and I are gonna go away. Far away, Jack, away from it all..."

He heard the pain and exhaustion in her voice. It had finally gotten to her, broken her spirit. All the trauma, all the fear and turmoil. Jack ached for her, was filled with panic. He pleaded, argued, demanded, but was met with stoic stubbornness.

Maddy tried to power the healing device, but Qua'sel was too weak from the blending, too depleted from working on Jack, to help her.

'_**Precious Madison, I fear our plan has already failed. I am so weak...'**_

"_Do your best, Quasi. Would you be safer back with Jack, if you're not up to battling that other symbiote?"_

'_**I will not leave you in your hour of desperation. I could not blend again if I tried. I must rest. Lend me your strength, Madison.**_**'**

Maddy abruptly collapsed on the couch, her strength drained.

"Don't go with him!" Jack repeated.

"Not until you're on your feet again. Quasi and I will handle him, Jack. This has to be done, and it has to be done this way. I'll be back before you know it."

"Damn it, Maddy, what if Quasi loses the fight with that other symbiote? What then?"

On the verge of sleep, she sighed. "Symbiote poison. In his database, Quasi has a formula to protect the host from the toxin released by the dying symbiote..."

"Has it been tested? Is he sure it works?"

But Maddy was out cold.

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

Ba'al had ideas of his own. When he arrived the next day he had a symbiote in a glass tank.

"Just how many ships do you have?" Maddy asked dryly. "I've relieved you of two so far."

"Ah, yes, My Dear, you've proven to be quite the formidable adversary. I've had to dedicate three clones to appropriating ships... Meet Meret, your new master. She has been quite anxious to meet you."

The symbiote did a corkscrew inside the glass container, gills flared and mouth open. It's red eyes seemed to burn into Maddy. Maddy shuddered.

"I went along with your demands yesterday, My Dear, but today you will go along with mine. You will accept the symbiote before I finish healing O'Neill."

"What guarantee do I have that you will heal him once..." She shivered distastefully.

"What guarantee do I have that you will adhere to your word? Not beam me into open space once I have healed your precious husband?"

"We went over this yesterday."

"Maddy, don't..." Jack pleaded, using his arms to shift himself on the bed.

"I will heal him to the point where he can move his legs. You will submit to the blending. Then I will complete the healing as Meret is adjusting to your body. Perhaps, if you do not put up a struggle, she will grant you seeing your beloved stand before we leave."

Maddy bit her lip.

"Beam him away!" Jack demanded. "Beam that damned thing into space! Get rid of it, Maddy! Get rid of him!"

"Do it," she said without meeting Jack's eyes. "But I see him on his feet before the blending."

Jack threw himself back angrily. When Ba'al approached, Jack lunged for him, tried to grab him but Ba'al kept out of his reach.

"No! Maddy..."

The device glowed. Jack arched back and clenched his teeth. His fingers raked the sheet into balls in his fists.

"You're hurting him!" Maddy shouted.

"There is little discomfort," Ba'al assured her. "He is angry, nothing more."

When Ba'al turned the device off, Jack drew his knees to his chest and tried to kick him. His legs were still too weak to do any damage, but the fact that they moved brought Maddy to tears. Ba'al laid the device on the bed and picked up the container.

"Your turn."

Maddy took a deep breath. "He stands up first."

"You don't have to do this!" Jack shouted. "Beam away! Beam _him_ away! Beam _it_ away!"

"He is not yet healed enough to stand or walk. This is your final chance, Madison," Ba'al said silkily.

"No, Ba'al, it's yours. Get him on his feet."

Ba'al opened the container. The symbiote rose out of the container and, shrieking, made a flying dive for Maddy. Maddy beamed it back into the fluid. The symbiote twisted and spun in fury.

"That will not endear you to her," Ba'al warned.

"Set it down and finish healing Jack or you're both gonna end up floating through space."

"Why prolong the inevitable?"

"So I can beam Jack out of your reach before the blending."

Jack gaped at her. "Maddy! You can't do this. You don't understand what..."

Ba'al powered the healing device and the impact drove the breath from Jack's lungs.

"She is canny indeed, O'Neill. This woman will help me to rule the galaxy."

When Ba'al turned off the device, he grabbed Jack's arm and heaved him onto the floor. Maddy gasped angrily but Ba'al held up a hand. Jack took a couple of deep breaths, locked gazes with Maddy, and levered himself to his feet. He stood there unsteadily, reaching deep for strength, his mind racing.

"What do I have to do?" Maddy asked calmly.

"You have to stop this bullshit!" Jack snarled. "Beam us both away. Don't do this, Maddy!"

"You have to do nothing, My Dear."

Ba'al removed the lid and the symbiote leaped through the air.

Jack found himself standing in his quarters, inside the SGC.

**Chapter Thirty**

"She _what_?"

Landry's initial shock at seeing Jack O'Neill storm into his office still had him rattled as Jack tried to drill the story into his stunned brain.

"Damn it, Hank, I need all the intel we've got on The Trust! I have to go after her- now!"

"She asked your ex-wife to stay, then traded herself to Ba'al to heal you? Qua'sel's _alive_?"

Jack planted both hands on the desk in front of the general. "The intel, Hank. Now."

"We need to discuss this, Jack," he reasoned. "You can't go off half-cocked..."

"_The intel_!"

"Calm down. We'll get her back. We need to figure this out carefully. Ba'al will kill her if you go rushing in there like a mad man. Do you even know if she went with him?"

"I was headed back but I can't move too fast yet. I called the lodge, on the outside chance..." He winced and looked away before he continued. "Sara answered. Maddy's nowhere around."

"Bet _she's_ confused."

Jack slammed a fist on the desk. "To hell with Sara! I need to know if he's taken her to Seattle!"

"What if he has, Jack? She's just as out of reach there as she would be in his ship."

Jack reared back and threw himself into a chair. The truth was he was still incredibly weak. There was a lot of pain, and his muscles were cramping viciously from the sudden demand he was putting on them. He had gone down three times in his headlong rush to Landry's office. He was moving on adrenalin alone.

"Let Dr. Warner check you over while I contact George."

"I don't need Warner and we don't need George!"

"Hammond has the latest intel on The Trust, Jack. He's got men dedicated to..." The ringing of the phone interrupted him.

"Landry!" he barked. He listened for a moment then raised his eyebrows at Jack. "He's here, now, George. I'm putting you on speaker."

"What do you mean, Jack's there?" Hammond barked across the speaker.

"Apparently Maddy traded herself to Ba'al for him using the healing device on Jack."

"_She what?_"

Jack dropped his head into his hands.

"My surveillance team just reported seeing her with Ba'al at The Trust headquarters in Seattle. What the hell is going on, Hank?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm on my way."

"Hang on, Jack," Landry said sternly. "George, what's the situation? Can your men move on Maddy?"

"She's inside with Ba'al. It's a fortress, Hank, a very public fortress. If we had the Odyssey here we might be able to beam her out..."

"She'd only beam back. Jack says her Gou'ald's name is Meret."

"Hang on while I relay that information."

Jack raised stricken eyes to his friend. Landry could only stare back at him.

"We won't let her out of our sight, Jack. When you get there, I'll put you in touch with the team. Don't do anything rash. We'll get her back, let's just do this the right way. You don't know if Qua'sel defeated Meret?"

"I'm not betting on it. He was pretty damned weak _before_ he blended back with Maddy." Jack scrubbed his hands over his head then stood. "I'm headed for Peterson. Have something ready for me to fly by the time I get there."

**Chapter Thirty One**

Jack watched Ba'al hand Maddy out of the stretch limo. The binoculars showed him her features, her easy smile, the heavy eye makeup, her wild hair tamed into a chic twist. She was wearing a tight, shimmery gold dress that was shorter than the T shirts she wore to bed. Tall heels made her tower over Ba'al by a good four inches- her piled-up hair made it even more. She laughed at something he said as they entered the building.

This was the price of his mobility.

He was past the cussing and bloody knuckles, but he wasn't past his anger.

He was angry with her, but not as furious as he was with Ba'al, with the accident that led to this, with Loki for putting her in this position. He was angry about the plague that kept SG1 out of reach when she had needed them the most, that kept the Odyssey from taking him to the Nox.

He wondered what Maddy was thinking, if it had dawned on her yet that the price she had paid for him to walk again was far too high.

He should have seen the signs. Her asking Sara not to leave when she was so uncomfortable, so jealous, should have been a huge, honkin' red flag. He just never anticipated she would go through with this. Qua'sel had related their plan, but Jack sensed the symbiote's weakness, his reluctance. Qua'sel had been as helpless in the face of Maddy's determination as he was. The symbiote had transferred to him Maddy's complete trust that Jack would get her out if she got into trouble. That he would give her time to get the information they needed to take down Ba'al and The Trust, then extract her.

He should have known, though. Maddy never did anything by half.

That she loved him to this extent was frightening.

That she trusted him to come after her was overwhelming.

He tracked the glasses up along the building and wondered what window she was behind. He dropped the glasses and studied the vehicles in the area, trying to pick out Hammond's surveillance team. The white panel van was too obvious- possibly a decoy. Hammond probably had a man on the work crew fiddling around in the sewer, and definitely several on the construction crew building the new high-rise a block away.

The generic conversion van with local plates was probably the best bet. Tinted windows with one-way curtains made for a good base of operations. He had no doubt Ba'al had them pinpointed, too.

He needed to set up his own operation.

**Chapter Thirty Two**

Three weeks later he knew that Ba'al and Maddy had a suite inside The Trust headquarters, and that he wasn't letting Maddy get out much.

Meret. Or was it still Qua'sel? Had the ancient Tok'ra been able to defeat the Gou'ald? Had the half-assed plan the two of them hadn't bothered to run past the military expert in the family worked or not? Which symbiote now had control of Maddy?

He needed to think of her in terms of the Gou'ald and not his wife. To protect her cover, but also in case Qua'sel had been defeated by Meret. His gut told him that Quasi was too old, too frail, too weak and exhausted from trying to heal him, too traumatized by the recent blending to be in any condition to take her on. His wife had no say in the matter- he needed to learn about Meret if he was going to orchestrate an extraction.

That he had no idea how they were going to remove Meret was a niggling fear in the back of his mind- something he tried not to dwell on. The first step was to get Maddy back.

And keep her, since Meret would be able to use the transportation device.

He watched pensively as the long, black limo glided up to the curb. A moment later he caught a breath as Maddy stepped through the gold framed glass doors. She wore a gold linen suit and too much jewelry, too much makeup. Ba'al was not with her, but two burly bodyguards flanked her every movement. The chauffeur handed her into the car and the bodyguards slid in on either side.

Jack adjusted the electronic ear on the dash of the rental car and tried to pick her voice out of the hubbub of conversations. When the car pulled away, he let six cars pass before he eased into traffic.

When the limo pulled into a private air strip, Jack thumped the steering wheel and cursed under his breath. He watched from the street as she was escorted aboard a private jet. In all that time he didn't hear her utter a word. Two phone calls had the jet tagged by Air Force radar and he headed for the nearest fast food drive-thru. He wolfed down two burgers and a coffee as he located the nearest library on the rental's GPS map. When he left he library he headed for his motel to take a shower and a nap. The phone woke him twelve hours later and he was in the street watching as Maddy disembarked from the private jet.

Meret. Egyptian goddess of daily life, of song and rejoicing. Goddess popular with the ordinary people rather than the upper crust that preferred to worship Isis. How well that fit his Maddy. But it didn't track with the overbearing and evil Gou'ald. He wondered if Ba'al had something to do with imprinting the rather docile persona on the symbiote, perhaps to make it more tractable, less in conflict with his own delusions of grandeur.

He wondered if, on the outside chance Qua'sel had survived, Maddy was having a hard time passing the Tok'ra off as Meret. It would be so easy to get caught.

Jack didn't get his hair trimmed and he didn't shave. When he was shaggy enough, he bought a dark rinse and tinted his hair. He found a nearby florist shop, then waited until Ba'al left the building without Maddy glued to his side.

Jack chomped annoyingly on a wad of gum as he politely and stubbornly argued, first with the guard, then the main receptionist, then the receptionist outside Maddy's office. He flashed the hundred dollar bill he claimed to have been paid to personally deliver the flowers to 'Merry-ette'. The first two had been tough, but this final road block was proving to be worth her salary. Jack knew he was on the verge of being escorted out when Maddy stepped out of her office.

Jack nearly swallowed the gum. She was dressed in clinging gold linen again, looking sleek and sophisticated right down to matching gold nail polish. But the haughty look she drilled down along her nose shattered Jack's hopes of reasoning with her.

"What is the problem, Donna?" she asked, letting them both know that whatever it was, it was beneath her.

"This man insists he was paid to personally deliver these flowers to you, Ma'am."

Maddy hadn't taken her eyes off Jack, but there was something different about her. He had a sinking feeling that Qua'sel hadn't won the battle.

"Step into my office," she instructed cooly.

Jack followed her and used his heel to nudge the door closed. He set the huge bouquet on her desk and watched her move to the window. A weird, tingling sensation crept across the bottom of his stomach. He was sensing the symbiote.

"A fool's errand," she said arrogantly in a Gou'ald voice.

"Maddy..."

She turned and gave him an icy smile. "Meret, O'Neill. Qua'sel was weak, and no match for me. The _Tok'ra_," she spat the word derisively, "Put up a pathetic struggle. This host suffered greatly as we battled for room inside her body. I let her feel the pain, feel Qua'sel's pain as he died within her. He tried to take her from me with the toxin in his body, but that effort was just as pitiable. I remind her of these things when she becomes defiant."

Jack felt his heart drop into his boots. "Let me talk to Maddy."

"All that survives of the host is what I need to learn how to manipulate the transportation device. I do battle with her daily, and I will gladly put her far to the back of my mind once I have mastered the Asgard technology. She has fire and stubbornness, but no choice in the matter. Ba'al was quite pleased with me when I related the ridiculous plan she and Qua'sel tried to implement against him. He is quite taken with her and requests her presence often. He has forbid me to ruin her completely, but I will change that with time. I warn you, O'Neill, if you try to take me I _will_ kill her."

"And yourself in the process."

She laughed and it didn't sound at all like Maddy. "Ba'al treasures me. He would preserve me for another host." She smoothed her hands over Maddy's hips. "This body is not at all to my liking- I prefer something slimmer, less _sturdy_. More petite. This is the body of a peasant, a laborer. Meant to work in the fields, toil in the yoke beside the oxen." She turned to eye him shrewdly. "Ba'al, however, takes a lot of pleasure in your wife's physical hardiness. If he weren't my lord master, I would dare to deny him his nightly ardor until he gave me a more pleasing host."

Jack tried to keep his expression bland as she baited him. It irked her.

"If you use a weapon on me, I will let her suffer for it."

"I came unarmed."

"How foolish."

"I'd've never gotten through the door armed."

"Why did you come here?"

"To tell my wife I still love her. And to promise her I won't rest until she's back with me. And you're dead."

"And to bring her flowers," she said scornfully.

"The flowers are for you, Meret," Jack said softly. "It's a funeral bouquet."

She laughed sourly. "I refuse to relay your message."

"She heard me."

"She is cowering and shaking and closing her ears to your voice. You displease me, and so you displease her as well. It can be no other way."

"Let her come forward."

"She cannot. I have completely dominated her. My wishes are now her wishes. You have ceased to exist for her. Leave us now, before I allow her to convince me you should die where you stand."

"I'm following your every move, Meret. Day and night, I'm watching you. Listening in on your every word. I'll wait for my chance, and when I take her back you won't have an opportunity to so much as beg me for your miserable life."

"She does not want to return to you! She gave herself to me, to Ba'al, willingly as the price for your life as you now live it! She worships me, and Ba'al through me! She wants only to serve us!"

"Now see," Jack waved a finger at her, "That's the biggest lie you've told me so far. My wife serves one God, and you know damned well you and Ba'al don't qualify. You can steal her body, quiet her voice, but you can never shake her faith. I just wanted to tell her not to ever quit fighting because I won't ever stop fighting for her."

"How horridly noble. She insists you to go back to that other woman you once loved. It is why she gave Sara to you- so you would leave us alone."

"It's not Sara I want. I'm serving notice, Meret. You're days are numbered and I'm the one keeping count." He turned and left the office without looking back, without closing the door. "Tick. Tick. Tick..."

As he stepped onto the elevator he heard Meret snap angrily, "Oh, _shut up!_" an instant before her office door slammed. He grinned.

Meret hadn't been talking to him.

**Chapter Thirty Three**

"Colonel Carter remembers Qua'sel telling her about the serum Maddy was talking about," Landry told Jack over the phone. "Apparently the Tok'ra had it all along but they didn't bother mentioning it to us. Felt the Tau'ri were weak and would insist on jeopardizing their mission in order to save the hosts."

"Yeah, well, I should've seen that coming," Jack groused. "We should have known the slimy, back-stabbing bastards wouldn't develop a symbiote poison without a way to protect their own scaly asses. Do we have the formula?"

"I've got people scouring Qua'sel's database for it now. Colonel Carter cautioned us to put Maddy into a medical coma first so Meret can't kill her at the last minute. If Thor is available by the time we're ready to move, she said deep stasis would be ideal."

"Do we _have_ any Tok'ra symbiote poison?"

"Qua'sel turned up several vials when he led us to the Tok'ra supply caches. They're locked in a safe at the Alpha Site. Jack, are you absolutely positive Qua'sel is dead? That this isn't him putting up one hell of a cover to protect Maddy? Ba'al certainly has her office bugged..."

"Oh, he's dead," Jack said decisively.

"What's Meret doing?"

"Ba'al's keeping her busy, keeping her on the move. I managed to plant a bug in her office, and a few others on my way through the building."

"Our surveillance teams are getting intel that is pure gold, Jack. Nice going. George and I have been discussing The Trust and once you grab Maddy, if she's got what we need, we think it's time to shut them down."

"You won't get an argument outta me. Any word from Daniel? Mitchell? Teal'c?"

"All three of them are bitching like hell for me to get clearance to let them come back and help you."

"Any chance of that?"

"About as much as the Ori surrendering. Keep me posted, Jack."

Jack hung up and trained the glasses on Meret's office. The sun was hitting the window at the perfect angle for him to see her. She spent a lot of time at that window, staring out over the city, and Jack wondered if that was Maddy's influence. She would feel so confined in that high office- her claustrophobia would have to affect Meret to some extent. Maddy hated big cities, thrived on open spaces and fresh air.

It could be she appreciated the rest, he thought morosely. After the year she'd just gone through, he couldn't blame her if she was sitting back and letting someone else do the driving for awhile. That made him think about Ba'al making love to her- something that was always in the front of his mind- and his body clenched in rage. He toyed with the thought of grabbing her long enough to have her, but he knew Meret would make Maddy pay dearly for it. When he got her back, he was going to take her on a long vacation. A deserted tropical island somewhere, where they could make love in the surf. Go diving, sit beside a crackling bonfire on a sandy beach, make love under the stars.

Right after he shook her until her teeth rattled.

He needed to find her another horse. She had a pasture full, but none of them compared to Taco. His death had taken a lot of the enjoyment out of having the rest, and he knew it had been hard for her to even go to the barn. Perhaps a bred mare, and she could raise the foal the way she had raised Taco. A calico Paint mare- she'd been itching to buy a calico Paint to breed to Turn The Page.

He sat up and paid attention when Meret and Ba'al exited the building. They stood on the sidewalk a moment, waiting for the limo, and Ba'al turned to look straight at Jack. Their eyes met across the traffic, across the distance, then Ba'al took Meret's head in his hands and kissed her. Jack's hands clenched on the wheel and it bent under the force of his fury.

He wanted to grab her now, not leave her in his hands another day. But he knew Meret would make good on her threat to kill Maddy. Even if it meant her own death- she was subservient to Ba'al and would gladly die to please him.

And nothing would please Ba'al more than to spite O'Neill by killing his wife.

Nothing except taunting him the way he was right this moment.

"I know you can hear me, O'Neill," Ba'al said as he handed Meret into the limo. "I must compliment you on your taste in women. This creature is divine- small wonder you can't accept losing her. Did you teach her how to be such an expert lover, or does it come naturally for her? Perhaps it was Qua'sel's influence- he had quite a history of pleasing system lords to pass on to her. Meret allows her to come forward to me in bed, O'Neill, and she comes willingly. It is her reward for being so helpful to us. Even if you did manage to take her, she'd fight you to come back to me. Give it up, O'Neill, accept your loss and be grateful that she bought your mobility before she came to me. Because it was inevitable that she would come to me."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just don't turn your back on her, Ba'al."

**Chapter Thirty Four**

Jack rolled out of cover and came up shooting.

"Son-of-a-bitch!"

He emptied his clip into two of the massive alien creatures, changed position, and reloaded. A glance told him the locations of the rest of his team. He made an adjustment for crossfire and began shooting again.

Landry had all but demanded he leave Seattle long enough to lead this expedition. Earth's stargate was still shut down until they were certain the plague was confined to the Pegasus Galaxy, but Daniel had come up with a lead that bore investigation. Orders were to locate a catacomb beneath a series of caverns which was rumored to have been one of Merlin's secret laboratories. Daniel's intel said this planet was currently uninhabited, and with the Odyssey confronting an influx of Priors in another quadrant the Pentagon had green-lighted this one simple, basic recon mission. With so many of the SGC personnel spread out between operations at the Alpha Site and on Chulak, the had put together a team of green recruits and Jack had been tapped for his experience.

Experience that would have kept them from stirring up a nest of huge, nasty creatures with a taste for fresh meat if Jack had kept his focus on the mission instead of on Maddy.

A blood-curdling scream twisted him around to fire on another creature that had snuck up behind them and grabbed Smith. The man's leg snapped off amid a shower of blood as the creature took six bullets without flinching. Jack bit out a curse and pumped an entire clip into one of the creature's six ears. How the hell these things that looked like a cross between an armadillo and a rhino could move so stealthily was beyond Jack.

"Fall back!" he shouted into his radio. "Pierson, get a tourniquet on Smith's leg and get him to the gate. Karns, you and Rymes cover them. Donnely, dial the gate." He replaced the spent clip, stood, and waved his arms to draw the creatures' attention off his team. As five of the rhino-sized monsters charged him, he pulled the pins on a pair of grenades, cooked them off, then threw them and dove for cover. The impact picked him up off the ground and slammed him back down again. He winced in pain and felt momentary panic as his legs went numb. He rolled and began firing. Two of the creatures were still charging. They were practically on top of him before they dropped.

Four more exploded from the tree line and began devouring the fallen ones.

"Get that gate open!" he yelled into his radio.

"Dialing now, Sir," Donnely panted.

Jack rose to his knees, took a deep breath, and shoved to his feet. His legs steadied, and as he started moving the pain in his back eased. He darted a look over his shoulder, saw the whoosh in the distance, then stood up and sprinted awkwardly for the gate. His body was still weak, still aching, and he felt disjointed, out of shape. Pierson and Karns were dragging Smith through the event horizon. Rymes motioned Donnely through, then held his ground and laid down a withering cover fire for O'Neill. Jack cooked off another grenade as he ran, tossed it behind him, and shouted for Rymes to go through. He made a long, low dive through the puddle as the grenade exploded behind him.

Jack hit the ramp hard, skidded on his chin, and piled into Rymes.

"Close the iris!" Landry barked. He bolted down into the gateroom. "Get a medical team down here!" He helped Jack to his feet and gave him a searching look.

"I take it you didn't bring back Daniel's magic anti-Prior weapon?"

"I'm gonna wring his neck," Jack growled. "You sure he's still on our side? He's been out in space a hellava long time, Hank!"

Landry gave him an arched look. "How's the body holding up?"

"It wasn't ready for that! Any word on Maddy?"

Landry frowned. "Ba'al took her to Europe. We tracked them to the Ukraine and we've got people on their trail. They'll find them, Jack."

Jack took off his flack vest and threw it across the gateroom. Then he kicked it through the door ahead of him.

**Chapter Thirty Five**

Jack sat staring out over the lake. He absently petted Diamond as he tried to sort his thoughts from his emotions.

Sara had gotten rid of the hospital bed and rearranged the livingroom to eliminate the space. She was making herself at home, in Maddy's home, and Jack had mixed feelings about it. He couldn't kick her out, and it did help to have her here taking care of things. Corporal Williams was handling the stock, as usual.

'_**Might as well build him a room, too,' **_Jack bitched to himself.

But this was Maddy's home. Sara seemed to be slowly, carefully, replacing Maddy's stamp with her own. The place even smelled different. Sara's scent, her perfume, her preferences in soaps and candles and sprays had changed its aura from Maddy to Sara. He didn't for a moment think she was doing it on purpose. It was just Sara's way- she nested. She loved the outdoors, used to camp and fish with him, even tinkered around under the hood of her car. But she didn't have Maddy's fire, wasn't a part of the nature she enjoyed the way Maddy was. Maddy could soar on a wind that would blow Sara over. Maddy would dance naked in a rainstorm that would drive Sara to shelter.

Maddy loved him with an intensity that Sara couldn't begin to understand. And as much as he had loved Sara, still loved her, it didn't begin to compare to what he felt for Maddy.

He wouldn't hurt Sara again for the world. He was trying to keep her at arm's length, trying to maintain a polite coolness, but more and more she was giving him that doe-eyed look that made him uncomfortable.

The way she was looking at him now. Like a wounded puppy, unsure of how her need for attention would be accepted.

Jack winced and looked down at his feet.

"So..." Sara began gingerly, "Any luck tracking down that man who kidnapped her?"

Jack rolled a shoulder. "They're somewhere in Europe. We're working on it."

"You'll go, when they find her?"

He nodded.

"Jack... How did... You're walking like you were never hurt. How is that possible?"

Jack took a deep breath. "Remember that alien who made himself look like me, like Charlie?"

"Yes." It came out clipped. It was still frightening, a confusing and painful memory for her.

"More like him. There's a whole universe of them out there, Sara."

"You found them through the... stargate?"

He nodded.

"Does she go through the stargate with you?"

Jack snorted. "She has. But now she has her own space ship. She comes and goes as she pleases."

He didn't look up to see her reaction.

"Is she an alien, too?"

He laughed shortly. "No."

"Well I just wondered," she said defensively. "Being able to... do... all that... stuff with her mind..."

"She'll be back, Sara. I won't rest until I find her and bring her home."

He felt her disappointment, and it hurt. He knew Sara didn't have it in her to wish ill on Maddy, but he understood what she was feeling, too.

"We can't go back, Sara," he said gently.

It was a moment before she answered. "I know. But it was nice while it lasted."

"Yeah, it was." He looked at her then. "My only regret is hurting you. Please don't make me do it again."

"I'll leave."

"There's no hurry."

"But you want me gone before she gets back."

"No. Take your time, do it right. Maddy would want that."

"What if..." She hesitated, unwilling to voice any part of what she was thinking.

"I'll find her, Sara. I'll bring her home."

"I know you will, Jack." She sat for another moment then stood. "I'll make you something to eat."

"Don't bother. I'm headed for the base."

"What time will you be home?"

Jack stood and looked her in the eye. "I'll be staying at the base, Sara. Make yourself at home and please don't leave before we get back."

Sara nodded and turned away, but not before Jack saw the tears in her eyes. He swore under his breath and headed for his truck. He hesitated, smacked his hand on the hood, then went back inside. He found her crying in the kitchen. He closed his eyes for a moment then pulled her against him and held her.

"You did the right thing coming to me for help," he told her quietly. "I want you to do it again if something comes up. Anything."

She nodded against his chest. "I'm sorry, Jack, it just feels so good, so right being here with you, being in your arms like this."

Jack's hold tightened for a moment, then he gently pushed her away and brought her chin up. "I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry, Jack. I should never have left you. I should have understood, dealt with it. We could have had this life..."

Jack's smile was forced. "We would have never had this life, Sara," he said quietly. "We aren't the same people we were back then." He held her back and looked at her. "You'll find somebody and he'll love you, take care of you. But I'll always be here for you. Maddy and I will."

She sniffed and nodded.

"You gonna be okay?"

"Will you stay if I say no?"

"For a minute."

She tried to smile. "Go find her, Jack. She's quite a lady."

"So are you, Sara. Sure you're alright?"

"I'm alright. Think she'd mind if I used her computer to figure out where I want to live?"

"I think she'd insist on it," he said wryly.

"In her place, I don't think I could have been so generous, or understanding."

"I know you would have, Sara. I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

The base was humming when Jack arrived. He stuck his head around Landry's door, saw the office was empty, and headed for the control room. An SG team was just disappearing through the gate.

"Another of Daniel's wild goose chases?" he asked Landry.

The general glanced at him. "Back up for the Odyssey. Confronting a Prior."

"Carter check in yet?"

"About an hour ago. They've made a major break-through. Seems the virus can't handle the flu."

"The _flu_?"

Landry nodded. "It's making the rounds at Atlantis. The flu bug eats the plague bug."

"Carter said that?"

Landry shot him a look. "Yeah, her exact words," he answered sarcastically. "She and Caroline think there's enough flu circulating on Earth at any given time to keep us fairly safe. We may even have built up an inherent immunity. Plants, animals, and, apparently, most alien species don't get the flu."

"So they just need to spread an epidemic of the flu to kill a plague that has decimated two and a half galaxies?"

Hank grunted. "Not nearly that simple, but in essence, yeah, I guess. Something like that."

"Our dumb, underdeveloped, technologically primitive society has saved the universe again," Jack dead-panned. "Bet Thor is shaking his head and muttering to himself."

"As soon as Loki can synthesize a strain that won't be fatal to the Asgard, Thor is going to break orbit and head for their home galaxy. Loki is going to stay in Pegasus- he's generously offered the facilities aboard his science vessel to mass-produce whatever antidote our ladies can come up with."

"I thought the Asgard were asexual and this plague wasn't a threat to them? That's why Thor left the war to help."

"They don't want to take any chances. And there are other species in their new home galaxy that would be susceptible."

"What about Maddy's ship? Any chance that virus will stick to the hull, circulate through the ventilation system?"

"I'll mention it to Carter."

"Leave it to her to figure out how to give a ship the flu. How will you handle it with regard to the Odyssey's crew?"

Landry shrugged. "Beam up somebody with the flu..."

Jack grunted. "Bet McKay is going through himself, not being the one to figure it out."

"Everybody aboard is ready to throttle him," Landry smirked.

"I wouldn't wanna be confined in space with him," Jack grimaced.

"Dr. Jackson said something to that effect," Landry hedged.

His tone made Jack look at him askance.

Landry fought back a grin. "He said when McKay gets on their nerves, they tell each other it could be worse. They could be stuck in space indefinitely with O'Neill."

Jack pulled a face.

"Mitchell stuck up for you, though."

Jack brightened. "He did?"

Landry turned back to the gateroom. "He told them you can't help it."

Jack stared daggers at his profile. "Didja have the Tok'ra symbiote poison sent back from the Alpha Site yet?"

Jack thought Landry's shoulders tightened just a bit. He chalked it up to irritation that Jack was pestering him about it when so much else was going on. Jack decided to let it drop. They didn't even have Maddy back yet.

"Trips to the Alpha Site are one way right now, Jack. Too much stargate traffic, too high a contamination risk. As soon as we can safely transport _anything_ back to Earth, I'll have it sent. In the meantime, our techs have come up with two references to the antidote in Qua'sel's data bank. They're still searching for the formula. We'll dedicate a lab team to developing the serum as soon as they find it and we get a few other irons out of the fire. Walk with me to security on sixteen."

Jack scowled at his back as he followed him through the doorway. "Isn't Carter going to handle developing the serum?"

"The good colonel has her hands full."

Jack wasn't sure he trusted anyone else with his wife's life. Especially since there was no way to field test the serum. He turned his attention back to what Landry was saying.

" ...ordered us to undergo a base-wide case of the flu."

"What a way to immunize a military base," Jack winced. "Wonderful." Then he frowned. "So what does the flu have to do with the women being immune?"

"Something to do with the Y chromosome."

"Damned tail always gets us into trouble," Jack muttered.

Landry shot a smirk over his shoulder as they stepped onto the elevator, then turned full around as Jack stiffened.

"What?"

"The plague virus... Gou'ald symbiotes are asexual, but I wonder if it works on clones?"

Landry raised an eyebrow. "Lure the Ba'als into an area already infected?"

Jack shrugged. "Might be worth a try."

"Maddy would be immune..."

"Something to think about," Jack grimaced.

**Chapter Thirty Six**

When Meret moved to the window Jack stepped out of the car and leaned on the door. He folded his arms and stared up at her. He knew she spied him, could feel the connection even though he couldn't see her features, and he was encouraged when she didn't move away. They stared at each other until three burly, dark-suited thugs exited the building at a high trot. Jack got into the car and pulled away before they could converge on him. He drove straight to the rental office, traded the car for conversion van, and went back.

Meret was still at the window.

Jack found a parking spot where he could watch the window, locked the doors, and stretched out across the bench seat in the back. He could see her office through the tinted window, and he alternately dozed and watched until nightfall.

Ba'al began keeping her close, keeping her inside the building. Jack knew he had a luxury suite on the top floor, knew he was holding Meret captive inside that penthouse to keep him from getting close to her again. He effectively put a stop to their long staring sessions through her office window, and Jack knew Maddy had to be going crazy without access to the outside, if only through the glass.

'_**Damn it, Maddy!'**_

As he spent another series of long, cold nights in another series of vehicles, he pondered Maddy's desperate, irrational action that landed her in such a predicament. He could well imagine her state of mind, her exhaustion, her terror. Add Sara and losing Taco onto the mountain she had already been shouldering and he decided it was a wonder she hadn't folded under the strain.

Or maybe she had.

It came to him in one of those flashes that crosses the mind out of the blue. He and Sara sitting on the deck. They had been discussing Charlie, a subject too long avoided between them. Time had made the words flow more easily, but it hadn't dulled the pain for either of them. Their frank conversation had brought Sara to tears and he had needed to offer comfort. She had laid her head on his chest, hugged him hard, and he had closed his eyes against his inability to hold her. Maddy had been outside somewhere- had she seen them? Had she misinterpreted the gesture? Thinking back, it seemed to him she had been more withdrawn after that. It had happened the day after Taco died and he had attributed her depression to losing him so abruptly. It certainly had its own devastating effect.

He got up and crawled out of the van, stretched his legs and found a place to relieve himself. The city was as quiet as a large city ever got in the wee hours of the morning. A steady drizzle dampened everything including noise. When it worked inside his collar at the back of his neck, Jack shivered. The penthouse was dark, and the idea of what could be transpiring up there made him physically ill.

He knew Maddy would do anything to see him walk again. But had she given up on everything? Had losing so much, shouldering so much, ignited her urge to flee? Like the wild thing she was, it was her instinct to escape that which she couldn't handle. And she had handled so damned much since she met him.

She had physically lost her husband. Been forced into a position of allowing his ex-wife intimate access to him, the long discussions between him and Sara, the brief moment she may have witnessed. Did she think he and Sara were rekindling their past? Did she wonder if she was losing his heart as well as his body? It would be well within Maddy's heart to give him up if she thought he would be happier with Sara.

For all intents and purposes she had lost 'the kids', certainly lost their support when she needed it so badly.

She lost Taco, and when he thought about it, she was in danger of losing her job as well. He and Landry had pushed her to quit, forced her into fewer hours thinking it would ease her burden. In retrospect, the commissary had been her only escape from seeing him laying there so helpless, so hopeless, day in and day out. When she was home she worked tirelessly to make him comfortable, exercise and knead his muscles so they wouldn't lose strength and tone when the Nox repaired his injuries. Turned him and fed him and carried on both sides of an endless conversation to reassure him. Maintain a cheerful, hopeful, confident attitude in his presence. And the only break she had permitted herself from that was going to work. To a job where someone was bent on causing her harm.

The job he and Landry had been so damned determined to take away from her. Her only contact with people who could talk back with her.

Their finances were fine. It had been her excuse not to give up the respite it afforded. A respite from him she would never admit to anyone she needed. Knowing Maddy, she probably felt guilty about needing time away from him and the constant reminder of his condition.

'_**And after working so damned hard to hold it all together, hold me together physically, mentally, and emotionally, hold Sara together, hold our life together... we all pulled against you, Babe. You thought you were losing everything, didn't you? Is that what made you so willing to throw your life away as slave to a Gou'ald? God, Maddy, I'm so sorry...!'**_

He walked into a nearby restaurant and ordered coffee. His stomach rumbled and he decided to eat even though food was the last thing on his mind.

'_**If George lands us a decent settlement from the accident, we could both quit the SGC. We could quit now, but that extra windfall would allow me to take her places, feed her lust for adventure and excitement. She'd love to explore Alaska, and dive the Great Barrier Reef. Ride through The**__**Outback, ski the Swiss Alps. Camp in Yellowstone, go game fishing on the ocean, spend time on Nirrti's planet. Buy a barrel horse and go on the circuit. I'm gonna finagle time in a F-302 and teach her to fly it. We could pack up the Nautilus and explore the universe. Visit Thor in his galaxy. Hell, I might even let her have a damned motorcycle. I'm gonna make this up to her, all of it.'**_

When she walked into the restaurant, Jack was sure he was dreaming. She slipped into a booth and ordered coffee. The gold pantsuit she wore was not the extravagant outfit he usually saw her in, might actually have been pajamas, but it was still far more fashionable than anything Maddy would choose. Her hair was down for a change, and he hoped Meret didn't get it into her head to cut it off. Diamond chips set in gold nail polish caught and reflected the light as she delicately massaged her temple. She crossed her legs and sipped her coffee.

Jack couldn't resist. He got up and moved his plate to her table. She glanced up in surprise.

"Care for a donut to go with that?" he asked as he sat down. "Or I could buy you breakfast."

She dropped a disdainful look on his plate of steak, eggs, and potatoes."_Hardly._"

"Not your cooking," he agreed easily "That's for damned sure."

"I don't _cook_."

"Maddy is an awesome cook. She tell you about the steaks we ate on Nirrti's planet?"

"The memories are there, if I cared to dredge them up."

"I'm surprised Ba'al let you outta your cage."

Her nose wrinkled in disgust. "He isn't aware I stepped out."

Jack cut into his steak and nodded. "You beamed away. Needed some air."

She flicked her eyes to the ceiling. "This primitive creature you so delight in has been raging against our confinement. I gave in simply to gain some peace."

"Nothing of the host survives."

She sighed impatiently and tasted the coffee again. "This fluid is detestable."

"Maddy craving caffeine?"

"She craves many things I find abhorrent."

"Like me?"

Meret gazed at him icily. "You are beneath contempt. A mere animal created to serve. But even a pet is more easily manipulated if it is rewarded from time to time."

"Come here in the middle of the night often, do you?" He dipped toast into egg yolk and watched her cringe at the sight.

"You left her for over a week. Growing weary of this game, O'Neill?"

"Nope."

"Lord Ba'al is becoming impatient with your persistence. It would serve you well to leave us alone."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Warning me?"

She rolled her eyes and didn't answer.

"You could kill him, take over his entire operation," Jack said. "Why don't you do it?"

Her eyes darted to his face.

"Be easy enough with that beaming technology. Nobody would be the wiser."

"Yet another distasteful chore to foist off on your mate?"

Jack nearly choked. "She said that about me?"

"She doesn't have to. I have all her memories, all her emotions. Is that woman still living with you?"

"Sara? For the time being."

Meret glanced away. "She must chafe at your absence."

"Nope."

Her eyes drifted back to his face.

"Sara will leave as soon as I have Maddy back safe and sound. She's got some hard decisions to make, and she's anxious to repay Maddy for her kindness. One way she can do that is to maintain the lodge for her until she comes home." He stared hard into the eyes he loved so much, searching for some slight sign of Maddy in them. "I'm not in love with Sara. If Maddy never came back, Sara and I still wouldn't end up together."

"There's always Colonel Carter," she said silkily.

Jack shook his head without breaking eye contact with her. "Maddy knows better. You're just trying to drive a wedge between us. Won't work, Meret. Nothing can separate us."

"Ba'al has accomplished that quite efficiently," she shot back.

"Physically, maybe. But not for long."

"Persist in this and I will punish her."

"She can take it. Won't be much longer now."

"Your arrogant threats are meaningless."

He nodded. "Meaningless right up until the moment when I watch you die."

She flicked her fingers and made a 'pfft' sound. "Kill me and you kill her."

"Not if we use Tok'ra symbiote poison."

Her eyes widened and he saw a flash of fear cross her face. "Try that, O'Neill, and I promise I'll take her life with my dying breath."

"You're bluffing, Meret. You know we have the serum."

"I will kill her outright."

"Better that than the existence you're forcing her into."

"She does not agree with you. She enjoys my protection, the perfect health I've given her. She praises me daily for the guidance and knowledge I share with her."

"_Share_ with her? When nothing of the host survives?" he taunted.

Her glare tickled him.

"I grant her moments of clarity," she sniffed.

"Enjoy her company, do you?"

"I enjoy toying with her in the manner of a cat toying with the mouse it intends to devour."

"Don't know what you're missing," he chided between bites. "Maddy is quite charming. Intelligent. Great sense of humor..."

"She is an insolent creature who will not learn her place!" she sniffed.

But Jack caught the faint twitch of a smile that played around the corners of her lips and he wondered what inside joke Meret was remembering.

"You think she has influence over me," she snapped when she saw his expression. "You think she dares to taunt and try to manipulate me." She sat forward, her eyes flashing angrily. "Let me enlighten you, O'Neill. I abhor the detestable union of bodies our Lord Ba'al insists upon daily. This host, however, is base and coarse enough to find enjoyment in it. So she comes forward for those hours of his pleasure, sparing me the humiliation and disgust. The only involvement required of me is to excite him by allowing my eyes to flash in his moment of release. In return for this service, I reward her by granting these brief moments of escape. The more she exhausts and pleases him- the deeper his slumber- the longer I give her outside the confines of our lofty prison."

Jack took a drink of coffee to wash the bile from his throat. Meret was delighted by the range of emotion he wasn't completely able to suppress.

"Lord Ba'al caught our little deception once," she told him gleefully. "He was not upset at the ruse, only that we dared hide it from him. He far prefers to bed her consciousness to mine. But the deceit infuriated him and he punished us for it." She sat back and added smugly, "I benevolently granted her the privilege of accepting the brunt of that punishment in my behalf."

"Let me talk to her," he asked softly.

She shook her head and glanced at her gold watch.

"It's alright, Maddy," he said quickly, anticipating Meret making a fast exit. "Do what you have to do to survive. I love you."

Meret looked down Maddy's nose at him and stood. "Your words mean nothing to her, O'Neill. You mean nothing to her." She withdrew several bills from a gold lame clutch purse and tossed them on the table.

Jack watched her walk out of the restaurant then looked down at his half-finished breakfast and pushed the plate away.

He wondered if what he had eaten would stay down.

**Chapter Thirty Seven**

Landry recalled him two days later.

"It's important, Jack. Hammond is flying in for the briefing."

Jack greeted George Hammond with a handshake that turned into a hug. They had shared surviving a horrific crash that helped to seal a bond of years' worth of friendship.

"It's good to see you on your feet, Jack," Hammond told him.

"You, too, George. How you feeling these days?"

"Like retiring," the older man said heavily. "You wouldn't want to sell me an acre of ground?"

"I believe Maddy included a suite with your name on it when she sketched out the blueprints for the contractor."

Hammond grinned at him as Landry walked in with Major Davis.

"Sorry to hear about Mrs. O'Neill," Davis said sincerely. "Please, let me know if there's anything I can do to help retrieve her."

Jack shook the man's hand. "Appreciate that." He sat down and looked expectantly at Landry.

"Colonel Carter has had some time on her hands while waiting to see if the flu will eliminate the plague. She came up with an idea to stop the Ori."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Might pay to force her into a vacation from time to time."

Hammond shot him a grin. Landry only raised his eyebrows. Major Davis looked slightly confused.

"I'd like you to call to mind the Tobin System," Landry continued.

"The planet in Gou'ald territory with all the space mines?" Hammond recalled instantly.

"Oh, _that_ Tobin System," Jack muttered.

"Colonel Carter suggests we plant a similar mine field to destroy the Ori fleet."

"We'd have to try it on a planet with no means of space travel," Davis said. "No way ships could navigate through a field like that."

"They'll just blow them outta their way," Jack shrugged.

"Colonel Carter isn't suggesting mining a planet," Landry told them. "Her idea is to mine the next supergate they initiate."

The men exchanged glances.

"They'd blow through the gate with no advanced warning of the field waiting for them," Hammond nodded. "It has potential."

"What about the whoosh when the gate initiates? Won't that set off a chain reaction before the ships get through?" Jack argued.

"Not if they're strategically placed," Davis countered.

"Space drift," Jack returned, obviously pleased with his knowledge. "You can't just plop something out there and expect it to stay put."

"I'm sure Colonel Carter can work that out," Landry dismissed his concern. "The problem is, where do we get half a million space mines?"

"And how do we prime them with enough charge to do sufficient damage?" Davis asked.

"Naquada," Jack, Hammond, and Landry said in unison.

Jack waved his finger back and forth between the two men. "You both owe me a beer."

"Okay, so if we can come up with enough naquada, where do we come up with the technology to build the mines?"

"You know that ship building facility we wrested from the Lucian Alliance- the one the Asgard are helping us defend in return for ships we never seem to get?" Jack said with more than a little irritation. "Bet they could do it."

"Provided we get the mines faster than we got the ships," Major Davis muttered.

"Know what would be cool?" Jack asked. "If the Asgard could come up with an arming frequency that would arm them all at once instead of having to do it manually... half a million times."

"Or just detonate them," Landry added.

Jack nodded at him.

"So all we have to do is wait until they build another supergate?" Davis asked skeptically.

"Or figure out a way to cloak the little buggers," Jack said. "Wouldn't have to wait for a supergate. They usually start at one end of a galaxy and convert their way right across. Pick a spot in their path..."

"And hope they don't have their shields raised when they come through," Hammond said dryly.

"Won't have any reason to, if their sensors don't pick up anything but empty space on the other side," Davis said hopefully.

"I'll contact Colonel Carter and see what she has to add. In the meantime, you two take the proposition back to the Pentagon. If you get us a go, I'll put together a team to approach those new _allies_ of ours," Landry said.

"Jack," Hammond spoke up again, "I think you should join the negotiation expedition. Get a handle on these allies from your own unique viewpoint. Then see what you can do to shake things up a bit. It's time we got something back for our investment on that planet."

Major Davis looked from one man to the other. "Why doesn't anyone call them by name? I don't know that I've ever heard it spoken... or seen it written, come to think of it. They're always referred to as 'new allies with the ship building facility'."

"Because it's too damned hard to pronounce," Jack grimaced. "No vowels or consonants. Just clicks and whirs and a sort of howling sound in the middle."

"Oh. Do they speak the same way?"

He nodded. "Carter had to modify the universal translator in order to set up any kind of communication with them at all."

"Then... maybe something isn't getting translated correctly. Maybe that's why we haven't seen any ships."

Landry and Hammond both nodded. "We've discussed that possibility, and we have people working on it. But the two people most qualified to figure it out have been tied up elsewhere."

"Dr. Jackson and Colonel Carter," Davis nodded ruefully. "What's the good news from Pegasus?"

"Officially, they've found a way to stop the plague and are working on it," Landry told him. "Unofficially, everybody's down sick with the flu and we're waiting for it to run it's course."

"The flu being the secret weapon," Davis nodded. "The Pentagon is considering initiating a world-wide epidemic of a non-fatal strain, once they're convinced it will build up an immunity to the plague virus."

"I have yet to see a male sperm whale with the flu," Jack muttered.

"We're hoping enough flu virus in the general atmosphere of Earth will immunize everything," Hammond explained.

"Better yet if nobody brings it home," Landry growled.

"What about all those flu shots everybody gets?" Jack asked. "Gonna run a public ad campaign asking folks not to get it this year? 'Help Earth stamp out the intergalactic, male-killing plague- get your share of the flu this season'?"

Hammond and Landry chuckled sarcastically.

"Actually," Major Davis said, "All we have to do is plant a glitch in the vaccine producing facilities."

Jack peered at him suspiciously. "You... aren't speaking from past experience, _are _you? Because I distinctly remember being down flat on my back for two weeks last time there was a vaccine shortage."

"No, oh, no, no, not at all," Davis denied.

Jack gave the two generals dubious looks.

"Need to know," Hammond told Jack firmly.

"Well I need to know if I'm gonna get the flu!" he complained.

"I can guarantee that," Landry told him grimly. "We all have to go through it before we can bring our people home."

"Then we'd better get Maddy home first," Jack growled. "Her chicken soup will cure anything."

"We don't _want_ it cured, Jack," Hammond laughed.

"Speaking of your wife, General O'Neill," Davis spoke up again. "What's the plan?"

"The plan is, when the Odyssey comes home we'll beam her up, zat her before she can beam away again, put her into deep stasis, innoculate her against the symboite toxin then expose her to the Tok'ra poison."

"Will stasis put the symbiote out, too?"

"Deep enough, it should," Jack replied grimly.

"We're still going through Qua'sel's data bank to see if he left us a means of extraction," Landry informed him.

"And if it does, I'm personally gonna wring Meret's scaly neck!" Jack snarled. "It's hard as hell watching Maddy be such a cold, heartless, bitch. It's gotta be driving her insane."

The other three traded pitying looks.

"She'll end up with naquada markers in her blood," Hammond said at length. "She'll be able to power Gou'ald devices."

Jack pulled a face. "The only thing she's gonna operate, George, is the valve on her scuba gear. We're both quitting the SGC."

All three men gaped at him.

"Take some time off, Jack," Hammond reasoned. "You both deserve it. But..."

"But, nothin', George!" Jack bit out, barely controlling his anger. "She's been though hell because of this place, because of me. I've had it. We're done." He turned to look at Davis. "You can put that in official writing, Major."

Landry gave Davis a subtle shake of his head and Jack caught it. It pissed him off.

"Damn it, Hank, I said we're finished. I'm gonna find a deserted island somewhere and..." His tirade was cut short by Sergeant Harriman.

"The Odyssey is on the con, Sirs. Dr. Jackson would like to talk to you, General," he looked at Landry.

The four men rose and headed for the control room.

"Dr. Jackson, I have General Hammond, General O'Neill, and Major Davis with me. What's up?"

"Sir," Daniel sounded awful, "I'm speaking for Dr. Weir- she's lost her voice. The Odyssey's long range sensors are picking a debris cloud headed for Atlantis air space."

"She's lost her voice?" Landry interrupted.

"All of Atlantis is going through a dose of the flu, General. The captain and bridge crew are down sick too."

"How did they manage to get the flu out there?" Hammond asked. "Especially when everybody had been inoculated?"

"Sam and the doctors reverse engineered the virus from the live vaccine on Atlantis. Cam is captaining the Odyssey for the moment, but he's not in the best shape, either," Daniel broke off to cough harshly.

"What are Dr. Weir's orders?" Landry asked.

"We're holding tight for the moment, General. Nobody is in good enough shape to attempt an investigation. Sam thinks by tomorrow she and Vala will be well enough to take the Nautilus close to the cloud and see what it's about. Hopefully a day or so later the Odyssey will have enough crew on their feet to move in close and use the sensors."

"Is there anything you need out there?"

"Some of Maddy's chicken soup..."

"Curing you isn't the objective," Hammond grunted.

"Thank you for the report, Dr. Jackson. Keep us apprised of the situation."

"Will do, General. Atlantis out."

Landry sighed and turned to the other men. "I don't like the idea of everybody on Atlantis being sick at the same time, but I guess that's the way the flu runs."

"Brace yourself, Hank- it's a taste of what's going to happen here."

Landry grimaced. "I hope to be better prepared. Gentlemen, if we can continue the briefing?"

"Continue?" Jack echoed, glancing at his watch. "I thought we were done."

"The Pentagon wants an update on Maddy's situation," Major Davis informed him. "She is a major security risk."

If they knew about Qua'sel blending with her, giving her all of Jack's memories, they'd have her killed. He shot a hard look at Landry. What he said was, "If they're concerned with Ba'al learning the secret ingredient in her meatloaf."

"General," Davis said carefully, "The Pentagon is concerned that she subconsciously knows more than she realizes."

Jack grimaced as they filed back into the conference room.

"Do you know the secret to her meatloaf?" Hammond asked in an aside. "Because I'd sure as hell like to give it to my daughter."

Jack shot him a dirty look as he sat down.

"What have you learned, Jack?" Landry asked.

Jack appreciated the general allowing him to tell- or withhold- as much as he saw fit.

"I've spoken to Meret a couple of times. She has threatened to kill Maddy if we grab her."

Davis raised his eyebrows. "And herself by default."

Jack nodded grimly. "I get the impression Meret is not happy serving at the pleasure of Ba'al. She acknowledges his superiority, but it doesn't set well with her. I think she could be convinced to go out on her own. I've planted the suggestion that she could kill Ba'al and take over his operation."

"What was her reaction to that?"

"I think it had crossed her mind before I mentioned it. She insists nothing of the host survives, yet I see definite signs of Maddy's presence, her influence over Meret. She talks her into slipping away once in a while, stuff like that."

"Could you convince her to defect?" Davis asked.

"I doubt it, not yet, anyway. But Meret is getting more and more impatient with Ba'al's... infatuation. She's all business. That Ba'al is... interested... in Maddy seems to irritate her."

"Jealousy?" Hammond asked.

Jack shook his head. "I don't get that impression. I do get the feeling that Meret is marking time, though. I think she'll try to break off from Ba'al- when she figures out why and how."

"Maddy's influence?" Landry asked.

"Might be," Jack shrugged. "But right now, Meret is unhappy with her position as Ba'al's tool and I don't doubt for a moment she'd kill Maddy to spite us all."

"What's it going to take to safely grab her?" Davis wanted to know.

"The Odyssey, deep stasis, and a means of poisoning the symbiote without either of them realizing what's happening."

"_Either_ of them?" Davis echoed. "I know Maddy went willingly so Ba'al would heal you, but..."

"Major," Jack leaned his elbows on the table, "My wife is a generous soul. A passionately Christian soul. She wouldn't want to kill Meret in order to save herself."

"But she'd do it to save you," Landry clarified.

Jack shrugged his reluctant agreement.

"So we can't make a move on her until the Odyssey is back in orbit," Davis mused. "You're keeping her under surveillance?"

"We have two teams on her, Major. And Jack, of course." Landry told him.

"Well," the major said as he stood, "Keep us apprised. Good luck, General O'Neill. On a personal note, let me know if there's anything- off the record- I can do to help. We'll get her back, Sir."

"Thanks," Jack stood and shook his hand. "If you're through with me," he glanced at the two generals, "I have a plane to catch."

**Chapter Thirty Eight**

Jack bought a rechargable electric razor.

It took him most of the day to jockey into the parking spot that afforded the most opportune and uninterrupted view of Meret's penthouse window. It was late afternoon and misting rain when he finally saw her silhouetted in the glass. He stepped out of the rental car, leaned one hip against the fender, and began running the electric razor over his jaw. Meret stood watching and Jack wondered if she was channeling Maddy's emotions. It wasn't long before someone drew her away from the window, and she didn't reappear.

Meret walked into the all-night diner and slid into the booth opposite Jack. He motioned for the waitress to bring another cup of coffee.

"Hungry?" he asked her.

She gave him one of Maddy's intense looks as she shook her head. "The fare of this establishment is rank. Everything has an awful over-taste of old grease and someone back there cannot control his cinnamon fetish," she said disdainfully.

Oh, yeah, Maddy was still alive and kicking.

"I could take you somewhere else." He glanced at his watch. "We should be able to find a nightclub open."

She laughed softly. "As if."

He shrugged. "Why not? Beam away whenever you want."

She sniffed and turned to stare out of the window. Jack saw the deep purple love bite on her neck and he tamped down the bitter rage it ignited. Meret could have healed it. She was baiting him with it.

"We thought you had finally given up," she said at length.

The waitress poured her coffee, topped off Jack's cup, and moved to the next table.

"Nope."

She wouldn't look at him.

"Didja get the flowers?" he asked.

"Ba'al intercepted them," she shrugged. "They met with a rather violent disposal." A slight smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

"So who is he jealous of- you or Maddy?"

Her eyes darted to his. "We are one and the same, O'Neill. It is her body he craves, and my consciousness."

Jack pulled a pitying face. "He wanted Maddy long before you took her captive."

"For the Asgard device in her brain!" she hissed.

"You're falling in love with him."

"Maddy is. I detest the arrogant bastard."

"You're confused, Meret," Jack said quietly. "It's Maddy who detests the arrogant bastard."

She grimaced spitefully and sipped her coffee.

"Or are _you_ falling in love with _me_?" he taunted.

She shorted daintily. "Hardly."

"You have Maddy's memories, her emotions. You know how good it was between us."

"You have that scrawny, bedraggled creature. Make it good between the two of you."

He slowly shook his head, not taking his eyes off her face. He thought she was studying his reaction more closely than she wanted him to realize. Maddy's jealousy was peeking through.

"Sara is still at the lodge, but I haven't been back in months. She's taking care of things, her and Corporal Williams. But she's exploring her options."

"Her greatest option is sitting right here, pining for something he'll never have again."

"Don't bet the farm on it, Meret."

She clicked her tongue. "I've warned you before, O'Neill. You try to capture me and I'll kill her."

"You won't get the chance."

"Have it all figured out, do you?" she sneered.

"Yep. It's only a matter of time."

"Qua'sel's serum won't work. You realize that, do you not?"

Jack kept his expression bland.

"You don't know that it's fatally flawed, do you? It's never been successfully tested. It will fail, and I will kill her."

"Better that than the life she has now."

She eyed him curiously. "You won't risk her life, O'Neill. You'd rather have her alive, keep your fruitless hope alive, than test my resolve."

He shrugged. "If I can't have her, I sure as hell won't leave her to Ba'al."

"Has Qua'sel left you coordinates for a sarcophagus? I know of none, but Ba'al would reward us handsomely if we were to obtain one for him."

Jack shrugged evasively. "You have his memories."

"Not many. He was weak. He gave very little to this host. He protected her from much, O'Neill. If Ba'al knew I had access to the Tok'ra's memory, he would torture us for information I do not possess. I have explained that he was blended with you just prior to my taking this host and was too weak to have given her anything of use to him. I have withheld the fact that they had been blended before."

Jack frowned. Meret made a disgusted face.

"A sarcophagus would be your only hope- if you had the nerve to kill her and wait for me to die in order to use it."

He leveled her a hard look. "Ask Maddy if I've got what it takes," he dared.

They stared at each other for a long moment. She shifted uncomfortably.

"You're not as anxious to die as you'd like me to believe," he pressed. "Leave her willingly and..."

"And what, O'Neill? You'll find another host for me? When you couldn't find one for Qua'sel? Will you offer me a life inside a fenri?"

He shook his head. "Wouldn't do that to a poor fenri. Wouldn't foist you off on a tree, Meret."

"Then what do you offer me?"

"A quick death."

She quirked an eyebrow and lifted her cup. Jack saw a slight tremor in her hand.

"Then a quick and _painless_ death," he relented.

She flashed her eyes at him. Literally.

"What do you want me to offer you, Meret?"

"You have nothing to offer me," she murmured.

"But you aren't content serving Ba'al."

She lifted a shoulder. "It is my station in life. I am a goddess worthy of worship and devotion in my own right, but Ba'al is the greater god. There are no enemy system lords to overpower, no armies and ships and Jaf'fa to be absorbed so that I can fight him. I have the best possible existence I can hope for in the service of Ba'al. I enjoy his generosity and appreciation, benefit from his cunning and intelligence."

"Afraid to rock the boat, huh?"

She glared at him. "We know no fear. Part of our strength is understanding our limited options."

"You could broaden those options if you killed Ba'al and took over The Trust. Who could stop you?"

"Certainly no one on this pathetic excuse for a planet."

"So what's stopping you?" he pressed.

"Ba'al is our god."

"Oh, cut the bullshit, Meret. We both know you're nothing more than an evil, thieving, parasite. You don't buy into that 'god' stuff anymore than I do. Than Maddy does."

"You'd like to see me overthrow Ba'al," she accused softly. "You think you can influence me, or remove me, and I will have destroyed The Trust for you. Think again, O'Neill. I'll not do your dirty work for you. The plan this host devised with the help of Qua'sel was foolish at best."

"But you'll do Ba'al's dirty work?" he tossed back.

"I am gaining his trust and this transportation device gives me great power to wield on his behalf. Your wife's talents with her body- and his- are earning his devotion. We will own Ba'al and all that is his without lifting a finger, without him realizing it. Already he listens to our, _my_," she corrected quickly, "Suggestions. My desires and my needs and my ideas all intrigue him. Why assume control of his vast and growing empire when I can reap the benefits from behind the scenes? By manipulating him from the bedchamber."

Jack didn't have a good answer for that. She saw and gave him a superior smile.

"You are no match for me, O'Neill. Why I enjoy sparring with you in this manner is still in question. Perhaps it is the enjoyment I get from watching you squirm, watching you writhe in the agonizing throes of heartache. Ba'al has allowed me the pleasure of using the ribbon device on wretched beings from time to time, but it is hardly enough to satisfy my thirst for power. For exercising my supreme right as a superior force." She leaned forward, her eyes alive with an ugly fire. "Mark me well, O'Neill, one of these times I will quench that thirst on you."

"Maddy will make you pay for it."

"She does not have the means. I am the one who punishes, exacts _payment, _and this host has tasted my anger enough that she does not try my patience as freely as she once did."

'Let's go right now," he offered, standing and tossing a few bills on the table. "There's a nice, dark, deserted alley right behind this place."

She gazed up at him and he could see the wicked light of desire raging in her eyes- in Maddy's eyes. It was disconcerting and he would never get used to it. He glanced pointedly at his watch.

"How much time will you need?"

Her eyes flickered a moment before she rose. He let her lead the way outside, wondering how far he would allow her to go, wondering if he could overpower her before she killed him. When she hesitated he pressed a hand to the small of her back and urged her past the building. Street lights threw the alley in to darkness and shadow, her heels echoed hollowly in the alley. They had nearly reached the foul smelling row of dumpsters when he pulled her around into his arms. Meret stiffened but didn't fight as he kissed her. He splayed his hands in her hair and kissed her as if his life depended on it.

Maybe it did.

"_Jack!_ Oh, Jack!" It was Maddy's voice, they were Maddy's tears, it was her desperation. "Oh,_ God_, Jack!"

It was definitely Maddy's kiss that spun his universe out of control.

"Are you okay?" he asked frantically.

"I'm... I'm..." Her voice faded and her eyes flashed as Meret returned. She twisted out of his grasp, cursed viciously, and slapped him with all the power of a Gou'ald.

"You both shall pay dearly for that!"

She beamed away and left Jack reeling. He was both elated and frightened for Maddy. It was obvious that she had wrested that brief moment of control from Meret. Whether to protect him or just be with him, he didn't know. But Maddy was still there, still fighting, still strong.

And Meret would punish her for it.

He had made headway on his secondary objective: Meret was becoming more comfortable around him, more confident in her ability to slip away, more relaxed in her conversation and interaction. He knew the Gou'ald would never trust him, but she was getting typically overconfident. Jack wasn't sure whether it was Maddy who convinced her to come to the diner to meet him, or Meret's frustrated desire for power over something, someone, in her own right. She felt superior to Ba'al and she was vexed at being held in check, resented being forced into subservience to Ba'al when she should be ruling her own domain.

Jack smiled his satisfaction.

"Got her eating outta my hand."

**Chapter Thirty Nine**

Meret didn't come to the diner for two weeks. Jack let her see him daily, taunted her by staring at the window, followed her both times Ba'al allowed her out of the building. He sent flowers, chocolates, even tried to reach her by phone. He spent his nights drinking coffee in the diner and napped in the rental during the day. Visits to his motel room for a quick shower and change of clothes were few and far between.

Finally, Meret met him once again in the diner.

She had cut Maddy's hair. Short. Extremely short. Jack's heart pinched but he refused to let her see his disappointment.

"Bring the ribbon device with you?" he asked softly.

She glared at him. "I graciously granted the two of you a precious moment. Do not expect it to happen again!"

"You didn't grant us squat," he returned easily. "Maddy forced you back. You don't have the control over her that you think you do."

"She did not. She cannot! I am in control. I gave in to her whining and pleading but I exacted a high price for my moment's weakness." She patted the tight, lacquered hairstyle. "I have divested her of the ridiculous mane of which she was so vainly proud. Pride and vanity are my right. Servitude and humility are hers."

"Maddy would be beautiful if you shaved her head."

Her eyes told him she had hoped for a more negative reaction.

"What's Ba'al think of your... punishment?" he asked.

Her eyes slid away from his. "It is my host. I will do with it as I see fit."

"Pissed, was he?"

"He thinks he punished me. I slipped into a sheltered part of her consciousness- granted her the privilege of taking the brunt of the pain." She grimaced in disgust. "His hand was weak on the pain stick. He is weak. More and more he allows emotion to rule his actions."

Oh God! Ba'al had used that horrific torture device on Maddy! Jack's stomach clinched in revulsion and sympathy but he kept his reaction hidden.

"Wearing him down, are ya?" he managed sarcastically.

"This host pleased us both," she went on nastily. "Her screams were quite pathetic. Her threshold for pain is surprisingly high, but he persisted until she broke before him in such a pitiful manner." She studied her nails. "She did refuse to beg for mercy. In that I was rather pleased. She knew I would punish her if she did, but I did not expect her to be strong enough."

Jack couldn't help wincing at the thought of Maddy enduring torture from both inside and outside her body.

"Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't," he growled.

Meret beamed at him. "Yes, I like that. Maddy is damned either way. And you are damned by association. Works out for all of us, doesn't it?"

Jack stared at her for a moment before walking out and leaving her... with the check.

The next morning Jack was still dozing behind the wheel when he abruptly found himself beamed into the alley. It was a rude awakening as he landed in an oily puddle and smacked his head off the rough brick of the building behind the diner. He let fly a stream of curses as he picked himself up and checked his sidearm first. He took two steps around the corner then quickly back-pedaled.

Four of Ba'al's thugs were ransacking his rental car.

Jack darted to the cover of the dumpster shed behind the diner and watched them empty the car of everything they could carry. Then, in broad daylight, with traffic passing and people walking by, they rigged the car to explode when the door handle was opened. Jack grimaced and took a round-about route to the surveillance van manned by an Air Force black ops team. He slipped up on the side opposite Ba'al's headquarters and tapped on the window.

It was a minute before the darkly tinted window lowered and a boyish-looking agent with rumpled hair stuck his head through the opening in the rear.

"Yeah? Oh, General O'Neill." He ran nervous fingers through his hair and used a remote to unlock the driver's side door. "Get in."

Jack slid behind the wheel. "Get a bomb squad up here. The grey sedan two lots over is rigged to blow."

The young agent ducked back into the rear of the van and Jack heard voices. The tow-head appeared again.

"On their way, General. Can we give you a lift somewhere?"

"I'll walk. Hearing anything good?"

The agent made a face. "Only what he wants us to hear. She say anything to you last night?"

Jack wasn't surprised that they had been watched. Apparently Ba'al had been watching, too. He shook his head.

"Just baiting me. Any word from Landry?"

"Regarding the Odyssey? No."

"Wonderful," he muttered. He left the van without another word.

He crossed the parking lot, planning to grab a taxi on the opposite street- out of sight of anyone watching from The Trust building. He passed a dark blue pickup, then turned and walked backwards, his eyes raking the lot. He picked out at least two more pickups of the same make, in nearly identical colors.

The taxi dropped him off outside his motel room. He packed quickly and checked out, then took another taxi to a car rental across town. That one didn't have what he wanted, so he tried two more. The third lot yielded pay dirt and he paid for two weeks rental. He drove immediately to a large mall parking lot to call Landry, hoping the multitude of cell phone signals would help to mask his.

When he finally drove back to the lot beside the all night diner, it was in a midnight blue club cab pickup.

That evening Ba'al escorted Meret into a limo. Jack eased into traffic and followed.

He took her to a posh nightclub. Jack glanced down at his clothes and pulled a wry face. He hadn't packed dress clothes and this was a black tie joint. They wouldn't let him through the door in a wrinkled shirt and rumpled, ketchup stained pants. He thought about going on a fast shopping spree, then considered the kitchen entrance. In the end he found a place to park and settled down to wait.

The place was ready to close when the limo slid up beside the door again. Meret and Ba'al got in and were whisked away. Jack pulled out several cars behind them, and started to get antsy when the limo headed in the opposite direction from The Trust building. When he realized they were headed for the private air strip, he called the SGC and had them tag Ba'al's private jet.

The cell phone woke him. It was daylight and the air strip was empty.

"O'Neill," he answered on a yawn.

"Jack, it's Hank. Ba'al landed in Paris."

"Call me when they take off again. Thanks, Hank."

"Is this getting you anywhere?" Landry asked.

"Didn't expect it to."

Landry sighed. "You don't think you can grab her..."

"Oh, I can grab her. But Meret will kill her."

"Do you really think so? She'll sacrifice herself to spite Maddy- and you?"

"Meret is not a happy Gou'ald, Hank. She doesn't like where she is, the position she's in, or Ba'al. But she doesn't see a way out and I don't think she gives a damn if she lives or dies. I'm trying to talk her into that option we discussed."

Landry was silent.

"How long before the Odyssey is cleared to come back into orbit?"

"The Pentagon is discussing that as we speak. I'll let you know."

"Everybody on board still down with the flu?"

"It's pretty much run its course. Same with Atlantis. With any luck our women will be home inside of six months. Colonel Carter and Caroline are sweeping for any trace of that virus, and the Odyssey is shipping in male rodents and insects from the Alpha Site to test their theory."

"Teal'c?"

"Transporting a vial of flu virus to Chulak. We have a medical team going with him- the Jaf'fa have never had the flu and we aren't sure how they'll react to it. He, Bra'tac, and several other Jaf'fa are going to infect themselves in quarantine first, see how it goes."

Jack winced. "Give them my best."

"You need to get sick, too, Jack. Before we get Maddy back."

"Yeah, I know. When are you planning to infect the SGC?"

"It's underway now. We're down to about half a crew. That's half of the skeleton crew we were left with in the first place. Off-world missions are still suspended. Hell, I'd have to empty the kitchen to fill out a standard recon team."

"What a way to run a railroad," Jack grumbled.

"We don't know how long he'll keep her in France. It was two weeks when he took her to Finland. Now might be a good time to take your turn. Be back on your feet by the time she comes home."

"I'll think about it."

"Think fast. I could use the help here. With all my officers either out in space or down sick- and I can't be far behind..."

"Let me know when you start feeling achy, Hank, and I'll head back. You oughtta be back on your feet by the time I get down."

"That's about what I had figured. Talk to you in a few days."

"Yeah." Jack cut the connection and sat massaging his temples.

**Chapter Forty**

"I've got some... disturbing... news, Jack."

Hank Landry turned his head and coughed so hard he nearly fell off the chair. Jack joined him, doubling up on the bed until he thought he would suffocate. He ached so badly from head to toe that he would have gladly zatted himself to avoid the misery.

"What the hell strain of bionic bug did Carter send us?" he wheezed.

"One strong enough to override years worth of vaccines- a hybrid of several strains," Landry gasped. "She's covering all the bases."

"She's gonna kill us all," Jack grumbled. He blew his nose and lay back with a groan. "Haven't had a headache like this since downloading the Ancient database."

Landry darted for the bathroom. The sounds he made had Jack leaning over the waste can, retching violently. A nurse hurried into the ward and helped him sip a warm, vile tasting fluid.

But then, everything tasted vile right now.

The nurse helped Landry into the bed next to O'Neill's and removed his shoes.

"Don't do that!" he tried to put some authority into his tone but failed miserably.

"Lay back, General," Dr. Warner demanded. "I warned you it was too soon to be on your feet." He turned his head and coughed.

Landry lay back and closed his eyes.

"Start an IV," Dr. Warner told the nurse. "Let's get some fluids into him."

"Hank," Jack rasped. "Before you pass out. What news...?"

Landry groaned and threw an arm across his eyes. His voice was muffled and strained.

"Surveillance teams... saw Meret with a... ribbon device." He paused to concentrate on breathing. "She tortured three people... to death."

Jack groaned a curse and lay back to stare at the ceiling.

"We've gotta get Maddy away from her. She's never gonna get past that. We've gotta bring the Odyssey home, Hank. ...Hank?" Jack raised up and looked at Landry.

The general had passed out cold.

**Chapter Forty One**

Jack was still feeling the effects of the vicious strain of flu Carter and Lam had developed. Landry was back on his feet- weak, but determined to return to command- so Jack was back in Seattle waiting for Ba'al to bring Meret home.

Ba'al had been making use of Maddy's transportation device. He had Meret stealing ordinance, arms, equipment, date bases, and gold. Major amounts of gold, right out of Fort Knox.

Jack turned over and glanced at the clock. Ba'al and Meret were gone, but his private jet was still at the air strip. He assumed they were in a cargo ship somewhere. He got up, made a pot of coffee, and turned on the TV.

Maddy was going to take this hard. Extremely hard. The theft alone would bother her for years to come. But the murders, the torture, would affect her severely. On a level Jack could only begin to understand. Her religious beliefs ran deep and were reflected in her daily life. He knew that arguments based on her not being responsible for the parasite controlling her wouldn't wash: she had made the decision to allow the implantation.

He dropped his head into his hands and searched his mind for a means of easing the massive guilt she would be carrying when he got her back.

If he got her back.

No, damn it, _when_ he got her back.

If Ba'al didn't decide Meret was too dangerous, too powerful, to keep around.

He stood up and poured another cup of coffee, then scowled distastefully. Nobody could make coffee like his Maddy. Nobody could do anything the way his Maddy could. She threw herself wholly into whatever she did, including loving him. Her sacrifice struck him anew and his heartache was a physical pain in his chest. His own guilt must surely rival hers. He had to have her, pressed and pushed and insisted, and nothing had gone right since.

Well, that wasn't quite right he amended in the name of fairness.

They were deliriously happy- as long as the SGC wasn't involved. They made love like teenagers, laughed and played and tormented each other. They could go hours without exchanging a word, or sit down after supper and talk into the sunrise. They loved each other's faults as much as their assets- maybe more. Maddy delighted and amazed and intrigued him and he wondered if he had fallen short somehow. Maybe she hadn't been as happy as he had been, and that had given her the desire, the strength, to take the only out she had perceived as an option.

Maybe between him and Ba'al, she had seen Ba'al as the lesser of two evils.

Maddy would never break his heart by asking for a divorce. Hell, she didn't so much as ask him to pick his underwear up off the floor. The only two times she had ever told him no and really meant it was having kids, and when he fought with her to get rid of that damned transportation device. The very device that had gotten her into this mess with Ba'al.

"Damn it, Maddy, if you'd listened to me back then we wouldn't be going through this now."

'_**And I wouldn't be walking.'**_

He thought back, wracked his brain, searched his memory for any sign, any hint that she wasn't content. She had seemed on top of the world.

When that world wasn't crashing down around her, as it seemed to do on a regular basis. But their love had survived, gotten stronger, they had learned to trust each other more because of it.

He dumped the coffee down the drain and unplugged the machine.

He realized she was trusting him now. She had taken this awful step to buy his mobility, his health, his safety, having full faith that once on his feet he would rescue her. It made him feel a little better to believe she had it planned out this way, that she was depending on him instead of running away from him.

But that plan had relied greatly on Qua'sel. And Maddy's ability to retain her own control over the transportation technology.

He knew that in her eyes, he was a hero. Infallible, unstoppable, invincible. He only hoped he could prove her right this one last time.

Then he was taking them both away from the SGC by whatever means was necessary.

Feeling only slightly better, he stripped down and stepped into the shower.

Maddy drove him crazy.

He was used to people listening to his orders, stopping when he said 'stop', following his commands to the letter. Maddy defied him at every turn. She ran rough-shod over him with a charming stubbornness he was helpless to defend against. She knew when to push him and when not to- then did it anyway. He couldn't help an ironic grin as he scrubbed his head. The woman idolized him, knew him inside out, handled him as easily as she handled those horses of hers.

Maddy drove him crazy and he loved it.

Her only fear was losing him. She would be afraid of losing him over this. Worried sick that when- he knew she wouldn't doubt for a moment that he would rescue her- he got her free of Meret and Ba'al her rash action would drive him away. It fell to him to reassure her, as it did somehow easing her conscience over what Meret did while in control of her body.

Jack rinsed his head, finished his shower, and toweled off as he walked into the bedroom. He looped the towel around his neck and stared unseeing at the TV. He hated that he had to leave her where she was until the Odyssey could be cleared to return to Earth. He needed the ship to beam her away, he needed Lam and Carter to put her into stasis, he needed them to monitor the serum and the Tok'ra poison. Did Meret really know the serum wouldn't work? Had she accessed the formula in Qua'sel's memories and found it flawed, or had she been bluffing? He needed Carter to work on that serum, and he needed to warn her to look for a glitch.

If it was a bluff, Meret had succeeded in rattling him with it.

Another option was Cimmeria and the new version of Thor's Hammer that the Asgard had installed. But that would be so terrifying for Maddy. And intensely painful. If Meret didn't kill her as soon as she realized what was happening.

He needed the strength to zat her the moment she appeared aboard the ship- before Meret could harm her.

And he had a gut feeling that would be the easy part.

**Chapter Forty Two**

Jack had just stretched across the seat of the pickup for a nap when he had the sensation of rising. He pushed upright and looked out the passenger side window.

The truck was a good six feet off the ground.

"Shit!"

Before he could react it slammed back onto the pavement, jarring his teeth for him. He caught his breath and sat up.

Meret was walking into the diner.

He glanced at the dash clock. Three AM. He ran his fingers through his hair, got out, and walked to the diner. She was already seated, had chosen a booth away from the windows. He slid in across from her.

"I take it you wanted to talk to me," he said gruffly.

Her eyes studied him solemnly as the sleepy waitress paused to take their order.

"Fruit," Meret said without looking at the woman.

Jack gave her an apologetic grimace. "She gets cranky at three AM. Coffee, please."

The waitress only smiled with half of her mouth. Jack looked back at Meret.

"Something on your mind?"

"I have a proposal for you."

Jack waited. Meret was studying his face.

"I am with child."

Jack's expression didn't change. He couldn't have heard her right. Meret sneered at him.

"I would have you take me to Nirrti's planet. Care for this host until the child is born. When it is old enough, I will take it as host and you may have this host back."

Jack blinked. Her words were just sinking in and it felt like he'd been shot with a zat.

"Maddy's... pregnant?" he whispered. He couldn't breathe. He wanted to shake his head but it wouldn't move. "Impossible. She's had..."

Meret's lips twisted cynically. "I have healed her body of the crude surgery that prevents such events."

"Oh, God, Maddy," he whispered. He raked a shaking hand through his hair. Maddy pregnant. With Ba'al's child. She must be devastated. Then it hit him.

"Harcesis?" The word sounded strangled.

Meret's smile was pure evil. It wasn't Maddy anymore. Maddy's face wasn't capable of such an awful expression.

"It is. A human child, born of Maddy, sired by Ba'al's host, that will have all the genetic memory of three symbiotes. A powerful being indeed."

"Forbidden..."

"Under Gou'ald law," she said flippantly. "A law as extinct as the Gou'ald themselves."

"The Ancients stepped in when Apophis..."

She waved him off. "Oma Desala stepped in to take that Harcesis from Apophis, not the Ancients. She was no doubt punished for her interference. And," she sighed happily, "Since Oma is locked in an eternal battle with Anubis she will not interfere this time." Her eyes glinted wickedly. "This host I have created will be the most powerful system lord ever to exist. I have access to Ba'al's laboratories. I have the means to accelerate it's maturation. I will give it all of Qua'sel's memories, as well as yours, O'Neill. I can adapt Nirrti's gene splicing equipment to transfer the Asgard transportation device from this host's brain into the Harcesis. And when I return to Earth as host to this invincible Harcesis, Ba'al will be no match for me. Once I have control of his holdings, Earth will be my domain."

"I won't let you do this."

"You will have no choice."

"What's this deal you're offering?" he asked warily. His heart had slammed into his boots. He couldn't let this happen. Oh, God, Maddy!

"During the final trimester, I must retreat into sleep so that my presence does not harm the child. I will need care, protection. If you take me to Nirrti's planet, O'Neill, care for me, protect me, I will give this host back to you unharmed when I blend with the Harcesis."

Jack stared at her. Maddy in exchange for Earth. He closed his eyes.

"Protection from what?" he hedged, his mind racing. "There are no Gou'ald to threaten you."

"There is one."

Jack frowned. "Ba'al? He wants the Harcesis for himself?"

"He does not want the Harcesis at all. He is not aware of this impregnation. I must make my escape before he finds out this host is with child."

Jack sat back and let that sink in.

"What if you're pregnant to one of his clones and not the real Ba'al?"

He was beginning to hate that smile.

"Oh, trust me, O'Neill, I know the real Ba'al from his clones, and it was the fully blended host, the original Gou'ald himself, whose seed at this moment has found life within this body."

"How far along are you?"

"Days."

At his skeptical look she gave him a pitying grimace. "I knew from the moment, the instant, of conception, O'Neill. I am aware of every nuance inside this host. I know before she does when she is going to sneeze. In fact, I was able to choose the exact..."

Jack held up a hand. "I don't want the details! Just... stop there."

The waitress brought his coffee and Meret's fruit. He glanced up with a nod of thanks and looked back at Meret.

"What makes you think I'll help you?"

Meret's head tipped forward, and when she looked up it was Maddy's pleading eyes that desperately raked his face.

"Oh, God, Jack! What have I done?" she whispered frantically. "Don't let her do this! You have to stop her..."

Meret snapped back with an ugly grimace. "The bitch will pay for that," she promised darkly.

"You thought she'd plead your case?"

"She pines for you yet. I have informed her of our condition. She is delighted to be serving her god in this manner, despite her pitiful pleas to you. I have promised to return her to you, her body in better condition than it has ever been, her mind intact, her brain unharmed by the transfer of the Asgard device. I have promised to take with me all the memories she is carrying of myself and Qua'sel, so that she may have peace. So that her loss, her fall from my grace, is not so poignantly painful."

"But she'd remember the child you stole from her."

"She would remember giving a great gift to her god!" Meret stabbed a chunk of cantaloup with her fork, tasted it, then spit it out and pushed the plate away with a grimace of distaste. She leaned forward. "I give you two days to make your decision, make the arrangements. You must take me from Ba'al so that if you fail, he does not take out his anger on me. We will need a ship, O'Neill, and supplies. I wish for a comfortable bed inside Nirrti's palace, and decent food..."

"Maddy will need medical care."

"I will give this host all she needs," she hissed.

"What about that final trimester? You won't be doing anything for her then."

"All will be well in hand by then. I will give her and the child both perfect health, excellent care. When I return her to you, O'Neill, you will be well pleased. Payment for your services. I suggest you find another planet to live on, or prepare to stay on Nirrti's planet, because if you bring her back to Earth you will fall under my rule along with the rest of these wretched creatures."

"Ba'al wouldn't want this new host for himself?"

"Ba'al is of the old laws, the ancient beliefs. He would fear a union such as this, tremble at the very concept of this host I am even now creating." Her eyes glowed briefly.

Jack glanced around. None of the half dozen patrons seemed to have noticed. He made a face and turned back to Meret.

"Do you understand, O'Neill, that this Harcesis will not only possess the genetic memory of two lines of Gou'ald, but of the oldest line of the Tok'ra as well? A Tok'ra twice blended with the Tau'ri's greatest warrior? I will know everything you know of this world, O'Neill. Have all your knowledge and experiences imbedded within my very soul."

"You don't have a soul, Meret."

She sighed and slid out of the booth. "Make your decision. I will contact you."

"What if I refuse?"

She looked down at him in pity. "You will not. This host means too much to you. But if you make the threat, I will kill her."

"And lose your Harcisis?"

"I will lose it the moment Ba'al discovers my treachery. He will see to it this host is incapable of ever carrying another child- and he will not be gentle. I could steal a ship myself and go away, find some isolated spot in the universe to wait out the days until the birth. But this host will have no care, no protection during her most crucial time. And when the Harcesis has matured enough to receive me, I shall split open your wife's head to retrieve the Asgard device, gut her like a fish, and leave her to rot where she falls."

**Chapter Forty Three**

Jack glanced in his rearview mirror then did a double take.

The two men walking towards him were a welcome sight. He dropped his arm out the window and wiggled his fingers. Daniel and Mitchell stopped. Jack raised one finger and pointed towards the diner. They immediately changed direction and entered the restaurant. Jack counted to one hundred then stepped out of the truck.

They had selected a table away from the windows, behind the salad bar. A waitress was pouring three cups of coffee as Jack settled into the booth.

"About damned time!"

He was in a foul mood. Meret's news and subsequent demands were still ringing in Jack's ears. Her chilling threat had been haunting his sleep with brutal images.

"Not our fault, Jack," Daniel protested. "Is she alright?"

"No, Daniel, she's not alright!"

Daniel winced.

"Has Ba'al been abusing her?" Mitchell asked.

"It's what he does!" Jack hissed. "Is the Odyssey in position?"

"Um, yeah, but Jack... there's a slight problem," Daniel began.

"No, Daniel, there are no _problems_," Jack warned.

"Well, the fact that we still haven't retrieved the symbiote poison..."

"Now see, _that's_ a problem!" Jack all but shouted. "Landry said he was having it shipped back from the Alpha Site!"

Daniel pushed up his glasses and glanced at Mitchell. "Apparently Qua'sel didn't trust you not to use it on him and he, well, he stashed it off-world."

"_He what?"_

"Jack, keep your voice down. It's all in his logs. We retraced his missions and there are three likely places he had Vidik put it."

"Whaddaya mean 'likely places'?" Jack demanded. He stiffened angrily. "Hank's _known_ about this?"

"_Told_ you Landry was setting you up to break the news to him," Mitchell winced to Daniel.

Daniel rolled his eyes to the ceiling in a gesture of long-suffering.

"We figure he stashed it in one of the Tok'ra bunkers he led us to," Mitchell supplied. "Landry is shipping teams out to check."

"That's _General_ Landry to you," Jack growled.

"Ja-ack," Daniel chided.

Jack waved his fingers at him impatiently.

"It gets better," Daniel cautioned.

Jack glowered at him.

"Sam and Dr. Lam didn't come back with the Odyssey."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!"

"They haven't figured out how to decontaminate Atlantis yet. Or Maddy's ship."

"Kinda hard to give a city and a ship the flu..." Mitchell muttered.

"But Loki will head back as soon as he can. He's offered his services for the stasis pod," Daniel told him.

"Loki is not my first choice to..."

"Jack, it's put her into Loki's care until we find the poison, or leave her with Ba'al."

Jack clamped his mouth shut and glared into the distance between the two men.

"Have you figured out how to tag her for transport?" Mitchell asked.

"I thought I had. It may not be an option now," he muttered. "For awhile I had her coming here in the middle of the night."

"Can one of us get in there to her?"

"Anyone recognizes you, they'll all know something's up. And I'm pretty sure Ba'al has huge, honkin' reward posters of all of us decorating the walls."

"Loki can beam her aboard," Mitchell said. "We won't need the Odyssey."

"If we wait for Loki we won't have to paint her, either. Only way for the Odyssey to pick her out of a crowd is to tag her."

"How long?" Jack asked. He wanted her out of there _now._

"He's still in the Pegasus Galaxy- helping Sam figure out how to decontaminate the Nautilus. And the city."

"Thor?"

"Left awhile ago. He's been away from the new Asgard home world a long time, Jack."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He scrubbed a hand over his face and stared at Daniel from between his fingers.

"It's not like Meret just took her, Jack," Daniel placated. "She'll survive another month or so..."

"See, that's just it, Daniel," Jack dropped his hand on the table with a bit more force than was necessary. The cups and silverware jumped. "We don't have a month. We may not have weeks."

Daniel was wiping up the splashed coffee as Jack related Meret's latest news. He froze with the napkin and gaped at Jack.

"_Harcesis_?" he whispered, aghast. "Maddy's carrying an Harcesis?"

"With all of Qua'sel's genetic memories along with Meret's, Ba'al's, and mine."

"Oh, God!"

"She's threatening to kill Maddy if I don't help her."

Daniel could only stare at him. "I'm so sorry, Jack..."

"I'm not completely up to speed on this," Mitchell said carefully, "But won't that kid be..."

"The most powerful Gou'ald since Anubis," Daniel finished for him. "More powerful in some ways. Meret will have all she needs to enslave Earth."

"And I thought we had defeated the friggin' Gou'ald," Jack muttered. "Damn it, Maddy!"

"Jack, it's not her fault."

"Like hell it isn't!" he hissed. "She had no business getting herself into something that could snowball this outta control!"

"Too bad she didn't handle it the way we did for how many years," Daniel needled. "We never screwed up trying to do the right thing. We never made matters worse by trying to help. Damn good thing we never had a plan backfire on us, either."

"If Qua'sel had been strong enough to kill Meret this would be a whole different conversation," Mitchell added. "We'd be plotting Ba'al's downfall and moving on The Trust. And you'd still be walking," he added pointedly. "Able to feed yourself..."

"I get it," Jack barked.

Daniel shot a glance around them. "Maybe we should take this elsewhere."

"We're fine right here," Jack growled. But he lowered his voice and made an attempt to rein-in his temper.

"If she asked for your help, shouldn't it be easy to grab her? Won't she cooperate?"

"She's afraid of what Ba'al will do to her if we screw it up and he suspects she was in on it."

"Even if we do grab her, if the symbiote poison works," Mitchell said heavily, "We can't let a Harcesis..."

"I _know_!" Jack had to stop him. He couldn't bear what he knew Mitchell was going to say.

"We're talking about a human being," Daniel said worriedly. "A child, no matter what memories he- or she- has inherited."

"A _Gou'ald_, Daniel," Jack insisted.

"A _human_, Jack. A human, Earth baby. _Maddy's_ baby."

Jack dropped his head into his hands. Daniel had just put into words what he had been trying to avoid.

Mitchell and Daniel traded stricken looks. Daniel shook his head.

"Let's get her away from Ba'al first," Mitchell said at length. "Just... get her back and then we can decide what to do about..."

"Listen to me, Jack. This baby isn't automatically going to be evil. Sure, Meret and Ba'al's genetic influence will be strong. But it'll have Qua'sel's and your and Maddy's influence as well. Nearly a century of Tok'ra philosophy, their belief that the Gou'ald were evil will balance out..."

Jack lifted his head and shook both hands at Daniel. "I _know_, Daniel. _Drop_ it."

They sat in stunned, horrified silence, each to his own dark, frantic thoughts.

"So we don't wait," Mitchell finally said.

Jack and Daniel both turned to stare at him.

"We've got the Odyssey. We've got a zat gun. We've got doctors onboard who can induce a deep coma if not stasis. Take her to Pegasus when the Odyssey ships out. Sam, Dr. Lam, Loki, McKay- all the best possible people who can help her will be right there."

"I would rather _they_ were concocting that serum," Jack muttered. "Meret says Quasi's formula is flawed. That it won't work. She might be blowing smoke, but..."

"Well, Atlantis is about as far from Ba'al as we can get her," Daniel mused.

"In the meantime," Mitchell continued, "_General_ Landry will scare up the Tok'ra symbiote poison."

Daniel stiffened. "I'll go back to Atlantis with her," he said, thinking out loud. "With that extra ZPM I can play around in the Ancient database. Surely the Ancients knew of a way to extract an implanted symbiote. We might not even need the poison. Or the serum."

It was the most positive idea Jack had heard in a long time.

"We still have to figure out how to paint her for transport," Mitchell said, tapping his fingers.

"Has to be done when Ba'al isn't around," Jack told them. "He expands his personal shield to include her."

"She doesn't have one of her own?"

"Not that I've seen. I don't think he trusts her not to use it against him."

"Flower delivery?" Daniel suggested.

Jack shook his head. "Done that. She's wise to it."

"We know which office is hers," Mitchell said. "Just wait until the sensors only pick up one life form and beam it up."

"Provided Ba'al doesn't have the signal scrambled," Daniel argued. "It's a safe bet he does."

Jack's eyes were on the window. "That's how we do it," he said softly.

The two men turned to look. The black limo was just pulling away from the curb. They looked back at Jack and grinned.

**Chapter Forty Four**

Jack left some bills on the table and walked out of the diner. Bright sunshine made him squint and he slipped on his sunglasses.

Meret's two days had been up over a week ago and she hadn't returned to the diner. Something had happened. Maybe Ba'al had her otherwise occupied, or was punishing her for some indiscretion. He could only hope he hadn't discovered the pregnancy.

He glanced at the car where Daniel and Mitchell were keeping vigil. He made a disgusted face at Mitchell's reflection in the rear view mirror and headed for his rented pickup. A flash across his sunglasses turned him back towards their car.

A sleek, black limo was gliding to the curb in front of The Trust headquarters.

Jack watched Meret and Ba'al climb into the limo. It pulled away from the curb and a moment later Mitchell followed. Jack climbed into the truck and pulled into traffic. The limo maneuvered across town to a swank restaurant, deposited its passengers at the door, then nosed into traffic again. Jack spied Mitchell and Daniel tailing the car. He stayed with them.

The limo driver circled the block then found a parking space in the VIP lot behind the restaurant. When Jack saw Daniel and Mitchell headed through the lot on foot, he nosed the rental truck into the same lane as the limo and floored it.

He rammed the front fender of the limo with enough force to knock it sideways. His air bag went off, crushing the oxygen from his lungs. The limo driver jumped out and started for the truck.

Mitchell zatted him and the man dropped like a rock.

Daniel helped Jack fight out of the air bag and seatbelts. The truck was still running. They loaded the driver into the passenger side of the limo, bound and gagged him, and rolled him onto the floor. Mitchell got into the driver's seat and hit the key. He backed it out of the spot, made sure it would still drive, then gave them the 'thumb's up' sign.

"You okay?" Daniel asked Jack.

"Fine. I'm gonna return this rental- probably have to buy it- and beam up to the Odyssey."

Daniel nodded. "I'm headed for the front door. I'll be in position when Cam pulls up."

**Chapter Forty Five**

Jack paced the bridge of the Odyssey, glancing at his watch and absently triggering the zat on and off. The bridge crew tried not to watch him.

"Now!" Daniel's voice came over the ship's con.

Jack pivoted, stepped back, and raised the zat.

Meret materialized behind the captain's seat. Her eyes darted around the bridge and settled on Jack.

He fired the zat.

Meret screamed and crumpled into a twitching heap on the floor.

Jack watched, his face stony, as a medical team rushed in and secured her to a litter. The medic injected a sedative and rose.

"Get her to sickbay before she wakes up," he barked. "Make damn sure she stays under." He keyed his radio. "Got her, Daniel. Everything okay down there?"

"We could use a quick escape," he said a bit breathlessly.

Jack spun to the captain. Before he could speak first Daniel then Mitchell were standing on the bridge.

"You two okay?"

"That bitch cut Maddy's hair!" Mitchell yelled.

**Chapter Forty Six **

"If Maddy could beam Qua'sel outta my head, why can't you beam Meret outta hers?"

Loki turned around as he answered Jack's question. "Maddy's ability has as much to do with her mind as the device. They work in conjunction with each other. She imagines what she wants to transport, then she imagines where she wants it to rematerialize. In the case of Qua'sel, she was able to imagine the intricate and delicate process of disengaging him from your brain stem. A mere transportation device such as is installed on this ship is not equipped with similar capabilities."

Loki blinked at Jack. Jack thought about Maddy's description of the Asgard: "_He looks like a myopic_ _Chihuahua in a high wind_." The thought almost made him smile.

"So when Thor downloaded his consciousness into Anubis' mothership, he had basically the same capability," Daniel reasoned.

"It is what inspired the concept of a brain implant," Loki admitted.

"If you downloaded my consciousness into this ship, I could beam Meret out of Maddy?" Daniel asked.

Jack shot him a stern look. "Don't even think about it!" he warned.

"Why? Transfer me in, I'll remove Meret, transfer me back to my body."

"That is wrong on _so _many levels," Jack snapped. Not the least of which was Daniel's willingness to risk so much for another man's wife. If anyone tried that crazy plan on Maddy's behalf it would be him- not Daniel.

"The theory has potential," Loki muttered, "But there are many hazards to consider. Your consciousness is far different from Asgard brain function, and the ship's transportation technology is not designed to..."

"Forget it! Both of you!" Jack interrupted. He ran a hand over the window of Maddy's stasis pod. He could barely make out her features amid the swirling mist. "Loki," he asked thoughtfully, "Is there some way you can... dampen her transportation ability? Turn it off altogether, even though you can't remove it?"

"I do not understand, O'Neill."

"She's gonna have a hard time dealing with all this," he said quietly. "I don't want her able to beam herself away."

Daniel and Mitchell exchanged startled glances.

"You think she might try to... harm herself?" Daniel asked.

Jack nodded miserably.

"I will contemplate your request, O'Neill," Loki told him.

Jack looked back at the window. He thought he saw tears on her face but decided he was imagining it.

**Chapter Forty Seven**

Three weeks passed and they still hadn't located where Qua'sel had hidden the Tok'ra poison. The finest minds in the galaxy had dissected, analyzed, and re-analyzed Qua'sel's serum formula without finding the flaw Meret had threatened it contained. There was no way to know for sure that it would work until it was called upon to do so. Carter tried to assure him that the Asgard stasis pod would do as much to protect Maddy from the symbiote toxin as the serum. Daniel hadn't yet found a solution in the Ancient database. Thor recalled Loki to the Asgard home world to aid in scientific research they thought might be a step towards defeating the Advanced Replicators. Maddy's stasis pod was transferred to Atlantis's infirmary.

Jack was feeling nostalgic. There was a light breeze flirting with the floating city. He watched broken patches of light dance over the waves, breathed in the scent of the alien ocean, and wondered when he was going to get his wife back.

He refused to entertain thoughts of all the things that could go so horribly wrong with the serum and poison.

The issue of the baby weighted heavily on his heart.

On one hand, a Harcesis of this magnitude was a very real potential threat to Earth. On the other hand, the baby might grow up to be harmless. An asset to Earth, bringing with it a mind that could discover cures for disease, the answer to global warming. Technology that would render fossil fuels nonessential thereby ending the source of many wars. A mind that could offer a solution to world hunger. Negotiate world peace. Stop the Ori once and for all. Develop one hell of a pitching arm.

Earth's salvation or Earth's enslavement.

It was a scale he didn't appreciate being in charge of balancing.

Sha're's Harcesis had seemed benevolent, but that probably had a lot to do with Oma's influence. On the other hand, who knew where it was or what the hell it was up to? Maybe Sha're's snake hadn't been as ambitious or as sophisticated as Meret. But Meret had made a valid point; they couldn't count on Oma stepping in this time and the Ancients- the bastards- couldn't be bothered.

It was up to Jack.

Maddy was his wife, his responsibility. He owed it to her to make a decision about the Harcesis, one way or the other, before she was revived. He could have this sadistic pregnancy terminated, a preemptive strike that would save Earth and Maddy both from its potential evil. Or he could risk mankind's future on the gamble that Ba'al had impregnated Maddy with nothing more threatening than an innocent child. A child endowed with monumental genius, wisdom of the ages, centuries of genetic knowledge, and its mother's eyes.

Would she give birth to a monster or an angel?

Jack didn't for a minute delude himself that he had any right to make this decision for Maddy. But his obligation couldn't be ignored. He owed it to Maddy to spare her the agonizing turmoil he was now facing. In this moment he held the fate of humanity in his hands. He raised his eyes to the velvety black sky.

"I never wanted Your job."

When Carter stepped out onto the platform he canted her a look past his shoulder. "Good work with that plague, Carter. The universe is gonna fall apart when you retire."

Embarrassed by the compliment she laughed it off as she leaned on the rail beside him.

"We're still finding traces of it on Atlantis, but the flu has effectively inoculated humans against it. The insect and rodent samples we brought back died, and that sparked another outbreak. We think we have it under control, and the science lab is running tests. We can't figure out what to use to decontaminate material surfaces. There were enough flu germs circulating through the ventilation system to clean the air, so we're working on a method of cleaning it off the physical city. Land and water will present..." She trailed off when she noticed that O'Neill had zoned out on her. She changed the subject.

"We can't pry Daniel away from that database," she told him. "He's trying to absorb everything at once."

"His brain is gonna explode. He needs to learn how to fish."

"Colonel Sheppard is anxious to take you sight-seeing in a jumper. Says he's even going to let you drive."

Jack grunted.

"She's going to be alright, General."

Jack grimaced and looked away.

"They'll find the Tok'ra symbiote poison. And it'll work."

"That's not my biggest worry, Carter."

"The Harcesis she's carrying?"

Jack winced. "That, too."

Carter frowned at him. "Maddy's conscience?"

He nodded without looking at her. "She's gonna take this hard. Really hard. All of it. ...Hard."

"Her hair will grow back." Sam winced at her own poor attempt at a joke.

Jack shot her a sardonic look.

"She had to know what a Gou'ald symbiote would make her do," Carter said gently.

"I'm not so sure." He sighed. "Quasi was good to her. He was in love with her. He helped her. She always managed to get the upper hand with Ba'al, and that friggin' transportation device made her cocky." He paused a moment. "She didn't have first hand knowledge of the Gou'ald the way we do... And we both know how deeply a symbiote consciousness imbeds itself into ours. Quasi twice, then Meret. It's gonna be a lot for her to handle."

"Not to mention the baby."

He shook his head. "She'll handle the baby. It's the fact that she's responsible for creating this Harcesis that will eat at her."

"Maddy's strong, Sir. Stubborn. Smart..."

"And too damned soft to push aside guilt. She may never be the same."

"Of course she won't." Sam leaned her hip against the railing and watched his face. "You and I weren't the same, either. But the change, the effect, doesn't have to be negative."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure this will have a negative effect."

"Remind her what she gained," she suggest softly.

Jack eyed her narrowly. "What did she _gain_, Carter?"

"You, Sir. That level of devotion to somebody is incredible. She loved you enough to sacrifice herself for you, she'll love you enough to battle back for you, too."

Jack studied her face for a long moment. "I'm not so sure about that, either."

"Why?"

"You don't know what she went through just before she made the deal with Ba'al. I wonder if she wanted out... and I'm going to drag her back."

"You mean Sara?"

"Sara, me, working herself into the ground, Taco, someone at the SGC after her..."

"Taco?"

"You didn't hear?" When she shook her head he said, "He died."

Carter's face crimped in sympathy. "She had to have taken that hard."

"She did. But she pushed it back because of me. You know Maddy- she put me, you and SG1, Sara, concern for everybody else before herself."

"She didn't think grief over losing something she loved that much was as important as the rest of us," Sam surmised. "How often have we all done that since joining the SGC?"

"That's just it, Carter," he said with a little heat. "She's _not_ a part of the SGC! She was cook at the base- that's all!"

"Not hardly, Sir," Carter said gently. "Maddy's been through damn near as much as the rest of us- more than some of us. She's as much a part of it all as we are."

"Not any more," he said ominously.

"You're going to force her to quit?"

"Damn straight. I've already tendered her notice to Landry and Hammond. Mine too."

"She might have something to say about that," Carter cautioned. "She loves her job."

"If she loves me, she won't kick about it," he warned.

"That might not be the best thing, not until she's come to terms with what Meret forced her to do. She might need the continuity."

"I'll give her all the continuity she can stand."

"Just don't push her too hard, Sir." The colonel looked out over the night scape. "I'm sorry we weren't there when you both needed us."

"She was worried sick about you- all of you. But she really needed the help. In a lotta ways."

"Why does it seem like we're always letting her down somehow?" Sam asked on a sigh. "And when we do, she steps up to the plate and does double for us."

"That's Maddy. That's why she was so afraid of being in love, of tackling another relationship. She loves too damned hard, works too damned hard, then thinks it's up to her to make up the difference when nobody else can rise to her level." He shook his head. "It's not easy to live with, Carter."

She tilted her head to the side in a silent question.

Jack glanced at her then looked away again. "I wish she'd screw up just _once_ so I can blow it off for her the way she does it for me. Constantly."

"I think this constitutes a major screw-up," she said lightly.

Jack grunted. "Does it? Mark my words, Carter, Maddy will find a way to turn this mess into a bonus. Somehow. But it won't be for her- it'll be for one of us, or the SGC." He leaned back and spread his hands. "Case in point."

"Another of her innocent observations with brilliant consequences?"

"Something like that."

"_Are_ you pissed at her, Sir?"

"Sometimes."

She laughed. "I mean over this fiasco with Ba'al."

"Sometimes."

"Hard to be mad at somebody who loves you enough to do what she did for you, huh?"

"Not hard at all. That's why she's a better person than I am."

"Ever wonder what it is that makes her so unique?"

Jack turned to look the colonel in the eye. "I know what it is, Carter. Her faith." He looked back over the inky water. "I stopped questioning it when I realized she's not human."

"Not... human, Sir?" Carter stiffened warily.

"She's an angel, Carter. There's no other explanation."

"Wow," she said uncertainly.

"Cherubim. Divinity, wisdom, and beauty."

"You looked it up?" she asked in surprise.

"You tell anybody I know how to use the internet and I'll tell Mitchell and Vala how that sweet little drink made you strip naked and dance around the fire on..."

"Not a word," she said hurriedly.

"Carter... can you fit a naquada generator with outlets for one-ten?"

"You mean, like, extension cords?"

"Yep."

"I've been working on adapting internal power receptors to reduce and convert..."

"Ahhh! Can you do it?"

"In theory. I have a small model powering my laptop- the one Maddy _appropriated_ when she came looking for us on Trygar Nine. If you don't mind me asking, why?"

"I want to be able to plug... stuff... into the Nautilus."

"You want to land it somewhere without power and utilize a generator?"

"Yep."

"Thinking of taking Maddy to Nirrti's planet?"

"Something like that."

"Might not have to go the naquada generator route," she said, thinking out loud. "The Nautilus's crystal technology generates an ongoing power source, even when the ship is powered-down. And it's far more live energy than that produced by any electrical generator, just in a different format. The static energy alone could be compressed into dynamic, alternating current... All I'd have to do is adapt a converter, realign the..." She pushed off the rail and started for the door. "I'll get back to you on that, Sir. Good night."

"'Night, Carter." When she was gone Jack shook his head again. Maybe Carter was an angel in her own right. A Guardian Angel, sent to protect all of God's creation. If so she had certainly fulfilled her mission, several times over. Maybe Carter could protect Earth from Maddy's baby.

"Where does that leave me?" he asked the twinkling sky. "The serpent in the Garden, tempting the likes of Maddy and Carter, wreaking havoc among Your chosen ones?"

**Chapter Forty** **Eight**

Jack walked into the Ancient Archive and leaned against the wall. Daniel was too engrossed in his research to notice.

Jack O'Neill was lonesome.

Carter was busy in the lab, Mitchell was out playing around in jumpers with Sheppard, Daniel was here, Maddy was still in stasis, Teal'c was helping his fellow Jaf'fa conquer the flu. Vala annoyed him about as much as McKay, and Weir was too busy catching up on Atlantis business to pester.

He had matured enough to recognize, acknowledge, the feeling. Maddy had done that for him. Or to him. He wondered if Sara was as lonely, felt as adrift as he did lately.

He couldn't stand it any longer.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked lazily.

Daniel turned quickly then pivoted back to the hologram he was studying. "Oh, hi, Jack."

"Hi."

"This is fascinating! Did you know..."

"Nope."

Daniel shot him a glance, touched a few lights on the control dias, and promptly forgot Jack was there.

"That thing tell you where Quasi hid the symbiote poison?"

"No, Jack, this archive predates..."

"I know," Jack sighed.

Daniel read a few more lines then turned full around to study his friend.

"What's wrong?"

"You mean besides world hunger, crooked politicians, the Ori, the Wraith, no Simpsons in the Pegasus Galaxy, not a fishing pole on the entire _planet_, and my wife in deep stasis with an evil parasite buried in her brain and a potential disaster for Earth growing in her belly? ... Not much, Daniel. What's up with you?"

"Bored, huh?"

"Ya think?"

"We'll work it out, Jack. We always do." He turned back to the database.

"So, can I put you down for babysitting?"

Daniel adjusted his glasses and turned back to him. "Worried you're getting too old to keep up with a kid?"

"Physically I'm way younger than you," Jack taunted.

"Yeah, but mentally Maddy's gonna have her hands full raising two kids."

"She never wanted kids. At her age..."

"Meret and Qua'sel would have given her the same perfect health you have."

"Not the point, Daniel," Jack said heavily. "And she certainly wouldn't have asked for this particular kid."

Daniel studied him closely. "You're thinking of having the pregnancy terminated."

Jack winced and looked away.

"Do you have the right to make that choice for her?"

"I have the obligation to take the choice out of her hands."

"Why? Wait until we've removed Meret, let her adjust, then discuss it with her."

"That could take a long time, Daniel, and the longer..." He couldn't finish verbalizing the thought. "She'd never take that step. She'll knuckle down and make the best of it. Do her best to raise that kid not to be everything it's predestined to be- and if it's even possible to influence the evil out of it, Maddy is the one to do it. Whether she ever wanted to be a mother or not."

"But it's more responsibility than anybody should have to shoulder," Daniel said quietly.

"It a responsibility that will destroy her. No matter how it turns out. Her conscience is going to destroy her."

"She won't thank you for trying to fix it for her," Daniel warned gently. "Especially this way."

"She might." Jack shrugged. "Whether she does or not, I have to do what's right for Maddy. She doesn't deserve this. I can't stand the thought of her going through it."

"So you've made a decision?"

Jack snorted. "I keep hoping it'll be taken out of my hands. Somehow."

Daniel grimaced. "Wait until we can bring her out of stasis. Talk to her about it. Decide what to do _together_."

Jack couldn't meet his eyes. "If I'm going to do this, Daniel, it needs to be a done deal before she wakes up. It needs to be handled so she isn't a part of it- anymore than she was a part of creating the problem."

"Don't take on that responsibility yourself, Jack. We have no idea how she feels about it."

"Oh, I have a pretty good idea how she'll feel," he said hollowly. "Maddy could never terminate a pregnancy. But I'm not sure she could live with this one, either. Not when she's directly responsible for what the repercussions might be."

Daniel scowled. "You still think she'd..."

Jack stopped his words with a raised hand. "She could and she would, if she sees it as her only way out."

"It's still not your choice to make, Jack. All you can do is help her through it."

"The best way to help her through it, Daniel, is to take the decision out of her hands before she wakes up. So that all she has to face is the man who took her baby away."

Daniel watched Jack walk away. The man's shoulders were still squared, his spine still rigid. But there was a heart-wrenching heaviness to his step.

**Chapter Forty Nine**

Jack stood staring at Maddy through the window of the pod. He had never in his life faced a decision of this magnitude. All the missions- before and since the stargate- that he'd been involved in, all the lives and deaths that had hinged on a wave of his hand, a word, a stroke of his pen. The good men and women he'd put in the line of fire. The aliens he'd passed judgement on, done battle with. This weighed more heavily on his heart than all of those.

Never had a question requiring his action contained a bigger 'if'.

As a military man, disconnected and with one objective in front of him, it was cut and dried: This child was threat to Earth. It could potentially resurrect a Gou'ald war. It could spell the end of freedom for humanity that might span the galaxy. And it would be so simple to, literally, nip it in the bud.

As a compassionate, inherently optimistic man, the question became more complicated. This child was the potential answer to all of Earth's major dilemmas. The collective brain power it carried, merged together and focused with an eye to the good of mankind, was staggering. True, Meret's and Ba'al's genetic influence would play a huge role as the child grew and matured, discovered its capabilities. Qua'sel's influence was questionable in Jack's mind. Certainly not evil, but close to a century of deceit, espionage on an intergalactic level, an at-war mind set, using humans as hosts, all had to be taken into consideration. But this would be Maddy's child. It would certainly inherit many of it's mother's characteristics. Her compassion, ability to love, her calm reason, her tender heart. Her wild spirit.

Maddy would raise it to believe _in_ God, not believe it _was_ a god.

She would teach it, guide it in the ways of compassion, show it how to love and serve others instead of demanding to be served. And he would be there to help her. He would let her take the lead because she had taught him so much. But she wouldn't take a single step that he wasn't at her side to steady her, support her, protect them both.

He sighed when his mind gave him an image of his fingers gently disengaging a baby's fist from Maddy's cropped hair.

As a man helplessly, hopelessly in love he couldn't face the idea of tearing this child away from her. True she had never wanted kids, but he knew Maddy and knew she would fall in love with it from the moment of conception. He knew she would forgive him the decision if he made it, try to understand his reasons, attempt to accept as she always did. She would appreciate him handling this for her before she was aware, taking the responsibility off her shoulders. But she wouldn't be able to hide from him the hole his action would leave in her heart, in her life.

The hole it would leave in his own life.

Jack thought about Charlie. The biggest mistake he had ever made in his entire life hadn't been one of decision, but of thoughtlessness. It had never occurred to him that his son would reach for his gun. All the things he had worried about, all the ways he had tried to protect his son, and the most obvious had escaped him. Weapons had been such an automatic extension of himself for so many years that he hadn't given a thought to the repercussions of a child's curiosity. An error of judgement that had ambushed him from his blind side.

What wasn't he considering this time? What variable was he missing in this life or death equation?

Jack couldn't deny the tingle of excitement, the warm anticipation of being a father again. He could help Maddy, guide her through motherhood, carry the bulk of the load for her because he _wanted_ to be a father again. He had never, would never, understand her lack of maternal instinct. Not that he judged her for it, though there had been a time when he might have. His paternal instinct was so strong, so deeply ingrained, that before a lifetime of stargate experiences, before Maddy had taught him so much about himself and life in general- love in particular- he would have undoubtedly condemned, unequivocally spurned her feelings.

He had changed a lot.

But his delight in fatherhood remained steadfast.

Maybe a child was what Maddy had been searching for in her insatiable quest for adventure. Perhaps she had been overlooking the one source of enjoyment and satisfaction and challenge in which she could ultimately find contentment.

Maybe God had lost patience with her, finally put his foot down, used this entire mess as a means of forcing her into accepting what nature intended for all females.

Maybe God was finally smiling on Jack for his lifetime of service to his fellow man, for putting his life on the line for Earth time and again. Maybe this baby was a gift for Jack O'Neill, not Maddy. He could think of no greater wonder than raising a child that would be so much like Maddy.

'_**And here I stand, on the verge of ending it.'**_

Jack let his fingers drift over the glass separating his hand from Maddy's face. Even in stasis she had a haunted look, a stressed tautness to her features, and he wondered if Meret was unconscious. Was the symbiote still partially aware but rendered helpless? Would it feel the poison? Would it punish Maddy as it died? Could it take Maddy's life as its own was snuffed out? Would the serum work?

"General?"

Vala's quiet voice brought him around. He quelled his instant impatience and plastered a politely questioning look on his face.

"I don't mean to intrude," she said gently as she walked up and peered through the window of the pod. She frowned her sympathy. "This has been so hard on her. Well," she took a breath and flashed him a smile. "It's almost over now."

"Is it?" Jack grunted.

Vala studied his face. "Tell me it's none of my business, General, but do you fully understand what this Harcesis can ultimately mean?"

Jack gave her a sour look, was about to brush her off, when the expression on her face registered with him.

Adria.

Here was someone who had lived what Jack was facing. He softened.

"If you had known... If you had realized while there was still time to..."

Vala's expression told him she had been prepared for this question. "General..." She grimaced and looked down at Maddy again. "If I had known I was merely an incubator for what had been intentionally designed to become the most reprehensible being in the universe... I would have laughed at the audacity of the Ori to think they could manipulate what belonged to me. Adria was _mine_." She patted her belly. "A part of me. I was in control. I was the _mother_. This was my child and the Ori couldn't possibly wrest control from me. Certainly the child would obey me, look to me for guidance and turn away from the Ori when I said it must."

"Would you have terminated the pregnancy?"

"I would have never questioned my ability to handle my own child."

"It didn't turn out that way."

She pursed her lips and shook her head. "I still love Adria as a mother always must," she said softly. Her eyes rose to lock with his. "But if I am placed in a position where I have the opportunity to kill her, I'll do it. I will loathe myself for it, I will never forgive myself, I will grieve for the rest of my life. But I will do what has to be done. General... Adria wasn't my fault. I didn't set out to conceive, and certainly not the Orisi. But as a mother it _kills_ me to know that my child must be stopped at all costs. Don't do that to Maddy."

He narrowed his eyes. "You were never really her mother."

"I carried her inside me. I birthed her. I will never truly reconcile that I was nothing more than an incubator for a monster. Don't do that to Maddy. Spare her, General." She looked down again and let her fingers brush the window. "I didn't have someone to handle it for me, take the decision out of my hands, spare me the heartache I will endure the rest of my life. She does. Don't fail her."

"What if the Harcesis isn't evil?"

She looked him in the eye. "But what if it _is_?"

Jack shifted restlessly, impatiently. "If, say, Daniel, had made this decision for you. You woke up without your baby, never had it proven to you what Adria was destined to become... How would you feel? Towards Daniel?"

She didn't waver. "I'd hate him. Enough to kill him. I would never accept that my child could have been evil."

Jack exhaled angrily and thumped the pod.

"But it still would have been the right thing for him to do."

He stared at her.

"Maddy loved you enough to give herself to Ba'al even though she knew it would infuriate you. Knowing you might never be able to forgive her, knowing it might destroy your feelings for her. ...Knowing full well she might never be able to get back to you. She put your greater good, Earth's greater good, before herself. Now it's your turn, General. If you truly love her you'll save her from this whether she hates you for it or not. The entire galaxy is depending on you to make the sacrifice." Vala reached across the pod to give his arm a squeeze before she left.

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He drummed his fingers on the glass a moment before he turned and stalked out of the infirmary.

Two white-coated lab technicians were spraying a wall with a white film. As he passed, they aimed a device that shined a red light on the surface. Barely noticeable yellow dots appeared. One of the techs spoke into his headset.

"Colonel Carter? This one didn't work either."

Jack continued out of the infirmary and made his way onto a deck overlooking the sea. A jumper whined overhead, hovered, turned, and settled onto a pad below him. Jack's eyes raked the distance, looking for answers but seeing only heartache. He studied the sky, crystalline blue, cloudless, cold and distant.

"What's the answer?" he asked softly. "What do You want me to do?"

He waited. No lightning bolts, no brilliant gold shafts of light drilling the right answer into his head, no thundering voices. No burning bushes.

"This really isn't her fault. She was only trying to help me. Help the SGC take down The Trust." He rolled one shoulder. "Maybe find a little respite."

He signed into the deafening silence. "Why didn't You protect her from this? Why didn't You step in and help Qua'sel defeat Meret?"

Anger welled inside him. "Why did You let her get pregnant? With Ba'al's Harcesis of all things!"

It came to him suddenly, so clearly and so distinctly that he rocked back and frowned.

Because this was the one thing Jack O'Neill had no right to control.

He had always held the reins. He had allowed others to make decisions, call the shots, but he had always been there, waiting in the wings, passing judgement on those decisions and ready to counter them with enough weight to change them if he deemed necessary.

Always looking for that thoughtless mistake that could have devastating consequences.

Even with Maddy. He allowed her to lead him around by the nose because he loved it that she did. But down deep he knew he had the final say. He had deluded himself all those years that he wasn't playing God, but in reality he had stepped into the role and rationalized it however he had needed to in order to pretend he wasn't. He had never judged Maddy for her faith, but neither had he entirely embraced it.

Because he questioned its validity, or because life had inexorably convinced him he was above it? On a par with it?

Because he it resented it for allowing Charlie to touch the gun _he_ had left within reach?

He leaned his elbows on the railing and grimaced at the gently rolling water. At a time in his life when he thought he had it all figured out, Maddy had turned him upside down and inside out. Then, when he thought he had her figured out, this. What was next, and was it really up to him?

Was it time to give up playing God? Recognize that he wasn't up to the task?

Admit that all those years when he thought he had been in charge, he had only been a tool of a higher power?

Of all the mistakes he had made, all the lives he had unwillingly sacrificed in the name of duty, of the Pandora's Box he had opened over and over, had there really been a method behind the madness?

Kinsey had accused them of leading the Gou'ald to Earth. And Jack had agreed with him to a point. But the Gou'ald would have found Earth eventually, and had they not gone through the stargate Earth would have been clueless, helpless, completely at their mercy. The Ori were making their way across the universe, and Earth would have come to their attention at some point. They had defeated the Gou'ald and were battling the Ori well in advance of the Milky Way. To Jack's way of thinking that tipped the scales in their favor despite the mistakes along the way.

Maddy's voice drifted across his mind. "There's a reason for everything, Jack. In His bigger picture, it doesn't matter what we _want_."

Even this? What possible reason could there be for her carrying a Harcesis that would invariably either destroy Earth or save it?

To prove to a man who had spent his life playing God- with Earth, with souls precious to Him hanging in the balance- that he wasn't God? Or to prove to a man who questioned His existence that He did exist? Giving him Maddy should have been enough. Through her he should have recognized the truth, but he was too hard headed. He had been born cocky and life had made him arrogant.

It was why he hadn't been able to give up the SGC.

Leading missions, commanding the base, as head of Homeworld Security, and now this civilian oversight position- through it all he had chafed in the harness, wanted only to be away from it, desired nothing more than to retire to a good fishing hole. Yet he hadn't been able to let it go and walk away. Even when Maddy's life was in danger he had felt obligated to the SGC.

Because in his arrogance, he wasn't sure things would go right unless he had his finger in the pie. Able to pass judgement on decisions that were made. Had the authority to question and suggest and throw his weight around. Throw himself in front of a bullet if that's what it would take.

Keep all the guns out of reach of all the kids.

He hadn't trusted anyone else to get it right.

Not even God.

Jack closed his eyes and let his head fall forward.

It took this impossible situation with Maddy to drive him to his knees.

As he stood there, humbled, frightened, overwhelmed, discouraged, another thought came to him.

What had been the driving force all those years? What had made him lay his life, the lives of so many others, on the line time and again? What had given him that deep-seated optimism that come hell or high water he'd make it through? Why had he never faltered, never wavered in the face of death? What had given him the confidence to see every mission, every task through to the bitter end? The arrogance to believe he had the right to make the decisions he'd made?

The vague conviction that his life had been scripted and the writer wouldn't kill him off until the story had run its course?

He thought of Maddy standing in that ice cavern as it caved in on them, of her strength of faith that gave her the courage and determination to defy the odds for them both. Of her conviction that however it turned out, live or die, it would be _right_.

Had that been his conviction all along, only he had been too arrogant to acknowledge it? Had he been selected and used by a higher power?

A calm settled over him, the peace he usually felt in Maddy's presence. He glanced around, expecting to see her standing behind him.

He was still alone.

He turned back to the sea.

'_**Uncle. I give up. I'll do it Maddy's way,' **_he thought. _**'I'm not deciding if that kid will be right or wrong, good or evil. That's up to You. I'm not gonna play God with the Harcesis. I'm still gonna rid Maddy of that Gou'ald parasite with about as much guilt as I feel when I give worm medicine to the dogs. But the Harcesis is Your problem. Deal with it as You see fit. And whatever You decide, it'll be right- even if it's the end of Earth as we know it. I'm officially passing You the buck.'**_

"General O'Neill?"

Dr. Weir's gentle voice turned him around.

"The Odyssey just checked in. They'll be in orbit within the hour. They have the symbiote poison with them." Her smile told him she knew she was delivering good news.

"Thank you."

She hesitated a moment then turned and left.

Jack lifted his gaze to the sky. "That's all it took? Why didn't You say so sooner?"

**Chapter Fifty**

Jack sat on the floor holding Maddy as she emptied her stomach into the toilet. When she finished, he handed her a glass of water and brushed her hair behind her ear as she rinsed her mouth. He exchanged the glass for a towel and held her, rocked her when she laid weakly against his chest.

"You couldn't have left me in stasis until after morning sickness?"

Jack grimaced into her hair. "It'll pass."

She sighed and pushed away. "Air. I need air."

He rose and helped her up. As they made their way out onto a platform high above the city, Jack debated whether or not to open the topic that was on his mind.

The symbiote poison had worked. They still didn't know whether the serum had worked, hadn't been necessary, or if the Asgard stasis pod had negated the need for it altogether. She had spent several days under close scrutiny in the infirmary; weak, disoriented, dehydrated, and depressed. This was her second day out of bed and they had yet to talk about her ordeal.

Any of it.

Jack hadn't wanted to press, and he knew she was a nervous wreck anticipating facing his reaction to... so many things. It probably wasn't helping with her nausea. He left her at the rail for a moment while he retrieved two chairs.

The look on her face when he returned, as she stared down at the jumper pad far, far below, frightened him. He dropped the two chairs and slipped an arm around her waist. Her chin dropped and she turned her head away from him.

"Maddy," he whispered into her hair. "Don't even think about leaving me."

She turned into him and cried.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and held her, wanted to cry with her. It was a long time before she tried to speak.

"I'm so sorry...!"

"Hush. It's over now. We're both okay. I love you. I have you back. That's all that matters."

His words sparked another round of gut-wrenching tears. He stroked her head and stared out over the water.

"I really screwed up this time."

"Makes you mortal like the rest of us. Imagine that."

She drew back to gaze up at him. He smoothed back strands of her hair that the breeze whipped across her face. Her eyes were stricken, terrified, had a deep seated panic that a few reassurances weren't going to erase.

"So, you been thinking about names?" he asked.

She pulled away from him so fast, hit the rail so hard, that he made a dive for her, certain she was going to throw herself over. But she only gripped the rail as she doubled over it and screamed.

Daniel and three security guards burst onto the platform. Jack waved them back. He rubbed a hand over her back and waited.

"I hate it!" she moaned.

"Hate... what? Being pregnant?"

"I hate this thing inside me." She wouldn't look at him.

Jack's heart began to race. This wasn't what he had expected. He shot a glance at the sky and raised his eyebrows.

She whirled to stare at him. "You're happy about it, aren't you? You love the idea of this baby, raising a kid. You're man enough to ignore that it's Ba'al's and be a father again."

He didn't speak.

She searched his eyes. "You know what it is, Jack. I'm not having a baby, I'm hatching an Harcesis."

"It's a baby, Maddy. Human. You aren't pregnant with a Gou'ald."

"For all intents and purposes, I am."

"It doesn't have to be. Sha're's Harcesis wasn't at all evil."

"It's evil, Jack. She was already imprinting on it. She even chose the sex- a male, so it would have more authority. She was manipulating it even when we were in stasis. She was weak, Jack, but not completely sedated. She put every ounce of her effort into..." She choked on her tears and turned away again. "So much hate, so much anger. ...So evil." Her body shuddered hard.

"If that's the way you feel we'll have the pregnancy terminated."

She looked at him for a moment over her shoulder, then nodded. "That would be the smart thing to do. The responsible thing to do."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "But...?"

"I can't," she whispered brokenly. "I hate it, I don't want it, I'm afraid of it. But I can't just... kill it."

"Tell me what you want me to do, Maddy, and I'll handle it," he said. The words were so hard to say, nearly impossible to get out, but he managed.

She turned to him then and touched his face. "God, you're so strong. So good to me. Thank you, but it would be the same as me doing it myself. The only thing you could do for me, you won't."

He wasn't sure he wanted to hear it, but they needed to get it out in the open. Deal with it.

"What's that?"

"Throw me over this rail, because I don't have the guts to do it myself."

He winced. "You're right again, Maddy. I won't do that."

She turned back to the sea. "I am so sorry, Jack. I should have listened to you. I should have told you about Qua'sel..."

"About that," he interrupted. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You would have been so mad."

"When did that ever stop you?"

She snorted. "I couldn't leave him there to die with Vidik."

"I know that."

"There was no time..."

"I know, Maddy. I would have been pissed that it happened, but not at you. I'm more pissed that you didn't tell me."

"I was afraid."

"Of me?"

She nodded.

"No."

"I was afraid you'd leave me, Jack. Again. Afraid it would make you fall out of love with me, despise me. Afraid it was too huge, too big for you to deal with. Again. Qua'sel promised to leave me as soon as someone- anyone- became available. We were considering Daniel but I... I wasn't ready to let him go, Jack. He was healing so many things that were going wrong with me. My back didn't ache anymore. I had the beginnings of a stomach ulcer that..."

"An ulcer, Maddy? And you didn't tell me?"

She shrugged. "You'd pester me. You know how I hate being _doctored_."

He grimaced at the back of her head.

"Then you were in that plane crash and Qua'sel said if we could get our hands on a healing device, he could help me heal you. And I needed his strength, Jack. There was so much to do, so much I wanted to do, and not having you there with me was inconceivable."

"Maddy..."

She shook her head and her hair flew around. She swiped at it impatiently. "Then Ba'al started again and Qua'sel said he could protect me. We knew Ba'al had a healing device. I... I contacted him, Jack."

"You _what_?"

She nodded at the sky. "In the beginning. Qua'sel helped me figure it out. I needed to get a healing device off him somehow. But when Ba'al didn't initially take the bait... I started to panic. I pestered and begged until Qua'sel agreed to blend with you, heal you. I almost waited too long, Jack, and I'm so sorry for that. If I had just been able to convince him earlier..."

Jack ran his hands over her shoulders.

"I wanted him to go to you right there in the hospital, but he had all these excuses..."

"Maddy, shhh. I'm sorry."

"_You're _sorry?"

"Apparently I didn't do enough to make you believe I'll never leave you."

Her shuddering sigh sounded like it hurt. "If Qua'sel didn't do the trick, coming home with Ba'al's Harcesis should."

"Do you want to leave me, Maddy?" he asked levelly. "Do you want out?"

She turned then, but avoided his arms. "No."

"Convince me."

She frowned. "Everything I did, I did for you."

"I know. But you had a hell of a time just before you so willingly went with Ba'al.It bothered you- a lot- that Sara and I spent time talking. Did you really think if you left us alone there we'd get back together?"

Her eyes flickered. "She's nice, Jack. Needy, but nice. Your memories of her... You loved her a lot, left a lot unfinished between you."

He shook his head. "You knew there was a chance what you and Qua'sel were planning might backfire. You thought you left me all set up, didn't you?"

"Jack..."

"Don't 'Jack' me. Get it through your head that come Hell or high water it's you I want. You I love."

"This," she glanced at her stomach, "Goes way beyond Hell _or_ high water."

"It's pretty huge."

"And gonna get huger."

"_Huger_?" he grinned. "If you say so. But no matter how much huger it gets, it's not enough to tear me away from you."

"Noble to the end, O'Neill."

"Nothing noble about it. I love you, Maddy. I want to be with you. Nothing else matters. I love _you_ more than anything, more than everything."

She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on his shoulder. He folded her close and nearly squeezed the breath out of her. After a moment her arms crept around him and she clung to him as she cried her heart out.

**Chapter Fifty One**

Jack handed Maddy a cup of coffee and watched her wrinkle her nose.

"Sorry," he winced, reaching to take it back. "Crackers and water?"

She got up and darted for the bathroom. He followed her in. She leaned over the toilet, heaved, then straightened slowly. A hand crept around to her stomach and she turned wide eyes on him.

"Maddy?" He lunged forward and caught her as she started to buckle.

She gasped and doubled over. Jack swept her into his arms and started for the bedroom. Something warm dripped over his arm and he glanced down.

Blood.

He changed direction and headed for the infirmary.

"She's going to be fine, eventually," Dr. Lam told Jack. "The fetus was male. Apparently there was enough plague residue in the city to infect it, and that caused the miscarriage. Stasis must have protected it. Once she was revived... She lost a lot of blood, General, but we got the hemorrhaging stopped." The doctor paused for a moment and gnawed on her lip.

Jack knew what she was thinking. It might have been a blessing for all of them, but she wasn't sure. Maddy had only confided her feelings to him. Nobody knew for sure if she had wanted the baby. As he looked at her, he realized the doctor was feeling more than compassion. She looked almost... guilty. He narrowed his eyes and thought about it.

She had known! Or at the very least, suspected the virus might attack a male fetus. Come to think of it, Carter had to have suspected as well. He was instantly angry, then just as quickly it passed. They had done nothing more than he had done- stayed out of it and let nature take its course.

Left the decision up to God.

Either one of them would have answered truthfully had Jack asked the right questions. That they didn't bring it up was testament to their own fears surrounding the Harcesis. Everyone had their own conscience to deal with. Who was he to judge when there was so much at stake? He let the doctor off the hook.

"Thank you, Doctor. It may have been the easy way out for all of us."

Lam nodded. "She's still going to feel the loss, General. Trauma, depression... guilt."

Jack nodded then shook his head.

"The secondary surgery was routine. She's already healing faster than expe..."

Jack's expression stopped her in mid-sentence.

"What _secondary surgery_?" he demanded.

Dr. Lam's face paled by several shades. "You... She didn't..."

"What?"

Dr. Lam took a breath. "She was conscious before we did the exploratory surgery to make sure we had the source of the hemorrhage. She asked me to perform- redo, if you will- the tubal ligation Meret 'healed' so she could conceive. I assumed you two had discussed it, General. Since she had it done before, and at her age..."

Jack flipped a hand at her. "Whatever she wants, Doctor. Thank you," he said absently.

Dr. Lam blew out a long breath then left the room. Jack glanced at Maddy, his beautiful, wild, wonderful Maddy and wondered for the hundredth time how she was going to survive yet another calamity that loving him had brought down on her. He located a chair, dragged it close to her bed, and sat down. Elbows propped on the mattress, he dropped his head into his hands and exhaled like he had been holding his breath.

She was so strong in so many ways. She patiently indulged his inner child one minute, then feverishly satisfied his inner caveman the next. She fought with him when he needed to fight, loved him when he needed loved, fed whatever needs he craved. What had he given her, done for her? She idolized him, lived every moment, breathed every breath, for him.

She'd give her life for him, but she wouldn't give him a baby.

It had been in the back of his mind that after this miscarriage she might want to get pregnant again. With his baby. That this experience might have awakened her maternal instinct. Started her internal clock ticking. He had been excited by the prospect, anxious to discuss it with her. The disappointment he felt rivaled his guilt for feeling it. Irritation surfaced then. Why hadn't she given herself a chance to think about it instead of rushing headlong into preventing it? Why hadn't she talked it over with him first?

Because Maddy knew what she wanted. And she didn't want a child.

She anticipated his anger; had she been afraid he'd use it as emotional leverage? Or even blackmail?

"_You did all this- get pregnant and I won't leave you_."

"Aw, Maddy, I could never do that to you! Don't you know me better than that?"

His own words didn't convince him. The very fact that he thought of it made it a viable option. He never thought he'd marry again. Never believed he'd willingly take a snake into his head. Never thought he'd have a horse as a house pet or be this much in love.

Be loved the way Maddy loved him.

She had gone to Ba'al for him, endured all that entailed. What right did he have to ask anything more of her? But he may well have been sorely tempted. This fatherly instinct was so strong inside him.

Maybe she did know him well enough. Better than he knew himself.

He had changed so much since he met her. He had hoped she had changed, too. That confidence in his love would open that single door she had kept locked against him.

He slipped his hand under the sheet and wrapped her cold fingers in his. Cold. Like death. Which time would he feel that coldness in the finality of death? Such a wild, fierce panic rose in his chest that he very nearly gasped.

"I can't lose you, Maddy!" he whispered, not realizing he had said it aloud. "What would I do without you? How could I live with myself when I haven't yet given you nearly what you've given me? I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. Sorry I'm so friggin' dense that I don't know how to tell you, how to show you what I feel. God, Maddy, I just want to take you home and hold you and never let go of you! I didn't know I could love like this, didn't know anyone could love like this!" He realized he was squeezing her hand and he loosened his grip. "I'll get you through this. I'll be strong for both of us. Just let me, Maddy, give me the chance. Give me your guilt and your pain, let me go through it for you because I can't stand to see you go through it. You don't deserve this."

Maddy stirred and groaned softly. He gripped her hand, watched her face. Her eye lids flickered.

"Maddy?"

She took a breath and blinked her eyes open. Jack was shocked by the dullness in them.

"Feeling okay? Are you hurting?"

She barely shook her head. "I don't wanna do this anymore, Jack," she whispered. "I'm tired."

He understood. She was tired of fighting, tired of the emotions that were bombarding her, tired of living every moment around the clock in turmoil and fear.

"I'll take you home, Babe. We'll go away somewhere for a long time. Get away from everything. I promise."

"The Harcesis?"

He frowned. Lam had said she knew, asked for the other surgery.

"The plague virus caused you to miscarry."

She nodded without expression and closed her eyes. Jack sat holding her hand, studying her face, and wondering if she was groggy or planning to keep another secret from him.

It was a full week before Maddy showed any sign of wanting to get out of bed. She was pale, wan, spiritless, weak. Jack took her out to sit on one of the observation decks. Not even the fresh air, the alien setting, seemed to penetrate the dark cloud that had settled over her. He kissed the back of her hand and watched her face.

"I could get Sheppard to take us on a tour in one of the jumpers. He might even let you drive."

She ignored that.

"Why can't I use the beaming device?" she asked dully.

"I had Loki turn it off."

"Meret's gone."

"And you would be too, if you could."

Her eyes slid to him. "I can't do this anymore, Jack."

"Do what?"

"Live. I can't face it anymore. Qua'sel, Meret, Ba'al, Sara, Taco. The Harcesis. You. It's too much."

"Me?" he repeated with heavy heart.

"I can't take you getting hurt, always fighting back from the brink. Never knowing when I'll turn around and you'll be gone. Or laying dead at my feet."

"I can relate to that," he said dryly. "Maddy... I've already turned in our resignations. We're done with the SGC. We've both given Earth more than was ever asked of us. It's time to let the others handle it."

Her laugh was hollow, cynical. "You preached and preached at me. I didn't listen. I'm sorry, Jack, that I put you through what I'm feeling now."

"It's over, Maddy. Look ahead and let the past fade. You did it once, I'll help you do it again."

"Not a questions of being able. I just don't want to."

"I need you to. I need you." He kissed her fingers.

She wasn't looking at him, but he was pretty sure she wasn't seeing the expanse of water, either.

"She made me kill people, Jack. Torture them."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was. I put myself in that position. Qua'sel..." her voice broke and it was a long moment before she could continue. "Qua'sel fought so hard. There was so much pain, so much fury and hate. I was so terrified when I realized Meret had won. I was so sick, it hurt so much..."

Jack drew her out of the chair and into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. There were no words he could use to offer comfort. She lay heavily against his shoulder. It was as if she were dead weight, lifeless.

"I'll get us home as soon as I can," he told her. "You'll feel better once..."

"Do I even have a home anymore?" she grunted softly. "Taco's gone, Sara's there, those CIA sleepers will still be after you..."

"I'm sorry about Taco, Maddy. I wish I could have helped you with that. Sara will have found a place by now. I asked her to stick around, take care of the place until I brought you home, but she understands it's only temporary. We had a long talk, Honey. I explained to her that my sun doesn't come up without you. As for the CIA and The Trust, Hammond and Landry will deal with them."

"I have what they need, Jack. I can take him down."

It was the first indication of interest she'd shown. He didn't want her involved but if it gave her a reason to fight, something to grab onto, he'd roll with it.

"We can contact the SGC from here. You can give them what..."

"I should be there," she sighed dispiritedly. "I need to beam that gold back into Fort Knox."

He hugged her. "In due time." It was a lie. He wasn't going to let Loki turn that damned device on again.

"He'll move it. Change access codes."

"He probably already has. I'm sure you'll give them enough to take him down, though. He might even figure you and Meret are dead. Not a threat. He's always been overconfident."

"You should be furious with me."

"I am."

She sighed. "You don't sound like you are."

"Oh, there's plenty of time to be pissed at you later. Right now I just want you to be okay."

"In good shape to punish me?"

"Something like that."

"Stable enough to leave me?"

"I am not going to leave you! Get that outta your head!"

"I never could stand it when you were mad at me. I worked so hard to never give you a reason."

"It all backed up and you hit me with a whopper?"

She grunted.

"Maddy... You said you were afraid of me. How did you mean that?"

He felt her stiffen. The reaction bothered him a lot.

"No. Tell me you haven't spent all these years... Maddy, you defied me constantly. You dared me, stood toe to toe with me. You got in my face and stared me down. I don't believe you know the meaning of fear, let alone be afraid of _me_."

"When you're dealing with an animal that's bigger and stronger, you never let them see your weaknesses." She sighed deeply. "It was all a front. I was shaking in my boots."

Jack saw their world, their perfect life, crumble into dust. Anger welled inside him and he fought to control it.

"I could never lift a finger to hurt you, Maddy," he said roughly. "Or have I? I thought you liked to play rough once in a while. Why didn't you stop me, tell me to back off?"

"That was back when I had the strength, the desire, to dance in and out of the flames. I don't think I can do it anymore. I'm so tired, Jack. I've seen too much, been forced to..." She stopped and he felt her breath hitch.

"God, Maddy." He tightened his grip and stared into the alien sunset over alien water. "You have to know I'd never hurt you," he said grimly.

"Never on purpose," she whispered. "But we both know you could snap in a heartbeat, over anything."

"That was always in the back of your mind?"

She nodded against his neck. "I picked my battles, Jack. It was the little things, the unknown things, that frightened me. Like Dakan. And Qua'sel. Trygar Nine. Boch."

Jack closed his eyes. "Which is why we're done with the SGC. I won't chance it happening again."

"When I pissed you off to the point where you had to walk away. I was always tensed for the time when you didn't walk away soon enough."

His heart constricted. He had the same fear. It was in him to snap. He had always admired her spunk, her nerve, but thought she hadn't truly understood what she was dealing with. Apparently she had.

"That's one of the reasons I wanted to keep Loki's device," she admitted. "So I could get away if you snapped." She shuddered hard against him. She was crying softly, huge drops that rolled down her cheeks and soaked his shirt.

"Aw, Maddy..." He winced over her head, searching for words of reassurance but finding none. "Talk to me about Meret. Tell me what hurts, what's so scary."

She sniffed hard and swallowed. "I didn't know there would be so much to remember. So much stuck in my head. So many emotions."

"Loki's memory devices are probably making it worse."

She nodded against his shoulder.

"Tell me what you're remembering."

"So much conflict," she murmured brokenly. It was a moment before she could continue. "Qua'sel was intensely jealous of you. He liked you, respected you, but you made him so damned mad. I still feel that anger even though it isn't mine. And he was afraid for me. Because he knew you, understood you, so well."

Jack tightened his grip. "And Meret?"

"Was absolutely terrified of you. She knew everything Qua'sel knew about you, everything I know about you... She knew you were her death. I've never experienced such hatred, such utter terror. That's part of why she offered to give me back to you after the Harcesis was born. You were the one threat she wasn't confident she could handle. You stood between her and Earth- she wanted you out of the way. Hoped to buy you off with my life." Her voice caught and Jack tried to absorb the trembling of her body. "I still feel her emotions... it's like she's still alive inside me. I could fight her when she was alive to argue with me; I could think against her, make her question herself, throw her off guard... but she's not there to... give me bullets to fire. Her thoughts and emotions are there, solidified, indelible. I have nothing to work with because they never change, or diminish, or evolve." She raised up to peer into his face. "When I hear her voice I try to argue back, but all I'm doing is battling myself. It's like trying to out-shout an echo, Jack. There's more of her inside my head than there is of me. Her voice is louder than mine, louder than Quasi's, louder than yours. All these feelings are so hard to sort out. They seem like my own and I can't tell the difference."

"Maybe Loki can do something..."

"I'm just so tired, Jack. Tired of stuff in my brain, tired of everybody manipulating me from inside my own head. Tired of fighting everybody and everything."

Jack held her tightly and stared into the slowly descending twilight. He had the awful feeling that a curtain was descending on the play of his life. That when this darkness fell, when this scene closed, Maddy would be lost to him forever. He resisted the urge to flee, to gather her up and find perpetual light so his angel wouldn't ever disappear from his life. No, he'd wait out the darkness, prove to The Fates that his love for her, his need for her, was stronger than the darkness that haunted them now.

That the faith Maddy had exposed him to was stronger than this, stronger than anything else. Because there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help her on his own.

So he sat and held her, determined, defiant, frightened.

What had Meret and Qua'sel perceived of him that made them so afraid of him? Sure he was the Gou'ald Slayer, but he hadn't done it alone. _Was_ there an innate darkness in his soul that Quasi had picked up on and inadvertently transferred to Maddy? Had it been innocently implanted into her mind, or had Quasi, in his devotion to her, tried to warn her of O'Neill's potential danger? Meret, on the other hand, had every reason to fear him. And those fears had not only been justified, but realized. Those emotions alone would be hard for Maddy to rationalize and disconnect. Had she really been afraid of him all those years, or was it Meret's emotions she was channeling? Had Meret magnified a little bit of caution into a life-altering fear as a tool to convince Maddy she didn't want to come back to him?

Jack dropped a kiss on her head and gave her a squeeze.

"I love you," he murmured into her hair. "So damned much. We'll get through this, Babe. One day at a time. I promise."

Jack had never needed someone the way he needed Maddy. Never been so entirely wrapped around another being. His very essence fed on her. Panic of epic proportions slowly filled his chest and threatened to smother him.

A quiet darkness settled over Atlantis. Lights from the floating city began to reflect on the water, bright, cheery patches on the dark, undulating sea. A jumper hummed overhead, paused, then dove into the water.

'_**Headed for the underwater docking bay,'**_Jack thought. _**'Maddy needs to see that. Things like that fascinate her.'**_

It had always been in the back of his mind to bring her to Atlantis. Let her explore the city, the planet, meet Teyla's people. Watch her eyes dance and listen to her unique observations. Enjoy Maddy as she discovered this new world. Never had he imagined her first visit to the Pegasus Galaxy would be under such dire circumstances.

"I missed you so much," he told her quietly. "Missed everything about you. Missed sleeping beside you, hearing you laugh. I'm just not complete without you, Maddy. I haven't had a decent meal since you left. Know what I'm hungry for? Those oyster shooters you make with the vodka and hot sauce. The ones you fix when you want to get me all horny."

He was hoping for a laugh, or at least a snicker. He didn't get it. She sighed and stirred, nuzzled her face into his neck. But she didn't speak. Her trembling was beginning to subside.

"It's gonna be okay," he told her. "You're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay. We're done with the SGC, Maddy. Both of us. With what you can give Hammond to take down the Trust, nobody will bother us. We'll spend the rest of our lives just playing. We'll do whatever you want to do. Take cruises, long trips, get more horses..."

The small, pain-filled sound she made in her chest broke his heart. Taco. It still hurt. Had Meret allowed her to grieve? Probably not. Jack hugged her hard, apologetically. What could he say, what could he do to make her feel better? Seemed like anything he said only compounded the problem.

He knew what Maddy needed.

Daniel.

She needed to talk to Daniel.

Maddy abruptly slid off his lap. He moved to hang onto her and she pulled away.

"What?" he asked worriedly.

"Nothing. I want to sleep. I'm going back to our quarters."

She moved off before he could stand, but he was at her elbow before she reached the door. She didn't protest when he walked with her, and she didn't speak when he stretched out beside her on the narrow bed. But she turned her back to him and curled into the pillow. Jack spooned with her, wrapped his arms around her, and lay thinking as she slept.

It was several hours later when Maddy carefully disengaged herself and got out of bed. Jack had been dozing and woke immediately. He watched through half lidded eyes as she slipped through the door, then got up and shadowed her along the deserted corridors. When she stepped out onto an observation platform he hesitated uncertainly. In her state of mind he was afraid to let her get too far away from him, but if she wanted to be alone she wouldn't thank him for clinging. He leaned against the doorway, poised to move if she gave any sign of jumping.

Maddy moved to the rail and lifted her face to the breeze. Distant, mottled light faintly illuminated her profile, showed Jack the bitter, hateful expression that crossed her face as she ran her hands through the hair Meret had cropped so close to her head. He saw both hands clench close to her scalp, heard her soft cry of fury.

If Maddy had a single vain bone in her body, it was connected to her hair. She didn't see herself as others did, didn't acknowledge that others found her attractive. But she had loved her long hair almost as much as Jack did. What else had Meret done to her? Things she would never admit, especially to Jack. She would see those admissions as giving him bullets to fire back at her in recrimination.

How confused she must be, how disconcerted by the emotions imprinted on her by both Meret and Qua'sel. Maddy would get past the miscarriage, would come to terms with her confusion at feeling both loss and relief that the Harcesis she had been carrying was gone. She wouldn't let something like a haircut impact her life, no matter how angry it made her. But could she compartmentalize the hatred Meret felt and the jealous censure of Qua'sel towards her husband?

Jack shifted uncomfortably. Nobody had ever loved as fiercely as Maddy. Surely that love for him would win out over the emotions of two alien entities. But he ached for what she would go through until that happened. He vowed in that instant to find patience beyond any he had ever mustered for his Maddy. Whatever it took, however long and painful, he would understand and he would endure.

What they had was worth any price he would be asked to pay.

He needed to talk to Daniel. Daniel would get inside Maddy's head and help her. She would balk at opening up to a stranger, hated being grilled and examined by professionals. But Daniel had a connection with her that Jack would always resent. He would resent that Daniel was helping her when Jack couldn't, but it was just another price he was willing to pay.

Maddy lifted her face to the cool breeze. Even her silhouette in the starlight seemed to radiate unhappiness. The knot in Jack's stomach tightened another notch. Maybe he should have her mind swept clean. Relieve her of all her burdens... including him.

No. Not again. And there was no telling how Loki's memory implants would react. There was no easy fix for this. There never was.

She seemed to have aged a decade. There was a slump to her shoulders, a deadness in her eyes that worried him. Fear, anger, and frustration flooded through him. She was further out of his reach now than she had been while with Ba'al. She was shutting him out, refusing his reassurance, slowly letting herself wither and die inside. And he was helpless to stop it.

"Riding herd on me, O'Neill?" she asked softly.

"Yep."

She hadn't turned towards him. "You know how I hate that."

"Yep."

There was a long pause. "Let me go, Jack."

"Nope." He said it lightly, flippantly, but his heart corkscrewed into his socks.

"I hate myself."

"But I love you."

She snorted softly, derisively. He tried not to take it personally.

"I can't live what I've done. God must hate me for this."

"But I love you."

Her chin touched her chest.

"I can't begin to tell you what God is thinking," he said evenly, "But you've always told me there's a reason for everything."

"I begged Him, Jack. I prayed constantly, cried out to Him, and Meret punished me for it. But He didn't help me."

"You're here now, safe, loved, and she's gone," he reasoned. "He answered your prayers, helped you, in His time not yours."

Maddy glanced in his direction.

Jack dove in over his head. "You've always had such incredibly strong faith. Trust without question. Didn't God allow the devil to test Job? He has to be so proud of you, Maddy, so pleased with you. You have to be His favorite angel. Could it be that He was allowing you to prove your faith again?"

"I _killed_, Jack," she cried in soft anguish. "I tortured people."

Jack shifted against the doorjamb. "He knows it wasn't you. He knows you couldn't stop Meret. He must have had a reason."

She shook her head. Her voice was so soft, so lost amid her desperation that he almost couldn't hear her. "He's turned His face away from me. I can't feel Him. I used to be able feel Him. I can't anymore."

Jack grimaced. "Maddy, those people Meret tortured and killed. Who were they?"

He could almost feel her wince. "Minions of Ba'al's. They'd screwed up somehow." She looked down and scuffed her toe on the platform. "He made me kill one guy for botching a car bomb that was supposed to take out the CEO of a company Ba'al wanted to take over. If that bomb had gone off it would have killed that man's wife and three kids. And I had to punish him for it _not_ happening."

"If Meret hadn't killed him, the next attempt would have been successful."

Maddy's head came up.

"By killing a soulless creep who was willing to commit murder for a lousy paycheck, how many lives did you save?"

He felt her eyes searching his form, looking for his face.

"Maddy, you always told me God put you where He wanted you, when He wanted you there. That everything happens for a reason. That you're no more than a brush stroke on a huge canvas. Have you considered the idea that I was in that crash so you'd be given the choice, the opportunity, to do exactly what you did? That He used Ba'al to heal me, and He used you to save good people by killing bad ones?"

Her chin came up a fraction. In profile, in the faint light, her chest was rising and falling rapidly. It inspired him to continue.

"From your point of view, it was awful. From everybody else's, only good will come of it. Had Meret blended with anyone else, there'd be a Harcesis on it's way to enslave Earth. Evil lives have been exchanged for innocent ones. You have the means to neutralize Ba'al. Meret is gone. Maybe, Babe, you were the only tool He had who could manage all that."

He watched his words sink in, saw tears glistening on her cheeks.

"And I'm on my feet again."

"God could have healed you. I begged Him..."

"Maybe in His own way He did. He knew what incentive it would take to put you where He needed you. Same as when you hauled my ass out of that ice cavern. Brought us food and weapons on Trygar Nine. Found Carter and Teal'c on that planet with the huge spider things."

"That helps, Jack, it really does," she told him. "But it doesn't erase the memories, the horror."

"Or the pain."

"Or the pain," she echoed softly.

Jack felt the knot in his stomach loosen slightly. "Come back to bed, Maddy. I can't get enough of you sleeping in my arms."

"You just can't get enough sleep and you don't wanna leave me alone."

"Oy," he sighed.

"How soon can we go home?"

"I'm not sure, Babe." It was a relief to hear that she wanted to. Maddy was quiet, still, for a long while.

"Jack... You're working so hard to be rational about all this when I know how furious you are with me. Thank you."

"I'm too relieved that I have you back to think about being pissed."

"I'm sure it'll come to you," she murmured dryly.

"And you'll beam me into the waterfall, or into the barn."

She shook her head. "I want rid of this device. I don't want Loki to turn it back on again. I'm afraid of it now."

"If Ba'al wanted to control you for it, somebody else will get the same bright idea," he agreed readily.

She rolled a shoulder. "That... and I'm afraid of myself."

Jack came off the doorjamb and started towards her. "Yourself?"

"So much of Meret is still inside my head. She imprinted as much as she could when we were in stasis, when she was dying. Out of spite, hatefulness. Her last defiant act of revenge against _you_. I'm scared, Jack. Scared that in a moment of anger or frustration I'll use it to hurt somebody. ...Hurt you."

Jack folded her in his arms and laid his cheek on top of her head. He didn't respond. He wasn't sure what to say.

**Chapter Fifty Two**

Jack sat in a chair and watched Maddy sleep.

Their bedroom was dark save for the shaft of moonlight that slanted across the back of her head. For the first time in years he had the insatiable craving for a cigarette.

They had been back from the Pegasus Galaxy for over a month now, and Maddy was becoming more withdrawn and depressed with each passing day. She was listless, disinterested, haunted. There were days that she slept around the clock. She had no appetite and barely bothered to cook anymore. She still hadn't gone to the barn, didn't want to fish, did nothing around the house. It was getting harder and harder to drag a conversation out of her.

She made love to him, but there was no passion, no fire, no desire. She simply went through the motions to appease him. It made him feel like he was using her and his attempts to arouse her were becoming a distasteful chore. In truth, his desire for her was waning. Something in her eyes, in her demeanor, repelled him. Meret had killed something inside Maddy that had been vital to his attraction to her. This woman who used to give him the shakes with only a look, who once kept him in a constant state of sexual arousal had abruptly lost all her allure. Jack wondered at himself, was confused and disheartened by his own reaction to this woman he loved so completely.

And he did still love her. As much or more than he ever did.

But the intimacy they had shared on so many levels was gone. There were too many personalities living with them. Sharing their bed.

He caught himself fumbling for a cigarette.

He and Maddy used to be able to talk about anything. They had lost that, too. Daniel had tried to talk to her but she refused to open up even to him. SG1 was working hard to get her through this, get them both through it. Every one of them felt some degree of guilt for not being there when they had both needed them so desperately. That it wasn't their fault didn't go far in easing their minds.

Sara was gone, had left less than a week after their return. Maddy hadn't seemed to care one way or the other. Jack battled with the question of whether Maddy's indifferent distance had begun long before Ba'al took her.

Perhaps Meret had been in love with Ba'al after all and it was that influence that killed Maddy's desire for her husband. Or, Jack shuddered at the thought, Maddy had fallen in love with the sadistically handsome system lord. More likely this was Meret's doing. She had probably worked hard at killing Maddy's feelings for Jack out of spite, or perhaps out of fear. A means of controlling Maddy's indomitable spirit. Maddy's love for him would have been a formidable obstacle to her complete domination. Qua'sel's lingering knowledge of Jack would have given Meret everything she needed to do exactly this.

Destroy their passion.

She could not only manipulate her emotions, deeply embed a distaste for a man she once idolized, she could subtly distort all those characteristics about Maddy that Jack was drawn to. Qua'sel would have known every nuance of his attraction.

That he understood the underlying cause didn't eliminate the result. He couldn't help what he was feeling- or not feeling- anymore than Maddy could.

Jack heaved a sigh and mourned the death of something vital within himself. He was going to ask for his job back- _again_- and suggest that Maddy do the same. There was nothing left of the intimacy that had kept them glued together. No reason to want time with each other.

He mulled over the idea of getting professional help, but who on Earth- or in the whole frigging universe for that matter- was qualified to undo what Meret had done to them? The one entity who could have fixed this was dead- Qua'sel. Powerful words crawled across his mind.

"_The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away."_

Jack's face pinched. "What more do You want from us?" he railed silently. Anger turned to fury. He got up and went out to pace the deck. "I went to bat for You with her! You convinced me to believe and now You do this, let this happen to us? What the _fuck_?"

He slammed into a deck chair, dropped his chin into his fist, and glared out over the lake. He wasn't sure what he wanted now. There seemed to be no reason to separate and he felt duty-bound to stay with her. He didn't want another woman in his life. Hell, they could live out their lives as roommates as far as he was concerned. Sex wasn't everything.

Was it?

For the hundredth time he racked his brain, trying to pinpoint the cause of his lack of desire. A lot of it stemmed from her not being interested. Not in him, not in sex, not in anything. But there was more- there had to be.

Meret had made changes to Maddy's body. Had every drop of excess weight surgically removed. Her body wasn't soft and firm anymore, it was rock hard and angular. Her breasts had been lifted, sculpted, reshaped. They didn't look or feel or respond they way he had loved so much. Meret had even managed to streamline the muscle Maddy had always carried. The thighs Maddy had always agonized over were now what she must consider perfect. She had a body that, literally, stopped traffic. But it wasn't the body Jack had come to cherish and enjoy. She looked twenty years younger, had a carefully perfected beauty that seemed hard and distant and cold. Stroking her cheek was like caressing a lifeless gold statue. Gone was the tender softness, the warmth and fullness that had made Maddy pretty beyond physical perfection.

Meret had erased or altered everything about Maddy that Jack had relished.

How much of that had been Meret customizing her host, and how much of it was her reward to Maddy for not resisting her? Had Maddy asked her to make those changes? Did she care what her husband would think?'

Or... Could Jack's thoughts have driven her to beg Meret for those changes? Had Maddy searched Jack's memories and dredged up feminine ideals from an immature past, thought the changes would please him? Had Meret sorted Jack's delight in his wife's body from errant thoughts and allowed Maddy access only to what would hurt her, make her self-conscious? Make her desire the body Meret was determined to live inside?

Even her nails were unnaturally hard. And there were times when Maddy wielded them as weapons without apology.

Jack got himself a beer and went back onto the deck.

By dawn he thought he had it figured out. Maddy was channeling too much of Meret, she even looked like Meret, and Jack despised Meret. She couldn't help herself, probably didn't even realize it. But she wasn't fighting it, either.

Then he knew. She was channeling _him_. Arrogant and cocksure he might be, but narcissistic he wasn't and the idea of kissing a mirror left him cold. Qua'sel had left not only himself imprinted on her psyche, but Jack's character as well. Add Meret to that mixture and there was nothing left of Maddy.

"_Nothing of the host survives." _

How the hell could it, with not one but _three_ overpowering personalities indelibly stamped across her psyche, distorting and confusing her? He decided it wasn't more than she could overcome, she had simply lost the desire to fight. Or was afraid to fight. Meret had no doubt conditioned her to be subservient or reap the consequences. Knowing Maddy, she felt she was only getting what she deserved. She seemed so convinced Jack was still going to lay into her for everything, be furious enough to end their marriage. He could see her bracing herself every time he started to speak. So she had left him first, emotionally, and Meret's influence had made it easy.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered. Maddy had planned everything to the last detail. Even his reaction. She had started bracing herself, preparing for his reaction, long before Ba'al took her. That certainly explained her asking Sara to stay.

It didn't explain her keeping the surgery from him, though.

Jack shifted and swatted at a moth that fluttered close to his face. It didn't help matters that Ba'al had managed to keep one step ahead of the intel Maddy had gathered to bring him down. Military units had been able to retrieve and return the gold stolen from Fort Knox, as well as several potentially catastrophic compounds Ba'al had Meret appropriate for him. Plutonium, yellow cake, raw uranium. Trinium and naquada. With Maddy's help the SGC had been able to deal several devastating blows to Ba'al's operation, had effectually shut down The Trust, but Ba'al himself had evaded capture. While her insight and understanding of his operation would keep him dancing a fast jig for the foreseeable future, it was more of a stalemate than a rout. What the Pentagon and the SGC saw as a major and decisive step towards Ba'al's final demise, Maddy saw as failure.

Jack felt a rush of heat through his body, knew his blood pressure had just spiked. He was so damned mad! Not at Maddy, but at the circumstances. Well, damn it, yes at Maddy! If she had only left well enough alone! If she had just told the doctors to pull the plug after the plane crash instead of doing her damnedest to move Heaven and Hell to save him. Then sacrifice herself to Ba'al not only so he could walk again, but to keep some rogue CIA sleeper from putting a bullet in his brain. For what? This? This sham of a life, this mere shell of a marriage? What had either of them gained if they had lost each other? Why wasn't she stronger? Why couldn't she _see_ what Meret had done as clearly as Jack could? Where was _her_ faith after all this?

In one fluid motion Jack came out of the chair and dove into the lake. The bite of cold water nearly took his breath away, but it helped to clear the anger from his mind. Three powerful strokes had him back at the deck and he heaved himself out of the water. The breeze off the snow caps that had been faint before now seemed to instantly freeze the drops of water on his skin. He went inside and headed for his bathrobe on the back of the door, paused to stare at Maddy's disheveled head.

She hadn't even missed him.

Any other time his absence from their bed would have roused her.

Anger and bitterness made him crawl in beside her instead of drying off and warming up first. Maddy cried out and recoiled from him, but Jack dragged her close and folded himself around her.

"What the hell...!" she sputtered. "Damn it, Jack, move over! You're wet. And cold. Eww!"

In that instant Jack O'Neill's heart shattered. His Maddy would have wrapped herself around him, warmed him, welcomed him if he had been covered in snow. Kissed him with a fever that would have melted a glacier. This woman cringed from him with a selfishness that had been alien to his Maddy. Anger warmed him once more, and if he had been able he would have taken her right then. Forced himself on her out of spite for the pain she was causing him. But the desire that would have once given him the means now shivered and shrank deep inside his body, seeking his own warmth instead of hers.

When she got out of bed and left the room, Jack was glad to see her go.

When she didn't return, he told himself he didn't miss her.

**Chapter Fifty Three**

Jack watched the emotions that were registering on Carter's face with a mixture of sadness and satisfaction. Sadness that she was so hurt by Maddy's spiteful, waspish attitude towards her; satisfied that he wasn't the only one Maddy was hurting so deeply. To his credit Jack felt guilty, but it somehow made him feel not so alone, not so singled out to be stabbed in the heart. And in the back.

"...What?" Sam asked carefully.

Maddy turned a vicious look on her friend. "You heard me," she bit out in a low and terrible voice. "You were only ever here for _him_. You pretended to like me because you had to in order to hang around my husband. You were always watching for a chance to jump his bones, Sam. And he'd accommodate you if you'd just work up enough guts for the both of you. Take him _riding._ The waterfall is a nice place for good, hard screw. If either of you has the balls to _finally_ make the first move."

Colonel Carter stared at Jack, her blue eyes wide, too startled to be angry. Yet.

"Maddy... we're friends, you and I. I have no designs on General..."

"Oh for crying out loud, call him _Jack!_" Maddy snapped. "There's no good reason to stand on ceremony, Colonel, and if it makes you uncomfortable then there's the proof that you still want him!"

Sam's jaw dropped but her eyes slid away from Jack's. Seemed to crawl away, Jack mused, like she was slinking away with her guilt tucked between her knees.

"I... um..."

To Jack's utter amazement Carter looked to be on the verge of tears. He stared at her through narrowed eyes, willing, commanding, _demanding_ that she stand up to his wife.

'_**Tell her off, Carter. Don't take it. I can't be the only one who is willing to put her in her place,'**_he coached silently.

He watched Carter take a slow, deep breath. When she spoke her voice was quite chilly.

"Maddy, I'm sorry you feel this way. I understand what has happened to you, the strange emotions and memories that are waging war inside your head..."

Jack watched Maddy's face as she stared out over the lake. Not a twinge of emotion crossed her features.

"...The only thing I can do is promise I'll be here. You're not going to drive me away..."

"So you can be near _him_," Maddy accused.

"So when you work through this we'll still be friends," Carter corrected calmly.

"With friends like you my husband won't need to waste money on a _professional_ whore. Maybe he can get it up for you and save him the..."

"_**MADDY!**_" Jack roared, coming half out of his chair.

Carter's face abruptly lost all trace of emotion. And color. It was a moment before she spoke. Waving him down, she said cooly, "I'm going to forget you said that. We're going to get you through this, Maddy, whether you want to get through it or not." She gave Jack a long, thoughtful look before turning on her heel and leaving.

"I will not put up with this!" Jack yelled. He had to grip the arms of the chair to keep from getting up and grabbing her. "Whatever demons you've got inside your head, Maddy, you keep them between _us_!"

Maddy turned a look on him that made his heart ice over.

"It's always been there, Jack, you and Sam. I was a convenient means of keeping away from her. You don't think you're good enough for her, so you settled for me. Used me as a shield to hide behind. You want her to worship you, idolize you, and you know damn well that if she ever got to know the real O'Neill she'd despise you. And she's just as bad. She wants you, but she's afraid of the same damned thing: Of having her image of you shattered. Carter is smart enough to see through you, but weak enough to want to believe her own romantic fiction. Neither of you want to face reality."

"Reality?" Jack echoed.

"Yeah, Jack, the reality that if you just slept together and got it over with you'd both be so damned disappointed and disillusioned with each other that you'd despise one another. You'd both be too damned disgusted with each other and yourselves that you couldn't work together. Couldn't keep pretending to be friends. Couldn't live with having lost your mutual respect."

"Bullshit!"

Maddy turned full around to face him. The smug superiority on her face repulsed Jack, literally made his stomach churn until he was in danger of losing his lunch.

"What I know is what Qua'sel knew," she taunted. "And not just about you. He spent a lot of time with Sam, got inside her head without her realizing it. She's married to her work, Jack, and while she's attracted to you on a base, animalistic level, she pities you."

"_Pities_ me?"

"Pity, Jack. She's come to realize that you're no more than a brainless thug. What you can't understand you want to shoot. Or blow up. Your brain knows three concepts: Kill, play, and screw. If something doesn't fall inside one of those categories, it ceases to exist for you."

"Shut up now, Maddy, before I prove you right," he threatened.

"She thinks she's too good for you. Too smart, too efficient, too valuable to be wasted on a germ like you. Did you know she thinks of you as nothing more than a rank stud she'd like to have ride her just once?"

"Maddy..."

"That years of interacting with you on such an intimate level haven't increased her respect and admiration, but diminished it? The longer she knows you, Jack, the less she thinks of you. But her inner slut still wants a taste of how you'd do her."

Jack was beyond rage now. He had gone to that place where, in the heat of battle, he could think clearly, rationally, despite fear and fury and death. And what he saw in her face, what he heard in her voice convinced him it was not Maddy with whom he was dealing.

This was Meret, bringing into play all the ammunition Qua'sel had given her.

"What do you want?" he asked evenly.

Maddy blinked at him. "Want?"

"Yeah, Maddy, Meret, whoever you are. What do you want?"

"Meret?" she repeated, a look of confusion slipping into her eyes.

"Meret," he confirmed. "I hope to God Maddy is still in there somewhere, but until I can convince her to fight, what do you want?"

Maddy turned away from him and was still for a long moment.

"I want you to throw me into the lake and hold me under until I stop breathing," she finally told him.

Jack took a deep breath. He almost did it. Almost decided to take her to the edge and force her to fight for her life. Maybe that was what it would take to spark Maddy back to life. But his gut told him in this moment, this state of mind, she'd let herself die. The overwhelming depression that had crept up on Maddy before Ba'al took her had sapped her capacity to fight off the lingering effect of Meret and Qua'sel.

Maddy had given up long before Meret killed Qua'sel to gain control. Now Maddy was living Meret's legacy of spite and revenge. Had she really thought she could goad Maddy into making Jack lay his hands on her? Send him into a rage so black and out of control that he'd wring the life out her?

Jack moved up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. He felt her cringe, felt the fear that washed over her.

"Meret's _gone_, Maddy. She can't control you anymore. What's in your mind is her memory, not her presence. I need you to _want_ to come back to me. Do you understand that if you put forth a little effort, you can push them back? You can be yourself again if you'd just _try_."

He felt her shoulders slump, felt rather than heard her heavy exhale. She shook her head slowly.

"What?" he urged.

Her shoulders rolled under his hands. "It doesn't matter anymore, Jack."

"What doesn't?"

"Anything."

Jack winced. "If me, the lodge, the horses, your friends, our life isn't enough, what about your faith?" he challenged.

Her soft grunt was so filled with hopelessness that Jack's anger faded.

"I still have my faith, Jack," she said in an empty tone. "Faith that I've finally done what God can't forgive. He must be so disgusted with me, so angry and frustrated that I can't reach Him anymore. I used to be able to feel His presence, feel His face turned towards me. I don't. I'm so cold and alone inside..." Her voice broke and she swallowed a couple of times.

Jack raised his eyes to the mountain tops. What to say, what words would heal her broken spirit? No divine inspiration, no clear and meaningful direction. He scowled at the clouds.

"I thought God would forgive anything," he offered lamely.

She shook her head.

"But what you did, you did for me. Not for yourself, not out of selfishness, but out of love, Maddy. You sacrificed yourself for me..."

"_That_ is the sin I'm most afraid of," she admitted.

"The_ sin_? How did you sin?"

"I put you before Him, Jack. I let evil inside my soul..."

"Inside your _head_, Maddy, not inside your soul."

"...I let it take control of me because I loved you so much, too much. My faith should have sustained us both. I should have let Him deal with it however He saw fit- even if you never walked again- instead of panicking and taking matters into my own hands. Instead of selling my soul to the devil to buy your life."

Jack felt as if he had been struck by lightning. When he recovered his breath, he moved a chair in front of her and sat down. He took her hand and studied her face as she stared into her lap.

"Is that what you did?"

She drew a shuddering breath but didn't answer.

"Maddy... you can't sell what isn't yours. And if anyone's soul is already spoken for, it's yours. I can't believe God would see it the way you are, and you have to understand that it's Meret who is making you believe this- not God."

She raised tortured eyes to meet his gaze.

"Babe, Meret would do anything to make you believe she was a god. Your faith had to be her biggest obstacle to controlling you. She planted this guilt in your mind to break you."

He could see he was making no progress.

"She attacked your faith because she understood, because Quasi understood, that you love God more than you love me. If she could convince you that you were lost to Him, you'd be lost to me, your friends, and yourself. But she's _gone_, Maddy. You don't have to believe her anymore. You don't have to be afraid to fight her influence."

"How simple you make it sound."

"It _is_ that simple," he encouraged. "God hasn't given up on you and He doesn't see it as selling your soul! Meret told you that! She played on your deepest fear..."

"Then why hasn't He erased Meret from my mind?" she cried softly.

"Maybe He wants you to fight for Him as hard as you fought for me," Jack suggested gently.

The clouds descended into her eyes again. "I don't have any fight left, Jack. I'm not strong. It's just easier to let the thoughts come than to try and sort them all out. Quasi, Meret, you... So many voices, so many emotions... I don't know which are mine anymore. Which are God's."

Jack dropped his head and gave her hand a squeeze. "I'm not giving up on you," he promised. "SG1 isn't going to give up on you. But you have to want to get past it all, Maddy. We'll help you fight, but we can't do it for you. But I'm warning you, you talk to Carter- or anyone else- like that again..."

She pulled her hand free and stood. "Give it up, Jack. The person I've become isn't worth the effort. I'll just drag you into Hell with me."

She started to walk away. Jack came to his feet and snagged her elbow, pulled her around.

"You haven't _become_ anything, Maddy! Your mind is confused. Your identity hasn't changed, it just needs sorted out from Meret and Quasi and me! You have to work at _that_ instead of burying yourself deeper because you don't have the guts to face your own guilt and shame!"

When her fist connected with his jaw, Jack knew he should have seen it coming.

It was what he would have done.

**Chapter Fifty Four**

Jack dropped his face into his hand and peeked at Teal'c through his fingers. The Jaf'fa's benevolent smile didn't budge. Even in the face of Maddy's wicked reaction to his invitation.

"He means a flea market," Daniel interpreted needlessly.

"Is that not what I said?" Teal'c asked.

"Purveyor of parasites isn't quite the same thing," Daniel insisted.

Teal'c inclined his head, but Jack sensed he had deliberately misstated the term in an effort to lighten Maddy's obviously black mood. He tensed, accurately gauged Maddy's viciously disdainful sneer and hoped Teal'c didn't take her attitude to heart. Her eyes slid over Teal'c and came to rest on Daniel, who was openly dismayed by her reaction.

"I couldn't stand the smell," she snarled. "The vile odor of a chol'_va_ makes me ill."

Jack closed his eyes and prayed Teal'c would be merciful when he killed her.

"As you wish," the big alien rumbled gently. His eyes met Jack's and understanding passed between them. Not for the first time in his life Jack wished he had an ounce of the Jaf'fa's patience and wisdom.

"Then DanielJackson and I will be on our way. I had hoped to spend time with you and General O'Neill before embarking on an lengthy mission to Chulak."

"Lengthy?" Jack asked.

"The leaders of the New Colony are once again planning a summit to gain allies and recognition in the galaxy. My presence has been requested by both the leaders of the Free Jaf'fa and the government of Earth."

"Bit of a conflict of interest, isn't it, representing Earth _and_ the Free Jaffa?" Jack mused.

"I am not representing Earth's interests in an official capacity, O'Neill, nor have I been named ambassador for either. Rather General Landry and General Hammond have expressed their hope that I can offer a peaceful and harmonic influence to this summit that has been sorely lacking in past attempts. For the good of both Earth and the Free Jaf'fa."

"Peaceful and harmonic," Jack muttered, eyeing his wife. "Maybe I should go with. I could use some of that."

"So far it has been neither peaceful nor harmonic," Teal'c assured him, completely missing Jack's acid sarcasm.

"Join the club," Jack muttered.

Daniel listened to the exchange but his gaze never left Maddy's surly expression. He knew Daniel was wondering why he hadn't called his wife to task for her vicious insult to Teal'c. Jack sighed and studied his wife's face. Her lip was slightly curled and one nostril was twitching upwards. There was such a hateful, wicked gleam in her eye that he could have sworn it was reflecting in the water. Hate was a new concept for Maddy, one he was certain she had never before experienced. She would battle with guilt over this feeling, too, and he sighed again. Best to get Teal'c away from her before more damage was done to both of them. He rose and gave a slight nod towards the door.

"If I do not see you again before my departure," Teal'c addressed Maddy, "Be well, MadisonO'Neill."

When she sniffed arrogantly in response Teal'c merely inclined his head at her profile. As Jack led him through the door, Daniel closed on Maddy. Jack slid the glass panel closed and silently wished Daniel luck.

"Don't let her offend you, T," Jack said softly. "She isn't herself."

"This is obvious, O'Neill," Teal'c rumbled just as quietly. "A message has been left for the Tok'ra, inviting them to the summit. If any attend I will question them as to a means of helping your wife rid herself of Meret and Qua'sel's influence over her mind."

"She could do it herself if she'd just try," Jack groused. "Has Landry heard back from Thor or Loki?"

"He has not."

Jack hissed an unprintable oath.

"It is doubtful the Asgard will be able to offer assistance, O'Neill. That which plagues Madison is not of a physical nature."

"No, but the friggin' memory implants Loki gave her can't be helping!"

Teal'c murmured a sympathetic 'indeed'.

"Which is my fault, too," Jack ranted softly. "If I hadn't threatened Loki that if she lost her memory again..."

"It is useless to berate yourself , O'Neill. We must all look forward if we are to help Madison lock away the voices that torment her. Time and patience..." Teal'c trailed off when Daniel abruptly slammed through the door.

Jack took a step sideways to check on Maddy. She was sitting quietly, legs crossed, twitching one foot the way a cat on the prowl would twitch it's tail before it pounced on prey. Jack stepped back into Daniel's path and studied his friend's expression. 'Shell-shocked' pretty well covered it he decided as he met Daniel's thunder-struck gaze. The usually articulate doctor of archeology opened and closed his mouth several times before emitting a strangled grunt.

"You should give serious thought to electro-shock therapy," Daniel finally managed.

Jack gave him a wolfish grin. "She's in fine form today."

Daniel gaped at him. "How do you deal with that?"

"What'd she say to you?"

Daniel shook his head. "I didn't believe Maddy was capable of such cold, mean... Do you think she's felt this way all along and..."

"No!" Jack barked at him. "No. Meret and Quasi have her all fouled up. She won't even try to sort their thoughts from hers because she thinks her soul is lost."

"Her _soul_? _Maddy_?"

Jack grimaced and looked over Daniel's shoulder to where Maddy was still sitting in the same position. "She won't go near the horses. Quasi thought they were smelly, distasteful creatures. Same for Bonnie and Diamond. Brushes them off, snaps at them to get away. She turns her nose up at anything and everything she used to enjoy. It's like I have her trapped in a filthy, boring, disgusting prison."

"Perhaps Vala MalDoran could be of assistance," Teal'c offered helpfully.

"Vala never fully disengaged from her symbiote's avarice," Daniel snorted. "And I don't think there's any chance of her being concerned about _her_ soul... or lack of one," he finished under his breath.

Jack grunted at that and scrubbed his knuckles over his head.

"What are you going to do, Jack?" Daniel demanded.

"What can any of us do, Daniel?" Jack snapped back at him. "Hell, it's all I can do to keep from slapping her silly! If you'd heard the way she talked to Carter... or the things she said afterward..."

"Sam said she was pretty brutal."

"Brutal isn't the word for it."

It was Daniel's turn to wince. "Sam didn't deserve that."

Jack eyed him narrowly. "She told you?"

"Not verbatim, but I got the point."

"Damn it." He was going to have to sit all of SG1 down and have a long talk with them. Before Maddy let Meret tear the whole damned team apart. Had them at each other's throats. "What'd she say to you, Daniel?"

In the ensuing silence Jack watched in fascination as the red in Daniel's neck crept up to cover his ears. It was rapidly spreading over his nose when his friend finally found his voice.

"Basically she said I wasn't man enough to nail Sam because I was more attracted to Mitchell. That I would have made a try for you if I wasn't scared silly you'd rip my balls off for suggesting it."

Teal'c eyebrow climbed his forehead. Jack glanced at him, then turned full around for a better look. The gold emblem on the Jaf'fa's forehead seemed to be standing out and throbbing. He had overlooked Maddy's personal insult, but her attacking his friends was another matter.

"Easy, T," he intoned.

"She's not herself, I realize that," Daniel continued. "But how much of this is Meret and how much really is Maddy?"

Jack whirled on him.

Daniel held his ground and continued relentlessly. "And how much is _you_, Jack? I know what you think of me. That I'm a wimp, a panty-waist. A pain in the ass. Soft. You always have."

Jack stepped on his anger. "Don't let her do this."

"You know what, Jack? Sam's right. Qua'sel imbedded Maddy with thoughts you had but never voiced. Meret is bringing it all out into the open. You always were a closed-mouthed son-of-a-bitch, but the truth is sitting right out there on the deck!" He pivoted and stabbed a finger at Maddy. "You didn't want us around after you 'retired', not because you wanted time alone with Maddy- because you despise us all for one reason or another!"

"Daniel..." Jack was losing his grip on his temper.

"You always were a self-absorbed, arrogant bastard. Maybe you deserve the woman you created! In your own image!" He shouldered past Jack and stormed out the door. Jack turned to Teal'c.

The Jaf'fa quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I suppose you agree with him?" Jack demanded.

"Madison has given me no reason to become angered at you, O'Neill. I will attempt to calm DanielJackson."

"Better hurry or you'll be walking to the flea market," Jack muttered as Daniel's car roared to life.

Jack stood staring at the driveway long after Daniel and Teal'c had gone. It was true that in the beginning he had thought Daniel was a whining, sniffling pain in the ass. At one time, when they first met, he may have questioned Daniel's sexual preference. But the man had proven himself time and again, had drastically changed Jack's opinion. Maddy hadn't bothered to tell him _that._ And Carter. Much of what Maddy had blabbed was the truth, and he _had_ wondered idly, once or twice, if Sam's friendship with Maddy served a dual purpose. A man's thoughts sometimes turned to fantasy in an unguarded moment, but it didn't mean he wanted to bring them to fruition.

He sure as hell never dreamed they'd be stolen from his mind, be put into words, then be trumpeted to all parties involved!

Damn Qua'sel for giving that to her! Damn Meret for using it against him, even in death.

And damn Maddy for not caring enough to watch what she said.

He spun on his heel and glared at the back of her head. How badly he wanted to put his hands on her right now, to shake the living shit out of her, rattle her teeth for her. Never in his life had Jack O'Neill wanted so badly to hit a woman, much less Maddy. This was one of those times when he had to walk away. Now. Before he gave in to Meret's determination to make him strangle Maddy with his bare hands. He snagged his keys off the hook and headed for his truck.

By the time he pulled into the tunnel at Cheyenne Mountain, Jack had calmed a bit. The guard let him pass at ground level, but the secondary security station called ahead for permission from Landry to let him enter the facility. He tried not to let it offend him. Tried not to carry it into Landry's office with him.

"Jack. Have a seat," Landry greeted absently. He shuffled some papers aside then laced his fingers and gave the retired general his full attention. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm not sure, Hank," Jack said on a ragged breath.

"Maddy?"

Jack narrowed his eyes at Landry. "_Meret, _Hank, not Maddy."

Landry's spine stiffened. "I thought Caroline assured us Meret was gone."

"Gone, but not forgotten," Jack muttered. He looked Hank in the eye. "I think, when she realized she was going to die, Meret instigated one last plan of attack against SG1. And I'm afraid it's going to work."

Landry sat back. "Explain."

Jack pulled a face. "Meret scoured the memories and emotions of Maddy, Quasi... and me... and set Maddy on a course to destroy SG1 from the inside out. Set us all against each other."

"Us, Jack?" Landry questioned harshly. "You're no longer a part of Stargate Command. In any capacity. You made that abundantly clear."

"Meret didn't know that."

"So what Meret is attacking are personal friendships- _your_ friendships- not a military command. I don't see how that is any of the SGC's concern."

Jack stared at him. Landry's attitude finally registered. The SGC was going to cut him loose, separate he and Maddy from access to their help. No wonder Maddy had been so hell-bent on hanging onto her job when she so desperately needed time off. This is what she had feared, what he hadn't believed would happen.

"What do you want from me, Jack?" Landry asked cooly.

"Help."

Landry raised his shoulders. Jack rose slowly.

"You aren't going to help us?"

"I don't know how. Tell me what's going on, and how it involves this command."

"Son-of-a-bitch," Jack hissed. "You're gonna hang me out to dry with Maddy!"

Landry stood and planted both palms on the desk. "Who's hanging whom out to dry, Jack? The Ori are closing on this galaxy and Earth needs every seasoned hand we can get to face them. The Jaf'fa are courting allies and frankly I'm not convinced they're on our side anymore- if they ever were. Teal'c could really use someone he trusts to watch his six, but the only man qualified to do that without being more of a liability is no longer available. Hammond is losing the financial battle at the Pentagon and the one _civilian_ voice we thought we had on our side has quit on us. I've got _one_ ship left, Jack, and one man qualified to take her into battle. My ace in the hole as a captain, or even on-board seasoned advisor, has quit. We've taken down The Trust and _finally_ have Ba'al on the run, but anyone savvy enough to drive him off Earth for good is tied up holding the Ori at bay. But go ahead and tell me what I can do for you, Jack. I'm all ears."

"So you can tell me to go piss up a stump?"

"I didn't say that."

"Your implication is clear, General," Jack retorted dryly.

"Is it?" Landry taunted softly.

Jack studied him through narrowed eyes. "You're blackmailing me into coming out of retirement?"

"I'm making one hell of an attempt."

"I thought we were friends, Hank."

Landry held up both hands, balancing imaginary weights. "Ori, friendship. Earth, friendship." He shook his head sadly. "I know what Maddy means to you, Jack. You both are important to me and I love that girl like a daughter. But I have to leave my personal feelings out of it. I don't want to cut you loose, either of you. You tell me how to justify the expense, the manpower, the security risk of extending to you the resources of this facility when neither of you have a legitimate reason to be here, and I'll meet you more than halfway."

"Hasn't what Maddy and I have already given the SGC garnered either of us enough credit to buy help now?"

"You both have our undying gratitude and respect."

"But not your help."

"I could offer her a permanent spot at Area 51."

Jack started. "You aren't serious!"

Landry pulled a face. "My official options are limited."

"Unofficially?"

"We could meet for a beer after work. I'd be happy to listen to your tale of woe. Offer you invaluable insight and sage advice."

"Gimme _something _here, Hank!" Jack shouted. "I gave this damned place everything I had for more years than I was entitled to! Maddy has seen Hell for the SGC and she was only a friggin' _cook_!"

"A civilian cook for a secret base, the conditions of which she violated when she aided and abetted an enemy, not only of this country, but of Earth itself. George and I are still scrambling to keep her out of federal prison on charges of treason, Jack! And your resignation hasn't helped."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about hard heads at the Pentagon who still want your wife tried for treason and imprisoned, if not for that then as a high security risk and threat to Earth in her own right! The fact that you abruptly quit a job tailor-made for you, a job Hammond had to stuff down more than one protesting throat, while your wife was in collusion with the enemy..."

"_Bullshit!_"

"They don't know the half of it, Jack. If anyone at the Pentagon had half an idea of what Loki has done to her, or that Qua'sel gave her your memories..."

"Are you threatening us, Hank?"

"I am not. I am giving you the straight story, Jack. George and I have stuck our necks way out for you and Maddy, and been glad to do it. The President was in your corner until he got ousted this past election, while you were in the Pegasus Galaxy. This new guy isn't impressed and frankly George and I have been outlining a contingency plan to evacuate you and Maddy if things don't even out soon. Probably at the cost of treason charges ourselves. Courts martial is a foregone conclusion."

Jack slumped into the chair and tried not to glare at him. "Well, thank you for that. I had no idea..."

"You had enough on your plate. George and I, and Major Davis, decided not to bother you with the details."

"Until now."

"Until you asked me to fry us all."

"What if I asked for my job back?"

"George and I are willing to go to bat for you. It would certainly help to stifle the nay-sayers."

"If they don't trust me anymore, think I'm working with my traitor of a wife..."

"Not if you were putting your life at risk on the front lines again."

"You _are_ blackmailing me."

Landry's answer was a tight grin.

"Bastard," Jack grumbled without rancor.

"Let me know what you decide," Landry said by way of dismissal.

Jack didn't move. "You really wanna put up with us chasing each other down the halls with paintball guns again?"

Landry's face froze. "I said _your_ job, Jack. Not Maddy's. I can't hire her back. Not with all the charges pending against her. Not even if we manage to get them dropped."

"How the hell are we gonna help her if she's not allowed on the base? For that matter, I'm not leaving her alone all day. Not in her state of mind."

"There's a very simple way around that," Landry said a bit too carefully for Jack's liking.

Jack stiffened warily. "How?"

"Keep her on base. In custody."

"As in _under arrest_?" Jack bellowed.

"Calm down, Jack. You know we have a mole who leaks everything to the Pentagon through the NID, and a source there reports to Ba'al. There's no other legitimate way to get her on base where we can do something to help her."

"She'd never agree to that. You know how claustrophobic she is..."

"If she remembers she's claustrophobic. From what I hear, Meret has her pretty well dominated."

"You've been kept apprised?"

"In morbid detail."

Jack shook his head. "So much for _friends..._"

"They are under orders to report the details of every contact they have with Maddy. And you."

"_Orders..._!"

"Not mine, though they do report to me. George managed that much, anyway."

"Son-of-a-bitch. Even when we aren't a part of the SGC we're a part of the SGC. This is starting to feel like the CIA."

"Don't say that too loudly," Landry cautioned.

"If that was your idea of a joke, I'm not laughing."

Landry shrugged. "I have only two options to offer you, Jack. Come back to work- which is contingent on placing Maddy in protective custody- or deal with her on your own and keep your bags packed for a quick get-away. I'll release the Nautilus as soon as it's out of quarantine, but if something goes down sooner I promise you access to either the Odyssey or the stargate. If you can get here in time."

"Even against orders?"

"I've already been ordered not to allow her access to flight."

"What about me?"

"They're still fighting about you. Taking your job back would swing a few key votes to your favor. But it'll also serve to strengthen the arguments of a few others."

"Damned if I do, damned if I don't."

"You should be used to that by now. Let me know when you reach a decision."

Jack stood up. "Permission to speak to SG1 while I'm here?"

Landry waved his consent.

"You're not going to assign me an armed escort?"

"Don't tempt me," Landry growled. "Get the hell outta here."

Jack headed for the door and paused a moment, tapping his fingers thoughtfully on the jamb as his mind raced. After a moment he continued through the door and into the hall. Landry got up and glanced around the door. Satisfied that Jack wasn't going to come back he closed the door, rounded the desk, and picked up the phone.

"Get Hammond for me."

Jack sauntered into Carter's darkened lab, then reached back and gave a belated rap on the door. The colonel's head popped up from behind a strange looking device. She took off a pair of protective goggles and flipped a switch. A barely perceptible hum vanished.

"General...?" she greeted uncomfortably.

"Don't sweat it, Carter. What she said to me after you left was a hell of a lot worse."

"Yes, Sir," she said uncertainly.

But her face told another story and Jack winced.

"I'd apologize for her, Carter, but it has to come from her to mean anything."

"Doesn't look like that's going to happen any time soon, Sir."

"Daniel talk to you?"

She dropped her eyes and nodded.

"I have a theory."

"You, Sir? A _theory_?"

Jack appreciated her attempt to lighten the mood. "I'd like to get everybody together and discuss it," he told her. "Since I'm not particularly welcome at the base right now, how about McGinty's, say eight-thirty?"

"Not welcome on the base? Should I cover your escape, Sir?"

"Not this time. But I might need a rain check. Mitchell here?"

"Sleeping, Sir. He and Vala just finished debriefing."

Jack glanced at his watch. "Can you round up Mitchell and Vala if I can locate Daniel and Teal'c?"

"I thought they were going to a flea market. Try Daniel's cell phone."

"If he's still speaking to me," Jack growled. "Eight-thirty, Carter."

"I'll be there, Sir." She pulled the goggles back into position, flipped the switch, and instantly forgot he was there.

Jack stood watching her for a moment. You just had to love Carter. You couldn't help it. But he felt not even a trace of the old sexual attraction for her. There had been a time when those urges were always just beneath the surface, a time when he had to consciously suppress his thoughts in her presence. Time and Maddy had cured him of his obsession for Carter. He hoped time and understanding would heal the chasm Meret had opened between Carter and Maddy.

Between Maddy and Daniel.

Between him and Daniel.

Hell, between him and his wife.

His lack of attraction to Carter bothered him on a level he was loathe to explore. He thought he understood not wanting to make love to his wife because she was channeling so much of Meret. Or perhaps himself. But was his lack of response to Carter because he was over her... or was he facing another problem?

'_**Ok,' **_he thought inwardly as he strode to the elevator, _**'I can put a name to it. **_**Impotence**_**. There. I said it. If I can say it, that means it's not the problem, right?'**_

Sergeant Siler stepped onto the elevator with him. "General," he greeted amiably.

"Right, Siler?"

The sergeant gave him a confused look then shrugged it off. "Uh, right, Sir." He faced forward and stared intently at the blinking floor numbers above the door.

'_**That can't be it,' **_Jack insisted to himself. _**'All that Ancient**_ _**enhancement stuff, then the Tok'ra's healing abilities. Hell, I have the body of a twenty year old. Twenty year olds don't become impotent out of the blue. Haven't had any injuries down there, no weird diseases... unless you count Carter's mutant flu bug... Unless Maddy is putting something in the coffee. No, this is just a lack of desire, not a physical problem**_._**'**_

No way.

Lack of desire? _Him_?

"Getting old, O'Neill?" he muttered.

Siler half turned. "Sir?"

Jack managed a blank look. He couldn't believe he'd said that out loud.

"Nothing. ...Siler, ever since you had that flu Carter designed..."

"Yes, Sir?"

"Had any... side effects?"

Siler pursed his lips and thought about it. "Not that I can speak of."

Jack perked up. "Any you _can't_ speak of? In, say, mixed company?"

"Sir?" Siler was starting to look uncomfortable.

"You said none that you could speak of..."

Siler shifted nervously and glanced at the numbers again. "It, uh, it was a figure of speech, Sir. No side effects come to mind. I didn't have any. No, Sir, was what I should have said. Sorry, General."

The whole friggin' base was gonna think he was a moron. "You married, Siler?"

"Uh, no Sir."

"Girlfriend?"

"Which one, Sir?"

Jack grinned his admiration. "You _go_, Siler."

The elevator stopped and Siler squeezed out before the doors had fully opened.

Jack sighed. Maybe he'd pick up a pack of cigarettes on the way to McGinty's. Give him something to do so he wouldn't be tempted to get drunk.

Because if he went home drunk and Maddy started again, he was afraid of what he might do.

But getting falling-down, drooling-gibberish drunk was very tempting right now.

Jack never could quite figure out if McGinty's was a restaurant that served booze, or a bar that served wonderful, workingman's food. There was a dance floor and live bands on the weekends, a decent juke box during the week, and twice a month it doubled as a comedy club. He decided, as he scanned the place for his friends, that the two pool tables in the rear made it a bar. The place was never short of customers, but being a week night it wasn't overly crowded.

SG1 had appropriated a table in a quiet, somewhat isolated corner where they could talk without being easily overheard. Jack sat in the corner, feeling a bit hemmed-in and just short of trapped. His gaze paused on each of his friends.

Daniel still looked petulant and irritated, though the redness in his face might have been from spending the day in the sun.

Carter was reserved but putting up a good front. Maddy had hit bone with her perhaps more than with Daniel. Betrayed a trust that had run deep and unquestioned between the two women. That probably had something to do with there being two empty beer bottles in front of her already, and another in her glass.

Teal'c looked... like Teal'c.

Mitchell needed another eight hours of sleep.

Vala was covertly reading all of them, sensing the discord and bracing herself. People tended to not take her seriously enough. Beneath her wacky veneer lay an intelligent, savvy, and dangerous woman. She played the air-head to throw people off guard. That she did it extremely well had Jack convinced she really did have a screw loose somewhere, but it wasn't where any of them expected it to be.

Did these people never age? Carter only got prettier as time went by. Daniel would look twenty when he was eighty, still have that boyish quality that women loved and men wrongly thought they could exploit. Mitchell would age suddenly and hard, probably the day after he retired. If he lived long enough to retire. Vala- who knew? She already looked ancient and eighteen all at once. Something to do with her eyes, and maybe the soul Daniel wasn't sure she possessed. Wisdom she tried to hide born of experience she tried to forget. For all her brashness and over-the-top personality, Jack secretly admired her. The woman had earned his patience, and, on some strange level, his respect. But she still annoyed him.

"You called this meeting," Daniel was saying. "What's on your mind, Jack?"

"Maddy," he responded.

"You want to figure out a way to help her," Mitchell nodded. "We get that."

"I think we're dealing with a conspiracy," Jack told them. "Carter, when we put Maddy into stasis, could Meret still have been conscious? Maddy thinks she was."

Carter finished swallowing her beer. "Yes, to some degree."

"Then why didn't she kill Maddy?" Mitchell argued.

"She had awareness, but no strength," Vala said softly. Jack wondered at her tone, if she was speaking from first-hand experience.

"I think Meret programmed her for one last shot at bringing us down," Jack continued. "She had access to every thought and feeling I've had, Maddy's had, and Quasi had. She's still using Maddy to fracture Earth's front-line A Team."

"To what end?" Daniel argued. Just because he was in the mood to argue, Jack surmised. He gave him that- Jack couldn't blame him.

"Spite. Revenge," Carter shrugged.

"Classic Gou'ald M.O," Mitchell brooded.

"Because," Vala spoke up, "She didn't believe she was going to die. She believed she was a god, immortal, and would somehow, someday, live to reap the benefit. That we mere humans couldn't actually kill her permanently."

Jack grunted into his beer.

"So you think Maddy is saying all this stuff to get us at each other's throats?" Daniel asked.

"It appears to have worked," Teal'c pointed out.

Daniel shot him a rueful glance.

Jack immediately saw red. "No, Daniel," he said caustically, "We all know Maddy is a mean-spirited, spiteful bitch who loves to cause trouble and hurt people's feelings. Just for shits and giggles."

"The point isn't that Maddy feels the need to inform everybody of _your_ opinion, Jack, but that we're finally finding out what _your_ opinion of us has been all along!"

"It is possible that Meret has imprinted Madison with opinions she wanted Madison to believe are O'Neill's." Teal'c: Practicing his diplomacy.

"You don't hear Jack denying them!" Daniel shot back.

"That would be rather pointless, wouldn't it?" Who would have thought Vala would be the voice of reason?

"Lemme get inside _your _head," Jack growled. "Rake up every errant thought, every misguided fantasy, and put my own twist on it. Then blab it to the world," he gave Daniel a penetrating look, "_Dan-iel..._"

Everyone at the table knew he was referring to Daniel's close relationship with Maddy. Daniel had sense enough to look chastised.

Vala was the only one who caught Cam Mitchell's quickly hidden wince of guilt.

"If Maddy would just rear up on her hind feet and make an effort, she could distinguish between her own thoughts and Meret's," Carter said around the rim of her glass. "And it's not like Meret's still in there forcing her to open her big mouth."

Jack thought she was getting a bit wasted.

"No offense, Sam, but you were only blended with Jolinar for short time," Vala said. "Maddy was blended with Qua'sel for nearly a year, then with Meret for almost as long. Both symbiotes died within her, so both left their consciences mixed up with hers. Even now I sometimes have trouble repressing Qetesh's influence if not her actual thoughts or emotions."

"And when you think of the hundreds of hosts Qua'sel has the memories of..." Mitchell mused.

"Not to mention _Jack's_," Daniel persisted.

Jack stared at him. They had been friends for a long time, stood back to back during some of the most heated battles he'd ever faced. Always been there for each other, always depended on each other. Risked their lives for each other. And Maddy had them at each other's throats. Had she permanently ruined their friendship? He was jealous of Daniel, and now Daniel was hurt and insulted by Jack's private, innermost thoughts- reflections that were ancient history. He wasn't sure what to say, and if he figured it out he sure as hell wasn't going to say it in front of all of SG1.

"_Damn it!_"

Carter motioned at the waitress for another round. "Ok, so we've established that Maddy is in trouble. That we might be in trouble. What the hell can we do if she refuses to help herself?"

"Memory sweep?" Mitchell suggested.

"Not likely to work with the memory devices Loki implanted," Carter reminded him.

"Hypnosis failed before she had all those implants... implanted," Daniel said dispiritedly. "A good shrink?"

"Let's see, Daniel," Carter said waspishly. "She's got alien technology implanted in her brain that won't allow her to forget a damned thing. Two alien parasites have spent long periods of time imprinting her brain with their thoughts, emotions, and knowledge. Both died inside her, one after the two of them waged a battle to the death, again, _inside her body._ The trauma of that alone had to be enormous. Then when Meret won, she forced Maddy into unspeakable actions, got her pregnant with a forbidden Harcesis that could have had the power to enslave our entire galaxy, then Maddy had to go through a miscarriage that she both welcomed and grieved.The guilt of that alone would be enough to drive a person over the edge. I'm sure there's at least _one_ bonafide psychiatrist in the _galaxy_ with experience dealing with this sort of mental chaos."

The entire group stared at her. Sam drained her glass and set it down a bit harder than necessary, then made a point of looking each of them in the eye.

Jack had to wonder if some of her angst lie in the knowledge that she could have spoken up about the plague virus posing a threat to the Harcesis- Maddy's baby- and had made the deliberate choice not to.

"Sam, are you okay?" Mitchell asked gently.

She nodded then said, "No, I'm _not_ okay! I'm sick to death of constantly facing the impossible! When I'm not being shot at, tortured, in a ship about to be blown into stardust, or watching my friends get shot, tortured, or killed, I'm handed every damned problem in the universe that doesn't have a friggin' solution! With the fate of the galaxy- or at least the fate of the Earth- hanging in the balance! I work my ass off solving one problem only find out there's been two or three more flanking me the whole time! It's no damned wonder Maddy doesn't want to come back to this!"

"Somebody needs a vacation," Jack murmured.

Carter turned flaming eyes on him. "Take your _wife_ on a vacation, _Jack,_" she said pointedly. "Do us all a favor and just get her the hell out of our hair! Or maybe you should get out of hers! God knows you'd be enough to drive anybody insane!"

"_Sam!_" Mitchell yelped.

Carter whirled on him. "I mean it, Cam. There's not a damned thing the SGC can do for her, not a damned thing _we_ can do for her, not a damned thing the Tok'ra, Asgard, or Nox can do for her if she won't try to help herself. She wasn't kidnapped. She wasn't blended by force. She did this- to herself- _on purpose._" She studied Daniel's stunned expression for a moment, seemed to gather nerve from his shock, then turned back on O'Neill.

"Maybe, _Jack_, you should take a long look at the reasons she might have for just giving up. You're inside her head as much as Meret and Qua'sel- _you_ tell _us_ why Maddy has lost all will to fight for herself. And for you."

Jack's face could have been carved out of stone. Carter's uncharacteristic outburst had struck a deep, sensitive nerve but he didn't let it show. Apparently Carter wasn't done with him yet.

"You can blame this on Meret, Qua'sel, Ba'al, The Trust, the NID, the SGC, hell, blame it on God. But until you accept the fact that Maddy left _you_, doesn't want to come back and face _you,_ there's not a chance in Hell of her ever being herself again. You might as well reserve her a room at Area 51 and leave the rest of us have some peace!"

She picked up her newly filled glass and drained it without taking a breath. Then she stood, fished some bills out of her pocket, threw them on the table, and walked out without another word.

"Somebody should drive her home," Jack said in a monotone.

"I will see that Colonel Carter arrives home safely." Teal'c stood, inclined his head at everyone in general, and followed the colonel.

Daniel finally broke the brittle silence. "She might have a point, Jack."

Jack stared at him, waiting. Had he actually _asked_ for this?

"Maddy is... was... more in love with you than I've ever seen anybody in love with another person. You _are_ her world, Jack, period. When you left her that time, you didn't see the devastation we saw. Raw, inconsolable pain the likes of which I never want to witness again. Had you been considering leaving her? Could Qua'sel have given her that impression?"

"Or maybe something about her that bothered you, something you really hate but wouldn't tell her?" Mitchell added helpfully. "Like if she doesn't shave her legs? Or you secretly hate her meatloaf?"

"Or her coffee," Daniel nodded at Cam. "Something like that... or more personal..."

"Has to be more personal," Mitchell argued. "Who doesn't love Maddy's meatloaf?"

"Or her coffee."

"You do still love her?" Vala questioned carefully. "If your feelings had changed Qua'sel probably couldn't have hidden that from her."

"My feelings haven't changed," Jack sighed. _**'At least they hadn't when**_ _**Quasi was still loafing inside my head.'**_ He propped his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands.

"Maddy is the only one who can tell you what's in her mind," Daniel said. "She's not going to open up to any of us. Hell, when you left her she refused to talk about it- what's gonna convince her now?"

"We'd help you if we could, General," Mitchell offered. "But I think Daniel and Sam are right. Where Maddy is concerned it's you and only you. Sorry, Sir, but this is something deep between you and Maddy. As much as we want to help, there's not a damned thing any of us can do."

Jack gave Vala a hard look. "It's not Meret?"

Vala wagged her head in sympathy. "If Maddy really wanted to suppress Meret's memories, she could. From what I'm hearing, it _is_ Meret, but only because Maddy's allowing herself to be overruled. I think," she concluded gently, "Colonel Carter said everything that needed to be said. Though she could have put it a bit more tactfully."

"More tactfully probably wouldn't have penetrated," Daniel grumbled. When Jack gave him a sour look he defended himself. "You can be pretty damned hard headed, Jack."

"Colonel Carter _has_ been under a lot of pressure." Vala's softly spoken words stilled the men, held their undivided attention. They didn't even raise their glasses. "She adores Maddy- as we all do- but she needs something Maddy gives her that the rest of us cannot supply. I haven't quite figured out what it is... But Maddy turning on her has had a profound effect. She's not only hurt, she's lost something that had been vital to her."

Daniel stared at her as if suddenly seeing a different person.

Jack pulled a face. "I always had the impression Maddy filled an empty spot Frasier had left."

Daniel's dumbfounded stare turned to Jack. "God, Jack, that was _deep_. Hurt yourself?"

Jack glared at him.

"I just know that Sam was looking forward to some down time after the plague ended. She mentioned a couple of times how she was anxious to get away from it all for awhile," Vala continued. "And every time she brought it up Maddy's name came up, too."

"_Carter_? Down time?" Jack echoed in disbelief.

Daniel shook off his momentary shock. "Jack, you of all people should appreciate that she needs it. You were always harping at her to have fun, relax. Get a life."

"I never expected her to _do_ it."

"Maybe it just took her longer to reach her limit," Mitchell suggested.

"Or maybe," Vala said as she drew her finger through a wet ring on the table, "She's been depending on Madison to provide it for her. Your wife, General, seems to know what we all need. And when we need it."

Daniel nodded his agreement. "I could always just show up at the lodge and Maddy would either feed me, or draw me into a discussion, or sit down and play cards, or get my hands dirty for me. Listen if I needed to talk, or talk if I needed to be distracted. But she always seemed to know what I needed even when I didn't." He carefully avoided Jack's dark look.

"Yes but, for instance, you and Cam play that strange game with the orange ball where you expend ridiculous amounts of energy and see who can sweat the most. Or you measure yourselves against each other in the weight room." Her bland expression defied them to read a double meaning into that. "All you boys have your nights out together. Sam doesn't have that, doesn't have anyone but Maddy to... play with."

"Because she's always got her nose buried in her lab," Jack grunted. "She could have..."

"But she _didn't_," Vala insisted. "Not until she found a kindred spirit in Madison. Horses and cooking and shopping... giggling while they planted flowers..."

Jack thought he detected a note of jealousy in Vala's voice. A quick glance at Daniel confirmed it.

"She did take Janet's death hard," Daniel brooded. "Cassie didn't even make up for it. And once Cassie went off to college..."

"Then there's the 'don't get personally involved with the people you work with' thing," Mitchell said. "Especially when they're in your command." He shrugged. "We've sorta ignored that, given our situation and all, but Sam isn't always comfortable being one of the guys. You know how, when a woman's around, you gotta watch yourself? Sam probably felt that, both with herself and from us. Maddy was different. She could let her hair down..."

"You're all just reinforcing my point," Jack said, leaning back and resting his glass on his stomach. "We have to get Maddy back on track. For all of us." He acknowledged his jealousy and tried to stare it down.

"I hate that it seems like we're deserting you, Sir," Mitchell apologized. "If we'd been there for Maddy when all this started..."

"Let it go, Colonel," Jack told him brusquely. "It was nobody's fault. Except maybe Maddy's."

"Maddy's?" all three of them echoed in unison.

Jack scowled at the table. "If she had just let me go..."

Daniel, Cam, and Vala traded startled glances.

"Jack... did you feel this way when Maddy passed Qua'sel to you?" Daniel asked.

Jack shrugged and took a hard slug of beer. "I felt that way from the moment I regained consciousness. Who would want to live like that?"

"You resented her."

"Bitterly," Jack admitted. "For putting herself and me both through that."

"You stupid son-of-a-bitch," Daniel breathed. "You heartless, callous, cruel, hard-nosed, ungrateful, selfish bastard."

"Don't hold back, Daniel," Jack growled into his beer. "Tell me exactly how you feel. Carter did."

"I've suspected for a long time now that Maddy was afraid of you. But she loved you enough, or was gutsy enough, to bury it deep. So she stretches herself to the breaking point for you, and all Qua'sel had to take back to her was _resentment_?"

Jack slammed his empty glass down on the table. "Ten of me aren't worth one of her- why the hell didn't Quasi take _that_ back to her?"

"If Meret tried to blend with Maddy that soon after she took Qua'sel back," Vala explained, "And they obviously did battle immediately, the only thoughts Qua'sel could have transferred would have been those uppermost in his- your- mind. There would have been no time to explain, or, I imagine, even realize what thoughts she was sensing." She shuddered hard and closed her eyes a moment. "I can only imagine the incredible pain Madison must have endured as the two symbiotes fought. Ba'al suspected nothing?"

Jack fought down the hot, beer flavored bile that was crawling up the back of his throat. "I wasn't there. She made him heal me before she'd submit to the blending. He tossed my ass outta bed, I stood up, then Maddy beamed me to the base. Sara came home before I could get back and she said they were gone then."

Vala shuddered again.

"Jack, I think we've hit on something. Maddy's been unsure of you ever since you divorced her. She's always been a little afraid of you. Meret would have taken any good memories she had of you and warped them, used Qua'sel's memories to reinforce her own evil twist."

"And I can imagine how pissed you were that she was considering... what she ended up doing," Mitchell added. "That would have been really fresh in Qua'sel's mind..."

Vala leaned forward. "The two strongest ties that made Maddy who she was were you and her God. Meret would have been enraged that Maddy refused to give either of those up and defer to her. She wanted to be Maddy's god and she wanted for herself the devotion Maddy felt towards you. To that end she would have dredged up every conceivable bit of evidence that was stored in every mind she had access to that would break Maddy's resolve. Including yours."

"If she had that kind of power, she would have been able to repress all Maddy's confidence in you, too," Mitchell added.

"But I was right there, every minute, watching her," Jack argued. "Didn't that count for something?"

"Depends on how Meret interpreted it for her."

The waitress arrived with another pitcher of beer. Jack covered his glass with his hand. He was still having trouble keeping down what he'd already had.

When the waitress left Vala spoke. "My advice to you is talk to her. Tell her everything we've just said, tell her repeatedly and often. Convince her, General, that you still love her."

"And that you aren't mad at her," Daniel murmured. "If that's the truth."

Jack shot him an ugly look.

"Is it, Sir?" Mitchell asked without making eye contact. "Will Maddy battle back from this only to face you leaving her again over it? Or beating her over the head with it? Because if _you _can't get past it maybe, like Sam said, she's better off at Area 51."

Jack swore under his breath, a long and heartfelt string of bitter oaths that left the other three staring at the table. When he ran out of cuss words he made up a few, then repeated the entire list.

"You finished, or just taking a breath?" Daniel goaded.

"If I'm such a son-of-a-bitch," Jack snarled, "Why the Hell do any of you give a damn? Or is it just Maddy you're concerned about?"

"Jack, your wrath is an awesome thing to behold," Daniel told him. "I've watched battle hardened soldiers shake in their boots when you get pissed. I've seen you kill with such a cold ruthlessness that I questioned my own sanity being around you. Think back over every... episode... in your career then magnify that the way Meret would have for Maddy. Not just from Qua'sel's point of view, but from your own. Tap into that icy distance you find that allows you to do the things you've done, then understand that Maddy has felt, experienced, each of those times."

"Out of curiosity, General," Vala interrupted Daniel's morbid and frightening tirade, "When Maddy passed Qua'sel back to you, what memories of her mind did you get?"

Jack sat back and scrubbed his hands over his face. Such a warm peace settled over him that he nearly sobbed.

"Gentleness. Love so intense it was like a blinding white light inside my head. Pure, unadulterated faith so strong it hit me like a sledgehammer. Kindness. Compassion. A wildness of spirit that took my breath away." He shook his head and let it fall back on his shoulders, raked his eyes over the ceiling as he spoke. "Knowledge that was staggering. Like the names of trees and flowers and birds. Tractors. How to make hay and grow tomatoes and thicken gravy. Stuff about horses, and dogs. The sheer joy she felt when she was riding." A small smile touched the edges of his mouth. "I know how she catches more fish than me. ...A character so entirely devoid of selfishness and spite that it even made me feel clean inside. I felt somehow that I would corrupt her just by touching her thoughts inside my own head." He realized he was rambling and stopped. When he straightened and looked at their faces he felt his ears getting hot.

"Maybe the two of you somehow traded souls," Mitchell joked.

"Actually," Vala mused, "That's not far from the truth. While Qua'sel gave that part of Maddy to General O'Neill, Meret did her best to suppress all things positive about the General and replace them with every vile thing she could dredge up."

Daniel was staring at O'Neill. "Seriously, Jack? Not even an angry thought? A bitch about you, us, work, anything? Jealousy?"

"She thinks you nag me too much."

Daniel rolled his eyes then asked, "Seriously?"

Jack snorted at him. Maddy had a few secrets, a few short comings, but he wasn't about to share them with anyone. Not even SG1.

"The woman is the epitome of generosity and grace and compassion."

It was Vala's turn to snort. "Come on, General. No one is that completely _good._"

"She's too good for me," Jack muttered. "I don't deserve her." Let them think it was the beer talking. Truth was, once he had opened his mind to her memories they came flooding back to him in a sweet, delightful rush.

Maddy tried so hard. Why wasn't she trying now?

But those memories could hold the key to her plight, right there inside his head. It had been there all along. He was just too damned dense to realize it.

She loved him so much. It was overwhelming.

Jack abruptly stood, and as Carter had done earlier, dropped a few bills on the table.

"Thanks for the help." That may or may not have sounded sarcastic. He was too distracted to care. He turned for the door, and if he staggered just a bit it was from the thoughts and memories whirling through his brain, not the effects of the beer.

When Jack slipped into bed beside her, Maddy woke.

"Ugh. You smell awful!" she bitched. "I always did hate the smell of used beer."

Jack sighed then burped loudly. Maddy clicked her tongue and crawled out of bed. He knew she was going to sleep in the spare bedroom and he was glad. He needed time to sort through her memories, time to search for something that would give his wife back to him. He closed his eyes, relaxed, and let his mind drift.

An exquisite delight filled him as he touched her emotions. Sunshine. Laughter. He heard the sound of his own voice in her ear, deep and husky as they made love, and he felt the thrill, the fathomless wonder as she felt it. How could anyone have such a depth and range of emotion that was all on the good side of the feeling scale? He dug deeper, found a tiny twinge of irritation and focused on it.

Jealousy. Carter. Her battle to get past it. Sarah, ah, that had been harder for her to fight, but then there had been exhaustion, frustration that he hadn't been getting any better. Anger. She had been starting to question her own stamina. Fear. She had been terrified whomever had been setting her up at work would render her incapable of taking care of him.

He hesitated to delve into those memories, but went ahead and plunged in. Changing diapers, the catheter. Such compassion, such devotion and determination. It really had bothered him far more than it had her. Memories of her brother recalled to aid her, sadness at his loss. Tedd's smile, his giggle, his sense of humor, eyes that were so much like hers. Jack felt hot tears behind his eyelids and pushed past those thoughts.

He hit on a pain, a worry so piercing and acute that it actually made him twitch. His soul. She had been sick with worry that his soul would be lost. The woman prayed almost constantly and most of it centered on him. Petitions for his salvation, his safety, his understanding, his happiness. Central to her every thought was her husband's happiness. Jack shook his head and chewed on the inside of his lip. Every move she made, every word she uttered had first been run through a filter to assure it wouldn't hurt or anger him.

Anger. There it was! He focused on it. Not her anger, but his. She _had_ been afraid of him! Oh, God, Maddy, no! I could never hurt you. I could never leave you again. I did it the first time to protect you. But she had never believed that. There was another memory he needed to explore, and it had so many connections to her first husband. The pain, the hurt, the anger not at him but at herself. The ridicule she had endured, both imagined and real. Her self doubts, frustration about her body that she sensed he disliked, but always love and prayer and faith. She tried so hard to be easy to live with, to please him. More frustration that she blamed on herself. What strength this woman gained from her faith. It was staggering. More pain and some relief when he had finally left her.

The impact of the next memory made him draw into a ball and gasp.

Sheer, devastating horror at Jack's rage that she had forced him to live as he had been after the crash. Jack sucked in a breath and pushed his face into the pillow. She had been crushed by his fury, passed on to her unwittingly by Qua'sel as he died. These memories were so much more vivid, perhaps because they had originated within his own mind. How he had railed at her, vented his fury and frustration on her when so many other factors had been at fault. It seemed far more magnified inside her mind than it had been to him as it actually happened. Her fear of losing him, of him being in pain, she actually felt his panic as he was trapped inside a unresponsive body. He had barely endured it, and she had been forced to relive it.

Livid rage, the helplessness and frustration of her going with Ba'al.

Jack had enough and tried to close his mind off to her memories. But they kept coming, refused to be corralled and shut off. Her joy at his every moment of progress clouded by the certainty that he would be bitter and resentful towards her for forcing him through it. Constant fear that he would recover to the point where he could end his own torment while she was gone.

Sara again. Incredible will as she battled jealousy to show her kindness and compassion. Maddy had actually liked Sara, had a deep-seated desire to help her. Raging guilt for resenting her presence in Jack's life, both before meeting Maddy and after the accident. How deeply insulted and hurt she had been when Sara hadn't called her the moment Jack got his voice back. Her jealousy that they had shared that together, shut her out, until she happened to discovered it for herself.

Guilt. So much guilt over every errant thought, every misjudged action, every slip of the mind or tongue. Confidence in her faith, that she would be forgiven. The determination not to do anything- inside her head or out of it- that she would need to be forgiven for.

'_**And half the time I forget I'm not supposed to fart in public.'**_

Jack forced his mind to back out of hers, like slowly thumbing the pages of a book. When he came to a memory of them making love he paused there, experienced the incredible joy and thrill she had felt at his every touch, his every response. She loved to feel his strength, his power. It was with these thoughts floating through his mind that Jack finally fell asleep.

**Chapter Fifty Five**

When he woke the next morning, Jack had a plan. Without the Nautilus and without Maddy's beaming technology online, they wouldn't be able to take much. He wished he could ask her help, her advice, on what to take but that was out of the question. He made a run to a bulk store then stopped to talk to Landry.

"Jack, have a seat. Come to a decision?" Landry greeted.

"I have, actually. Hank, I'm taking Maddy to Nirrti's planet. Can we hitch a ride on the Odyssey?"

Landry sat back and studied his friend. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I'm not having her locked up on this base or any other. I'll tell SG1- off base- but I want it kept quiet other than that."

"Is this a permanent move?"

"As permanent as her mind dictates."

Landry nodded slowly. "I'll have Carter set up a mobile long-range communication..."

"No. If the Odyssey could check on us if they happen to be in that vicinity, I'd appreciate it. Maybe drop off a few supplies, see if we need medical treatment. But other than that, I'm cutting us off from Earth entirely."

"Once the Nautilus has been cleared from quarantine I can have it brought to you."

Again Jack shook his head. "I don't want to give her any means of escape. But if SG1 wants to use it to come check on us..."

"Jack, are you sure about this? I can't fudge authorization for pit stops every two weeks."

"Not necessary, Hank. Just if they happen by."

Landry scowled at him. "This is a pretty drastic step. What about the lodge?"

"I'm going to sign it over to Daniel lock, stock, and barrel. If something happens and we don't come back, it won't be a hassle. Between them, they can take care of everything. Feel free to use it for R&R when SGC personnel need a place. I'd appreciate it if Corporal Williams could step in when all of SG1 are away."

Landry nodded. "That can be arranged. Corporal Williams is a lifer, and he loves that place. It won't be a problem. Will you take Bonnie and Diamond, the other dogs?"

Jack shook his head. "Bonnie, maybe. There's nothing there that will attack her. But not Diamond. That black creature that's part bear and all stud will mangle her."

"Food? Shelter? Jack, have you thought this through?"

"We'll live inside the palace. I have a few things gathered up."

"What if you decide to come home?"

"Then we'll hitch a ride when one shows up."

Landry picked up a pen and tapped it on a stack of paperwork. "The Odyssey is due back a week from tomorrow. It's scheduled to ship out three days later. I can route her past the planet for you. Can you be ready by then?"

Jack nodded. "Hank, would it be better for you if I was reinstated to my position before we left?"

Hank pursed his lips and nodded. "It would cut through part of the paperwork."

"There can't _be_ any official paperwork, Hank. List us as MIA or POW."

"I get that, Jack," Landry said sourly. "It'll give me an excuse to pretend to look for you. For the Odyssey to be drastically off-course every once in awhile with no questions left hanging."

Jack stood. "What do I need to sign to get my job back?"

Landry's face betrayed him. "Nothing. I never put your resignation through."

Jack narrowed his eyes at him. Landry shrugged.

"The way things went down with Maddy, there was no way in Hell we'd ever get you reinstated if you had officially quit. George and I talked it over. We left it stand as an open-ended compassionate leave due to the job-related accident. Which turned out to be sabotage- by the very enemy your wife was confirmed as aiding and abetting in multiple felonies- but put _you _in line for hazzard pay and complete medical coverage."

Jack's expression didn't change, but his mind was reeling.

"It couldn't have gone down any differently, Jack. We could come up with a list as long as your arm to prove Maddy's innocence, but that would open a whole new can of worms. Do you really want to expose her as having been altered by both the Asgard and the Gou'ald?"

"Spending her life in prison for treason would pale in comparison to what they'd do to her at Area 51," Jack growled.

"I'll have Caroline release you for unrestricted duty, have George update your status as civilian oversight, then you can be lost on your first off-world mission."

"With my wife?" Jack asked skeptically.

"Has she agreed to this?"

"She's not getting the chance. Speaking of which, how soon will I be issued a zat?"

"Oh. I see. Well, it'll take a bit longer for word of her disappearance to reach Washington. We'll play dumb and officially presume she went off looking for you. Not like there isn't precedence for that assumption. Or that she made a break for it. Once she leaves Earth she'll be classified as a fugitive either way. ...Jack, give this some serious thought. What if either of you get hurt? Run out of decent water? Toilet paper..."

When Jack snapped his fingers and breathed a mild curse Landry rolled his eyes. "You need Maddy to plan this trip."

"I'm looking for Maddy," Jack told him. "I hope I can find her on Nirrti's planet. We're not coming back until I do. Maybe not even then."

**Chapter Fifty Six**

Jack looked at the overwhelming pile of supplies outside the little golden palace and sighed. Maddy was still out cold, resting comfortably on the ground with her head on a pillow. He should start moving everything inside, start organizing, figure out what he had forgotten. Instead he kicked off his shoes and walked through the pink sand to the water's edge. Memories of him and Maddy swimming in this purple ocean, of her cleaning his wounds in the salty water came flooding back to him. Her memories made him smile. He had thought she was oblivious to his subtle touch when in reality she had craved it. How hard she had worked to keep her feelings hidden from him. How desperately she had feared being in love.

How much she had wanted him, and how hard she had fought those urges.

He lifted his face into the warm breeze. This place was as close to a tropical paradise as he could have wished for. Carter assured him there would be no winter here- too many suns. It would get incredibly hot, there would be fierce thunderstorms, but no harsh cold to deal with. Jack had packed only a modicum of clothes for them. When these wore out they'd go naked. If it was up to him they'd start out naked and stay that way.

'_**I should have packed scuba gear,'**_ he thought as he watched the waves roll to shore.

Bonnie bumped into his leg and he glanced down. The dog panted up at him, asking a multitude of doggie questions. She had been avoiding Maddy, was hurt and confused by the treatment she was getting from someone to whom she was so attached.

"We'll get her back, Bon. You and I."

Bonnie pressed into his leg and whined.

"Wonder what her reaction is gonna be when she wakes up?"

Bonnie oozed down his leg and laid across his foot. She was shaking slightly, nervous and unsure of this new place. Jack eyed the greying muzzle and hoped he hadn't made a mistake bringing her along. She was getting old and this would be a drastic change for her. But he couldn't face the idea of her dying while they were away, dying among strangers. He hoped that time was years away yet, but he hadn't wanted to take the chance. There was no telling when they'd get back to Earth.

IF they'd get back to Earth.

"Besides, I'll need someone to talk to until she gets over being royally pissed," he told the dog.

He had been sifting through Maddy's memories, growing more comfortable with the concept, beginning to embrace the ability instead of loathing it. He had been concerned at first, worried that familiarity would breed contempt as the adage promised, but the more he understood his wife, the more he respected her. Loved her. Appreciated her. Was overwhelmed by her capacity to love and accept and endure. If he was grateful for one thing above all else, it was that he had been spared her thoughts while she was blended with Meret.

Quasi had given him the ability to sort through and close off voices and thoughts as he pleased. He had had it all along but been too bullheaded to fully embrace the Tok'ra's legacy. Only desperation over Maddy had broken through that stubbornness. He understood that Maddy had the same ability and she chose to close off her own personality instead of those foisted upon her.

Why?

What had he done to her that she refused to return to him? So far he hadn't been able to discern her reasoning but he was convinced it was there somewhere, if only he could find it. And recognize it when he did.

Once again he questioned his decision to bring her here. Drugs had been out of the question because of Maddy's peculiar system. Dr. Lam had projected doubt as to their usefulness, citing past history. Meret and Quasi were both too smart, too strong an influence to bother with psychiatry. With the threat of confinement hanging over their heads he had taken the only acceptable option.

"In this moment, Bonnie, I don't care if we ever leave this planet," he mused. "I'm tired. As tired as Maddy was while taking care of everything, worrying about everything. This is going..."

A long, wild wail of pure fury resonated through the trees. Bonnie raised up and pressed into his leg. She was shaking again.

"Momma's awake," he told her. "Let's go see what she decides to throw at us first. Maybe if we stand in front of the door the stuff she throws will land inside. Save us from having to carry it all."

Maddy was pacing the clearing in front of the palace. When she spied Jack she flew at him, screeching like a banshee. Bonnie ducked behind Jack and darted for a pile of rocks. Jack caught both of Maddy's wrists and held her at bay.

"Damn you! What the hell were you _thinking_? You _zatted_ me, you bastard! I won't stay here! Where's the Nautilus? Where'd you hide it? I _hate_ you for this, O'Neill!"

"We don't have the Nautilus," he told her calmly. "We're stranded."

"Stranded? _Stranded_! With all those supplies?_ Liar_!"

"I didn't say it wasn't on purpose. Rant and rave and get it out of your system so you can help me set up housekeeping."

"I'm not helping you do squat! You did this, you handle it! Asshole! _Bastard_!"

Time to get tough.

"Fine, Maddy. If that's the way you want it, remember it was your decision." Jack threw her wrists away from him and strode past her.

He resisted the urge to glance at her as he got busy carrying supplies into the palace. He brushed dust off Nirrti's gene splicing equipment that Thor had long ago rendered inoperable and used them as tables. Large tins of salt and coffee and sugar and rice were stacked in neat piles off the floor. A bench along the wall served as a china cupboard. He laid out two separate beds, one in the back room with the supplies for Maddy, his own in the front chamber where he could watch the door. The weapons locker he planted between his bed and the wall, double checked that it was locked, that the key was on the chain around his neck with his dog tags. When he found the coffee pot he gathered firewood, started a fire, and put coffee on to brew.

Maddy was nowhere to be seen.

He walked towards shore and saw her sitting on the rocks high above the sea. He watched her for a moment then went back to work.

Night fell and still she didn't return to the palace. He knew hunger wouldn't draw her back- she would eat from the forest of fruit trees. The only thing that would eventually pull her back was loneliness, and that was a good thing. Jack settled down and tried to sleep.

A week passed, then two. The only glimpse he got of Maddy was from a distance. He kept an eye on her, but gave her the space she apparently wanted. It was enough to know she was safe. Bonnie stayed with Jack, made no attempt to be near her mistress; perhaps sensing Maddy's turmoil, probably fearing it. Jack was as patient waiting for her as he was handling high explosives. Maddy was a wild thing at heart, and he hoped being in this primitive setting would help her to put Meret in a place where Jack could eventually help her deal with it. His wife would cave to the temptation of enjoying this unfettered freedom, succumb to the lure of challenging herself against the elements, and in doing so would begin to sort Meret's influence from her own free will. He had removed every possible distraction that kept her from facing her two biggest fears: God and her husband. Time would force her to deal with them both. With nobody on whom to carry out Meret's final directive, Maddy's thoughts would have to turn inward. Endurance would make her strong again, rebuild her confidence, hopefully restore her faith in both herself and God.

A wicked crack of thunder woke Jack from a sound sleep. It had felt like rain all day, the air so humid and sticky that he had spent most of the afternoon lounging in the water. He rolled onto his side and reached for a chunk of meat still suspended over long dead coals. A brilliant flash of lightning stayed his hand.

Maddy was leaning on the wall, just inside the door of the palace, staring out into the driving rain.

"Might as well come over here, out of the draft," he suggested.

Maddy started and half turned towards him.

"You were sleeping."

Ah! A response! "Not anymore."

"You were snoring so loudly I couldn't hear the thunder."

"I don't snore. That was Bonnie."

For a moment he thought she wouldn't budge, but in time she wandered closer to what he liked to call his 'grotto'. Arms folded defensively across her chest, she stared at the meat on the spit.

"Have some," he offered.

She shook her head and seemed to ease back a step. "It's yours."

"There's no 'mine' and 'yours'. I always cook enough for both of us. If you don't show up for supper, I have it for breakfast."

He thought she raised an eyebrow, but the flash of lightning faded too quickly to be sure.

"Go on, Maddy. Eat. You've gotta be sick of fruit by now."

"Meret hated fruit."

"I know. But you like it."

"For awhile I couldn't get enough."

"Sick of it yet?"

"No... Sick of having the scoots, though."

"But that meat sure looks good," he suggested. "I learned how to cook it from you, Babe. It's done to perfection. Even good cold."

Maddy squatted down close to the spit and reached for the meat. Jack reached out and caught her nipple between the backs of his knuckles. No bra- he had made sure of that- so he got a nice grip. Maddy gasped but held her ground. Her hand paused inches away from the meat.

"So that's the price of a decent bite of food?" she asked acidly.

"Not at all. Help yourself. It's what I'm doing. Everything is free here."

More than testing Maddy, Jack was testing himself. To his delighted relief he felt a sweet stirring in his groin. Ah! Not impotent! Still fully functional! Thank You, _Lord_!

When Maddy finally took the meat off the spit Jack let go of her.

"Can I have a nine mil?"

"Nope."

"Then a zat?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I bag enough meat for both of us. Two of us hunting would be wasteful. You want meat, just come take some, Maddy. There's rice, beans, coffee, salt, sugar... You're denying yourself the few luxuries we have."

"I miss my beaming technology."

"I don't," Jack answered with feeling.

She snorted at him. "I don't know if I can wrap my mind around purple rice," she said referring to their only water source, which was a washed-out lavender color but completely potable.

"Sure you can. Meret couldn't have, but you can."

She didn't respond and in the intermittent flashes of light he couldn't read her expression.

"Rain's letting up."

"Do you have a shelter?" he asked.

"Not really. Not against a downpour like this."

"I made you a bed in the back chamber. Use it."

There was a long pause. "Thank you." Maddy got up and headed back towards the rear chamber.

"Here, take a flashlight."

"I'll find it," she called confidently.

"Ok." Jack settled back onto his air mattress. "Better shake out your blankets. I haven't seen any of those snake-scorpion-spider things we saw last time, but just in case..."

Her shadowy form reappeared beside his bed. "Where's that flashlight?"

Jack handed it up to her.

"Better gimme a zat, too. Just in case."

"Nope. You holler, I'll come kill it for you."

"Afraid I'll kill you?" she asked softly.

"You- no. Meret- yes."

"Quasi wouldn't let her."

"But you would?"

Maddy sighed. "I can't help it, Jack. They're all inside me. Meret, Quasi. Vidik. You. There's no room for me."

"Vidik?" Jack repeated, shoving himself up onto his elbows.

"Quasi recalled him for something... just as Meret attacked. His essence is strong. Almost as strong as yours."

"Aw, Maddy."

"Can... can the Asgard or Tok'ra or somebody take them outta my head?"

"No, Babe. But you can control them. Once you do that, you'll forget they're even there."

She didn't answer. The flashlight came on and Jack squinted in the abrupt light. She immediately moved it off him and headed for the back chamber. Jack watched the light rebound off the ceiling in a golden glow and a moment later it was totally dark again. He stretched out and lay thinking about the woman he knew so intimately, yet at this time and in this place, knew not at all.

The next morning when he went into the back room for coffee makings Maddy's bed was empty. Disappointed, he scooped grounds out of the tin and brought a box of cereal to the fire ring with him. Munching on dry cereal, he started a small but hot fire and set the coffee pot on to boil. It was still raining, a hard, steady downpour that looked like it would last all day. He wondered where she was, if she managed to stay dry, if she was comfortable or hungry. The coffee was nearly done when Maddy came traipsing back into the palace.

She was carrying a tote filled with bath things and had only a dripping towel wrapped around her. Her eyes touched on him briefly as she padded a wet trail into the back. He imagined her naked, drying herself, and it was all he could do to keep from going back to help. Deciding a shower was a good idea, he poured her a cup of coffee and carried it back with him.

Maddy was bent over drying her legs. When she straightened and saw him out of the corner of her eye she jumped.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said briskly. He set the cup on a tin of instant potatoes and picked up the tote. "My turn."

She wrapped the towel around herself and eyed the coffee.

"Hope I got enough creamer in it for you."

"Meret hated coffee."

"But you like it."

Maddy made a face.

"What _did_ she like?"

"That dark, bitter chocolate with chili powder in it," she said scowling. "It's awful."

"Aren't you glad you never have to drink that again?"

"She refused to eat so much as a grain of sugar."

"There's a whole barrel of it, white and brown- dig in. I'll get you a spoon."

She gave him a long look. "If you go around to that wide yellow overhang where you fell that time, the water is coming off hard enough for a good shower. It's not purple."

"Thanks." Jack's step was a bit lighter as he went out into the downpour. Maybe she'd stay with him while it was raining, then maybe she'd just stay.

Finished with his shower, Jack didn't bother to dress when he went back inside. Maddy was sitting cross-legged beside the fire pouring herself another cup of coffee. She glanced around, then turned for another look. Jack watched her eyes slide slowly from his feet up, and as they rose so did he. Her gaze stopped just short of his eyes and she turned her back to him. Jack was grinning as he headed for the back to dry and dress. It was still hot and sticky and humid so he opted for only a pair of shorts. Inspiration struck and he grabbed his shaving kit. He hadn't bothered to shave since they arrived, but he decided now was the time.

Maddy loved to watch him shave.

She was all eyes as he dropped down across from her and balanced a small mirror on the shelf he had built out of flat colored crystals.

"Too damned hot for a beard," he said lightly. "Time for this to come off."

"I can't believe you won't give me a zat."

He flicked his eyes to her. "I don't trust you with it, Maddy. Not yet."

"You didn't hide the guns back home."

"I didn't realize how messed up your head was."

"Why are we here?"

"Because suits at the Pentagon were fighting over whether or not to take you into custody. I wanted you out of their reach."

"Me? Why?" she gasped.

"Collusion with a known enemy of Earth, treason..."

"But I couldn't help it!" she defended. "Meret..."

"All they know is you were seen helping Ba'al commit crimes. And we don't dare tell them why. The few who know are trying their damnedest to come up with an explanation that will clear you without exposing all your little secrets. And with everything you've got in your head now, the people who _do_ know the truth consider you a major security threat."

"Threat? Not 'risk'?"

"Threat. You know the score, Maddy, how it works. George and Hank are working their asses off to get you cleared, but in the meantime I refused to see you confined to the base."

"They were going to arrest me?"

"Hank asked me to bring you in voluntarily. I refused."

"How did we get here?"

"The Odyssey. The Nautilus is still in quarantine on Atlantis."

"So Hank knows where we are."

"Him, SG1, the crew aboard the Odyssey. That's it. I imagine he'll tell George when he can do it safely. Won't be over the phone."

"We can never go home?" She sounded on the verge of panic.

"I won't say never, but not for a long while, Babe."

He glanced at her face. A range of emotions were flitting across her features.

"I signed the lodge over to Daniel for the time being. SG1 is going to move in and Corporal Williams is going to pinch hit when they're away."

"Signed it over?" she echoed hollowly.

"Makes it easier for him to handle our business, Maddy. And it makes for a believable cover story."

"Which is what?"

"That I went missing on a very dangerous and very important mission to save Earth yet again," he said with a melodramatic flair. "When you were informed, mere mortals couldn't hold you back; you beamed aboard one of Ba'al's ships and came looking for me. You aren't sure you wanna come back and face their bullshit charges, and frankly, after what you did to take down Ba'al you figured the suits at the Pentagon could collectively kiss your... very sweet... ass."

He had hoped for at least a smile. He didn't get it.

"A mission? I thought you quit."

"Hank never turned in my resignation. All this tracks better if I'm still on the books as a member of the SGC."

Bonnie darted inside, paused near Maddy, and gave a vigorous shake. Doggie smelling water sprayed all over her. Jack watched for her reaction and it disappointed him. She cringed away with a nasty look on her face.

"Get away!" she snapped at the unsuspecting dog.

Bonnie jumped at the harsh words, ducked her head and scooted to Jack's side. He put an arm around her and gave her a hug, wet and all. Maddy made an ugly face and turned away. Jack finished shaving, disheartened by her loss of interest.

"Lets take a walk along the beach."

Her head came around slowly. "It's raining," she pointed out incredulously.

"You love the rain. Never could keep you out of it."

"Well now I have to live in it. It's different. Did you think to pack scissors? I need to trim my hair."

Oh, no she wasn't. If Jack thought for a moment Maddy wanted to keep her hair in the bob Meret insisted on, he'd give her the damned scissors. Hell, he'd do it for her. But this was just another of Meret's traits he decided he was going to break.

"Have to look. I packed in a hurry. You need them now?"

Her impatient sigh told him volumes. He carried his shaving kit back into the chamber, found the scissors, hid them in a recess behind one of the machines, and returned carrying two decks of playing cards. He shuffled the two decks together and dealt himself solitaire.

"Two decks?"

"Takes longer."

He wanted her to ask him to play. She loved canasta. But it had to be her idea. If he suggested it she'd refuse just to defy him.

"What do you want for supper?" he asked absently.

"I'm not hungry. Too hot to eat."

He glanced up. "Maddy, you're thin as a rail. You need to put on some weight."

"Put _on_ weight?" she sputtered. "I've wanted to look like this all my life! Screw you, O'Neill!"

"I appreciate a little cushion for these old bones."

"So keep your bones off me if it's not to your liking!" she snapped.

Aw, shit. That backfired.

"I'm just saying I liked you the way you were, Babe. Before Meret mutilated and starved you into what she wanted. You were soft and sturdy and comfortable. Incredibly sexy. Beautiful. ...Happy."

"_Sturdy_!" she yelped. "I was never happy with my body and you know it! Meret did this for me, so I'd be more content with myself."

"Meret did that because she wanted to change everything about you she could. It was her way of making that body hers instead of yours. Or mine."

Maddy glared at him. "She looked into my mind, Jack, and gave me this body as a reward for not fighting her over..." She stopped and dropped her eyes.

"Over what? Cutting your hair?"

"That was punishment. For fighting past her to call out to you."

"So what did she reward you for?"

Maddy's eyes drifted to the doorway. "For not trying to kill her while she was high on coke."

Jack dropped the cards. "Coke, Maddy? She was using cocaine?"

Maddy's eyes filled with tears and her face crumpled. "God, Jack, it was awful," she whispered, shuddering hard at the memory. "It burned and, and... So bitter and vile. I hated it so much, despised what it did to my body. I'd feel, see my own hand..." It was too awful for her to voice.

"How did that work? I mean, did you or Meret get high?"

"My body did. Her consciousness enjoyed it, mine detested it. I... I could block it out but only if I gave her full control. Like letting go of the steering wheel, ducking, squeezing my eyes shut and covering my head. I retreated as far away from it as I could, and I managed to fight the effects to a degree. I felt dizzy, but I could think clearly. One time I tried to get her to overdose, kept begging for more hoping she'd kill us. She took us to the brink and stopped in time. I was messed up for days, Jack. This body of mine, my weird system, started to get immune to the effects. She blamed it on me and used more and more... I stopped fighting her and when her mind was spaced out the most, I cut our wrists."

"Aw, God, Maddy!"

She held out her wrists and laughed sourly. "Ba'al used the healing device. Meret was too wasted to help us. Not even a scar to prove I tried."

Jack shook his head. "I'm so sorry..."

She rolled a shoulder. "You know I've always hated drugs, Jack. She started in the first place to prove nothing I wanted, nothing I believed, mattered anymore."

"How'd she quit?"

"Symbiotes don't get 'hooked'. They can heal themselves and their host's bodies of any type of addiction. Mental or physical." She paused. "She erased my addiction to you."

"_Me_? What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm not sure, but whatever she did... I pined for you, Jack, needed you desperately. Ached for you. It drove her nuts and she insisted I stop. I told her I couldn't help it. I don't know what she did, but those little jaunts to the diner were tests. To prove to me she had 'cured' me of you."

"She made you fall out of love with me?" he asked incredulously.

Maddy shook her head. "Meret didn't believe in love. She said humans were a base life form and the emotion we call love is a chemical reaction linked to animalistic lust, instilled in us to ensure procreation. By our Gou'ald gods, of course, so that they could continue to have a supply of hosts."

Jack leaned forward. "Do you understand that she got that from you, Maddy? That she took one of your deepest fears and used it against you?"

Maddy blinked at him. "I have never believed the Gou'ald are gods..."

"Not what I'm referring to. You didn't used to believe in love, either. Remember the long discussion we had when we first got married?"

"You think she was throwing my own words back at me?" she asked uncertainly. "She didn't really believe that?"

"She didn't believe she was a god, Maddy. She knew better. She _wanted_ to be one..."

"I understand that, Jack, but if she could control me from the inside, why did she work so hard to _convince_ me? Convert me?"

"Honey, first off she couldn't push you all the way back because she needed you in order to learn how to use the transportation device. If she could have used it without you, she wouldn't have bothered trying to convince you of anything..."

"She never did learn how to use it," Maddy interrupted. "She tried, but for some reason without my help it wouldn't work for her. I tried to refuse, but it felt like she was forcing me..." She glanced down, embarrassed. "Like when you have to pee really, really bad. You try to hold it, but at some point..."

"You're incredibly strong. I knew Meret would have a battle on her hands controlling you. She wouldn't let you know, but she had to dig damn deep for methods of suppressing you. I bet whatever she did to 'cure' you of me had to do with closing off or numbing some part of your brain. Or introducing a chemical... like the ones used to chemically neuter men that can't control their sex drive. Damn it, I wish we had access to Dr. Lam now."

Maddy's heavy sigh brought his eyes back to her face.

"How do you feel now?" he asked carefully, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer. Would she be honest with him?

"I don't know," she answered frankly. "Sometimes I love you so much it hurts and sometimes I want as far away from you as I can get. Mostly I'm just numb."

Jack picked up the cards to buy himself time to think. He needed her to question her feelings, question every hold Meret ever had over her.

"At least you don't hate me," he quipped with a lightness he wasn't feeling.

"She wanted me to. Never managed it, though."

An idea struck.

"So she convinced you to be afraid of me?"

Maddy's face betrayed her. Her nostrils flared and a sheen of dampness emerged over her pallor.

"I have Quasi's memories of you," he reminded gently. "I know you were always afraid of me on some level. It hurt to find that out, Maddy. But Meret took that and used it against you, too. Please don't hang onto that. If you never love me like you used to, I'd rather that than know you were afraid of me."

She swallowed dryly.

"Maddy... How could you be afraid of me and stand up to me like you always did? Provoke me, defy me? What did it take for you to do what you did on Trygar Nine?"

"Know how I loved to dive off the roof into the lake? That terrified me, Jack. But I did it. _Because_ I was terrified of it. I don't know what it is that makes me do it, but when I'm afraid of something I just have to face it, push it. You always were a rush for me."

Jack shook his head again, deeply hurt when he thought that should have felt like a compliment.

"Taco was another challenge. He was hard to ride, Jack, dangerous and unpredictable. I wanted him that way. I loved him that way. I could have trained that out of him but I didn't. I was a little bit afraid of him, too."

That admission surprised him.

"I remember the night we met, the way you rode him through that storm. I thought then that you were nuts."

"Maybe I am."

"Probably," he agreed. "I think it takes nuts to be in love with me."

"Is that why it never happened between you and Sam? She wasn't nuts enough?"

Jack studied her face. "You might be right, Babe. I was attracted to her brains, her guts, her beauty, her compassion. She had everything but the loose screw it took to hook me."

"So you traded everything else for a loose screw," she observed sourly. "That's good to know."

"Maddy, you're gorgeous. You've got more nerve than anybody has a right to. You're very intelligent, just not when it comes to rocket science and who the hell needs that when we already have a Carter? You're the most generous, compassionate, _passionate_ person I know. You've got a great sense of humor." He grinned. "Great boobs. Great hair. Incredible eyes... The 'nuts' is just icing on a very delicious cake."

She laughed at him. It was hollow and forced, but at least she laughed. "Sam is blonde and blue-eyed," she pointed out with a gesture at her head.

"So?"

"If that's what attracts you..."

"_You_ attract me, Maddy. I would have fallen in love with you if your eyes had been orange and your hair green."

"Got a thing for punk rockers?"

She was teasing him! Progress!

"I've got a thing for you." He glanced down at the cards he didn't realize he had been shuffling. "Maddy... I'd been looking for something for a long time. I was happy with Sara, but... I was still looking for _something_. For awhile Charlie filled that space, but still I felt like there was just one piece of my puzzle missing. Things went really bad and that puzzle got all mixed up. The SGC helped put a lot of the pieces back in place, but the picture was different. Carter... Carter was one of those pieces that always looks like it'll fit but never does. You get one prong to fit and you think it's finally in place, until three pieces later you have to take it back out." He paused for a moment, thinking. "I met you and all of a sudden the puzzle was complete. All the other pieces just fell into place and the picture was awesome. It's like I'd never looked at the box and the finished picture was a complete- and wonderful- surprise."

He slowly dealt out another hand.

"Maddy, when I was working that puzzle I thought it must surely contain kids. Carter. A nine-to-five after retirement to keep me occupied while she was buried in a lab somewhere. Bad knees and an aching back. Glasses. Prostate trouble and lapses of memory. Maybe a fatal bullet before any of that could happen. Hellacious boredom. I certainly never expected to have more than a passing interest in God. But when that final piece fell into place, I realized the picture I had in my mind had been completely wrong."

"I'm sorry."

His head came up. "Why?"

"I turned your life upside down."

He nodded. "It's better that way. Like abstract art. One way looks right and you live with it until the day you're on the floor and see it upside down and realize you'd had it wrong all that time. Thank you for that. I love you, Maddy. You complete me, even now. Even this."

"Even with my memories?"

Jack had to smile. "When I touch your memories, Maddy, I get such a warm, peaceful feeling. Just like when I'm near you. You soothe me and excite me all at once. It's euphoric."

She actually blushed. Jack's smile turned tender.

"I don't know who I am anymore," she told him. "I feel so lost and confused. So many of your memories are confusing to me."

"Like what?" He immediately wished he hadn't asked.

"Your feelings for Sam. They run really deep."

"Then you have to know that my feelings for you run deeper."

"Meret stole those."

Jack winced. The bitch had meticulously, sadistically, attacked Maddy with a vengeance.

"I suppose she left all the ones I'd rather you'd never known."

"Quasi never let me see those, Jack. Not even Meret could find them. She tried. She wanted me to see the dark side of you, the mean, ruthless, cold part of you that she sensed was there somewhere."

"Well thank God for that," he muttered. "But if that's the case, what's making you so afraid of me?"

Maddy picked up a half burned stick and used it to stir the ashes around. "Know how the threat of a beating is sometimes worse than the actual beating?"

Jack's hands stilled as he stared at her.

"She whispered dark, evil things about you all the time. Hinted at things Qua'sel knew that were too awful for him to tell me..."

"But she never gave you facts, did she? Because she was _lying_ to you."

"I know..." But she wouldn't look at him.

"Do you, Maddy?"

She sighed. "You're a powerful man, Jack. You... lose it... sometimes. We both know what you're capable of doing under orders, and what you've done against orders. How messed up your head has been." She looked up and trapped his eyes. "You're afraid of yourself, Jack. I'd be a fool not to take heed."

They stared at each other for a long while. Jack's thoughts were racing. He _was_ afraid of himself; of what he was capable of doing, that he might flip out and hurt her. That he might blank out, come to and find Maddy laying dead at his feet- or in his arms. On Trygar Nine he had dangerously close to that point, had felt his rage eating away at his self control. Meret hadn't taken Maddy's fear of him and magnified it- she had taken his own deep seated dread and given it to Maddy. Here was one of the keys he had been searching for, and it thumped into the pit of his stomach like an icy cannon ball. Would everything that traumatized this woman be his fault?

"Do you have _any_ positive thoughts about me?"

She smiled briefly. "I had all positive thoughts about you. That's why she worked so hard to convince me I was wrong."

He gathered up the piles of cards and shuffled them again. "Why Vidik? What did Quasi bring him into the picture for?"

"I think he used him as a shield. To confuse Meret when she tried to tap into you."

"Did it work?"

"Some. I think. I..." She dropped her head and idly drew the charred end of the stick through the dust on the floor. It made black, squiggly lines in the glittering dust. "...I sort of did what he did. I let go of myself and hung onto you."

"What's that mean?"

She sighed. "I was able to hold onto a certain amount of myself, Jack. Little bits here and there that I could keep her from taking, from knowing. Hide from her. Mix into Quasi and Vidik and you and a bunch of others so she had trouble sorting out what was what. When I realized I could do that to some extent, instead of trying to hold onto anything of myself... I let her have all of me and hung onto parts of you she shouldn't have ever known."

"You protected _me_?" he rasped. "When you could have kept enough of yourself intact to... not be where you are now... you protected _me_ from her?"

She rolled a shoulder, unsure of his sudden anger.

"Damn it, Maddy, didn't you trust me to get you away from her?"

She nodded like a chastised child.

"Then why on Earth would you let your mind be completely taken over when you could have held onto something!"

In a small voice she said, "Because I needed you, Jack. You were all that ever mattered. She tried so hard to make me forget you..."

"Aw, Maddy!" Then, "You let her take your faith, too. You held onto me and let her rip your soul away."

Maddy's tears were falling hard and fast now. She still didn't look up at him. "That's why God has turned away from me, Jack. She punished me for praying, but I got a last one in. I asked Him to help me, and forgive me for being so weak. For holding onto you when I should have held onto Him first."

Jack's heart felt like it had just been ripped from his chest. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, but he knew she'd feel his fury. His frustration.

"He knew you were being punished for praying. Felt what she was doing to you. He'd be pleased with you for enduring that- not hold it against you."

"He would for choosing you over Him. I should have stayed strong, Jack, for Him. Maybe I could have changed her."

"_Changed her_? For cryin' out loud, Maddy, Gou'alds don't have souls _to be_ saved! They're parasites! Evil, greedy soul-suckers with no friggin' conscience! It would be like trying to convert a tsetse fly! Or preaching to a watermelon!"

Her eyelids squeezed tight and she sucked in a harsh sob. "I thought my faith was the one thing she couldn't take away. So I held onto your weaknesses, Jack, your habits, so she couldn't ambush you. Base codes. Stuff she would have taken straight to Ba'al. I never dreamed God would punish me for that. I didn't believe He'd abandon me for it."

"_Mmmmaddy_!" Jack threw the double deck of cards into the air. As they rained down around him he said, "Can't you see this as plainly as I do? God never abandoned you! Meret planted that! She wanted you to feel lost and alone and doomed! _She_ wanted be your god so she did her damnedest to take away the competition! She used coke to muddle your thoughts because you were too strong for her! It didn't effect her- it effected _you_ and she let you _think_ your mind stayed clear! It's how she confused you enough to convince you God was mad at you. Gained enough control to stamp this abject terror on your mind!"

Maddy's face crimped and she wouldn't look at him. He wondered if his words were hitting a solid wall and bouncing off again.

"She couldn't rattle your faith in, or your love for, God or me. So she got you high and while you were concentrating on fighting the effects of that, she worked at making you _afraid_ of us both. Open your eyes and look at the evidence, Woman! Think for yourself! If I can see it, you sure as hell can!"

He wasn't getting anywhere.

"Do you understand that you didn't hold a damned thing of me away from her?"

That brought her head up.

He tried to calm himself as he spoke. "She let you _believe_ you were protecting me. She _used_ that, probably encouraged it, so she'd have the one foothold she needed to wear you down! It was the only way she could convince you, make you believe the lie that you'd sold your soul. Because I know for a fact that your faith is stronger than your love for me or anything else!"

At her stricken look he relented.

"Babe, nothing you're thinking right now is coming from _you_. She tore you apart bit by bit." He motioned at the cards. "Then she scattered those bits like these cards. Mixed them up with Qua'sel and Vidik and me and God knows who else so you'd play hell finding them. As she did that she worked at making you not _want_ to find them. Convincing you you _couldn't_ find them. You're still in there, Maddy, you just have to pull all those bits back together and when you do, Meret will be nothing more than a bad memory."

"I can't Jack," she whispered. "I don't know how."

"You're strong, Madison Elaine. Ask God for help and prove to yourself that He didn't abandon you. Let Him prove it to you."

She shook her head in denial and curled up on the floor with her back to him. Jack decided that if he pushed anymore he'd end up pushing her outside into the rain to escape him. So he chucked her a pillow then gathered up the cards and dealt another hand of solitaire, content for the time being just to have her close to him. But his mind was racing. He had something to work with now. He had one of the keys, he just had to figure out which door it would unlock.

**Chapter Fifty Seven**

Jack stood atop the highest cliff overlooking the ocean, willing the breeze to cool his temper. Far below, Maddy was a white dot in the purple water.

She had been a bitch on wheels for the past week. Once the rain had stopped, she had started. He had endured the full brunt of Meret's vicious sarcasm over everything from the supplies he hadn't brought to his chest hair. She refused to cook, yet complained bitterly about the taste, temperature, and texture of the meat, the rice, potatoes, coffee and whatever else she could lay her tongue to. When she wasn't too hot, she was too cold. When she was dry she wanted to be wet. When she was wet she fussed until she was dry. She bitched about the fire, then the lack of a fire. The smoke, the sand, the sun, the moons, the wind, the fruit, the water.

This was not the Maddy he had fallen in love with. Right here on this planet, with far less than they had to live on now.

She railed at Bonnie until Jack drove her out of the palace. Told her not to come back until she could keep her damned mouth shut.

And she hadn't. It had been nearly a month since their open discussion during the two day rainstorm. He really thought they had made headway, but when she woke to sunshine and escape, Meret had returned with a vengeance.

He hoped she was enjoying her diet of fruit and diarrhea. He had gutted one of Nirrti's machines and hidden the supply of toilet paper inside. Let her find leaves to use. When she could keep a civil tongue in her head he would share the luxuries.

But he missed her. Missed Maddy, not Meret, though loneliness was slowly driving him to miss even her acerbic company.

Off in the distance, Jack saw a pod of the palomino dolphins break the surface. He raised his binoculars and watched them play, the sight lightening his mood considerably. One plus to Maddy not being herself was leaving the black horse with the bear claws alone. If it was still around. He hadn't seen any trace of it. But then he hadn't strayed too far from camp, either. A small clearing south of the palace had yielded all the elephant deer they had needed so far. He wondered how long the supply of dry ice was going to last and tried to remember if he had put it on the list for the Odyssey when it returned. Maybe Carter would take pity on them and bring a naquada generator. And a refrigerator. What he'd give for a cold glass of milk.

And a case of beer.

"Wonder if this galaxy has invented TV yet?" His imagination turned to thoughts of an alien version of The Simpsons.

An huge, dark shadow drifted into the scope of his sight and Jack lowered the glasses to see what it was.

A ship was descending through the atmosphere. And it wasn't the Odyssey.

He dropped flat and crabbed into the cover of a few crystal boulders. The ship drifted overhead and moved towards the mountain top. The thing was enormous. Biggest damned ship he'd ever seen. He glanced down and saw Maddy had submerged herself in the water. When she bobbed to the surface she waved wildly at him. Jack pointed towards the pile of rocks jutting out from the shore then quickly picked his way down the cliff.

The ship was hovering over the mountain top, a wickedly bright beam raking the ground directly underneath.

"They're mining my crystals!" Maddy panted as they met at the rock pile.

"I thought the Asgard were going to protect this planet for you?"

"Thor agreed, but he's been so busy. Sam thinks he forgot about it."

"Shit. Well, let's keep outta sight and maybe they won't bother to come exploring."

"Didja happen to pack a universal translator?" she asked.

"Nope."

"Real freaking brilliant! You brought the damned dog but no means of communicating with an alien species that might happen to drop in on us!"

"Forgot a muzzle for you, too, but keep it up and I'll make a sock work!"

"You get me eaten by some cannibalistic species and I'll..."

"Aw, shut up, Meret!"

The ship drew their attention. It moved off the mountain top and was hovering over the palace.

"Son-of-a-bitch."

"You do have a zat stashed outside the palace somewhere?"

Jack nodded. He had stashed several weapons outside the palace for just such an eventuality. None of them were close enough to reach at the moment. He shoved Maddy back into the water.

"Around to the back of the rocks," he ordered.

They floated in neck-deep water, keeping close to the rocks for cover, and watched as the giant ship again emitted the broad stream of light.

"Wonder if they're beaming down, or just beaming our stuff up?"

"Either way they know somebody's living here," Jack muttered. They'd have to move camp away from the palace. If the aliens left anything for them to move. "Damn near nine months stranded on this friggin' planet and the only visitor we had was Boch. When we don't want company..."

"_Who_ doesn't want company?" she sniped.

Jack bared his teeth at her.

A group of very tall, very hairy beings appeared on the shore. They looked more like grizzly bears than... well, they looked a lot like grizzly bears. Ten to twelve foot tall grizzly bears, packing three times the mass. Their fur was long, shiny, and silky looking. It fairly shimmered in the sunlight, lifting and drifting with the breeze. Of the nine aliens three were an intense black that seemed to have green or blue highlights- like a crow's feathers. Two were a bright chestnut, one a sort of a blue roan color. Two were such a startling, sparkling white that they were hard to look at when they moved into direct sunlight. The last one was an oddly mixed red roan color that almost looked pink.

Jack silently nudged Maddy around the rocks. He sank into the water until just his eyes were exposed, and watched.

The aliens carried weapons that could have been stolen off a Star Wars set but wore no type of clothing or armor. As they moved further down the beach Jack could see that they had disproportionately short, extremely muscular arms. Each arm had a hair covered paw with three enormous fingers and another three huge, hairless, pincer-like claws jutting out atop their wrists. On each being there was a small, bald, pink creature, primate-looking, with impossibly long arms and long, thin fingers. These creatures seemed to be there for the express purpose of scratching and grooming. They never ceased movement as they scurried their way diligently up and down the beings' massive bodies, fingers and sometimes teeth constantly working through the hair. Jack couldn't tell if the smaller creatures made any sound, but the aliens were communicating in grunts, growls, and squeals that ended in a painfully high pitched tone. Despite the ominous sounds there was a light-hearted air about them. Jack got the impression they were a jovial bunch rather than being as mean as they looked.

He felt a touch on his arm. When he glanced around Maddy mouthed the word 'Bonnie'.

Jack grimaced. He hadn't heard her barking. If she had been nearby she would have put up a fuss at the intruders.

If they hadn't already killed her.

With any luck she was off chasing some genetically mutated rabbit- hopefully not one crossed with a crocodile or something.

Jack's nose wrinkled as an awful stench drifted to him from the beach. A noise shattered the stillness, a shrill, earsplitting blast that made Jack gasp. He worked his jaw to make his ears pop. He glanced at Maddy. She was wincing and had her hands over her ears.

The beings on the beach spread out and brought their weapons to bear. Those secondary creatures fascinated him. As he watched, one monkey-looking being reached out and slapped another across the back of its head. A tussle ensued until the two aliens jerked them away from each other. There was a crashing sound, panicked trumpeting, then a small herd of elephant deer burst from the forest. The beings fired silent laser weapons and every one of the deer dropped. There were grunts and growls as the beings trudged through the sand to their prey, the bald creatures still busily scurrying and picking through hair. One of them pried a large beetle out of the hair on a white one's hip, studied it, then passed it to the monkey-thing on a chestnut alien. That one promptly popped it into its mouth and chewed.

Jack eased past Maddy and watched from the other side of the rocks as the aliens stood poking at and discussing the carcasses. Three more of the ghastly creatures emerged from the woods. The ship moved overhead and once more the broad beam of light appeared. There was a bone-vibrating hum and a crackling that made Jack's hair follicles sting. The light was so intense and so close that Jack's vision went completely white. He whipped away and squeezed his eyes shut. Maddy's hands closed on his head, drew his face into her shoulder. He clawed for her in the water and hung on.

"I've got you," she murmured into his ear. "Be still."

Jack cursed himself for not thinking, fearing he wouldn't be able to react if he needed to. His eyes were burning now, and he could still see the imprint of that light seared into his retina. The pain was getting worse and he ground his teeth together to keep from moaning.

"Shhh," she cooed against his ear. "The light's gone, the aliens and deer are gone, but the ship is still above us."

"Huuurts!" he breathed desperately.

She stroked his head, trying to soothe him. Jack couldn't help himself. He bit into her shoulder to keep from crying out and prayed she wouldn't, either. He heard her gasp but the sound was minimal. She pressed his body between hers and the rocks, holding him still, bracing him, keeping him afloat as his muscles tensed and locked up with the strain of the agony searing into his head. It felt as if his eyes were being burned out of their sockets.

"Right above us," she whispered. "Be still!"

He felt himself being pushed under before he could suck in a breath, and the thought crossed his mind that she might try to drown him. Her hands were on his face now, prying his mouth off her shoulder and pressing it to hers. She gave him a lung full of air and held him down by the shoulders as she surfaced for another breath. Her legs came around him and she used them to hold him under. His lungs were nearly as painful as his head when he finally clawed at her to let him surface. Her hands on his shoulders kept him from bobbing to high. Jack gasped gratefully.

"Shh! They're way out over the water, but still here." she said quietly. "I think they're fishing."

Jack swore softly.

"Can you open your eyes?"

He tried, but his eyelids refused to cooperate. They felt welded shut. He shook his head and blew water off his lips.

"Do zats work when they're wet?"

"What?"

"Zats. Can we use them in the water?"

"How the hell would I know?"

"You're a lotta help."

"We don't have a zat in the water."

"I was thinking about making a dash for one."

"Think again. Where are they?"

"Nearly to the horizon. That beam is raking the water."

"Must have a taste for dolphin."

"I just hope they don't decide they liked dog."

Jack grimaced.

"Where are giant spiders that rear up out of the water and swallow whole ships when you need one?" she asked.

Jack grunted. It might have struck him funny if his head wasn't in the process of splitting open.

"If my beaming technology was functional..."

"Give it a rest, wouldja?"

"...I could beam Bonnie to us."

"So she could bark her head off and get all three of us eaten?"

"I _told_ you you were gonna get me eaten by cannibalistic aliens."

"Lucky guess."

"Don't figure on you getting lucky any time soon."

"Shut up before they hear you."

"They're all the way out there! And I'm whispering!"

"We don't know how sensitive their sensors are."

Maddy brushed against him and clicked her tongue. "It's obvious how sensitive _your_ sensor is. Cripes, Jack, you're in pain, might be blind, we're in mortal danger, Bonnie might already be digested- and you get an _erection_?"

"It's your nipples. They're leaving divots in my chest."

"You're hopeless."

"I could use those puppies as toe holds to go free-style rock climbing."

"Would you just concentrate on being in pain?"

"Oh, that's considerate," he complained. "When you should be glad I was getting my mind _off_ my pain..."

"I'd rather you had your mind on what the hell we're gonna do now."

"I'm trying..."

She clicked her tongue again and boxed his ear for him.

"Ouch. What was that for?"

"To get your mind off what you _wanna_ do and focused on what we _need _to do. About those aliens who know we're here now."

"Well, they didn't come hunting for us."

"That we know of!"

"They didn't find us..."

"_Yet_."

"They still out there?"

"Out of sight, but I haven't seen the ship go... oh, there it goes."

Jack grabbed her hips and pulled her against him. His eyelids finally responded but all he could see was brilliant white.

"Can you see?"

"Not yet. Everything's white."

"That might be a good sign. If you were permanently blinded, wouldn't everything be black?"

He felt her prying an eye open. "What do you see?"

"Vacant emptiness. Looks normal to me."

"Bitch."

"That's not gonna get you laid."

"Really? Something will?"

"Not since you called me a bitch. Come on." She held onto his arm and guided him to shore, then into a sprint for the tree line.

"Careful. They might have left someone behind."

"Didja see those things? How can you call them a 'someone'?"

"Were you always this nit-picky or am I just being overly sensitive?"

She stopped abruptly and Jack stumbled into her. He squeezed her arm in silent query.

"Oh my. They wrecked the place. Stuff strewn all over. All the supplies have been dumped on the sand. No more coffee, beans, rice... It's flung everywhere."

"The weapons locker, Maddy. Check on that first."

"Only if you'll give me a zat."

"Oy." He located her bottom then slapped it. "Go!"

A moment later she called out, "It's still here. Open and scattered all over, but apparently they didn't want any of it."

"Maddy, you put that zat _back_!"

"You're bluffing!"

"I won't be if I find one missing."

"You brought more than one zat? Looks like they tasted your cards. The eight of diamonds is bitten in half. Ewww, they pissed on your blankets."

"I think they must have pissed on _your_ blankets."

"Not anymore. They're yours now. Geeze they stink!"

"Taking advantage of my helplessness, are you?"

"All I can. What was in that giant cooler?"

"Was?"

"It's smashed. And empty."

"Dry ice."

"That's gonna give 'em a major case of heartburn."

Jack decided it was almost worth the blindness to hear her joking again. "Maybe they took it for some deviant sexual experiment."

"Must have been the hair that turned you on. Does this mean I can stop shaving my legs?"

"Wasn't the hair it was the smell."

"Ewww!"

Jack laughed. "Hey, you forget about me here?"

"You're at the door. Walk straight in."

"Am I gonna trip over anything?"

"If I'm still lucky..."

"Bitch."

"I guarantee you won't smack your nose into the wall. Not with that doorstop you're packing."

"Come here and say that!"

"To your face? I couldn't get close enough." she taunted.

"I'll get you close enough... If you'll just come close enough."

"Stop right there. Sit down."

"You wouldn't be aiming my ass for hot coals?"

"Now that you mention it, move to your left ten feet. When you burn your foot, sit right there."

"Bitch. If you get a move on you could have this mess cleaned up before I can see well enough to have to help."

"I think they ate the toilet paper, Jack. Didn't you have a huge pile of it back here?"

Jack grunted and changed the subject. "Didja see those bald monkey-looking things?"

"I suppose now you want a monkey."

"You could talk me out of it."

"How? No, don't answer that!"

Jack grinned in her direction as he carefully lowered himself to the floor.

"How's your sight?" He could hear her rattling around with something.

"Fuzzy but starting to clear. If you swept this floor once in a while my wet ass wouldn't be making a mud puddle."

"You should have brought a maid instead of a life-sized cut out of Homer Simpson."

"Found that, didja?" he muttered ruefully.

"Bonnie's toys, collar and leash, Homer, three yo-yos, a tin of marbles, your chess set, more cards, Yahtzee, a slingshot, _five _paddle balls? Paintball guns, a case of jigsaw puzzles... _Simpson's Monopoly_? A soccer ball... Didja bring anything for _me_ to play with?"

"Me."

She made an annoyed sound. "Packing a few books never crossed your mind? Crosswords? Something on survival techniques? Recipes for alien venison?"

"Doh!"

"They ate the entire barrel of dog food but left the cookies, nuts, marshmallows, and potato chips. Can you see yet?"

"Getting there." He could make out her form moving towards him. The pain was easing and the burning sensation was all but gone. "See if you can scare me up a few dozen aspirin."

"We can't stay here, can we?"

"Not now. We'll leave the mess and if they come back- or if anyone else shows up- hopefully they'll think it's a deserted camp."

"We'll get the reputation of intergalactic litterbugs." She caught his hand and put two tablets into his palm, then pried his eye open.

"What do you see now?" he asked.

"Reruns of The Simpsons."

He snorted at her and pulled away to pop the pills into his mouth.

"Hold still- this was a good one. Patty and Selma just kidnapped MacGyver..."

"I'll MacGyver you," he growled. "We'll move camp to that clearing where Boch beamed us down the first time. Should be far enough away, there's water... Maybe we can find a cave in the hillside." He wiped at his eyes and blinked.

"Gonna be quite a job, toting all this stuff all that way."

"Got anything better to do?"

"Didja think to pack me some nail polish? I think they took your mirror, Jack. Didn't take the shaving kit, though."

"You'll just have to shave me then. And yes, Smartass, I _did_ throw in a few bottles of nail polish for you. They're in the box with the nipple clamps and vibrator."

When she threw a pillow at him, he could see well enough to deflect it.

"Oh, so you _can_ see!" She walked over and stood in front of him.

Jack squinted up at her. "You're kinda swimming but coming into focus. Maddy, I'm not joking around. Put that zat back where you found it."

Maddy idly lifted the weapon and triggered it.

Jack tensed, a chill sweeping down his spine.

"Am I clear now?" she asked quietly.

"Maddy..." He was sitting flat on his ass with no leverage to dive at her. He blinked rapidly and tried to read her expression. Her tone had turned cold again.

"Help me up and we'll start packing," he said, hoping to either delay or distract her. The zat came up. She was just out of his reach.

"Maddy."

He didn't believe she'd do it, right up until he was hit by what always felt like a frigging lightning bolt. Then everything went black.

Jack came to with an angry shout. He jerked upright, his muscles belatedly seizing up and cramping. He grabbed his head for a moment, then scrubbed furiously at his scalp.

"Arrr... ahhhh! _Maddy_!"

He rolled onto his side, took a few deep breaths, then sat up again and spat a string of oaths. At least his vision had cleared.

At least he was alive. She hadn't pulled the trigger twice. He had been pretty sure that if she fired once, she'd finish the job.

"Maddy!"

She wasn't in the palace. He gained his feet, wobbled, turned his head and spit. Blood. Felt like he'd bitten his tongue. What the hell had she thinking? He headed for the door.

He found her sitting on the log at their camp from long ago, one foot propped up, painting her toenails. The zat was resting beside her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he roared.

She didn't look up. "Sit down, Jack. How's your sight?"

"Not good enough to see why the hell you did that!"

"I did it to prove I won't kill you, Jack. That you can trust me to be armed. Especially now, with unexpected visitors dropping in."

"Like hell! You _zatted_ me! That hurts like hell, Maddy!"

"Paybacks are a bitch. Have a seat."

Jack eyed her suspiciously. After a moment's deliberation he sat down. Maddy straightened and admired her bright red toenails.

"Pretty, huh?"

"I can't believe you zatted me."

"How long do I have to wait before I can do it again? So you'll believe me."

"You _ever_...!"

"If you weren't so damned hard-headed I wouldn't have had to prove it to you the hard way. I zatted you. I could have killed you but I didn't."

"Tell me the truth. Did Meret's evil little voice tempt you to pull that trigger a second time?"

She met his angry gaze squarely. "Yes. But I didn't."

Jack studied her eyes. She had been testing herself, her willpower.

"You took a hell of a chance with my life!"

She shook her head. "You were never in danger, Jack. How can you even think I'd kill you? I'd zat myself first."

"Next time you get a wild hair up your ass, do just that!"

Her eyes widened. "You really were scared."

"Damn right I was scared! Your brains are scattered, Maddy! I don't trust you and you don't trust yourself. This isn't a game, damn it!"

She looked away. "Why don't you go home next time the Odyssey the checks in? Leave me here alone to battle my demons."

Jack's heart went out to her but he was still angry. "Pull a stunt like that again and I just might."

She shrugged. He could see Meret emerging. Feel it. Apparently Maddy could, too, because she held out the zat to him.

"Take it. Give it back when you trust me with it."

He took it. And sat holding onto it.

"Maddy... do you feel like you're gaining control? Getting your head sorted out at all?"

"Sometimes. Right up until she overwhelms me again. Just to prove she can."

"She's not _there_ anymore, Maddy!" he said passionately. "It's only her memories. She can't _force_ you to do _anything._ You have control. All you have to do is ignore her thoughts and emotions. Push them back and give your own thoughts priority."

"Nothing of the host survives," she said distantly. "Meret believed that."

"No she didn't. None of them do. It's a scare tactic. Skaara, Carter, me, Vala- we're all living proof of that. So are you. You're mixed up and confused and scared. But you're still Maddy O'Neill."

"She changed me."

"She controlled you. Tortured, dominated, threatened, punished, confused and frightened you. But she didn't change who you are. You have to believe that before you can live it again."

"Why won't God help me silence her?" she asked in a whisper. "I can't do this on my own, Jack, and there's nothing you can do to help."

"Maybe He doesn't want her silenced. Maybe He wants you to step up and control the knowledge she left in your head. The way you control that transportation device." He made his voice deep, dramatic. "**Use the Force**. **Fight the dark side, use your powers for Good.**"

She grimaced at him but didn't smile.

"Have you asked Him for help?" he urged in a quiet tone.

She rolled a shoulder.

"Afraid to ask?"

Her head bobbed to the side and her face crimped against tears.

"Because you don't think you have the right?"

She took a deep breath. But she didn't speak. Jack cupped her face and made her look at him. Her eyes were so haunted, so troubled.

"Babe, everything you've been through, everything you've done, your faith gave you the strength. Even loving me took all the faith you could muster. As much as I want your love for me to be enough to get you through this, I understand that until you regain your faith you won't have the will to get your life back."

She blinked at him through eyes swimming in tears.

"The belief that you've lost your soul has killed what defined you. You think I don't know that the only reason you're still alive is your terror of winding up in Hell?"'

That broke her and she leaned forward to sob into his shoulder. Jack folded his arms around her.

"I've always believed you were an angel. No mortal human could have your strength of conviction. Until you regain that, you can't regain your life."

He sighed and searched the heavens for the right words.

"You've been a good person all your life. Filled with compassion and understanding and love. You took me on and changed me, Maddy, for the better. You gave to everybody, gave until it hurt. Gave until you dropped. And you kept giving. Your family, SG1, Sara- everyone who has ever crossed your path has come away knowing they were touched by grace. What Meret did, forced you to do, wasn't your fault. I know you fought her, God knows you fought her, and nobody holds you responsible."

"Except for the people who want to put me in jail. Try me for high treason," she murmured into his shoulder.

Jack winced. "They don't understand. They don't know _you._"

She pulled away and he saw that awful stubbornness crawl across her features. When it reached her eyes he knew he had lost this particular battle.

"Just remember; I haven't given up on you and God hasn't given up on you. You've given up on yourself."

She stood and headed for the beach. Jack looked down at the zat, triggered it absently, then looked up at Maddy. As she walked, she gave that irritating toss of her head that was Meret's trademark. Jack raised the zat and pressed the trigger.

Maddy's feet came a full two feet off the ground. The impact flipped her around and she hit the sand flat on her back. He watched impassively as the waning charge twisted and twitched through her muscles.

"Cool."

He stood and stared at her for a moment then headed for the palace.

**Chapter Fifty Eight**

Jack had everything salvageable packed and ready to move before Maddy made her way back to the palace. Fully expecting her to avoid him like the plague for at least a month, he was surprised when she drifted into camp. Wondering if he would get to enjoy his wife or have to deal with Meret, he jumped in with both feet.

"Grab the other end of this," he indicated the weapons locker. "I dug a hole behind those rocks to hide it while we scout out a new home."

Maddy obediently lifted her end of the metal box and he caught her giving him a sidelong glance as they moved it into position.

"Don't feel too good, does it?" he taunted.

"You've zatted me before," she said meekly.

"What, you're immune to that now, too?"

"_I_ was trying to prove a point!"

"So was I. _Don't zat me_."

She narrowed her eyes at him but didn't respond.

"Grab a backpack. I figure we'll be gone a couple days. Don't forget your nail polish." When she gave him an odd look he goaded, "Touch-ups. Might get a chip out there."

Would Meret rise to the bait or would Maddy laugh at him?

"Still planning to scout around that clearing?"

Maddy. Yes!

"Plan A ," he acknowledged.

"Well, General, would I be outta line if I suggested a Plan B?"

He stopped and turned full around to face her. "Go ahead."

She tilted her head to one side and her speech was almost apologetic. "We never did explore the other side of the planet. Sam and Vala and I were going to, but... I just thought away from here as far as possible would be... I mean, we have the time..."

"It's a good idea, Maddy." He was disturbed by her timid demeanor. "We'll pack what we can but try to keep it light. Gonna be an uphill hike."

"At least until we get to the top."

He chuckled, then was sobered by her next words.

"Any sign of Bonnie?"

He shook his head sadly, watching her closely for some sign of emotion. It was there but for some reason she was trying to keep it hidden. Losing Bonnie was going to hit her hard, probably worse than losing Taco. Would Maddy grieve, or would this push her deeper into Meret's character to avoid the anguish? He cursed himself for bringing the dog along. Was everything in his life destined to blow up in his face?

"Let's get outta here," he said a bit gruffly.

"You can carry the bedroll they pissed all over," she informed him as she walked past.

"One bedroll," he shot back. "We'll share. Two beds mean less food."

"Ok, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna carry Homer." She bent down and picked up a roll of toilet paper. "They missed one?"

"Missed the whole stash."

"It wasn't back there earlier."

Jack quirked an eyebrow at her and busied himself filling a pack.

"_You were hoarding the toilet paper?_"

"Meret pissed me off."

When the roll hit him on the back of the head he picked it up and stuffed it into his pack. "Thanks. Don't bother to pass me the coffee pot. That'd leave a mark."

They took one last look around and Jack watched her eyes linger on the path to the nearest fruit orchard. She was looking for Bonnie. His heart constricted.

"I've called her, Babe, went looking. There's no sign..."

Maddy turned tortured eyes on him. Eyes that slowly iced over.

"It's just a _dog_. A creature that should never have been here in the first place. You should have left us both on Earth. At least a cell at the SGC would have been safe, comfortable, and provided decent food." With a haughty toss of her head Maddy led off on the path that wound above the palace.

Jack followed, his heart heavy and his thoughts grim. The little boy inside him wanted throw himself on the ground and bawl. Grieve for Bonnie in his own right. He had selfishly dragged the poor old girl along to face not only Maddy's rejection and fear of this alien place, but death at the hands of those creatures. She must have been terrified, must have died thinking Jack had deserted her. She already knew Maddy had rejected her, knew but couldn't possibly understand. In time Bonnie might have helped Maddy fight through the fog of voices and personalities in her head. That gamble had backfired, too, and the poor, helpless dog who had been so devoted to both him and Maddy had died a grisly death, afraid, heartbroken, and alone.

His vision swam and Jack stubbed his toe. He bit out a curse and swiped at his eyes with the back of a hand.

He almost envied Maddy having a heartless, uncaring personality to hide behind. But it had just made his mission ten times more difficult.

A memory came flooding back to him, a memory that stabbed into his chest like a knife. He had been ten when Digger got hit by the car. He had thrown the ball and Digger had eagerly gone after it. Zeroed-in on nothing but the need to catch that ball and bring it back for another turn, the dog had blindly followed a wild bounce into the street. Jack heard the screech of tires, the awful thump, the single, high-pitched yelp as clearly as when it had happened all those years ago. Felt the horror slam into him as it had a ten year old boy.

Jack blinked and fought back the painful memory before it could take him any farther. Maddy. She was up ahead, weaving through a field of intensely colored rocks, the sunlight sparkling in her hair. He remembered the first time they had come across this slope, her wild hair and his longing to bury his hands in it. The igniting of desire, the first hint of new love. The back of her neck would be warm under his lips. The heat of her body would release Maddy's scent, that essence that drew him close and made him want to possess her, incited his inner caveman.

In that moment Jack fully understood the battle that faced him. As he had just used Maddy to distract him from thoughts and feelings he was loathe to face, wanted to bury deep and hide from, Maddy was using Meret. The realization made his heart sink even lower.

Maddy paused and turned to mark his progress. He picked up the pace, and when he reached her side leaned on a huge yellow rock to catch his breath. Her eyes were distant, impersonal as they raked over his face then slid past to scan the distant horizon. Jack turned to look as well, but the breathtaking panorama of ocean didn't register in his mind. He saw only the cold, passionless depth of her eyes. When he turned back she was well ahead of him again. Jack sighed and lounged off the warm crystal.

Dusk was approaching, giving way to the wondrous spectacle of this planet's night sky. They'd have a front row seat, this high on the mountainside.

"Find a place to camp," he shouted.

Maddy had kept well ahead of him all day, avoided his company, proving that Meret was again in charge. It made for a lonely trek, gave Jack too much time alone with his thoughts. He was in a surly mood when he caught up to her.

"You should have been gathering firewood along the way," she bitched. "This high up there's nothing to burn."

Jack tossed her a piece of alien fruit that had gone mushy in the heat. "You want a seven course meal, trot your ass back down to camp and make it."

Her eyes flamed so brightly that it smacked of the time when Meret had the ability to make them flash gold. She whirled away and snatched up the bedroll, whipping out the blankets with enough force to make the ends snap. Jack resigned himself to a night on the cold, hard ground, dug out a cluster of grape-sized apples for supper, and watched the night creep up the side of the mountain.

Tired as he was, he didn't sleep much. Hard ground and no blankets or pillow was nothing new to the hard-bitten soldier. He should have been used to the spectacular sky show here, too, but it still captivated him. Three enormous moons, shooting stars and aurora borealis, glittering asteroid trails all conspired to rob him of sleep. But his body rested even as his mind chewed over Maddy like a puppy with a meaty bone.

Bonnie's death would assure that he'd spend another day with Meret. Jack grimaced at the unwanted thought of Bonnie's demise. The hulking aliens must have devoured her whole- he hadn't found so much as a toenail.

Maybe they didn't get her. Maybe she was still out here somewhere. Lost, or stuck in a crevasse, or... something. She would be barking her head off. Unless she was too far away for them to hear her. Bonnie never strayed too far away.

Jack grunted and sat up. It was just as bad, just as disheartening, to think she might need his help and he hadn't found her as it was to think she'd been eaten.

The day passed with both he and Maddy in equally churlish moods. When they settled down for another night, neither had uttered a single word all day. Not even the incredible sky show could distract him from his black thoughts and he slept among dreams of battle, death, and destruction.

**Chapter Fifty Nine**

Jack woke with a headache, stiff neck, sore back, and a right arm numb from him sleeping on it. He groaned, sat up, and pawed for his pack and the aspirin in a side pocket. He hated swallowing pills dry, but the soldier in him had gotten used to it.

Maddy was nowhere to be seen, probably had slipped off to find a place to pee. Jack decided that was a good idea and levered himself to his feet. He hoped she had found water to refill the canteens. It took a moment to stretch the kinks out of his muscles and he wondered if all his alien enhancements were beginning to wear off. He hadn't felt this achy in years.

They had crested the mountain two days ago and were skirting the miles-wide swath the alien ship had cut from the ground. Jack relieved himself then climbed a high pile of rock and sat staring at the ugly rent across the mountain top. Ugly in the sense that it had destroyed the natural beauty of this incredible place, like a bullet plowing a ragged gash through flesh. But in its wake the ship had laid open the mountain's wealth of crystals. Jagged pinnacles of color rose up from the depths of the cut, sparkling and shimmering in the morning sun. Every color in the spectrum, pointed and square and round, some the size of the Empire State Building surrounded by shards and dust that dazzled the eye.

He wondered if Maddy had been up here to look, if even now she was down there picking through the spectacular rubble, filling her pockets and poring over each new find. Maddy could easily spend the rest of her natural life down there as if only an hour had passed.

Or had Meret convinced her she wasn't interested?

Jack tore himself from the view and went to look for her. Two hours later he spied her crouched down behind a pile of green and pink rocks. The ground seemed to drop away ahead of her, and the planet's natural flora had begun to dot the landscape off this side of the crest. Apparently Nirrti had just cultivated the western side of the mountain, hadn't bothered with- or gotten to- this side. Something had Maddy's undivided attention. Jack almost called out to her but a prickling sensation on the back of his neck stilled him. He worked his way towards her, giving in to the urge to keep to cover as he moved. Maddy turned and scanned the slope. Jack moved out from the shadow of a copse of trees so she could see him. Maddy made a down motion with her hand and motioned him forward.

Jack took his time hurrying to her. She put a finger to her lips and peered between the rocks. Jack rocked forward on his knee, put a hand on her back, and looked over her head.

There was a ravine below them, cut by a decent sized river of purple water. Tall grass had been laid flat in a wide circle. And in the middle of that wide circle of flattened grass rested a Gou'ald cargo ship. It was tipped at an odd angle, had bitten deeply into the dirt when it landed. The sides of the hull were riddled with shards of embedded crystal, as if they had been blown into it by a cannon at close range.

"Shit. You bring the glasses?"

She handed him the binoculars. "It's Ba'al. He's down. I think he's hurt."

Jack raised the glasses. The ship's cargo door was laid open. Ba'al was on his back on the ramp, moving but not much. Jack carefully scanned the area.

"See anybody else?"

"Bonnie."

His eyes whipped to her face, saw confusion, then went back to Ba'al. A few moments later he saw the dog emerge from the ship. Bonnie paused to stare at the system lord then headed towards the river. She carefully picked her way to the edge and had a drink. Jack rocked back and stared at Maddy. She took a deep breath.

"He hasn't moved. Bonnie is acting funny. Not happy and wiggly like she usually is, but she's not avoiding him, either."

An icy ball formed in the pit of Jack's stomach, a niggling suspicion beginning to form in the back of his mind. They'd have to be careful. Very careful.

"Can you tell how badly he's hurt?"

Maddy shook her head. "Too far away. He was laying like that when I got here. How'd he get Bonnie?"

Jack shook his head. "He had to have been on our side of the mountain. Probably watching us. How the hell did he get to this planet?"

Maddy grimaced and looked back at the ship. "Meret told him all about this place. The crystals, the coordinates, us selling them, Nirrti, everything."

Jack swore. "So the information you gave the SGC took down The Trust and drove Ba'al off Earth. Probably with nothing more than the shirt on his back. He needed a place to hide, a means of reestablishing his intergalactic wealth... Damn it!" He should have anticipated this. Should have been more on his guard.

"Bonnie, Jack."

He nodded and squeezed her shoulder. "Let's go have a talk with the bastard. He have any weapons handy?"

"Not that I've seen."

"Maddy..." Jack grimaced. "If that host is mortally wounded, Ba'al might have taken Bonnie as a host. Can Gou'lds go into animals?"

Maddy frowned. "They can, but they don't usually. Bonnie's body would be uncomfortably tight. Horses are more comfortable, roomier..."

When Jack stared at her she cringed.

"Meret had taken a horse-type creature once, a means of transporting herself across an alien desert to where she could find a humanoid to blend with."

"I don't recall Quasi doing anything like that."

"He probably wasn't ever in a position where he had to."

"Will he be able to make her speak?"

Maddy took a breath. "The vocal cords won't act the same. It'll be hard, but he can probably..." She stopped, snorted, then snickered. "He can probably bark partial words. It's gonna drive him nuts!" she finished gleefully.

"Wonder how Ba'al got hurt that badly, yet still managed to get across the mountain, take Bonnie, and wind up here?"

"He's got a ship, and it's probably got a cloaking device. Last I saw Bonnie was early that morning- before I went for a swim. You were up on the cliff. He had half the day to poke around camp, grab Bonnie, and move up here when the alien ship appeared. Maybe he got into a battle with them."

"More likely the alien ship surprised him," Jack mused. "Look how that ship's sitting, Maddy. Tilted to one side some. I don't think he landed it there."

Maddy's eyes rose to the top of the mountain. "If he had landed up above the palace, come in from this side so we didn't see him, and the alien ship caught him off guard... Maybe that mining beam knocked the cargo ship off the mountain?"

"Without blowing it up?"

"Maybe it was blinded and couldn't see where it was flying," she shot back sarcastically.

"Maybe Ba'al was blinded as he was getting out of their way."

She raised her eyebrows. "How'd he get hurt?"

Jack shrugged. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"You're gonna kill him?"

He studied her face. "We'll see."

"Jack... If he did take Bonnie, that host isn't responsible for everything Ba'al's done. We should try to help him."

Ah, Maddy!

"Why's that work for him and not for you?" he countered.

Impatience swept across her features. "Because I went _willingly_, Jack! Get that through your head! I wasn't forced to become a host- I did it on purpose! For my own personal, greedy, selfish, reasons!"

"So I could walk again, and so you and Quasi could take down The Trust and, by default, Ba'al. Yeah, Maddy, that was _real_ selfish of you!"

"Are we gonna sit here and argue semantics or are we gonna go down there?"

"All I've got on me is the nine mil."

"You watch him. I'll go get the zat."

Jack's spine stiffened. Would Meret win out and be sympathetic to Ba'al? Jack wasn't about to wind up host to the system lord if his wife couldn't battle back Meret's inherent deference to Ba'al.

"I'll go. I'm gonna work my way down that other side," he turned and pointed upriver. "When you see me closing on the ship, show yourself. Draw his attention." He gripped her shoulders. "Do not, I repeat, _do not_, let Bonnie get close to you! Understand?"

She nodded. Jack pivoted and was about to move when she grabbed his arm.

"Jack... please, don't kill Bonnie. We'll... we'll figure something out if he's taken her, but..." Tears sprang into her eyes and she shook her head.

Jack stared hard at her. Was this actual emotion for Bonnie, what he had hoped for, or was this Meret's way of protecting Ba'al?

"I don't want to hurt Bonnie either," he told her gruffly. "Let it play out and see." He relented enough to touch her cheek. "I'm sorry I got her into this, Babe."

She sniffed and nodded. "Give me the nine mil. I don't wanna go down there unarmed."

Oh,_ hell_ no. "I'll be armed to the teeth. You just stay outta range."

Irritation creased her forehead. "Aw, come on, Jack!"

He touched a finger to her lips and offered a tight smile before he sprinted across the slope and into cover.

Jack was kicking himself as he moved down into the ravine. He should have made her come with him. Should have kept her glued to his side. What if Meret's memories, her dominating personality, drove Maddy to take Ba'al as a host before he could stop her? Maddy was so confused, so broken and spiritless and convinced she was lost, would she do something rash?

Something stupid?

He bit out a curse as he slid down the last few feet of the steep incline and struck out through the tall grass. The nine mil was tucked into the back of his waistband. He had the P90 slung across his chest and the zat in his hand.

Could he use any of them on Maddy? Would he, just to save himself? It had been a good week since he had zatted her, surely if he had to do it again it wouldn't kill her.

For that matter, could he bring himself to shoot Bonnie if he had to? Would a Boxer survive a zat blast?

He took his eyes off the cargo ship just long enough to rake the sky.

"If ever You were gonna help me, help us, now would be a _really_ good time."

He came up to the cargo ship on the side blind to Ba'al. Not even Bonnie had detected his presence. He glanced up at the rim of the ravine in time to see Maddy stand and start sliding down the steep slant. Jack crouched and peered around the hull of the ship. Ba'al and Bonnie were both looking at Maddy. Jack stood and stepped into the open.

"Just stay still," he commanded. "Don't move."

Ba'al's head whipped around, his eyes going round in surprise. Bonnie bounded towards him, giving him a doggie grin and wagging her entire body.

"Bonnie, stay!" he barked.

The dog hesitated then began inching towards him.

"No!" He pointed at her. "You stay. Sit!"

Bonnie crouched, ears flat and her stub of a tail clamped tightly to her butt. Without taking his eyes off the dog, Jack pointed at Maddy.

"You too," he called. "No closer. Stay."

"You gonna command me to sit, too?" she asked waspishly.

He hoped she'd listen. He wasn't about to take his attention off Bonnie for a moment. A weird tingling sensation, almost nausea, undulated across the pit of his stomach. The naquada in his system was sensing a Gou'ald. Was it Bonnie or the man laying on the ramp? Ba'al lifted his hands, held Jack's gaze, and slowly drew aside the edge of his coat. There was a great, gaping gash in the man's chest, laid open from his clavicle to his navel. Blood was still seeping out, but gauging from his greenish gray pallor there wasn't much of it left inside his body.

"What happened?" Jack barked. He kept his voice stern to keep Bonnie in line.

"The Turdokin ship caught me unawares," Ba'al said in a weak human voice that gurgled. "I was blinded by their mining beam, then gutted by a flying shard of crystal. I made it back to the ship, but before I could raise the shield it was blasted off the damned mountain."

"Your Gou'ald gonna fix you?"

Ba'al's eyes gave him away. They flicked to Bonnie for just an instant, but it was enough to confirm Jack's suspicion. The system lord would never have allowed such a tell. This man was no longer host to Ba'al.

"My injuries are too extensive. I ask only that you have pity on me in my final moments."

"Where is your homeworld? Not Ba'al's, _yours_. Before you became a host."

Ba'al frowned and swallowed dryly. "I don't... understand."

"Alright, play dumb. You've been host to that bastard too long to remember who you were anyway. How'd you end up with the dog?"

Ba'al wasted energy on a devious smile. "Planned to use her as bait."

"Instead of a host?"

Understanding passed between them. Bonnie rose to her feet, gave Jack a disgusted look, and padded back to sit on the ramp beside the dying host. Jack motioned for Maddy to approach.

"Ba'al, can you talk to me?"

When the host opened his mouth Jack wagged his finger at him. "Not you. The snake in Bonnie's head."

Bonnie had her attention riveted on Maddy. The dog leaped off the ramp and made a wild bound for her. Jack shot, glad it was the zat he had in his hand instead of the P90. He would have fired instantly, regardless. The charge caught the dog in mid air and she crumpled to the ground in a quivering mass. The host was unable to move so Jack watched Maddy's face.

Her initial reaction was mortification and sorrow. But as he watched an icy veneer slid into place. He decided it was both good and bad. Maddy had reacted normally, then hid behind Meret to avoid the pain and shock.

Abruptly tired, Jack dropped to his ass in the grass and sighed.

"See if she's still alive," he told Maddy.

Maddy curled her lip and made a disgusted face as she poked at the dog with her toe.

"It's breathing."

"Pick her up and put her in the cargo hold. Lock the door."

She sighed at him. "You do it. I prefer not to touch the disgusting creature."

"Do it, Maddy!" he snapped. "Before Ba'al comes to!"

Maybe holding the dog, handling her, would break though to her. Maddy glared at him but bent and grabbed Bonnie by a hind leg and started to drag her.

"Damn it, Maddy!" he roared. "Pick that dog up or I'll zat you, too! And set her down _gently_!"

Maddy gathered up the dog and stomped up the ramp.

"I hear a thump when you put her down, I'll come in there and thump you!" He dropped his face into his palm and shook his head. When he heard the cargo door slide closed, he dragged his fingers across his face and looked up.

"See if there's a medical kit in there somewhere," he instructed Maddy.

"There is not," Ba'al groaned. "There is a healing device, but it would be of little use. I have lost too much blood. I have not much time left. It is why Lord Ba'al chose to escape."

Jack looked up at Maddy. She was staring at Ba'al's host with a blank expression. He could only imagine what was going through her head.

"Go back up to camp. Bring what you can carry. That had better include the first aid kit."

"A first aid kit isn't gonna help him," she shot back.

"Maddy...!"

She stormed off the ramp like a petulant kid. Jack studied Ba'al's host.

"What can I do for you? A drink? Is there a blanket or pillow in there?"

The dying man shook his head, his face contorted in pain. "I am near death and the pain is unbearable. I greatly miss my master's ability to numb this agony. If you have any kindness or mercy in your heart, end this torment."

"I've never attempted to use a healing device, but I'll try," Jack offered. "Will it help with the pain?"

"At this point," he wheezed, "It would only cause more. I beg of you, do not make this more unbearable than it already is."

Jack rose and moved to crouch down beside the man. His entire torso was gaped open, a bloody, mangled mess. There was a rattle in the man's chest, a trace of foamed blood on his chin. Jack smelled death, had smelled it too many times in the past not to recognize it. He reached out and laid a gentle hand on the man's head. He had Ba'al's face, but this was not the being Jack so despised.

"Have you made your peace?" he asked quietly.

"Long ago, when I was first taken."

Jack nodded and stood. "I'll be right back."

Jack moved into the ship, behind the man, where he couldn't see it coming, wouldn't hear the twang as he readied the zat. It would be easier for the dying man. He hesitated a moment, raised his eyes to the sky outside the ship. He grimaced, and when he dropped his eyes he pulled the trigger. Ba'al's host was too weak to even jerk as the charge hit him. Jack was fairly certain the first blast was enough to kill him in his weakened state, but rather than have him revive only to face torment and death a second time, he shot twice more.

Jack O'Neill walked out of the ship and dropped the zat'nik'etel on the ground. He took off the P90 and dropped it beside the zat. Then he lowered himself beside the weapons, wrapped his arms around his legs, and rested his forehead on his knees.

This planet had been his Nirvana, his ace-in-the-hole for escape, the ultimate answer every time he faced an insurmountable problem. This was paradise where he and Maddy and fallen in love, his private Eden complete with Eve. A storybook adventure, an epic romance, the meaning of his life. All changed. All different.

All ruined.

This planet wasn't the same. Maddy wasn't the same. The SGC wasn't the same. SG1 wasn't the same. Home wasn't the same.

But he was the same old Jack O'Neill. Destined to face disappointment and strife and heartache. Finally able to love, only to have it torn from him _again. _Relied upon by the entire friggin' universe to make the hard decisions and follow through with them. He had never asked to have life placed in his hands let alone be the one required to end it. Why was it the right decisions, the strength to show mercy, always seemed to leave such a burden on his conscience? Most of the scars he carried had been choices made in deference to others. Strangers who probably would have turned their backs on him given the same exact choice.

Jack sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.

Fifty years ago, had this life of his been outlined and handed to him, he would have followed Digger and the ball into the path of that truck.

At the very least he would have eaten more bacon. And real butter.

He snorted and raised his head. The mountain still glittered above him, the green of the landscape still waited patiently for the end of time. The river behind him still flowed, uncaring, unceasing, unstoppable. Just like his life. It never stopped flowing, tumbling his heart along without the mercy he had just shown Ba'al's host.

Would Maddy ever come to terms with all that had happened to her? Had he finally placed her in a situation that was beyond her ability to cope- her willingness to cope? He had seen signs of her breaking long before Ba'al took her. Had his presence in her life taken its toll too many times to ever be repaired? If he had only left her alone in her little mountain town in Wyoming, today she would be happily cooking for some ranch, eking out a meager living, riding her horses and playing with her dogs and blissfully avoiding what being in love with Jack O'Neill could bring down on her. Instead, she had been brutally raped, lost her memory, been shot, seen death, been forced to kill, been stranded and hunted and attacked by alien monsters and alien hunters and alien parasites. Physically altered by aliens. Known fear and hopelessness and helplessness beyond the scope of plausibility. Where did the list end? When? How?

All because Jack O'Neill _loved_ her.

He grunted sardonically. The highs with Maddy defied description, defied logic. The lows that were the cost had always, up until now, seemed worth the price. But now it felt like his credit had run out.

He raked his eyes over the sky, tried to see through the fluffy clouds, beyond the pale moons hanging low, and into Heaven.

"_I will raise mine eyes unto the mountains, from whence cometh my help."_

As the passage drifted through his mind Jack dropped his eyes to the hillside above him. Maddy was winding her way through the growth.

Jack squinted one eye at the blazing sun. "You know how I feel about cliches."

Ah, but Maddy! The sparkle in her eyes, the fire in her belly, the softness of her touch and gentleness in her heart! He had found such passion in her arms, and rest for his weary soul in her grace. Where was Life's 'redo' button? The magical switch that would reset their lives to a time when he should have quit the SGC and taken her far away.

Without taking his eyes off her he said, "I love her. You love her. It seems like we've been playing tug-of-war with her. Well, maybe I _was_ jealous of her devotion to You, but I've learned my lesson. I can't fight You for her, but I won't give her up, either. Can't we both love her? I can share if You can. Just show me how to convince her that You haven't condemned her. That's another key, I know it is."

"_Love one another even as I have loved you."_

Jack snorted. "Put my life on rewind up there. Take a good look. Show me where all the _love_ is!"

Maddy tripped and came bumping down the steep slope on her butt. Riding a backpack under each elbow like a pair of skis, her head bobbing and jerking in fast pace with the rough ground she was traversing. The packs tore open and items flew out to chase her down into the ravine. She stopped with a jolt at the bottom and a cloud of brightly glittering dust billowed up around her. The coffee pot clanged into her in the back. A roll of toilet paper tumbled down last, unrolling all the way. It hit a flat crystal, went airborne, unfurled across her head and landed by her feet. She sat there dazed for a moment, then scraped the tissue aside and made eye contact with Jack.

'_**Okay,' **_Jack thought, equally as stunned. _**'Point taken.'**_

"You okay?" he called.

"I chipped a nail!" she yelled back sarcastically.

Jack started to laugh. He laughed so hard he fell over on his side, drew his legs up, and held his stomach.

Maddy walked up and shook the dust off her clothes onto him. Jack rolled onto his back, still grinning widely, and rolled his head from side to side.

"Only you could ride your ass down a hill and look sexy as hell doing it."

She tried to glare at him but the corners of her mouth gave her away. "You enjoyed that way too much!"

"Yeah," he admitted, "I did." He held out his hand and for a moment thought she'd take it. But she backed away warily.

"I'm wise to your tricks, O'Neill. Where's Ba'al?"

Jack sobered and sat up. "The host died. Bonnie's still in the hold."

"He was in agony. He's better off. What are we gonna do about Bonnie, Jack?"

Jack grunted as he levered himself to his feet. "If we can keep her contained until the Odyssey arrives with supplies, we could send her back to Carter..."

"They'll kill her!" She turned luminous, pleading eyes on him.

"No, Babe, I promise. I'll go aboard and talk to Landry."

"If my beaming technology was working..."

"But it's not."

"How will they..."

"We'll talk to Carter. Figure something out."

Maddy eyed the cargo ship. "Can they beam her right out of the hold?"

"Don't see why not." Jack turned and eyed the ship himself. He walked the whole way around it, checking the damage, gauging how deeply it was imbedded in the ground. When he returned to Maddy's side he said, "Think we could fly it outta here?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "We could try."

Jack jerked his head for her to follow and went inside. He sat down at the controls and looked them over.

"I think I remember something about this..."

He fiddled aimlessly, stalling, hoping Maddy would take the lead. She didn't. He finally pretended to stumble across the control that powered the ship.

"Here," she said finally, taking the second seat, "Maybe between us..."

They played around and experimented until the ship shuddered and creaked.

"Can you fly this thing? Didn't Teal'c or Bra'tac always..."

"I can fly _anything_," he assured her.

"That's what you said about that remote controlled helicopter I bought you- just before you nose-dived it into the lake. And those instructions weren't in Gou'ald."

"Gou'ald, Greek, all the same to me." He shrugged. "How hard can it be? It's not like I haven't been in this seat before."

"With Jacob or Teal'c or Bra'tac standing over your shoulder. This isn't the Nautilus, Jack," she cautioned. "Everything is way more complicated... and in Gou'ald."

"See if you can get the hatch closed," he suggested, tweaking and moving the controls to ease the ship free.

Maddy touched a button and a boulder in the middle of the river exploded. She snatched her hand away. Jack shot her a grin.

"Wrong button," she grimaced sheepishly as she tapped her finger beside it. "Pay attention. _That _isthe Gou'ald word for 'laser', not 'hatch'."

"So look for the word you thought meant 'laser' and try it."

"How about I go close it manually?"

Jack held the ship steady until she had the hatch closed and was back in her seat. He did his best to keep a straight face as he pretended to fumble with the controls. The ship seemed to lose power, gave a hard shudder, then rose with enough force to slam them into the seats.

"Whoa, Baby!" Jack crooned. "Easy, Girl."

"Girl? _Baby?_"

"Uhh, all ships have a female designation," he said hurriedly. "Air Force regulation four three six two nine ...five five Z. ...Paragraph eight." He darted her a glance and received a narrow look for his trouble.

"Wanna go for a little ride?"

It was a hypothetical question as he lifted the ship high in the air, hovered a moment, then eased forward on the controls.

"You wanted to explore the planet..."

Maddy sat back and crossed her arms. "Better figure out how mark this spot," she warned. "We've still got toilet paper to gather up."

"Wouldn't wanna get a fine for littering," he agreed, pointing at a control. "Try that one."

"Okay. It says 'emergency ejection' in Gou'ald."

"No it doesn't."

She shrugged a shoulder and reached for the control. "We aren't that high up."

He caught her wrist. "Are you serious?"

She looked him in the eye. "Do you trust me?"

"Can you read Gou'ald?"

"Some... sorta. Can't you?"

Sure he could. Some. Sorta. He just wasn't ready to tell her.

"Quasi tried. I slept through the lecture." He released her wrist, but his butt cheeks clenched involuntarily.

Maddy touched the control and a holographic map of their location appeared in front of them. She studied the panel and touched another light. A red dot appeared. Then a yellow one.

"It's sorta like the Nautilus... Ease ahead. See if one of them stays and one moves with us."

He did. The yellow dot moved and the red one remained.

"Nice!" Jack took the ship up above the trees and spread his hands wide. "Which way?"

"Let's follow the river down. It should empty into the ocean, we'll have a point of reference, and we can go from there.

They spent the rest of the day exploring the planet from the sky. It turned out to be extremely wild and primitive, overgrown and lush but devoid of life signs. Jack didn't have to coax too hard to get her into the pilot's seat, and she didn't do a half bad job. Meret hadn't raised her ugly head since their attempt to lift the ship off its crash site.

"Not so much as a bird or a bee," Maddy mused as she watched the passing landscape.

"Birds? Bees? Got something besides sightseeing on your mind?"

A frustrated howl from the cargo hold interrupted the byplay.

"Saved by the bark," Jack muttered.

"It's almost dark," Maddy said. "Let's go back beside the river, see what we can scrape together for supper, and see if we can communicate with Ba'al." She turned the ship over to him and brought up the chart for Jack to follow.

"Wonder if this is the only continent on the planet, or if there are others?"

"Sam's pretty sure this is it. It's a really tiny planet- that's why we can see the aurora borealis around that one moon. No ice here for a reflection, but that moon's orbit keeps it from..."

"Ahh! Is there any more land?" he yelped.

She gave him a sour look. "This is the only land mass we've been able to locate. Couple of really small islands. A good windstorm will wash the ocean right over them. We still haven't figured out if Nirrti purged the planet to create a sterile environment for her genetic experiments, or if she just happened onto a perfectly barren laboratory."

"Whichever, she sure had herself a haven."

"We used to, too," she said sadly. "Now everyone in the universe seems to have the coordinates. And it's my fault."

"Yours? Why? Because you three mined the crystals?"

She looked away.

"Babe. Boch knew about it. The Asgard knew about it. Nirrti knew about it. Those aliens who were just here may have been coming here for eons. You didn't draw attention to it."

She didn't look convinced but Jack let it go as he concentrated on setting the ship down in the ravine.

"Nice," she complimented. "Much easier than its last landing here."

Jack grunted at her. "I gotta pee."

"So does Bonnie, from the sound of it."

"Go explain to her why she can pee inside now."

Jack was picking up dried wood for a fire when Maddy walked to the river's edge and began undressing. Barely taking his eyes off her, he piled the wood, located matches from among the strewn packs, and lit the fire. The coffee had spilled but the ziplock of tea bags was intact. He grabbed the coffee pot and strode to the bank near where she was just surfacing.

"Cold?" he asked.

She swiped back her hair and wiped her eyes. "Not bad." She filled her lungs with air and her breasts bobbed to the surface. Sweet, round orbs tipped by nipples puckered in invitation. "Join me?"

Jack's reaction was immediate. He dropped the coffee pot and started undressing as Maddy lazily propelled her self backwards in the pool. She watched brazenly and her interest served to increase his heart rate. He waded in and moved straight up to her. Two steps before reaching her the bottom abruptly disappeared from under his feet and he went under with a surprised choke. Maddy was giggling when he surfaced. He swam up to her and realized she was clinging to a large rock with her toes. The pool surrounding her was quite deep. Jack braced his feet on the rock, grabbed her arm, and heaved her over his head. She landed with a belly flop that sounded like it might have stung. When she didn't surface Jack scrambled to get on top of the rock. Her hands closed around both knees and he braced himself against being pulled under.

But Maddy had different ideas. Her hands made a slow tour up his legs and when she paused to blow bubbles over his erection he shivered. By the time she had to come up for air she was holding him in a very provocative grip. One ankle came around his for stability and her nipples brushed his chest. Jack caught her face in both hands and stared hard into her eyes.

But the shadow he saw there had nothing to do with Meret.

It was the reflection of the Turdokin ship.

**Chapter Sixty**

Maddy's eyes widened in fear as she rolled them skyward. Jack pushed off the rock and carried them both under the water. Her arms came around him and she clung tightly as they carefully surfaced. The giant ship eased overhead and the brilliant beam lit the area with more intense light than the suns had. Jack drew Maddy's head into his shoulder.

"Don't look at it."

"_Really_? Why not?" she muttered sarcastically.

Jack growled at her. "We need to get outta here."

"And dressed."

As they were easing up onto the bank they could feel more than hear the rumble that shook the entire ravine. The river abruptly washed over the bank, tumbling them together in a heap and sweeping them towards the ship. They both twisted around to look upstream.

The steep incline over which the river was flowing at the head of the gorge was crumpling under the assault of the ship's mining beam. As the mountain of crystals was swept up by the beam, a large expanse of water began to appear. Water that was pouring over the ledge with increasing volume.

"The ship!" Jack barked, dragging her up then pushing her forward as she made a fruitless grab for floating clothes. "No time! _Move!_"

They raced for the ship through water that was already to their knees, made it inside even as the vessel was lifted by the rising onslaught. Jack slammed into the seat and punched at the controls. The cargo ship came to life and began to lift. A huge wave of water slammed into them as the bulk of the hidden lake burst into the ravine. Jack pushed the control as far as it would go and the small ship strained against the weight of the water. Alien engines whined, the ship shuddered and creaked against the drag.

Bonnie howled.

"Come on...!" Jack coached grimly.

The ship broke free with a hard shudder and a violent lurch, then they were rising into the darkening sky. Jack's shoulders lost their tension and he sagged into the seat. He heard Maddy's soft exhale of relief and shot her a grin.

"_That_ was close."

The fear was fading from her features and she managed a tight smile. "If you weren't in the mood you could have just _said_ so," she griped. "Wonder if they stopped at camp and if we still have clothes there?"

Jack moved the controls and the ship tilted into an arc. "Let's go see. I kinda like flying naked, but I could use a towel under my ass..."

The ship seemed to slam into a wall. Maddy and Jack were thrown onto the control panel with matching grunts of surprise. Then everything went dark. Inside and out. Pitch black to be exact, as the engines and interior lights suddenly shut down.

Jack pushed back into his seat and groped for Maddy. His hand contacted her breast.

"Oh, come on!" she said with a click of her tongue. "How can you..."

He moved his hand over to her arm. "It's dark, Maddy!" he sniped back. "I was just checking to see if you were alright!"

"Well I'm not! What happened?"

Jack gave her arm a squeeze. "We're not falling and we didn't crash. I think we were taken aboard that ship."

"On purpose or by accident?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"I wasn't asking _you_," she shot back. "I was wondering out loud."

He levered out of the seat. "Let's go talk to Ba'al, see what he knows about our... hosts."

Maddy clutched his arm as they made their way through the total darkness to the hold. Jack tried to open the hatch but the power had been completely shut down.

"Ba'al!" he shouted. "You hear me?"

Bonnie barked. The end sounded like a question.

Jack made a funny sound in his throat. "We've been taken aboard that Turkish ship. Power is off-line. Any ideas?"

"Turdokin," Maddy corrected.

What came from the hold sounded like 'woof woof overwoof. Arfpanel. Howllue crystoof'.

"I got 'panel'," Maddy murmured. "And 'over'."

"Override? Control panel?"

"The blue crystal in the control panel! Oh! I know what to do!" Her fingers bit into his arm as she dragged him to the control panel.

They felt around until they found the access door and managed to get it off. Maddy drew the crystal port out then stilled.

"Which one is blue?" she whispered.

"What do you have to do with it?"

"Pull it out and stick it in this slot, here on the side." She located the hole with her fingers.

"So just start shoving crystals in. The right one will restore power."

He heard the slide and clink of crystals as she made the attempt.

"If I have it right," Maddy said as she worked, "This won't power the engines, but we should have interior power."

"Light would be nice. And heat. Your favorite toys are going into hiding."

"Did you happen to grab any weapons?"

"Are you nuts?"

"Maybe Ba'al has a few stashed in here."

A faint blue glow illuminated her face and chest. A moment later they heard a soft hum and the interior lights came on, faded, then settled into a dim glow.

"Wonder if the hold door will open?" she asked.

"Maddy, wait. Let's find a zat or something before we let Ba'al out."

They checked the usual hiding places and found a ribbon device, a healing device, two impact grenades, and finally a zat.

Maddy handed him the two grenades. "Put these in your pocket," she quipped.

He smirked at her. "Find a place up high. He can't reach them further up than Bonnie can jump."

"Jack. How the hell would he _use_ them?"

"Don't put anything past that bastard." He moved to the door and touched the button to open it. The hatch began to move, opened a few inches, then ground to a halt.

Bonnie stuck her nose into the opening.

Jack grabbed the panel and heaved. It came open enough for the dog to squeeze through. Jack stepped away and aimed the zat at her.

"Stay!"

"Woof to me arf I'm a dog," Ba'al managed humorlessly.

"I've got the zat. I get to woof to you however I want. Keep your distance."

"This creature woof arf ancient. I doubt woof can sustain arf-nother zoof. It woof arf I could manage to surwoof the last woof. Fffark!"

"Don't you be teaching my dog bad words!"

"Your problem, not mine," Jack told him. "Can we get this ship off that one?"

"No...oooh wooh."

"No... beaming technology? Through-the-hull teleportation?"

"Madiwoof's Asgarf..."

"She doesn't have it anymore," Jack interrupted, becoming impatient with Ba'al's verbiage. "Can we blast a hole in the hull and fly out?"

"No engines," Maddy reminded.

"So now what?"

"Are they gonna kill us before they eat us?" Maddy asked with a tremor in her voice. "Or do they enjoy the feel of fingernails clawing at their throats?"

"Ewww," Jack shuddered and made a face.

She raised a shoulder fatalistically.

Before Jack could respond they felt a ripple run through the ship.

"We've landed. Maybe we're still on Nirrti's planet."

The exterior hatch was opening. Jack drew Maddy behind him and raised the zat. He glanced down at his feet.

Bonnie had disappeared.

He didn't have time to think about it. A brace of the huge, hairy creatures were advancing on them. He fired the zat as fast as he could, then watched in horror as the creatures looked at each other and seemed to be laughing.

Giggling was a better word. One of them, a huge chestnut creature, snatched the zat out of his hand and shot a black one. That creature threw its head back and roared in delight. Jack felt Maddy press her face between his shoulder blades. His heart crimped painfully and he reached around to clamp her against him.

One of the creatures reached for him and he was effortlessly thrown across a stinking, hairy shoulder. Maddy squealed. Jack watched her bare behind as they were carried out of the ship. Tiny claws raked at his skin as the little monkey-thing began pawing him. Another of the hairy creatures growled and batted at it. The thing scurried down over it's host's back, turned, and sat staring up into Jack's face from a perch on a hairy rump. The monkey on Maddy's captor scrambled up onto her back, dug it's claws into her butt, and rode there. Maddy cried out and kicked her legs but was ignored.

Jack tried to see where they were going, tried to mark the way back to the ship. They were inside a facility of some sort, moving between other huge ships, stopping from time to time to be shown off to others of the species. The Turdokins seemed to be a jovial species; there was a lot of what Jack came to recognize as laughter. He wasn't able to make eye contact with Maddy, but she had stopped struggling. The monkey creature was stroking her bare skin as if intrigued by it.

They were taken to a holding cell of sorts, more of a cage than anything, and dumped gently onto the floor. Maddy scrambled into his arms with a whimper and lay with her face buried in his neck. Jack stared up at the ring of hairy captors, thinking irrationally that if Daniel were here he'd talk their way out of this.

"What are they doing?" Maddy whispered in a tiny, terrified voice.

Jack cradled her head and turned to whisper into her ear, "I think they're making fun of how little my dick is compared to theirs. Don't look up if you don't wanna see them comparing themselves."

She gasped then sighed impatiently. "Stop making jokes!"

"I'm not," he insisted. "They're pointing and laughing. Hey!" he said sternly, "Where I come from this is impressive!"

He wasn't making it up. He prayed they didn't get it into their heads to rape her. The size of those things would rip her apart. She was thinking along the same lines.

"Oh God, I hope they aren't into bestiality!" she moaned.

"Never thought _you'd_ be considered the beast."

She grunted and bit him on the shoulder. Then screamed as one of the creatures reached down and tugged her onto her back. Jack immediately crouched over her defensively and stared hard into the flat black eyes of the beast bent over them.

The Turdokin grunted softly and looked down at Maddy. His massive paw moved over her belly and Maddy cringed into a ball. The hairy fingers prodded at her breasts then pulled one knee to the side. The others began a discussion, pointing and, apparently, making observations. Then the creature gave Maddy a gentle pat on the stomach and rose. The Turdokins filed out of the cage and left them alone.

Jack drew Maddy into his arms and held her.

"They're gone. You alright?"

She nodded and sniffled. "Were we just... _sexed_? Like hamsters?"

"I think so. Can you stand?"

She nodded against his shoulder. "Ah, that _smell_! Ugh. I've got it all over me."

"Come on." He helped her to her feet. "Let's find a way outta here."

They went all over the cage but could find no viable means of escape.

"Not even a window," Jack muttered in frustration. "Damn it!"

"They didn't bring Bonnie."

Jack shook his head. "Ba'al slithered away like the snake he is. Probably trying to use Bonnie's paws to fly the damned ship and leave us stranded here." He stiffened. "They're coming back. Listen, Maddy, be as non-aggressive as possible. Don't fight them. So far they've been gentle with us. Don't give them a reason to get violent."

"So they can gently rip off my leg to chew on?"

He shot her a quelling glance as a parade of Turdokins filed up to the cage. The huge, hairy beasts parted, making a respectful path for a smallish, red and white patched Turdokin. This one was flanked by two of the biggest creatures Jack had seen yet, and they were obviously armed.

"It's a female!" Maddy breathed.

The pinto Turdokin was, indeed, female. Her hair was silky and shiny and floated delicately as she walked. Her eyes were a startling blue, and she had purple, yellow, and blue flowers woven through her fur. Eight round and full breasts showed through fine hair on her belly. Attached to four of those breasts were baby Turdokins, small balls of fur sucking in noisy contentment, each held in place by a black monkey-creature. The monkeys paid no attention to Maddy and Jack as they attended lovingly to their charges. Two of the babies were black, one was chestnut, one was completely white. Clinging to the fur of each was a tiny baby monkey-thing, bald and oblivious, about the size of a mouse.

"She's got a litter!" Maddy gasped.

"She must be a queen of some sort, the way they're guarding her."

The cage door was opened and two giant Turdokins gently shooed Maddy and Jack to the front. The female glanced up at her guards questioningly, then cautiously reached through the door to stroke first Maddy's shoulder then Jack's chest. She rumbled what almost sounded like a coo. Bolder now, she stepped forward to touch their hair.

"Don't move," Jack cautioned.

"Couldn't if I wanted to," she said out of the corner of her mouth.

"They'll kill us in a heartbeat if we threaten her," he warned.

The female stroked them as if they were unusual animals, looked them over and made guttural comments. Jack started when Maddy reached out.

There was a general stiffening among the Turdokins, a shuffling of feet as they closed on their queen. Maddy hesitated, then slowly touched the fur of the paw caressing her. The queen's blue gaze studied Maddy's face without fear. Maddy stroked the massive paw, then rubbed her cheek against it. The female cooed at her. Maddy managed a smile.

"You're fur is very soft and quite beautiful. Please don't eat us."

Jack snorted softly.

The female edged closer explored Maddy's head. Jack was half sick with fear that the huge creature would snap her neck. Maddy was trembling as she let her hand wander up the creature's arm, ran her fingers through the long fur, smiled and made a quiet murmur of approval. When she slowly began to inch towards one of the babies Jack grunted a warning.

"Don't...!"

Maddy paused, made and held eye contact with the queen, then carefully pointed one finger towards a baby. The queen seemed to recoil briefly. Maddy bowed her head for a moment, then raised her eyes back to the creature. She let her hand ride the queen's arm.

"I just want to pet your baby," she murmured softly. "I won't hurt it."

"Don't push it," Jack insisted. He moved slowly, gingerly, to pull Maddy's hand away.

But Maddy was in full creature-taming mode. She used her other hand to touch her own breast, then cautiously held it out, palm up, towards the babies again. The queen said something to the others and they made quiet sounds of comprehension. She seemed to consider Maddy for a moment, then edged closer.

"Thank you," Maddy smiled. She slowly reached out until she could stroke one of the babies with two fingers. Jack was torn between watching Maddy's face and keeping an eye on all the others for any sort of threatening move. Maddy's eyes widened and her mouth formed a quiet 'oh' of appreciation.

The monkey guardians, though, didn't appreciate the queen's trust. They set up a wild, angry chatter and converged on Maddy's hand, clawing, slapping, and even biting at it. Maddy winced but held her ground, held the queen's eyes with an imploring look.

"Don't go near the monkey babies," Jack warned.

"Don't want to," she murmured. "Be like touching a baby rat."

Jack grunted at her then started as one of the monkeys drew blood on Maddy's hand.

"They could infect you with something..!"

"Yeah, well, maybe they won't eat tainted meat," she shot back.

The queen snarled and Maddy jumped, jerked her hand away. The monkeys scattered back to their charges. The queen's top set of claws closed over Maddy's wrist and drew it back. Maddy cringed and sucked in a sharp breath. Jack reached to disengage the wicked claw but Maddy stopped him.

"No, it's okay. It feels strange, but she's not hurting me."

"It's leaving marks..." He was sure that pincer was going to sever her wrist.

"Easy," Maddy murmured. Jack wasn't sure if she was talking to him or the queen.

The pincer released Maddy's wrist and her hand trembled as she stroked another baby. The monkey beside the baby Maddy was petting poked and clawed nervously at Maddy's hand, but she wasn't bitten again.

"Ok, that's enough," Jack decided, reaching up to tug her hand away. He examined the bite marks then ran his thumb over the scratches.

The queen watched, then glanced around at the others and rumbled something. The herd nodded approval.

"Kiss my cheek," Maddy instructed.

"Maybe I should lick it instead."

"Do something, _Dear_."

Jack frowned but pressed a lingering kiss on her cheek. "You're gonna wind up with them watching us mate," he warned.

"I'd rather entertain them than feed them."

Jack thought about that then planted a hot kiss on her lips. The group roared in approval or laughter, he wasn't sure which. The queen said something, was quite lengthy about it as she pointed and gestured. She gave Jack a long look then turned and took her entourage out of the cage. Alone again, Maddy sagged into Jack's arms.

"Oh my God."

Jack folded himself around her and sighed. "You might just have saved our lives."

"Yeah, we can live as pets. Until she gets tired of us."

"I just hope she isn't planning on breeding us."

Maddy laughed up at him, then sobered. "When I don't produce..."

He shrugged. "We'll play along if it keeps us alive. Watch for a chance to escape."

Their captors returned. The queen wasn't with them. The cage was opened and a huge, thick mat was carried inside. It was situated in the middle of the floor, covered with layers of thick fur, then topped by a large sheet of fuzzy red material.

"Looks like a huge doggie bed," Jack told her.

She wrinkled her nose. "Those hides aren't cured. No wonder they stink so bad, if that's what they sleep on."

Two bowls were brought in, one filled with water and another with fruit from Nirrti's planet.

"Those bowls are made from crystals. Almost like they were glued together, but they're not leaking."

"Maybe they'll glue some together in the shape of a toilet."

Maddy snickered.

When the aliens left, Maddy walked over to the bed and knelt down to touch it. Her eyes widened.

"It's so _soft_!" She moved onto it and stretched out. "Ooh, Jack, come feel this!"

Jack quirked an eyebrow at her choice of words and obediently lay down beside her. The bed was indeed very soft and comfortable, but reeked of rotting flesh and rancid fat. He nearly gagged as Maddy curled into his side.

"What's gonna happen?" she asked at length.

Jack sighed. "We're gonna play along until we get an opportunity to escape."

"Please don't try to jump one. They're so huge and powerful..."

"I was thinking more along the lines of making a run for it."

"I hope they think to give us a litter box."

Jack snorted. "How's the hand?" he asked.

"Ok."

"Maybe they'll leave us alone for awhile. Try to sleep."

"You've gotta be kidding," she grumbled. But shortly after that she was snoring softly.

Jack lay awake thinking about their predicament. Ba'al might still be on the loose, and the wily system lord would probably find a means of escape. That he would help them never crossed Jack's mind.

What would Daniel do?

Daniel would learn their language, make friends, and ultimately convince them they didn't want to hold a pair of humans as pets. Maddy was on the right track, but if Meret raised her ugly head she could get them both killed. So far Maddy had been herself throughout the ordeal. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, what it would take for her to force Meret back once and for all. A life-or-death situation that was forcing Maddy to think for herself, to rely on her own instincts. Tap into what made her Maddy.

The more Maddy showed of herself, the more Jack was drawn to her again. That reassured him. Those days of not being attracted to his wife, not particularly liking her, had been hard to deal with. Made him question himself and Jack did not like to question himself. Back on the planet, in that river, would Maddy have made love to him or would Meret have surfaced at the last minute and pulled away?

What bothered him, even though Maddy was making headway, was how timid she had become with him. She showed some of her old moxy with the queen, but Jack had a gut feeling sorting herself from Meret was only half their battle.

He managed to doze, but came fully awake every time a Turdokin came by to peer in at them. When Maddy finally stirred Jack tilted her chin up to look into her eyes.

"Good morning."

She yawned and stretched. "Have they been back?"

"Off and on. Hungry?"

She nodded and got up, then stood glancing around uncertainly. "No litter box yet?"

"I've been using that corner," he pointed.

She sighed dispiritedly. "I hope they think to offer us showers."

He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Don't think the concept of showering has reached this galaxy yet." He tossed her a piece of fruit. "Be glad they're feeding us."

As Maddy nibbled at the fruit she eyed the material covering their bed. The fruit wedged between her teeth, she snatched up the material and ripped off a wide strip. Winding and knotting, she managed to fashion a halter top, then a brief skirt. Jack eyed her and decided the primitive outfit was damn near as sexy as having her naked. Damn near, but not quite.

"You Jane?" he asked in a grunt.

She shot him a smirk.

"Make me one?" Jack asked.

"Top or bottom?" she asked innocently.

"A top, Maddy. My shoulder blades are chilly," he said sarcastically.

Maddy looked him up and down. "I like you naked."

"Keep it up and that new outfit of yours will come off faster than you put it on."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Have to be a skirt. Can't sew pants with my teeth."

"You tell Daniel and I'll..."

She rounded on him. "You'll _what_?"

Before he could respond the queen paid them another visit. She didn't have the babies with her, and only one of the black monkey things was clinging to her fur. This time she entered the cage with no hesitation and went right up to Maddy. She made cooing noises and tugged at Maddy's clothes. Shaking her head with what could only be gentle rebuke, she proceeded to remove Maddy's outfit. Maddy's eyes drifted to Jack's and he smirked at her. Taking a deep breath, Maddy whimpered and held onto the cloth.

"Don't fight her," Jack warned.

Maddy stroked both of the queens arms as she inched out of her grasp. She moved behind the creature and began rubbing her back. The guards closed but the queen barked and they hesitated. Maddy gently massaged the brutish shoulders, and when the queen twitched her skin Maddy took the hint and dug in her nails. The queen leaned into her, dropped her head back and made a soft howling sound. Maddy scratched harder, then worked her thumbs into the hard mass of muscle. The queen all but melted into her touch and began making a deep purring sound. The black monkey creature screeched and attacked Maddy's hands. Maddy stepped back and dropped her arms to her sides. As she eyed the guards the queen slapped at the monkey and sent it flying onto the mattress. It scrambled back to her leg and climbed to her hip where it sat hissing and spitting at Maddy. The queen turned to give Maddy an encouraging look, then backed up to her. Maddy began the massage again. As she worked the queen studied Jack.

Jack shifted uncomfortably. It looked as if the Turdokin queen was going to stand there all day. After a while Maddy stepped around the queen and held her hand to her mouth.

"I'm tired. My hands are sore. Come back later and I'll do it again?"

The queen snuffled and snorted some sort of answer. Then she moved up to Maddy, clutched her in a clumsy embrace, and proceeded to lick her face. Maddy rolled her eyes to Jack and made a distressed grimace.

"Better lick her back," he suggested wickedly.

"Not going to set a precedence," Maddy mumbled, trying to avoid the long, thick tongue working towards her mouth.

Jack laughed at her then scowled as the queen advanced on him. He tried to evade the wet show of affection but the queen held him fast.

"Don't fight her," Maddy mocked. "Lick her back. Give her some tongue, Jack. Ooh, _eight_ nipples to pinch."

Jack submitted for a moment then gently but firmly extricated himself.

"Smile, Dear," Maddy chortled. "We don't want to offend The Queen."

Jack bared his teeth and Maddy snickered.

"Careful she doesn't think you're snarling at her."

"I _am_ snarling at her!" Jack growled at Maddy. Then to the queen he said, "Thank you, thank you. That's enough. I understand. Go away."

The queen moved over to the bowls and checked to see how much they had eaten, then motioned at the water bowl. A guard hurried to get them fresh water. Another came in with a crude shovel of sorts fashioned out of the crystals and cleaned the corner they had used as a bathroom. Yet a third handed the queen what looked suspiciously like a collar and leash. She advanced on Maddy.

"Jack...!"

Jack stood helplessly as the crystal collar was fitted around Maddy's neck and she was gently coaxed from the cage. He bolted to her side and held onto her protectively. A huge male forced him back and held him firmly until the door could be closed. Maddy jogged along behind the queen, twisting to give Jack a desperate look as they disappeared around the corner. Jack shrugged out of the male's grasp and began pacing the cage. The Turdokin grunted and growled but Jack ignored its efforts to calm him. He grabbed the door and shook it, but it was heavy, solid, and tightly locked. He whirled on the male guard.

"Where did she take her? What are they gonna do to her?"

The big male grunted and held out a piece of fruit. Jack batted it out of his hand and resumed his pacing.

"Maddy! Can you hear me?"

There was no response.

"Son of a bitch!" He shook the door again and tried to see around the corner. "Damn it!" He walked over and kicked the mattress, then ripped a strip from the material and angrily wound it around his waist. Having his vulnerable parts covered made him feel a bit better. Made him feel stronger somehow. Certainly less exposed, for more than the obvious reason. He turned on the guard.

"Bring her back! Now!"

The creature reached out to give him an awkward pat. Jack twisted away with a vicious oath.

"I don't want petted, I want my wife back where I can see her!"

He paced, alternately raging and brooding in silence, until Maddy was returned to the cell. He studied her face as the guard opened the door. She didn't look distressed; relieved was more appropriate. She held his gaze as the collar was removed and the queen gave her a gentle caress. She darted into Jack's arms and clung to him. Jack glared at the queen over her head as his arms came around her. The queen snuffled some sort of comment to the guards and they left the humans alone.

"You okay?" he asked into her hair. Then he realized her hair was damp and pushed her back enough to look at her face. "What'd they do to you?"

"_Bathed_ me," Maddy complained. "Every nook and cranny."

"Did it hurt?"

"The water was warm and they tried to be as gentle as massive paws with huge claws can be," she told him, turning to show him a vivid red mark along her hip. "Then I was paraded through... town... to be shown off. Naked." She shuddered with revulsion. "The queen generously stopped to let every pup in town poke, prod, and stroke me. I was fed leaves, fruit, and a whole bunch of stuff I don't even wanna think about. When I tried to refuse, they forced it into my mouth. It was just easier to taste it for them."

"Town?"

She nodded. "I tried to get landmarks, some sort of idea where we are from the ship. I think the hangars are that way," she pivoted and pointed.

"They have, like, _houses_? High rises? Restaurants?"

She shook her head. "Domed huts made out of _my_ crystals, with flowers and Nirrti's fruit trees in their yards. Streets paved with crystals- they cut my feet and the queen got all concerned. She had two guards link their arms and carry me after that. Several central wells- again, _my_ crystals- that they carry water from in crystal buckets. The queen lives in a huge cavern about halfway up the slope of a mountain. There are Turdokins everywhere. Adults, pups, males, females. It's just like a city out there, Jack. A colorful, crystal city. There isn't much noise and I didn't see any smoke. They must use crystal technology for power. There are community open-air meat racks with all sorts of alien carcasses hanging on them. Turdokins just go up and rip off what they want and stand there eating it raw. When they're done they go roll in the rotting hides."

"You were gone a long time."

She grimaced. "I was taken to the 'palace' first, got stripped and bathed, petted and crooned-over. Then the 'vet' checked me," she shuddered and her eyes slid away from his. "After that I got the grand tour. Then the queen 'played' with me for a while. When she got bored they let me have my clothes and brought me back here."

"She throw a ball for you to chase?"

Maddy gave him a sour look. "Lots of petting and playing patty cake and licking and watching me walk around looking for a way out. She's got this whole gaggle of females who wait on her... paw and foot. She had to show them all how she has me trained to scratch her back."

"Didja see any ships?"

"One flew overhead while we were coming out of the cavern. That's how I pinpointed the hangar. Looks big enough to hold three or four the size we saw mining the planet."

"The ship was that big, or the hangar?"

"The hangar, Jack," she said peevishly. "Why's it matter?"

"Why'd you mention it?" He started pacing again. "I don't see how we could overpower any of these huge bastards."

"She's pretty lenient with me. If she takes me out again, I'm going to keep walking towards the hangar. Maybe she'll get curious and let me go, see what has me so interested. If she does, I'll go straight to the cargo ship."

"Don't do anything foolish," he warned. "Just let her know you want it back, but don't make a break for it."

Maddy gave him an odd look. "You think I'd take off and leave you here?" she asked incredulously.

"If you get the chance, you go," he said sternly. "Don't even think about coming back for me. But don't do anything to piss them off. One swipe of a paw and you're history."

She made a face at him. "I didn't see hide nor hair of Bonnie. Nothing on the meat rack was small enough to be her..."

Jack winced. "Hopefully Ba'al is keeping her outta sight."

"She's gotta be hungry," Maddy fretted.

Jack took that as a good sign. "He'll keep her alive. Has to if he wants to survive."

Tears welled in her eyes. "Poor Bonnie. She doesn't deserve to go through all this."

Jack had to look away. This was his fault. He should have left the dog on Earth, where she was safe, happy, and comfortable in her surroundings. Hell, for that matter if he had left Maddy on Earth...

Maddy pressed against him. "Hold me?"

He turned without meeting her eyes and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Babe. For all of it."

"You were desperate, Jack. And that's my fault."

He held her back to study her eyes. "How _are_ you doing? I haven't seen Meret surface lately."

She shook her head. "I'm working hard at it, Jack. I promise."

"I know you are." He pulled her face into his chest and splayed his fingers in her hair. "You can do this, Maddy. I know you can."

"I have to," she said unevenly. "What Meret would do... her reactions right now... would get us both killed."

Jack sighed. He would like to have heard that she loved him enough to battle Meret, for him. For now it was encouraging that her will to live was incentive enough. A few months ago it wouldn't have been. That was progress. He cradled her head in both hands and forced her to look at him.

"Maddy, I know Quasi took a lot of harsh thoughts to you. A lot of resentment I was feeling..."

She closed her eyes and a huge tear formed in one corner. Jack winced.

"Listen to me! I won't deny those feelings. I had them. But I never stopped loving you! I wish he had given you the awe and... and... I don't know the words to tell you how unbelievable you were to me! Maddy, what you did for me was incredible. Beyond description. I felt that, too. It was overwhelming that you'd work so hard just to have me with you when I should have been dead. When I was such a burden, a heartache that started all over every time you looked at me. How hard you fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself. Yes, I was mad. Same as I was in that ice cavern. But you were right again, Babe. You're the only reason I had to want to live."

He thumbed away the massive tear and took a moment to compose himself.

"You've turned me into a cat with nine lives. How many times I should have been dead but you held onto me, wouldn't let me go. Then made my life even better. Surely Quasi let you feel how much I love you, not just how bitter I was? How much I respect and adore and cherish you? Did he?"

Maddy nodded without opening her eyes.

"How much I appreciate you? Huh?"

She sort of tilted her head and nodded again.

"How much you mean to me?"

She was starting to smile a bit and her nod came more easily. He rewarded her with a kiss below each eye.

"How beautiful and sexy you are?"

She gave him an upside down smile and a faint blush crept into her cheeks.

Ah, Maddy. Pure, undiluted Maddy! "How much smarter than me you are?"

She gave a short laugh and opened her eyes. "We both know that's a lie," she chided.

"How awesome you are in bed?"

"I get the point, Jack," she giggled softly.

He hugged her hard then rested his chin on top of her head. "Don't leave me, Maddy. Don't ever leave me."

**Chapter Sixty Two**

About two weeks passed, as close as Jack could tell. Every day the queen spent time with Maddy, taking her for walks on her leash, bathing her, playing with her. She didn't pay as much attention to Jack, but when Maddy began hanging onto his hand as she was led from the cage, the queen gave in and had a collar and leash brought for Jack, too. He was 'handled' by the huge black male who was not affectionate but neither was he cruel or rough. They were given ample food and water, their cage was kept clean, and they were not mistreated. Maddy's efforts to lead the queen to the Gou'ald cargo ship were in vain.

"I will never see pets in the same light again," Maddy said to Jack as they were led through the glittering streets one bright afternoon.

But soon the queen made it clear she expected them to mate. She had the guards try all sorts of motions and actions to get the point across to them. Finally, one guard held Maddy down on the bed while another pushed Jack on top of her.

"We'd better give them something," he whispered. "I don't wanna get neutered for not performing."

Maddy wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

"I never was good in front of an audience," she quavered.

"Just make it look good," he coaxed. "Maybe they'll leave us alone."

The guards left the cage but hung around to make sure the event took place.

"I can't do this, Jack!" she whimpered.

"Shhh. Easy. Forget about them. Think about me." He raised up and smiled into her eyes. "You never used to have trouble shutting out the world when I made love to you."

He did his best to make it easy for her, knew their continued existence might very well hinge on keeping the queen content. After the first time Maddy came to him willingly though without the fire and abandon he was used to. But she loved him as Maddy, not Meret, for which he was grateful.

One afternoon, long after their daily walk, Jack stiffened and moved to the bars.

"What?" Maddy asked.

He waved her to silence and strained to listen.

"I hear the cargo ship," he told her. "Sounds like it landed."

Maddy moved to stand beside him but the sound had faded. She searched his eyes. "Wonder what that was all about?"

"At least we know it flies. Whatever they did to kill the power, they _un_did it."

"Too much to hope that Ba'al pulled it up to the curb for us. What can we do? The zat only tickles them."

He ran a hand over her head. "I dunno, Babe. We'll think of something."

They didn't have to think long. The next day they were led from their cage and into an area just below the cavern palace. An enclosure of crystal bars woven together just small enough to prevent them from squeezing through had been formed into a giant, domed circle. The area encompassed probably an acre, complete with a few trees and a stream that trickled over strategically placed crystal boulders. The cargo ship had been set down in the center of the enclosure. Maddy and Jack were led inside and their collars removed. The heavy gate was closed and locked. Maddy glanced around then up at the cavern entrance.

"We've been placed in a habitat," she said indignantly.

"Better than on a spit. Let's go see if Bonnie is still in the hold," Jack responded. "And if by some chance they forgot to remove the power source."

The power crystals had been removed, but the cargo hatch was open and Bonnie crept out of her hiding place behind a hidden panel. She wiggled her way up to Jack but avoided Maddy.

Jack didn't sense the Gou'ald's presence and looked at Maddy for confirmation. Maddy shook her head.

"He must have gone into one of the Turdokins."

"Probably whomever moved the ship here. Hey, Girl!" He got down on the floor and hugged the dog.

"Bonnie!" Maddy tried to hug her too, but Bonnie cringed away from her. Jack's face reflected his sympathy.

"She'll come around. It'll just take time. We'd better keep her hidden."

"She can't survive on fruit. What will we feed her?" Maddy fretted.

"We'll try to make them understand we want meat. Do you know how to remove the universal translator?"

"No, but we can try ship to ship communications."

Jack shot her an approving grin as they bolted for the console. But without power nothing was working. Maddy checked for the ribbon device, healing device, and shock grenades.

"Gone. All of them."

"You didn't think he'd leave them behind?"

"He can't use them," she shrugged.

"No, but we can. Fiddle around in here, see if you can get any power at all, anything to work. I'm gonna go watch the guards and see if I can sense Ba'al with them."

When Maddy came up to him a few moments later he saw the dejection on her face. "Nothing."

"Damn!" He scanned the throng crowded around to look at them. "I don't sense the bastard, either."

"Not that he'd help us escape," Maddy groused. "He's out there laughing at us."

"Ba'al!" Jack shouted.

The crowd gasped and rocked back.

"Ba'al, you slimy, no-good, rotten son of a bitch! Show yourself! Where the hell are you?"

"No wonder you can't catch any fish," Maddy grumbled.

"What?"

"Ever heard about catching more flies with honey than you do with vinegar?"

"What the hell's that got to do with fishing?"

Before she could answer the crowd parted like the Red Sea and the queen appeared at the gate. She was let inside the enclosure and walked right up to Maddy for a back scratch. Maddy obliged, then grasped her paw and led her to the far side of the enclosure. Two burly guards crowded close. Maddy stopped and pointed at the meat rack on the far end of town. Then she mimed eating.

The queen tried to feed her a stalk of grass as thick as celery but Maddy refused it and pointed again. She reached as far as she could through the bars and grasped at air. She patted her stomach and pouted. She pretended to rip off an imaginary piece of meat then exaggerated chewing.

The queen said something to a guard outside the enclosure then shooed Maddy back to the gate.

"If she gives it to you," Jack warned, "You gotta eat it. Raw."

Maddy turned wide eyes on him. "I didn't think of that! I about gag just walking past it."

"Just this time. Maybe after they see you want it they'll start adding it to our diet."

"Light a fire, Jack. I'm cooking it first!"

"I'll get right on that," he shot back. "Hand me that lighter you're never without."

She glared at him and he shrugged. "You're the Dan'l Boone of this outfit. You start a fire."

Before she could respond the guard came back with half a small carcass. He gnawed off small chunks, spit them out and handed them to the queen.

Maddy turned a sickly gray color and looked at Jack imploringly.

"The things you get me into," he grumbled, stepping forward and holding out his hand for the meat.

"Me?" she yelped. "You're the one who brought Bonnie along!"

But the queen had different ideas. She gently shoved him back, shouldered past, and held the meat out to Maddy.

"I tried, Babe."

"Maybe if you sat up and begged. Do something cute, Jack. Quick, find something to juggle..."

But she took the foul smelling morsel, pinched her nose, and, eyes locked on Jack's face for courage, swallowed it without chewing. She made a face and squeezed her eyes shut, gagged, then gamely asked for more. The queen made a display of feeding her to the glee of the crowd. Maddy was able to palm a couple of pieces out of sight for Bonnie.

Jack had taken all he could stand of watching her choke down the raw, slightly green meat. He boldly walked up to the guard, tugged the entire carcass out of his paws, and, when he got away with that, immediately trotted it into the cargo ship.

The crowd roared it's pleasure when Jack reappeared without the meat and came to stand beside Maddy.

"Smart ass," she growled at the smug look on his face. Jack winced as her stomach lurched and she made a queasy face.

Satisfied and quite pleased with herself the queen made a grand exit, taking the adoring crowd with her.

Maddy turned away from the gate and vomited.

Jack patted her back and wrinkled his nose. "That bad, huh?"

"Spoiled!" she gasped. "Can't keep it down."

"Let's just hope they don't expect you to eat it again, like dogs do."

That made her double over and retch even harder. Jack bit his lip. "Sorry..."

"Asshole," she managed to gasp.

It was all Maddy, too. She didn't need Meret's help with that one.

Bonnie, however, had no trouble keeping the meat down.

From that time on a generous portion of the rancid meat was added to their daily diet.

Jack and Maddy were lounging in the stream to cool off, watching the Turdokins watch them.

"The females seem more cat-like and the males are more like bears," Maddy observed. "Wonder which one Ba'al took?"

"Think I've got that figured out."

She glanced at him in surprise. "You've sensed him? I haven't..."

He shook his head. "But figure: Ba'al would choose the one with the most authority first, and barring that, the biggest, meanest one. That huge black male that seems to have the queen's favor. Betcha making love in this spot next full moons he's got that one."

Jack felt Maddy shiver at his words and he grinned as he stuck out his hand.

Maddy shook it with a firmness that made him eye her suspiciously.

"He's got the queen," she said decisively. "He might have used that big bruiser to get to her, but definitely the queen. He won't stop until he's worked his way to the top. And she hasn't been down to have her back scratched lately."

Jack considered her logic and decided he might have lost the bet. Too bad, because now he'd have to find another way to seduce her into making love in the stream in the moonlight. A sudden outburst of wild, cat-like snarling snapped them to attention. Two females were hissing and spatting at each other. The fight quickly escalated into fierce yowling as the pair backed away from each other. They could see the fur along their spines standing up in spiked ridges.

"The others don't seem to care," Maddy said quietly. "They've always seemed so peaceful- you'd think they'd try to stop that."

Jack shrugged. "Maybe they have sense enough to mind their own business."

Maddy elbowed him impatiently. Jack got up abruptly and picked up a large rock.

"Jack? What are you gonna do with that?"

He jerked his head at the bars of their enclosure. "They're made out of crystal. Doesn't crystal break?"

"You should know," she muttered under her breath as he smashed the rock into the bars.

The crystal rattled, and that rattle telegraphed a long ways across the bars, but it didn't give.

"They build _houses_ out of it," Maddy told him. "Wells and buckets and stuff. Whatever process they use to mold it must strengthen it, too."

"Wonder if the ship could break through?"

"The lasers, maybe. Or a torpedo..."

Another violent confrontation drew their attention. This time it was between two burly males. The growling and snarling culminated in a feral battle that had the two rolling on the ground using teeth and claws. Their monkey parasites screeched and danced around the pair, getting flung off then darting in and trying to cling to the flying fur. The crowd parted to give them room. After a moment three more males jumped into the fray. The noise was so piercing, the battle so vicious that Maddy sidled closer to Jack and gripped his hand. He glanced down at her in surprise.

"Scared?"

She nodded without looking up. "Can we go inside? Please?"

This timid side of Maddy made him feel strong. Brave and in control. It was about time his woman looked to him for protection.

Jack led her into the ship and closed the hatch. Maddy went directly into the cargo hold, but Jack sat in the pilot's seat where he had a good view of the battle. There were nearly a dozen of the beasts fighting now, and two lay so still he wondered if they were dead. His suspicions were confirmed when a pair of females began skinning the dead males and slicing off chunks of meat to hang on the community rack. Jack decided not to let Maddy know about that and he went into the hold to distract her.

Bloody fights began to happen more frequently over the next several days. Jack studiously kept Maddy from seeing what happened to the losers. She darted for the ship as soon as the screeching and snarling started and stayed there until long after it had ended.

"The queen hasn't been down to visit us," she mentioned one day. "I wonder why?"

"Pining for your mistress?" Jack teased.

Maddy turned away from him. "I've had enough '_mistresses_' for one lifetime," she said softly.

Jack instantly felt like a heel. "I'm sorry, Maddy. I didn't think before I said that."

She shrugged it off. "It just seems odd that she hasn't been around."

"Maybe she doesn't want to get caught in one of those battles."

"What started this, anyway? They seemed to all get along so well."

"Maybe it's mating season. Or political differences."

"All the same back on Earth," she snorted.

Jack laughed. "It's almost feeding time. Come to the gate with me?"

Maddy strolled to the gate with him but clung to his arm. She paused to admire a huge white flower bud on one of the bushes.

"This is going to be amazing when it opens," she mused. "Wonder if it'll smell good?"

"Anything has to smell better than this place." His eyes drifted upstream to where the water flowed under the crystal bars.

"Wonder if I could squeeze out where the stream comes in?"

She whirled on him. "_Why_?"

He studied her frightened expression. "A little recon. See if I can find those crystals."

"What if you can't get back in?"

He shrugged. "If they haven't figured out how to turn crystals into C4, I'll just sit by the gate and wait to be let back in."

"You can't! Jack, what if they swat you? One swipe would knock your head clean off! Please don't!"

"Maddy..."

"No! I won't help you. You're not leaving me here alone."

"Ok, ok," he placated quickly. "We'll think of another way."

The gate rattled and they stepped forward to get their nightly ration. Their waiter was the huge black male Jack felt sure Ba'al had taken as host. He and Maddy both strained to sense the symbiote but her superior smirk told him she felt no more presence than he did. She chuckled deviously the whole way back to the ship.

That night an eerie, mournful howl woke them. Maddy edged closer and Jack could feel her trembling. Another howl joined the first and soon the entire community seemed to be baying. Bonnie crawled in between them and lay shivering. Maddy and Jack both reached to comfort her.

"Wonder if the moons are full?" Jack murmured.

"What do you think it means?"

He shrugged. "They're animals, Babe. Acting like animals." He sat up. "I'm gonna take a look around. Be right back."

"Jack?"

Her pleading tone made him feel strong, capable, protective. Invincible. He felt his chest expanding. "I'll close the hatch. Babe, inside this enclosure has gotta be the safest place on this planet. I'll be right outside." He strode out of the ship with a cockiness he hadn't felt since his days as a raw cadet.

The howling had reached a crescendo and for some reason he had the overwhelming desire to join in. There wasn't a Turdokin in sight. Jack looked up to see three luminous moons hanging low overhead, all of them full. He had the impression of hair standing up along his back. A faint anger crept along his spine, a hunger for battle. He decided he'd better walk it off before going back in to Maddy. He made a tour of the enclosure, and as he neared his starting point the howling tapered off. He paused beside the bush Maddy had been admiring and realized all the buds had opened. The white flowers had a lustrous blue hue in the moonlight and he bent to sniff them. The scent was intoxicating, sweet and heady. He couldn't draw enough of it into his lungs. The more he breathed the more he wanted and he buried his face in the giant bloom. Maddy had to see this, had to have one. He plucked the biggest blossom and held it to his face as he sauntered back to the ship.

Maddy. So gorgeous, so sexy. He couldn't get enough of her. Her touch, her kiss, her soft warmth were as intoxicating as the scent of this flower. His body was raging with need now, throbbing to the point of pain at the thought of his delightful Maddy waiting for him inside that ship. So hot, so willing, so eager to satisfy him. He paused before opening the hatch, stared up at the lunar trio, and breathed deeply of the flower's dizzying scent.

Tonight he'd have her the way he remembered having her. The way Qua'sel had her the first time he wrested control from Jack. He'd tease and pleasure and arouse her until she was delirious with desire. And he'd do it over and over for her, give her all the passion and ecstacy he'd been denied giving her for far too long. A surge of power raced through him, igniting an insatiable desire that rose to a fevered pitch rivaling the earlier howls.

The heavy hatch door seemed to float open in his hands.

**Chapter Sixty Three**

Jack sat watching Maddy sleep. Tonight he'd have her in that stream, by the light of the three moons, with the scent of those incredible flowers wafting around him.

After he had her again this morning.

Jack hadn't slept. He had kept his promise to himself, had waltzed with Maddy through the stars again and again until, exhausted, she had passed out in his arms. He wasn't tired, wasn't satisfied, wasn't patient enough to wait until she woke. He needed her again, needed her _now_. She could sleep the day away. There was nothing else to do. Jack eased onto the mat, lowered himself onto her, delighted in her warm, soft curves. Her lips were still puffy from his ardor, her nipples still red and swollen. He took as much of her breast as he could into his mouth and moaned deep in his chest as his tongue tasted that ripe bud.

Maddy stirred and whimpered. Her hands tugged at his head.

"Jack... Please, let me rest awhile?"

His answer was to draw on her nipple until she squealed in protest. That sound broke through the erotic haze in his brain and he raised his head, peered into her eyes. Her hands were warm and soft on either side of his face.

"Jack, please. I just can't..."

Anger surged through him. "You don't have to do anything," he said gruffly. "Just lay back and enjoy it."

He should have been concerned by the look that crossed her face, but his need overwhelmed good sense. He slid a hand down across her stomach. When he contacted tender flesh she cried out and twisted her hips away. Jack shoved her flat again and firmly planted his hand where he wanted it to be. Maddy cringed and pushed at his shoulders.

"Jack, _stop_! I'm sore. I don't want this now! Leave me alone!"

He silenced her words with a hard, demanding kiss. Nothing she said or did registered. Driven by insatiable need he drove himself deep, reveling in his own power, his conquest in owning this priceless treasure of a woman. No other woman in the universe was as desirable, as beautiful and seductive as his Maddy.

He convinced himself that her cries were of pleasure, her tears were of joy. The flower blossom in his hand crushed into her hair as his fingers clenched and held tightly.

"Jack please stop," she pleaded.

"No other woman can satisfy me, Maddy. No other woman is as beautiful, as sexy. I want you. Now. Always. I can't get enough of you. You drive me insane. Day in and day out, I want you. When I wake up I want you. When I sleep I want you. When you smile at me I want you. When you yell at me I need you, Maddy. I need you now. I can't stop, I can't get enough. Hold onto me, Maddy. Dig in your nails. Draw blood. I need to feel you! Bite me, Maddy. Bite hard. I love it when you bite me. It drives me wild."

She did. She bit him hard on the lip and drew blood.

Jack sucked in an excited breath. "Oh, yeah, do it again. Bite me again."

"_Stop now!_" she cried desperately. She clawed at him and sunk her teeth into his earlobe.

But the pain only served to peak his desire and he growled into her neck.

"Yes! Again. More! Scratch me, Maddy! I can't feel pain. I'm too strong, too potent, too male."

"Jack what's wrong with you? Let me up. Stop! _Please!_ You're hurting me...!"

"You only think it hurts. Relax. It's incredible! God, you're awesome. So hot, so tight, so strong... I have the strength to hurt you but I won't, I promise. It's glorious. You're glorious! Bite me again. Sink your teeth into my shoulder as hard as you can. I can take it. I _want_ it!"

Maddy began to fight in earnest and Jack delighted in her every move. She bit his neck, drew blood, and he loved it. She raked his back and he groaned in delight. She rolled her hips trying to throw him off but it only heightened his senses. Finally, drained and hurting, she lay still and let him have his way.

"I love you so much," he rasped. "So good... so good." His body clenched and drove deep, shuddered again and again. When he rolled to the side it was to clamp her to his chest in an iron grip. He fell asleep then, with his nose buried in the flower petals he had ground into her hair.

Jack woke with a headache and a raging erection. He breathed in deeply and immediately missed the scent of that flower. That flower would cure his headache and Maddy would cure his throbbing erection.

Where was she?

He got up and went outside without bothering to put on his skirt. He went directly to the bush with the flowers and breathed deeply as his eyes raked the enclosure for Maddy. He spied her in the creek, laying with her head downstream so the water would run over her sore bottom. Her flesh would be cold and that excited him. Cold turned her on and now he understood the rush. She was waiting for him, ready for him. No doubt as anxious as he was to experience that delightful sensation. The need for it was driving him insane. His need for her was driving him out of his mind. How had he gone without her for so damned long? How could he possibly have survived without having her day and night? The pressure in his groin was building to an excruciating throb.

The gate rattled. Jack glanced around and saw the big male bringing their food. The beast looked at Maddy in the stream and Jack instantly saw red. Through a haze of fury he rushed the beast and drove it back into the fence. Shouting like a madman, Jack threw his fists as fast and as hard as he could. The Turdokin calmly brushed him off, backed through the gate, and locked it. Jack caught his balance and threw himself against the bars, shouting for the beast to stay away from his Maddy. The Turdokin trudged away as if nothing had happened.

Jack whirled and glared at Maddy. She was sitting up, staring at him aghast. She had wanted that animal! Damn her eyes, she was mad because he drove it away! She had been laying in that stream- where _he_ had wanted her- waiting to seduce that creature, not him, and this after a night and day in his arms! Thinking he was asleep, she had been planning to cheat on him with that ugly monster! The bitch! She knew how much he loved her- how could she do this to him? If he hadn't been man enough for her before, he'd damn sure prove he was man enough for her now! He had been holding back, been mindful of her weaker stature, but apparently that hadn't satisfied her. Head lowered, his eyes boring into hers, he started for her.

Maddy rose to her feet as Jack approached and warily edged away from him. Jack watched her eyes dart around for a means of escape and he laughed hollowly.

"I'm twice the male that animal is," he grated. His voice was low and gravelly from shouting. He thought it sounded sexy, seductive.

"What... what are you talking about?" she asked carefully.

"You wanted that thing. You belong to me. Don't ever look at another male, Maddy. I won't stand for it."

"I wasn't looking at him! You think...? Ewww, Jack! Yuck!" She shuddered and backed away. "What's wrong with you? Something you've eaten... Jack, stop and think a minute," she pleaded. "You're not yourself. You want to hurt me. You've already hurt me. Please..."

"Not hurt you, Babe. I could never hurt you. I just want to prove to you what a man I am." He stopped and spread his hands wide. "_Look_ at me! I'm raw power. I've got naquada running through my veins! I'm invincible, unstoppable. I'm worthy of you. I deserve you. You deserve what I can give you. I need to prove myself to you, Maddy. Prove how much I love you, how much I need you. I need you, Maddy. Now. I have to have you. _Now_."

The damned woman was looking at him as if he was crazy! She didn't believe him! Anger washed over him again and he made a grab for her. Maddy scooted away and put the rocks between them.

"Jack! Stop and _think_! Something's wrong..."

Neither of them heard the gate rattle.

Jack leaped onto the rocks, crouched, and dove for her. Maddy screamed and lunged sideways but Jack caught her ankle. She went down with a thud and a grunt and tried to scramble away but he was too strong. He laughed wildly and dragged her under him. He loved it when she played like this. She knew it excited him. He'd never been so insanely aroused, so desperately in need. His every nerve, every drop of blood in his body, was centered on having her, hammering at him mercilessly until he was shaking uncontrollably. Hands pinning her shoulders, he poised to take her.

A giant white paw batted him sideways then the song of a zat swept over him.

Maddy screamed again and rolled away. She hit the fence and jumped to her feet.

The queen stood over Jack with the zat. When Maddy looked up at her, her eyes flashed gold.

"Get into the ship, Madison," Ba'al ordered.

"You... What's... Why...?"

The system lord advanced on her. "Go! Now, Madison, or I'll drag you!"

Maddy darted for the ship. She tried to close the hatch before he got there, but he was too quick.

"Inside!"

He pushed her back from the doorway, closed the hatch, then sealed it.

Maddy raced for the hold but he caught her arm and dragged her back.

"Madison! Stop and listen to me!" He propelled her into the pilot's seat then sank into the other one.

Gasping, Maddy eyed the system lord. That was when she noticed the blood flecks covering the white fur. Her eyes widened.

Ba'al was fighting for breath. He fumbled in a pouch over his shoulder and withdrew the healing device.

"I need your help," he wheezed.

Maddy took the device. "What's going on?"

"Heal this body first."

Maddy's senses were leveling out. "No. You first. Why the hell is Jack acting like that?"

Ba'al closed the queen's eyes and rested her head back on the seat. "One week out of the growing season, two things happen. All three moons are full, and that horrendous white flower blooms. The combination drives males into an animalistic sexual frenzy. _All_ males, apparently."

"But not you."

"As a symbiote I am asexual and immune. I had taken that black beast first, but as I learned of this dangerous and abhorrent phenomenon- which begins with fighting to the death to hoard more females- I decided the queen was a safer host. Wrongly assuming she would be kept safe from the raging orgy."

"You were attacked?"

"Raped. Repeatedly. These creatures are sorely lacking any decent means of self-protection. Weapons are banned except those kept on the ships for hunting. Brute strength decidedly tips the scales to the male side."

"How badly are you injured?"

"This host is soft, pampered. She isn't strong... comparatively speaking... and whelping a litter of pups thrice a season has left her body depleted. She's lost a lot of blood and I feel this life force draining rapidly. You must use the healing device, Madison. Meret and Qua'sel gave you what you need."

"Use it on yourself," she taunted.

He held up a massive paw. "I cannot. I would if I could. I would leave this body for yours if I had the strength, but my vital energy has been depleted just keeping her alive. I spared your pet- doesn't that warrant a modicum of compassion?"

"None whatsoever. Why did you follow us to Nirrti's planet?"

"I did not follow you, Madison. The intelligence you gave the SGC drove me from Earth. Nirrti's planet with its wealth of crystals and it's isolation seemed the perfect haven. I had, indeed, claimed the planet for myself long before you and O'Neill arrived."

"Except that I claimed that planet years ago. Bought it outright, in fact, and it's now under Asgard protection. As soon as Thor learns you know about it, you won't dare set foot there again."

"Ah, well, the universe is full of such planets. I shall find myself another."

"That's providing you ever get off this one."

He smiled weakly. "That is indeed a question that relies solely on you, My Dear. If you refuse to heal this body, I will stop trying to preserve it. I will rest, gather the strength to take you instead." He leaned forward. "Think of it, Madison. Ours could be an incredibly powerful union..."

"The Asgard beaming technology doesn't work anymore, Ba'al. Jack had Loki disable it."

"A situation easily remedied."

She stared at him shrewdly. "Yeah, like you can just hail Loki on the ship's con and ask him to turn it back on for you!"

He sat back and sighed. "Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'easily'. Will you repair this host, or will you watch her die? She wasn't cruel to you. She truly delighted in you, Madison, as much as she understood you."

"I hold no animosity towards her," Maddy said honestly. "But seeing you die is more important to me- to Jack, to Earth, the galaxy, and the universe- than seeing her live."

"I can give you the crystals to power the ship. You and O'Neill can escape. And take me with you, of course."

"That may get you farther than holding her life over my head," Maddy admitted. "You have them with you?"

He shook the shaggy head. "And I have not the strength to go after them. Heal me, then I'll bring them to you."

"And I have a bridge in New York I'd like to sell to you."

"A bridge? Really? What is it's value?"

Maddy made a face and waved it off. "I don't know how to use the healing device. The ribbon device, yes," she said scathingly.

"I will talk you through it. But you must take action, Madison. This body is weakening."

"Answer a couple of questions first. How many of those key things are there for the gate?"

"Two. I have one, the black beast has the other."

"Where are the crystals?"

He eyed her silently.

"The crystals, Ba'al. Where are they?"

"Heal me first. Then lock me in the cargo hold if you must, and retrieve them yourself if you think you can get away with it. Trust me in this, Madison: those Turdokin males _will_ take you, and you _will not_ survive it. Inside this enclosure is the safest place to be at the moment."

"The queen will be missed."

"Not until the week is past. Nothing is noticed during this... rut."

Maddy nodded and extended her hand for the device. "How does this work?"

Ba'al leaned forward to hand her the device. But Maddy grabbed the zat out of his other hand instead. Ba'al gave her a curious look.

"Surely by now you know that has no effect on these creatures," he said mockingly.

"But if I have it you can't shoot me with it," she reasoned.

"Ah, well..."

She took the healing device and fitted it over her hand. A loud pounding on the hatch made her jump. Jack's faint shouts sounded through the metal. Maddy glanced through the window. Darkness was settling over the town, and the howling was starting. Jack joined in and the awful sound made Maddy shudder. She studied Ba'al's host.

"In your weakened condition, this might just have an effect," she mused out loud. "Just how weak are you, Ba'al?" She raised the zat and fired.

The queen's body reacted with the usual jerking convulsion and Ba'al's shout was cut short as he was rendered unconscious. Maddy snatched the pouch off his shoulder and dug through it. Key for the gate, the armband that would remotely open the ship's hatch, the blue power crystal, the ribbon device, and the two concussion grenades. Ba'al must have anticipated needing enough power to barricade himself inside the ship to protect the queen's body from further assault. Or from Jack. Who was still pounding on the hatch door and howling. Maddy got up and put the crystal in place. A faint hum told her she had enough power to lock Ba'al inside the cargo hold.

The pounding on the door stopped. Maddy frowned and rose to look out the window. In that instant Jack threw himself against the glass, right in her face. Maddy screamed and fell back into the chair. Jack pounded on the windshield, shouting for her to let him inside. Trembling, she got out of the chair and backed away. She turned a full circle and scrubbed a hand over her face.

What now? She held all the aces, but the deck was still stacked against her.

She wasn't sure how soon she could zat Jack again without killing him.

Ba'al would revive soon, and she had no way of restraining him. She didn't want to lock him in the hold with Bonnie and give him the opportunity to take her as host again. Healing him was out of the question. Even in this weakened state he was still quite capable of overpowering her, taking her as host. And she still didn't have the crystals. That Ba'al had the blue one with him meant there was a good chance he had the rest stashed in the queen's private chamber somewhere. Probably had them all together in the pouch and had taken them out to make this attempt at getting her to use the healing device on him.

Jack was slowly sliding off the window. Still shouting, still pounding, but inching downward with a wild, desperate look in his eyes. The side of his face was plastered against the glass, his cheek and eye smearing upward as he oozed down.

He was going to feel so badly about this, about forcing her the way he had. Another emotional trauma to deal with when they got home.

Home? Did they even still have a home? Nirrti's planet wasn't safe any longer. Earth was questionable at best. Maddy had no desire to spend the rest of her life in a cell. She was no longer welcome at the SGC. Had made herself a pariah among those she considered near and dear.

Meret's voice rose in her head.

"_Use the ribbon device to kill Ba'al. Then use it on Jack. Get the crystals, power the ship, and get away!"_

Maddy fought past the hateful echo and tried to think. Jack made one last attempt to pound through the glass before he fell to the ground. A moment later the pounding started on the hatch again. Or was the pounding inside her head?

"_Kill Ba'al! Kill Ba'al! Kill Ba'al!"_

Maddy slipped the blue crystal into the auxiliary control panel then tried to raise the Odyssey on the ship's communication system. There was only silence. She had no idea what solar system they were in, never mind what galaxy. No food or supplies of any kind. Nothing in which to bring water aboard. No clothes. She reached for the locator beacon and screamed when a furry paw latched onto her arm. She jerked away and spun out of his reach.

"Ah, Madison, your gamble paid off. This time," Ba'al said weakly. He raised a paw to one of the engorged breasts. "Those pups need fed. By killing me- and this host by default- you will be killing those four helpless creatures that still need this body for sustenance."

Maddy shrugged. "Meret removed all traces of humanity from my soul." It was a lie. She had no desire to see the queen die, and the thought of her pups dying was equally as heart wrenching. "Where's your monkey?"

"Devoured by my last assailant. Quickly, Madison. The healing device..."

But the queen's body had been strong enough to survive a zat blast and regain consciousness. Maybe Ba'al wasn't in as bad a shape as he wanted her to believe. The bleeding had stopped, and Maddy began to wonder if all that blood was hers. He was weak, to be certain, but it would be just like him to fake the seriousness of his injures, have her heal him, then overpower her and take her as host when she thought he was still unable. If only she had a means of restraining him! She couldn't lock him in the cargo hold- she needed that for Jack. She had no intention of taking Ba'al with them when she located the crystals. She could use a concussion grenade to knock him out, but she wasn't sure she could drag that huge creature out of the ship. Then drag Jack inside. She couldn't put Ba'al out in the open for one of the other creatures to 'rescue'. And she couldn't put him and Jack together for the same reason she couldn't let him near Bonnie. He would take either of them as host.

"Damn it!"

"Have a bit of a conundrum, do you?" Ba'al taunted. "Heal me, I'll fetch you the crystals, and you can deal with O'Neill as you see fit."

"You've never 'fetched' anything in your life, Ba'al."

Ba'al let the queen's body collapse back against the seat.

"Cut the melodrama. You're not hurt as badly as you're letting on."

He sighed pitifully.

Maddy made a decision.

She raised the zat and aimed it at Ba'al.

"No! It's too soon! You'll kill us!"

"Oh well." Maddy triggered the weapon and watched the queen's body collapse again. Then she eased the lock on the hatch door, set a concussion grenade, opened the door enough to heave it out, then slammed it shut again just as Jack hit it with his shoulder. She saw the flash through the windshield and opened the door.

Jack was crumpled just outside the ship. Maddy grabbed both his arms, heaved and struggled and pulled until she had him inside, then closed the hatch. She rested a moment, then got him dragged into the cargo hold with Bonnie. The door safely sealed, she turned to Ba'al. The queen was still breathing. The second zat blast hadn't killed her after all. It wasn't hard to tip the queen out of the seat, and the soft fur made dragging her bulk easier than Maddy expected. But she was still a massive, heavy creature and Maddy had to stop three times to rest before she got the beast dumped outside the ship. She went back in to retrieve the armband that would remotely unlock the hatch and tested it from the inside to make sure it was working. She tucked the zat, grenade, and ribbon device into the pouch, stepped over the queen, locked the hatch and, the strange alien key in hand, headed for the gate.

The concussion grenade had knocked out several of the Turdokins that had been lurking outside the gate. Maddy let herself out, glanced around, then used the cover of rocks and trees to make her way to the cavern palace entrance. The sounds echoing around the cavern raised the hair on the back of her neck. She took a moment to fit the ribbon device on her hand and made sure she could still power it. Probably not with the strength Meret had given it, but hopefully enough if she needed it. The device glowed, dimmed, then brightened as she concentrated on powering it.

She made her way unseen to the queen's private chamber. Several of the queen's servants were huddled together inside. Maddy hated doing this to them, but she couldn't chance being caught. She set the last grenade, rolled it into the giant room, and ducked back so she wouldn't fall victim to the blast. Several heavy thuds told her it had done its job. She darted inside and began searching for the crystals. There were a lot of trinkets and such, but since the Turdokins didn't use clothing there were no dressers or closets to search. The queen's pups were piled together in the center of her bed. She hoped the concussion grenade hadn't killed them.

She tried under the mattress first.

The second corner she lifted yielded pay dirt. All of the crystals, in a nice neat row. She carefully stuffed them into the pouch and turned.

The huge black male was blocking the doorway. He lifted his lip in a growling sneer and started for her.

Maddy raised her hand and concentrated on the ribbon device the way Meret had taught her. A yellow bolt struck the huge creature in the chest and drove it back a step. He howled and came at her again. Shaken, Maddy shot another bolt at him. He shook that one off, too, and gave her what passed for a wicked grin. He snarled and batted at his engorged tool that rose in a massive limb nearly to his chest.

"Now there's a target I can hit."

This time Maddy aimed for his privates. The blast picked him up off his feet and drove him out into the open space in front of the door. He curled into a ball, clutched his crotch, and writhed in agony. His gut wrenching howl drowned out the other howls echoing through the cavern as Maddy raced for the door.

She didn't bother with cover as she flew down the slope to the gate. She took the time to lock it behind her and wished she had been able to get the other key off that black monster. When it recovered enough to come after her, it was not going to be happy. She wondered briefly if the ribbon device had neutered it as she warily checked the queen. The creature was still unconscious but breathing. Maddy opened the hatch and secured it behind her. Panting, she dropped in front of the panel and began shoving crystals into ports. She thought she remembered how they went from watching Sam and Vala, tried to recall Meret's knowledge, but it still took a dozen combinations before she heard the power come online.

A single roar outside the ship rattled the windows. The ship rocked once then the huge black lunged at the windshield much as Jack had done. Maddy powered the engines, checked to make sure Jack was still in the hold, then grimaced as she slipped into the pilot's seat. The Turdokin was determined to smash through the windshield and refused to let go even as the ship lifted off the ground. Maddy tilted the attitude and tried to shake him off, but he clung like a snail to a leaf.

"Get off, you dumb bastard! I'm going into space! Get off before the fall kills you!"

She put her finger on the weapons control and had to lean sideways to see past the furry bulk on the window. A single blast opened a large enough hole in the bars for the cargo ship to fit through. A moment later, though, the entire enclosure shuddered and came crashing down. Shards of crystal pinged and tinkled against the hull, showering the raging Turdokin with sharp projectiles.

He still clung to the window, was still determined to pound his way into the ship.

When a particularly powerful blow felt like it would break through, Maddy pressed her lips together and lifted into space. The Turdokin stared at her in horror as it floated free.

"Poor, dumb animal," she muttered. He had been too high on the flower to realize what was happening, too enraged by the pain she had caused to think with anything close to rationality.

They would come after her. She searched the controls for the cloaking device. Where was it? She thought she found it, touched a lighted button, then brought the holographic coordinates online. The flashing red beacon indicated she was, indeed, cloaked.

Maddy took a moment to breath a prayer of relief, then one of repentance for the life she had taken. Possibly two if the queen died, four more if the pups died because she did.

Ba'al she didn't feel the need to repent for.

Now, how to get home?

What home? Where?

She didn't dare use the con until she was well out of Turdokin territory.

"What the hell," she muttered. "Don't know where I am, so why does it matter which direction I go? I just need to get us the hell outta Dodge!"

She crossed her fingers and jumped into hyperspace.

**Chapter Sixty Four**

Maddy stared at the interstellar star chart and felt like crying. Even the navigational charts Ba'al had uploaded into the memory told her nothing. Without a point of reference, she had no idea in which direction she should plot a course.

Beside her, Bonnie whined softly.

"I know, Girl. I jumped us from the frying pan into the fire."

She had taken Bonnie out of the hold on the outside chance Jack might hurt her.

"I'm hungry and thirsty too," she told the dog.

She sat back and glared at the holographic charts, chewed on her fingernail as she tried to call Meret forward for help.

"The bitch wouldn't leave me alone, now I can't find her!"

Qua'sel's memories were no help either. He hadn't spent a lot of time in ships, and he had withheld a lot of Vidik's memories from her.

"Maybe I should have brought Ba'al along."

Bonnie reacted to that name with a short bark. Maddy canted her a look.

"You're no help."

"_Maddy!_" Jack's irate shout brought her up out of the seat with a gasp. But she hesitated to open the door. He sounded so angry.

"Let me the hell outta here!"

"Jack, calm down. You were under the influence of..."

"Influence my ass! My head is pounding and I'm thirsty as all hell. Lemme outta here!"

"Not until I'm sure you're past that drug."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded with a slap on the door. "What _drug_?"

"Go back to sleep, Jack."

"Like hell!" he roared. "Open the damned door, _now_, Maddy! Get me something to drink."

"We don't have anything to drink."

"Let me out and I'll drink from the stream."

"We're in space, Jack. Lost. I'm working on it..."

"_Space?__** Lost**_! Open the damned door, Maddy! Lemme see if I can fix what you screwed up _this time_!"

"Oh, yeah, that convinces me," she muttered. She slammed back into the pilot's seat and tried to find anything at all familiar on the star chart. Jack raged at the door. Bonnie whined nervously and started panting.

Maddy dropped her face into her hands and let the tears come.

They had been traveling for two days and not so much as a planet passed through the navigational system. Maddy was nearly insane from thirst. She had passed hunger and wasn't sure she even wanted to eat now. Jack had been silent for the past sixteen hours and she fretted about him but didn't dare open the door to check.

She was dozing when a beep sounded on the instrument panel. Maddy roused and tried to focus on the screen. Bonnie whimpered pathetically from where she was curled up in the co-pilot's seat. The dog was becoming dehydrated and Maddy agonized over her as much as Jack. Who still hadn't made a peep.

The beep. What did it mean? Had she heard it, or was she hallucinating?

She hit a couple of buttons and squinted at the Gou'ald data. It was so hard to concentrate, so hard to remember what the symbols meant. The chart changed abruptly and showed her a planet, dead ahead. She managed to lock in the coordinates before she fell asleep again.

Something niggled at the back of her mind. She had to get up, had to wake up. Why? It was Sunday. She could sleep in.

"Skip church today," she muttered.

There it was again. A sound. The alarm? She reached blindly to shut it off and smacked her hand off the attitude control. The ship tilted wildly and threw her forward onto the accelerator. Another violent lurch brought her to her senses. She gasped and righted the ship, but not before she got a glimpse of the planet below.

"Oh my God! Thank You, God!"

She checked the sensors, opened the con to all frequencies, and took the ship down into the atmosphere. There was a lot of heavy cloud cover to penetrate then she was skimming over a deep blue ocean. Heart pounding, she tried to concentrate on the data streaming across the holographic map.

Water. She needed to find them water. Fresh water, not this. It might be salt water.

"Water, Bonnie," she coaxed the dog to alertness.

Bonnie managed to wag her stub of a tail but she didn't lift her head.

Muttering, Maddy peered ahead for any type of a land mass. There! On the horizon! _Green!_ She pushed the ship as fast as it could go and swallowed dryly. Her throat was nearly closed. Poor Jack! Was he still alive? Oh, God, please let him survive!

"Please point this ship to water!" she breathed.

When trees began slipping beneath the ship she slowed and dropped low enough to watch for a tell-tale ribbon of silver that would mean water. No sign of inhabitants yet, no smoke or buildings or movement.

_There!_

A single trail of silver coming down off a mountain. She arced the ship and looked for a place to land, watching for stuff like giant spiders and dinosaurs and any beast larger than Bonnie. She found a small clearing and settled the ship onto a grassy carpet. Bonnie raised her head expectantly.

"Not yet, Sweetheart. Let Momma see if it's alright first."

She took the armband and the zat and stepped out of the ship.

A fresh breeze lifted her hair and sunshine kissed her face. The babbling of the stream was music to her ears. She had nothing with which to test the water, so she smelled it first, and forced herself to have a good look around. Finding nothing to alarm her, she scooped up a handful and tasted it.

Nothing acrid or bitter or salty or odd about it. She started shaking and coached herself to start slowly. A few sips at a time, until her body adjusted again. She drank two handfuls then took off the material she wore as a skirt and fashioned a collar for Bonnie. The dog pulled and strained to get to the water and Maddy nearly didn't have the strength to hold her. She let her lap for a moment then dragged her away. After a few moments she let her drink again, then forced her back into the ship and tied her to the copilot's seat. She took off her makeshift halter top, rinsed it out as best she could, then soaked it and hurried back to the ship.

Jack was unconscious. Maddy lifted his head and dribbled water into his mouth. His throat worked but he didn't revive. Maddy squeezed the last of the water from the cloth and went out for more. She drank again, too, then got more water into Jack. It was Bonnie's turn again, but she still didn't allow her to drink her fill. The dog was shivering now, and Maddy worried she was going into shock. When she drank again, she felt herself beginning to shiver. It was her body struggling to warm the cold fluid. She had to keep moving, keep Bonnie moving, get Jack moving. She checked the sensors. The ship was picking up no life signs whatsoever. They were safe for the moment.

On the fourth trip with the soaked cloth, Jack's eyes were open.

"Open your mouth," she coaxed. He did, and she squeezed the water from the cloth. He swallowed gratefully.

"Can you sit up yet?"

He tried but collapsed back weakly and gave her a worried frown.

"You'll be okay now. I almost killed us, Jack. But I found water. It's been days. I have to let Bonnie drink again, and I'll bring you more. There's not a damned thing on this ship to carry it in..."

An hour later Jack was sitting up and squeezing the cloth himself. Maddy and Bonnie were still rationing their intake, but both were feeling better.

"What the hell happened?" Jack croaked. "Where are we?"

"I don't know. I got the crystals, lifted off, and had to make a run for it." Her face crumpled. "I have no idea where we are."

"Ok, we'll figure it out. Help me up."

"Just stay put and let me bring you more water."

He didn't argue that time, but after a couple more trips he stood on his own. He was wobbly and weak as a kitten, but he managed to stagger out of the ship and to the stream.

"Go slowly," Maddy urged. "Pace yourself."

Jack dropped onto his belly and dunked his entire head under the water. He drank a little then dunked his head again.

Maddy let Bonnie drink again, and when the dog showed signs of having gotten her fill, turned her loose. She immediately waded into the middle of the stream and flopped down.

Jack rolled onto his back and squinted up at Maddy.

"Tell me."

Maddy sighed and dropped down beside him. She related the story, starting from the point where Jack had more or less gone out of his mind. From his expression Maddy knew he remembered more than she hoped he would. When she finished he rolled over and drank again.

"So Ba'al's dead?"

"I wouldn't bet on it."

"Nothing in there to take water with us?"

She shook her head. "It's been stripped clean."

He sat up and drew his knees up under his chin. "We'll stick around here for a few days. Water is better than no food _or_ water. The cloaking device still functional?"

"Far as I know. I turned it off when I landed."

He nodded. "We'll make a few forays into the forest, see if we can scare up any game. Anything edible. Or settlements. Give ourselves a chance to recuperate." He reached out and turned her face towards him. "You did good, Maddy."

She would have cried if she was hydrated enough to make tears.

"I'm okay now. Go get some sleep. I'll take watch and keep an eye on Bonnie. Gimme the zat."

She started to hold it out then snatched it back with a wide-eyed look.

Jack grinned at her. "I'll let the last one pass. You're safe... for now."

She handed him the zat and made her way into the hold. When she laid down she could still smell the remnants of that dangerous flower on the material. There were still a few stray, curled up petals and seeds. She got up, gathered the cloth into a ball and threw it into a corner. This time when she stretched out, it was to sleep like the dead.

**Chapter Sixty Five**

Jack sat with a hand slanted across his face, staring blankly at the holographic star chart as recent memories came flooding back to him.

Darkness had fallen across the alien world, and when it got dark it got _very_ dark. If this planet had a moon at all it hadn't yet appeared and there were no stars visible to the naked eye. He and Bonnie had taken one last drink and come aboard, sealed the hatch, and engaged the cloaking device as an extra precaution. The sensors were still showing no life signs. Bonnie's stomach and Jack's seemed to be vying to see which could make the most noise.

All this was at the back of Jack's mind, but his attention was on the events that had taken place just before Maddy had gotten them away from the Turdokins.

Influence of some weird alien phenomenon or not, he had badly abused Maddy. Uncharacteristic heat flushed through his neck and cheeks as he remembered, word for embarrassing word, his ranting and raving. The image of himself plastered against the windshield, naked, and slowly oozing off was enough to make him close his eyes and shake his head. He couldn't recall a time when he had so completely, so thoroughly, humiliated himself. And in front of Ba'al no less. That aside, his treatment of Maddy had been despicable.

Jack shifted uncomfortably. Just when she had been coming around, had been winning her inner war against Meret and all she had demanded, just when he almost had his wife back... this.

This, after that frightening period when neither of them had felt sexually attracted to the other. One of the foundation stones of their marriage had sunk, thrown their entire relationship off-kilter, and just when it was starting to become level again he had rutted on her like a beast. She wouldn't blame him, she would understand, but it would still have an effect on her.

On them both, he brooded as his own voice rang in his ears. As the anger he had felt bubbled to the surface of his memory, Jack could only be grateful that he hadn't hit her. He grunted softly. Even under the influence of an alien drug he hadn't been able to bring himself to strike her.

Rape her, yes. Hit her, no. He wondered if Maddy appreciated that trade-off.

Who had dealt with Ba'al, gotten them off that planet, found this place with life-sustaining water- Maddy or Meret? Had she given over to Meret again to survive?

Meret may well have left Jack laying there beside Ba'al. It had seemed to be Maddy who cared for him when they landed. Her concern for Bonnie seemed to support that conclusion.

Who would wake up in the cargo hold?

Jack stirred and tried to shake off the embarrassment and guilt. He had faced it, accepted it, and now he needed to concentrate on their survival. He fiddled with the controls and tried to pinpoint their position in this solar system, identify this galaxy. They needed food, but first they had to replenish their bodies' hydration. As soon as the sun rose they would do a fly-over of this planet and see if there were any life forms that would feed them- one way or the other. He took a quick inventory: one zat, a healing device and a ribbon device, the cloaking technology. That was all they had.

Except each other. When had that not been enough?

Jack got up and went into the hold. Maddy turned into him when he lay down beside her, snuggled close and murmured softly. Jack buried his face in her hair and sighed.

Alarm bells went off inside his head. He stiffened and lay listening. Bonnie padded in and curled up against the small of his back. Whatever was bothering him, she hadn't heard or sensed it.

Maddy was so soft, so warm and sweet against him. He felt his groin stirring to life and he tried to calm himself. She would still be sore, not yet ready to appease him. The temptation to cup her breasts was too much and he weighed them gently, let his thumbs explore her nipples. He'd taste them in a moment, but for now the anticipation was intoxicating. He played his nose through her hair, loving the feel of it against his face. She was letting it grow again and already it had reached her shoulders. He couldn't wait until it was long enough for him to wrap around both hands as he...

Jack pulled away abruptly. Frowning, he leaned in to sniff her hair. That scent! The flower. An image flashed across his mind; that of him crushing the blossom into her hair during a delirium of passion. It was faint, but unmistakable.

"Maddy. ...Maddy, wake up." He rolled into a sitting position and nudged her gently.

She stirred. "Wha...?"

"Sorry, Babe. You have to get up. Now."

She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and peered at him. "What's wrong?"

"You need to wash your hair."

"My... What?" she asked incredulously.

"That flower. The smell is still in your hair. It's making me... antsy."

"Oh. ..._Oh_! We don't have any kind of soap..."

"Just rinse the hell out of it. Come on, I'll stand watch."

They made Bonnie stay inside. Maddy knelt in the stream and scrubbed her fingers through her hair. She was only a pale silhouette in the stark darkness but Jack's mind highlighted her curves. The urge to join her in the water, to take her right there, was all-consuming. His body was raging now, throbbing, tingling, trembling.

Perhaps just once wouldn't hurt. He'd be gentle, considerate. He could master himself, he had the power. No man had the power he had, the self control and strength...

Jack took a deep breath and waded into the icy stream, not to seduce Maddy but to cool his boiling blood. He sat down, lay back, and let the cold rush shock the drug out of his system. The stream was shallow, not deep enough reach past his ears. His shoulders created a small dam and the swift current washed onto his chest. He relished the contrast, the way the heat left his body.

Then Maddy was standing over him.

"You okay? It's pretty cold."

"Damn, that's a powerful drug," he told her. "All I could think about was making love to you- and that was with just a faint hint of that scent!"

To his utter amazement she straddled him and sat down. She leaned forward and laid her head on his chest.

"See if it's all gone."

"Maddy..." he breathed in warning.

"Just check for me. If it's still there, I'll rinse it again."

He nosed her wet hair. "There might be a trace, but maybe it's still in my nose. It's not as strong as it was."

She raised up enough for her hard nipples to brush his chest. "Are you as strong as you were?" she taunted softly.

Jack took a deep breath and grasped her hips. "Are you sure you want this?"

She eased onto him with a shiver and a sigh. "Prove you want me without that drug egging you on."

"But that drug _is_ egging me on."

She leaned in for a kiss. "Then why waste it? Or do you have a headache?"

Jack arched into her and she gasped. The headache would come later. For now it was enough that she wanted him.

Jack sat watching Maddy sleep. His head was throbbing, but his ardor had cooled- a sure sign the drug was gone from his system. He shook his head for the tenth time.

His Maddy was a wonder. He understood what she had done, her message to him. She anticipated his worry, his humiliation and embarrassment, and she had taken the most direct route to reassurance. She had forgiven him and moved on, helped him to move past it, too. Closed another wild and potentially traumatic chapter in their lives. The rush of emotion he felt had nothing to do with the scent of that potent white flower. She was coming back to him.

He had to wonder if, had they not gone through the ordeal with the Turdokins, she would have come this far this fast. His first instinct had been right on the money: put Maddy into a survival situation and she would find the strength to fight. His elation was clouded by uncertainty. In all her strength, Maddy was capable of hiding from him the deep-seated feelings she knew would disturb him. Meret had capitalized on those feelings, brought them into the open to drive a wedge between them. Now that they had been exposed, no amount of effort on Maddy's part would erase them from Jack's mind. Or his heart.

She was afraid of him.

That hurt, and it offended him. The hurt he could deal with. Jack was no stranger to heartache and he had the scars to prove it. But the insult was more alien, more difficult to put into perspective.

Maddy used him. Had been using him all along. She thrived on adventure, on testing herself, on pushing the envelope. Jack was her greatest adrenalin rush. She tested herself by testing him, pushed herself by pushing him. All those times she stood nose to nose and refused to be backed down, it wasn't because she had that much nerve, and it wasn't because she loved and trusted him.

It was to see if she could do it.

Maddy had a wild heart. Had he really tamed it, or was he just feeding it?

There was no denying her love. Qua'sel, if nothing else, had given him indisputable proof. Not that her actions didn't speak loudly for themselves, but having been given her thoughts, memories, and emotions laid any doubt to rest.

But Maddy loved speed. She loved danger and adventure and new experiences. Taco was a prime example. He had tried to ride the horse a time or two, and admitted openly that he was too much animal for him. Aggressive, unpredictable, powerful, as wild at heart as Maddy. That was why she loved him.

Maddy was afraid of water. Yet she climbed onto the roof of the lodge and dove off, barely missing the deck railing, just for the rush. To test herself. The fear of water and claustrophobia hadn't stopped her from learning to scuba dive. Those had been her driving force.

She hungered for speed. For taking a bend faster this time than the last, just to see if she could do it. Skill aside, she ignored factors like blown tires or a patch of oil that would make most people hold something in reserve. She skied like a maniac, took jumps with the snowmobile that broke struts and rattled off parts.

Maddy held nothing in reserve, ever. She was balls to the wall in everything she did.

She had made love to him in that stream, fully aware that he was feeling the effects of that drug, not just to show him they were alright but because the lure of pitting herself against what he was capable of doing was as powerful as that damned flower.

All the years of their marriage, Jack had thought she loved him enough to overlook his dangerous side. As it turns out, his dangerous side was _why_ she loved him.

Sure she had loved him just as completely when he had been bedfast with little hope of ever moving again. But how long before her insatiable hunger for excitement and adventure would have rationalized him into a care facility so she could feed her inner demon?

Yes, it seemed he had his Maddy back, but at what price?

She reached for him in her sleep, and when he wasn't beside her she woke. Her eyes swept the ship then found him in the darkest corner. She smiled and sighed softly.

"Come to bed," she coaxed. "It'll be daylight soon and we have a big day ahead."

"Define love for me."

She frowned and raised onto her elbows. "Honey?"

"Define love for me."

She sat up and drew the material across her knees. "The noun or the verb?" she dead panned.

"The noun. The verb we have down pat."

"You need an objective. You've had too much time to think."

"Talk to me, Maddy. Seems like I always do all the talking."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." she quoted.

"There's a good place to start."

Her frown deepened. "What's on your mind, Jack?"

"Us. You."

"You doubt that I still love you?"

"Oh, I know you love me. It's the 'why' I'm having trouble with."

"The Jack O'Neill I fell in love with wouldn't care 'why'. He'd just be happy with the 'am'."

Jack rolled his shoulders and worked a kink out of his neck. "Maddy... why didn't you fall in love with Daniel?"

She stared at him. "I thought we were past that."

"I'm not jealous. I'm curious. Why me and not him? If he had been on Nirrti's planet with you, would you have come back to earth and fallen for me anyway? What if it had been Mitchell, or Hammond, or Teal'c you had been stranded with?"

"You're my soul mate, Jack. I'd love you- and fight being in love with you- regardless of whom I spent time with on that planet."

"You can't know that."

"Then why the hell ask?" she demanded impatiently.

"Why do you _think_ it still would have been me and not Daniel?"

She studied him for a moment.

"Don't tell me what you think I want to hear," he admonished. "I want the truth." He knew it. He needed to hear her admit it.

She looked down, plucked at the material, and gathered her thoughts. "I'm still half asleep, so if I ramble..."

"It's about time. Seems like I'm the one always rambling."

"I love it when you ramble."

"Cop out," he accused.

"Jack... When I met you, I had pretty much decided I'd be spending my life alone. That there wasn't a man alive who could deal with me. I'm stubborn, defiant, reckless, and I hate to be tied down. Marriage, to most men, means the little woman tends to the house while he goes off to play. I wanted to play. I'd been tied down, one way or another, for forty years. It chafed. I've got this constant urge to explore. Myself, the world, other people... Scratch that itchy foot of mine. I just have to see what's around the next bend, over the next horizon. I've always prided myself on accomplishing anything I set out do to. If not by brute strength, then with my head. To come out anything less than on top or exhausted was unacceptable."

"So you set your sights on me?"

Her laugh was harsh. "You're mind is going, O'Neill. It was you who set his sights on me. I ran and I fought."

"You didn't win that one."

"In the end, I think I did. I ran until you caught me."

Jack started. "What's that mean?"

"I loved you, Jack," she said softly. "But I was afraid of you. Of the man you are. Of everything a relationship and marriage brought with it. But I wanted you. Wanted you to either give me the life I craved- which you were more than capable of doing- or make me fall so much in love with you that what I wanted didn't matter." She sighed. "I'm tough. I needed you to be tougher. I fought hard, Jack, but in the back of my mind was the frightening hope that you'd fight harder. I ran, never believing you'd bother to track me down but knowing that if you did, if you were that determined, then you were _The One. _And that _really_ scared me. So when you came for me I ran faster and farther because I was sure you'd throw up your hands and quit. You didn't. It takes a hell of a man to love me, Jack. To keep up with me, _put_ up with me, understand me. To run wild with me instead of tying me down. You did all that and appreciated me to boot."

"You love me because I chased you?"

"I love you because you're man enough to take what you want, then treat it right. Wolves and eagles, Jack. They mate for life. You and I, we have a little of both inside us."

"You still haven't defined love."

"I think... to everyone it has a different meaning."

"What's it mean to you?"

"You," she said simply.

"Insufficient data."

She sighed. "I'm comfortable with you, but not too comfortable. You're not too safe, not too predictable, not too grounded."

"I'm not _grounded_?" he interrupted.

"Not _too_ grounded," she corrected. "You take chances- real chances. I'm not talking about agonizing over whether or not to jump into a loan for a new car, I'm talking about whether or not to jump in front of a bullet."

"And that excites you."

"Not that I want you to do it, but that you are capable of doing it. You have that kind of nerve, that kind of grit. That much heart. I need that, Jack. I need to know that if I get in over my head- which I have a penchant for doing- you'll be there to pull me out. I'm the type to run into a burning building to save my dog. I need a man who will come in and save us both, not wait for the fire department to arrive, put on all their gear, and do it for him. That would be the _smart_ thing to do, but..."

"A smart man isn't what you want," he finished for her.

"I was going to say, Smart Ass, is that I want a man who will put me first, regardless of the foolish things I do."

"Our lives seemed filled with burning buildings," he said dryly.

"And between us, Jack, _Darling_, we've always gotten each other out. And the dog."

He was thinking about that when she said, "Don't you see, it's not what we accomplish, but what we are willing to attempt _together_?"

"How can you be afraid of me?" he asked bluntly. "How can you love me and be afraid of me at the same time?"

"How can I not?"

"Stop that."

She clicked her tongue. "You love jumping out of airplanes."

"I used to," he muttered.

"You love it. Why?"

It was a moment before he answered. "It's a rush. A view you can't experience any other way. The free-fall..."

"The question of whether or not your chute will open?"

He didn't respond.

"You have a healthy respect for guns, Jack. You fear having one pointed at you. Yet you're rarely without one. And just by having one on you, you greatly increase the chances of having one pointed- fired- at you. If you didn't crave the rush, you would never have picked one up in the first place. Never entered the military. You'd've become an accountant."

"I don't have a head for numbers."

"You have a head- and a heart- and for adventure. Excitement. A need to push yourself, test yourself. Reach your limits then move the bar higher. That's why you fell in love with me, Jack. I'm a challenge. I test you, push you..."

"Great boobs. Awesome hair. Awesome cook."

She stiffened. "Is that true?"

"That you have great boobs...?"

"Is that why you fell in love with me?"

"It's why I lusted after you from the moment we met."

"Just when I was convinced I had found a man who knew the difference between lust and love..." she muttered, flicking her fingers in the air.

"Damn it, Maddy, stop side-tracking me! I wanna know, when you're afraid of me, how you can love me. _Why_ you love me. Is it _because_ you're afraid of me?"

"Partly."

That dumbfounded him for a moment. He wasn't sure what he wanted to hear, but a frank admission rattled him.

"So you only love me because it keeps you on the edge? What if I became safe, retired to a fishing hole like I want to? Never did another exciting, dangerous thing the rest of my life. What then? What's to keep you attracted if there's nothing about me to fear?"

She laughed softly. "Oh, Jack. Just making love to you is dangerous!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you have an inner caveman that I love to torment. It's been said there's a fine line between pleasure and pain. We walk that line, Jack, you and me both. If one of us happens to cross it, the other is tough enough to take it. Maybe even appreciate it. Certainly understand it. But walking that line is a rush like no other. When I torment you to the point where you lose control, I mean really lose it, I do it with the full knowledge that you could hurt me. I trust you not to, and I trust you to take me right to that fine edge when I need you to. Daniel, Cam, even Teal'c- well, maybe not Teal'c, he's definitely got an inner caveman! They're probably great lovers. Considerate, passionate, sweet and gentle and kind... But I doubt very much either of them have an inner caveman that can be riled."

"So you couldn't love a man if he wasn't capable of losing control?"

"I couldn't love a man who didn't have enough fire in his furnace to out burn the fire I've got."

"Sex isn't everything. We've lived that old saw."

"No, it isn't. But isn't it nice that we're so well matched in that department?"

"Daniel and Mitchell aren't capable of snapping to the point of black, mindless rage. Why does that excite you?"

"That doesn't. That scares me."

"That attracts you," he accused a bit hotly. "Don't deny it."

"Why the hell are you grilling me if Quasi already gave you all the answers?" she shot back.

"Because I've come to the realization that you're using me! You're an adrenalin junkie and I'm just a convenient, live-in rush for you! I'm dangerous and unpredictable, just like Taco was! I'm not sure I like being loved _because_ I'm a borderline nut case!"

"This conversation proves you can omit the 'borderline'!"

"Damn it, Maddy! The whole reason you refused to give up that transportation device inside your head was so you had a means of escaping _me_. So you could push a little harder, get a bigger rush, and still be safe."

"How can you sit there and judge my heart when every damn thing you're so riled up about applies to why you love me, too? You love it that I'll be right there by your side when you're pushing the envelope. You love it that I've got the guts to walk through fire for you! You love it that I can take it rough once in a while, that you can turn that inner caveman loose on me. Hell, Jack, the thing that attracted you in the first place was the way I handled Taco. You saw yourself as that powerful, half-wild, dangerous and unpredictable animal, and the thought of me being able to take everything you are capable of dishing out gave you the shakes! You whine and fuss about retiring to a fishing hole, but we both know if you had married a woman who_ insisted _on that you'd have been bored outta your mind! Still looking for that elusive puzzle piece that would finish the picture. Retirement, Jack? From the SGC, maybe. Not from life! And for you, life has to have its rushes or you'll go stark, raving mad! The only reason you fish is to give your body time to rest, and to be alone with your thoughts. You fish so you can be outside, clear your head, soak up the stillness. Not because you love to fish. You can't relax in front of a TV, Jack. Even when you're relaxing you have to be _doing_ something. If you fished because you love it so damned much you'd be better at it. "

"And if I prove you wrong about that, what then?" he asked quietly. "Your turn to divorce me?"

"It's another thing I love so much about you, Jack. You'll never insist I sit there with you."

"You'll go off doing whatever you want and leave me alone?"

"Never for very long." She sighed again. "You know how everybody is so into men being in touch with their feminine side? Well, I'm in touch with my masculine side. If you don't wanna go snowmobiling or flying off to alien planets it's alright with me. Just have the dishes and laundry done when I get home, and make yourself pretty for me so I'll want to make love to you."

He mulled that over.

"Jack, you're burned out," she soothed. "We both are. Put aside all we've been through- non stop for how many years now- the pressure and danger and fear and trauma and close calls... Put all that aside and just consider what's been done to our heads! Other entities inside our brains, our bodies. Alien memories and thoughts, exchanging each other's memories and emotions... It's more than any two humans should be expected to handle. We need some down time. History has proved to us we can't make any hard and fast decisions about our lives. They keep getting made _for_ us. But the one and only true constant through it all is our love for each other. Why we love each other isn't important; questioning it to death isn't necessary. We do. Take that at face value, Jack, and accept that if anything that has happened to us so far hasn't shaken our relationship, nothing can."

"Seems to me it's been shaken, stirred, mixed up, blown to bits, and stretched pretty damned thin."

"But it's survived."

Warmth flooded him. She was right. But then, Maddy was always right. He had never trusted anyone the way he trusted Maddy. He could take anything to her and get an honest answer without recriminations.

"Jack... The thoughts and emotions of mine that Quasi gave you. Don't let them get to you. You can't pick out one errant thought, one painful moment, and dog it to death. Every last one of them has to be seen as a part of a whole, a piece in the bigger puzzle. I was devastated by your reaction to my decision to fight for a life you considered useless and a burden to live. But I understand your emotional state at the time. It was up to me to step in and take control of that out of your hands. The way you've done for me in the past."

"What if it had turned out differently?" His tone was faintly accusing. "What if I was still in that hospital bed, shitting in diapers and being fed with a spoon? And I sure as hell would have preferred that to you going to Ba'al! If you had just let me go, Ba'al wouldn't have been an option! Hell, Maddy, if a dog was in that condition you'd have no qualms about putting a bullet in its brain. _Out of mercy_."

Her sharp intake told him he had hit bone. But he needed to hear her answer.

"I gambled on you, Jack, because I know you're not a quitter. And because I'm selfish. I couldn't face life without you- in any state."

"You wouldn't get a hell of a lot of use out of me in a hospital bed."

She leaned forward, stared at him intently. "If you didn't just answer your own question, consider this: Yes, I've used you, Jack. For all the things you just threw up to me. Your availability to me for 'use' isn't _the_ reason I love you, it's only _one_ of the reasons I love you. And to be fair to me, I have never used you for your money. How many wives can say _that_ with a straight face?"

"Priorities are like assholes. We all have them and they all stink."

"Are you saying you've never used me?"

"For what!"

"Someone to fish with. Someone to unload on. Someone to amuse you, fight with you, satisfy you in bed."

"That's a part of any relationship."

"And finding your mate incredibly exciting isn't?"

"Not when its there only to feed some freaked-out adrenalin addiction!"

"Sometimes, O'Neill, you're like arguing with a cement block. Can you honestly sit there and tell me with any grain of truth that you don't get a rush from knowing whatever you get into, I'm right there with you? That when I dive off the roof or ride a horse like Taco or drive like a fool, you don't get a rush from knowing you can tap that in bed? I sure as hell do! When I see you all geared up for battle, or laying down cover fire, or outmaneuvering the enemy, God, you excite me! Because when the day is done, I'm going home with that awesome man and I'm going to be in his arms and he's gonna make me feel that rush all over again!"

"Stop switching things around, Maddy! Yes, I feel all that. In spades. You excite the hell outta me. But I don't _use_ you for that specific purpose."

"Don't you?" she asked quietly. "On Nirrti's planet, the boobs and the hair attracted you. But wasn't the way I handled all that, loved every minute of it, what made you look past the physical attraction and see a woman who could keep you occupied the rest of your life? If I'm using you for an adrenalin rush, you're using me to appease your insatiable need to _play_! I'm your toy, Jack. Whatever game you're in the mood for, you know you can count on dealing me in. Whether it's fishing, or playing hockey, or arguing- which you consider a sporting event- or flying or diving or racing something, shooting at each other with paint balls, playing gin... You're a perpetual child in a man's body, Jack, and you use me as a playmate. You know I'll drop everything from dishes to hay to my job to play with you on demand. I can play hard, keep up with you, walk the edge with you. There's not a damned thing you can't ask me of me, from camping out on alien planets to kinky sex."

Damn. When she put it that way... But she wasn't through with him.

"The physical and mental changes we've been through are gonna keep us both doing a lot of stuff long after Sam and Daniel and Cam are hitting their perspective walls. Don't question it, Jack, just _enjoy_ it."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Maddy crawled across the mattress and into his arms.

"Have any two people in the history of the universe loved each other the way we do?" she purred. "We use each other, Jack, and I'd like to think you enjoy the way I use you as much as I love the way you use me. You fulfill my every wish, dream, and desire. I love it when I can be there for you, whether it's to play or change your diaper or give you cover fire. I can't give you enough, Jack. Ever."

He folded his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. Then he thought about what she had said and a memory kindled his anger. He pushed her back and held her there.

"Can't give me enough? Then why did you sneak behind my back and have your tubes tied again?"

"What?"

"On Atlantis, after the miscarriage. Lam told me."

"Sneak... Jack, she was gonna be in there, why not get it done? Why have to go through another surgery later? You know how I hate going to doctors."

"Why didn't you talk it over with me first?"

Her shoulders tensed under his hands. "I didn't talk it over with you the first time."

"That was before we met."

"So...?"

"So why did you hurry up and have it done without discussing it with me?"

"Because," she drew out slowly, "We've been over this? What changed? Why would it bother you that I didn't _ask_ first?"

"Things have changed. We've changed. I thought maybe..."

"_That_ hasn't changed. I'm sorry my being pregnant put ideas into your head, but it didn't change me."

"If you had given yourself time to think about it, if you'd given me a chance to bring it up..."

"I'm sorry you feel this way about it."

"Did you rush into that so I couldn't hold it over your head? Did you think I'd give you an ultimatum- get pregnant or I'd leave?"

She eyed him closely. "Honestly, Jack, the only thing in my mind was getting it over with so I wouldn't have to do it later. But since you brought it up- was that what you intended to do?"

"I'd never do that to you, Maddy. It hurt that you might have thought it."

"I wasn't thinking of a whole lot," she shot back. "And certainly not to that degree! I wasn't trying to out-maneuver you, Jack. It never crossed my mind that you'd be upset."

"And it wouldn't have mattered if it had?"

She stroked the side of his head. "It would have bothered me a lot to know you were seriously thinking about kids. I can't stand that I hurt you over this. ...But no, Jack- I would still have had it done." She cupped both sides of his head. "I love you so much, but this is something I just can't do for you. I'm so sorry you want something I can't give you."

He sighed and relented. She gave him so much already, was everything to him. And they _had_ worked this out before, he _had_ accepted her decision. He believed her when she said she hadn't purposely hidden it from him. That was Maddy- always fixing things before they broke.

"I'm sorry, Maddy," he rumbled softly. "I don't know why that got to me. Any of it. Must be the lingering effects of that drug..." He mentally called himself a liar.

"I'm glad you told me. Don't ever hold back, Jack. I can take it. We'll always work it out."

"I'm sorry Quasi let you feel how mad I was after the accident. I had no right to resent the effort you were..."

"Hush. Of course you had the right to resent it, resent me for it." She kissed the under side of his jaw. "It was a natural response. The important thing is that you _are _able to walk again, and you _were_ able to get me away from Ba'al. I gambled with your life and with mine, but we're together, as whole as either of us ever can be..."

He chuckled at that and lifted her chin to kiss her. "How come you never let me win one argument? Just one?"

"This wasn't an argument, this was a discussion of enlightenment and reassurance. Arguing is when I wanna and you don't want me to."

"Who needs a dictionary when I have you?"

"There you go- using me again."

He shifted her a little so he could play with her breasts. She sighed into his ear, then blew softly. Her tongue was warm and wet and soft. It sent a shiver of anticipation down his spine and into his groin.

"I'm in the mood to use you good," he growled.

"What, you want me to find you food?"

"After you satisfy that other hunger that's way more important."

"Do you want me to bite you?" she teased.

Jack felt the heat rising in his neck.

"I _do_ love it when you do that," he admitted. "It excites me in a weird way."

"Isn't all excitement kinda weird?"

"Tell me something that excites you. Something you've never told me."

"I'm sure Quasi told you all my secrets."

"I wanna hear you say it."

She sucked on his earlobe then whispered, "When you bite me between the shoulder blades. Drives me wild."

"Really? I thought I did that because I couldn't help myself."

"Jack? When you were high on that flower... Wow."

"Oh, so you enjoyed me throwing myself naked against the windshield in a mindless sexual frenzy?"

She giggled. "That was _too_ funny! If you could have seen your face smearing down the glass... not to mention other parts that were..."

He kissed her to shut her up.

"Right up to the point where you started to get angry," she continued, "I was loving it." She sighed. "It kinda scared me when you wouldn't stop and I realized something was drastically wrong. Up until then... I thought I was... I thought you just wanted me that much. Maybe missed me a little."

She had felt the distance, too, despite Meret. He wasn't sure what to say so he caught her nipple between the backs of his knuckles and gnawed on her neck.

"Mmmmm. Jack you can have me hot in thirty seconds flat."

"From now?"

"From the moment I woke up and saw you watching me."

"You really are an exhibitionist at heart."

"Only when it's you watching me. I love to watch your face when I tease you. I hate undressing for a doctor, but when you walk into a room I want to start peeling off my clothes. Even if it's the commissary kitchen."

He shifted her back. "Then why did you encourage Meret to change your physique? You did, didn't you? I miss the body you had."

She leaned in and pressed her forehead against his shoulder. "I want to be perfect for you, Jack. You know I was never comfortable with my body. When Qua'sel died, Meret was able to open up some of your thoughts and memories... I'm the exact opposite of what you've always found attractive, always wanted... Uma Thur..."

"Damn it, Maddy! _Damn it!_ What did you just tell me about taking one or two stray thoughts out of context? How could you let her convince you..."

She raised up and stroked his face. "You overlooked so much because you loved me. Didn't wanna hurt my feelings." She smoothed her thumbs under his eyes. "But you're always coaxing me to be naked, around the lodge, in the water, so I..."

"I love you in water, Maddy. When we're at the falls..." He groaned against her neck then moved his mouth to her ear. "I missed this, Maddy. Missed you. So much for so long..."

She moved onto her knees and rose up to tease her nipples across his lips. "Should we be doing this? I mean, no food- shouldn't we be conserving our energy?"

"Just try and stop me. Really. Try. Because I love it when you fight me..."

Later, as they lay spent and damp in each other's arms, Jack bumped Maddy's shoulder.

"Open your mind to my memories. I need you to know I loved you just the way you were."

She sighed. "I did. When we were on Nirrti's planet. Thank you for that. But now _I'm_ comfortable with me. Watch out, Jack. I might never put clothes on again."

He laughed and hugged her. "I'm gonna hold you to that."

"I got a good start in that Turdokin cage. Kinda liked it..."

"Why didn't you grab me one of those bald monkey things while you were inside the queen's chambers? One of the babies, so we could..."

"You seriously want one of those creepy, nasty, gross things? What, I don't groom you well enough? Miss a flea, have I? Ewww."

"They were cool."

"They were disgusting and mean."

He shrugged.

"But speaking of pets... Have you noticed a change in Bonnie?"

"Not particularly. She's happy you've silenced Meret... She missed you almost as much as I did."

"Not that. She seems... smarter. She was always obedient, but now it's like she understands more. And she's got more energy. Well, she did up until I stranded us without food or water."

"Ba'al had a lot of free time on his hands. Maybe he did for her what Qua'sel and Meret did for us."

"Gave her our thoughts?"

Jack grunted. "If he had done that she'd be a nut case. Like us. But we need to watch that she doesn't fly the ship away when we aren't looking."

Maddy giggled. Jack loved the sound.

"I hope he did fix her up. She was getting so old..."

"He probably did. Hedging his bets in case he had to spend more time with her than he expected to."

"Make it easier for her to deal with all this. ...Jack, I'm sorry I got us lost in space."

He gave her a squeeze. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather be lost in space with."

"Bonnie?"

He tickled her for that. Until she couldn't breathe.

"Damn it, Jack!" she panted. "I _hate_ that!"

"Know what I hate?"

"What?" she asked warily.

"Being hungry."

"But you're _always_ hungry. Every time I look at you, you're stuffing something into your mouth!"

"What's your point?"

"We'll find something edible tomorrow."

"It would have killed you to gather up some fruit before you blasted us off into the deep, black yonder?"

"Yeah, Jack, I thought about it, but that very large and very pissed off Turdokin convinced me it was safer to stay inside the ship."

"He wasn't a bad sort."

"Not until I shot him in the nuts with a ball of pure energy. I really did think he was gonna bust through the windshield. Felt bad about floating him off into space like that. I tried, Jack, I really did. I tried to shake him off, gave him every opportunity to jump..."

"I can tell you from experience that once that drug gets a hold of you, nothing penetrates the haze."

"I should have grabbed a start..."

"A start?"

"Of that plant."

He raised up on one elbow to stare at her. "For _what_?"

"See if I could grow it. In one of my flower beds. The one right outside the bedroom window..."

"That's one fire you have no business playing with, Lady!"

She shifted her head and half smiled. "Can you imagine if it got away from me and naturalized on Earth?"

"Or if Vala got it into her head to market it?" Jack growled. "You were kidding, right?"

"Of course," she assured him. "You don't need no stinking flower, Stud."

He snorted and lay back.

"Jack?"

"Huh?"

"Think Sam and Daniel are still mad at me?"

"I think Carter is hurt, and Daniel is mad at _me_."

"You? Why?" It was her turn to raise up and peer into his face.

Jack studied her eyes for a moment. "I did think he was a bumbling, bookworm wimp. He proved me wrong... or maybe he was and he changed. Whatever it was, I don't think that now but it still irks him that I ever did. One of those things that should have been cleared up but not something two macho types like us would ever discuss. I thought he understood that. He must not be macho enough to get it."

"Well, the way I came out with it didn't help matters any."

"Meret came out with it, Maddy. She took a thought here and a feeling there and twisted it into a weapon. It's what Gou'alds do. Steal, put their stamp on it, then abuse everyone they can with it."

"I need to apologize to Sam. I just hope she lets me. I feel _awful_ about that. And Teal'c. I adore Teal'c. How could I ever have said those things?"

"That's another bit of history that Carter and I should have aired out between us. I thought we had an understanding, but... Well, it just seemed easier to pretend it was never there. Stuff like that tends to fester."

"I still want to make amends. Salvage our friendship."

He reached up to stroke her breast. "Then discuss it, Babe. Don't just apologize generically then kick dirt over it. For better or worse, make her meet you half way and hash it out."

"You should take your own advice with Daniel."

"Yeah, I should. Probably won't. I'm not _that_ in touch with my feminine side."

"Are you trying to arouse me, or just fiddling?"

"I can't stop touching you, Maddy. I love these puppies. Soft, firm, responsive. Sweet." He touched a finger to her nipple and worked it in lazy circles. "Can you talk about Ba'al?"

"What about him?" she asked carefully.

"In bed. Did he hurt you?"

"Sometimes. Meret took care of it. She wasn't always mean to me."

He canted her a look. "It was her way of getting to you. Trust me, if she could have handled you by being mean all the time, she would have."

"She hated sex."

"You love it."

"Not with Ba'al!" Her shudder added an ominous emphasis.

"You had to know that was part of going with him."

"I thought Quasi would handle it."

"Quasi couldn't have stopped him from taking you that way. Be honest, Maddy. Did you want to sleep with him? Maybe just once...?"

"No!" she said sharply.

"He's exciting. Powerful. A challenge..."

"Never, Jack. I never found anything about him attractive- before or after he took me. Meret and I were of one mind about that."

"Had quite an appetite for you, though."

"Only to goad you."

"Oh, no. He was after you for more than that Asgard technology. Men can sense that in other men faster than women can. Just like women know when their best friend has the hots for their husband." He tugged on her nipple then started rolling it between his thumb and finger.

"Did he try to arouse you, or just have at it?"

Maddy sighed. "What you really want to know is, did I do for him the things I do for you? You want to know if I participated, or just let him have his way."

Their eyes met. His fingers stilled.

"I did what I had to do, Jack, to keep from being punished. By him and Meret both. I did what Meret coached me to do. I did what Ba'al insisted I do. I hated every damned minute of it, and sometimes I had to pretend he was you just to get through it. Meret let me have that much. Sometimes she took pity on me and helped with it. Turned his voice into yours. Gave me your face to see when I closed my eyes- which was most of the time until Ba'al got wise and it pissed him off. He threatened to literally staple my eyelids open if I didn't look at him..."

Jack put his arms around her and held her. She rubbed her cheek on his chest.

"Meret sometimes helped me to forget, too. I had to. I couldn't stand it. But when I hated myself the most, she'd look out the office window and let me see you standing there. _Standing_, Jack. Standing and walking and pacing. And the fact that you could made it a little easier to bear."

"I would never have asked you to go through that for me, Maddy. Not even so I could make love to you again. Nothing is worth the price you paid."

They lay quietly for a while, then Maddy stirred.

"While we're both in the mood to trade deep, dark, painful feelings... I want to talk about the pregnancy."

He drew her head up. "What about it?"

"You wanted to be a dad again. You resented the fact that I didn't want it."

"Not to a Harcesis," he said with feeling.

"Harcesis or not, you didn't approve of my feelings about it."

"Had nothing to do with approval, Maddy. I felt about it pretty much the way you did. I was ready to have it terminated before you were brought out of stasis, but Daniel argued me out of it."

"Daniel is too soft. That evil creature would have enslaved Earth and nothing could have stopped it. That's why God did."

"He convinced me that it might not be evil, that between all of us, we could keep it from going down that road."

"He was wrong."

"I knew that in my gut."

"So what stopped you?"

"God."

She started in surprise. Jack sighed.

"I kept thinking about you beaming into that collapsing ice cavern. How your faith gave you the strength to accept that we might both die down there, but the ultimate good was at stake. How you said that if we had died, at least we would have finished saving Atlantis, and Earth by default, and however it turned out, it would be right. I borrowed some of that faith, Maddy, and told God I wasn't playing Him with this. I'd done that too many times already, that it was out of my hands and in His. It was the right thing to do. He handled it and neither of us have anything to feel guilty about."

"Wow," she breathed. "You are a good and wise man, Jack O'Neill."

"Well don't tell anybody. Don't ruin my reputation."

Maddy giggled. "I love you."

"Enough to let me play with the puppies again?"

"Enough to fly around the universe with you naked."

"Only because you don't _have_ any clothes," he protested.

"I have one outfit. The one you drank out of. But I need to save it for company."

Jack laughed and rolled her over. "I'll play with the puppies in a minute. Right now I wanna chew my way across your back."

"Careful or you'll make me horny again."

"I'll make you scream if you promise to bite me when you're done."

"Whatever happened to slow and easy all-nighters?"

"Tomorrow. I promise."

"If you have any strength left tomorrow."

"Right after we eat," he amended.

"What if we don't find food?"

"Then we'll have to do something to take our minds off our bellies." He nipped a line across her back, then started at the nape of her neck and worked his way down. Maddy alternately sighed and squealed, relaxed and recoiled, groaned and gasped.

When the ship rocked slightly, Maddy gasped.

"Did we do that?"

"I don't... think so."

"Jack. We should check..."

"Ahh! In a... minute..."

"Jaack!"

"I... worked too... hard... for... this to... " His rasped words ended on a long, satisfied groan as the ship shuddered and rocked again.

This time they heard a deep, distant rumble that rattled the ship's hull.

**Chapter Sixty Six**

The alien sun was just creeping up over the ocean horizon when Maddy and Jack stepped out of the ship. Everything was quiet.

Too quiet.

Something had diverted the course of the stream. It had slowed and was running a muddy brown.

"So much for a drink," Maddy grumbled.

"Let Bonnie drink if she will. No telling how long it'll..." Jack stopped as Maddy's jaw dropped open. She was staring over his shoulder with a stunned, terrified expression. The sun abruptly dimmed. Jack whirled.

The ocean had reared up, seemed to fill the horizon and was still rising. A deep, dark mountain of water rolling towards the shore, higher than the rising sun that had been a bright orange dot in the sky a few moments earlier.

Maddy was sprinting for the ship. She pushed Bonnie back so she couldn't dart out then dove into the co-pilot's seat. She was already pushing buttons when Jack slammed down beside her. The ship hummed to life and began a swift, steep ascent. When they cleared the trees, Maddy screamed.

The entire ocean stood before them, black and ominous, poised to strike. Jack pushed the ship for all it was worth and he had the momentary impression of surfing a wicked pipeline. The crest was just above them. The ship touched the water and seemed to skip sideways in its upward crawl.

"We're gonna make it," he vowed.

The crest broke over them. Darkness washed over the windshield. The ship shuddered. Engines whined, then screeched. The weight of the water seemed to stall upward progress, and for just a moment it seemed as if they were being dragged back down. The hull plates creaked around them. The floor under their feet began a throbbing, unsteady vibration.

Maddy closed her eyes and breathed a fevered prayer.

Not for safety, but for forgiveness.

Jack grimly held onto the violently shaking controls.

Bonnie set up a soft, drawn-out moaning yodel.

The ship lurched, tilted, flipped all the way around, then broke free of the water.

"_Yes!_" He glanced at Maddy.

She opened her eyes and clutched the dog as Bonnie scrambled into her lap. There was nothing but sky surrounding them. An oddly yellowish brown sky that made Jack think of sulfur. He brought the ship around and they watched in silent awe as the ocean completely swallowed the solid ground they had been parked on. Not a trace of land was left. They slowly looked at each other.

"Next time I tell you to go check, _go check_!" she complained shakily.

"That's the first wifely nag you've ever spouted. It had better be the last."

"If you had taken just two minutes longer..."

"So why didn't _you_ go check?"

"_I_ was pinned to the mattress. _You_ were doing all the pinning!"

"_I_ could have finished by myself."

"I'll remember that next time! Hell, you can _start_ by yourself, too!"

"Not when you're around. You have my bones jumped before the idea is fully formed."

"If I waited for you to ever fully form an idea, O'Neill, I'd be a dried up old woman before I got any!"

Jack lifted the ship into space.

"Bring up the star chart. See if Ba'al left any preset coordinates."

"Already did that. While you were sleeping off the effects of your erotic high."

Jack gave her an impatient look.

"He didn't! We'd be headed home by now if he had! Geeze!"

Jack brought the ship to a stop and sat back. He lifted his hands and watched as they shook. Maddy sucked in a long, stuttering breath.

"That was close," she murmured.

"Too close," he agreed.

"You're getting pretty good at using this thing as a surf board."

He shot her a grin. "Next time it gets washed we should probably take the time to wax it."

"Just don't try to use it as a submarine."

Jack shuddered at the thought. "Which way now?"

Maddy peered at the navigational hologram. She pointed to a cluster of tiny white dots.

"Might be somebody there. Or something to eat."

"How far away is that?"

She squinted and seemed to be counting. "Umm... two days. Give or take a week."

Jack stared at her.

She shrugged. "It's not the Nautilus. My Gou'ald is rusty."

"Is it limber enough to plot a course?"

"Hope so." Her fingers raced over the console, paused, then hesitantly pressed a green light.

"We'll either get there or we won't. _Engage_."

"You bother to kick the tires this morning?"

"Yes _Dear_, but we're low on turn signal fluid and the muffler bearings are going."

Jack grinned as he shot them into hyperspace. "Heigh ho, Sil-ver! Awaaay!"

He glanced at his wife- naked as the day she was born, gorgeous, clutching to her chest the dog she hadn't wanted anywhere near her a short time ago- and understood why Meret hadn't surfaced since the Turdokins took them captive. Maddy was fighting for survival and Meret wanted her dead. He had been on the right track, he just hadn't anticipated how threatened she needed to be for his theory to work.

It took _his_ life being in danger, not hers.

He looked at the star chart and- thanks to Qua'sel- recognized the cluster they were headed for, knew Belote, one of the old Tok'ra strongholds, lay in its midst. The stronghold was long gone, the planet deserted, the stargate buried amid collapsed tunnels. It would be about as safe as any planet out here, which was to say not really safe at all. But there would be water, hopefully some sort of indigenous game or fruit, fresh air. And he was starved. When Maddy took a nap or got distracted he'd adjust their course. No sense letting her know they weren't as lost as she thought they were. And he wasn't ready to let her know just how much _he_ knew about this navigational system. Maddy hadn't stumbled onto the right combination of controls that would give them everything they needed to get back home. He would have no trouble finding Nirrti's planet. The coordinates were right there in front of him, in the flight log. But at their present location it was too far to travel without food and water.

He had found another elusive key to helping Maddy win her internal battle: She needed to believe he was depending on her. Keeping him alive gave her focus.

Nirrti's planet wasn't as safe as he had thought, but with a cloaked ship they could roost there from time to time. Gather up crystals to use as intergalactic currency. Maybe- at some point in the future- make contact with the Odyssey. They'd just have to be on their guard.

'_**Been there, seen it, bought the T shirt'**_ he decided, and weighed their options.

Earth held a myriad of problems to face. Their friends were mad at them. The Pentagon wanted to bury his wife in prison and throw away the key. Because she had risked more than her life to see her husband walk again and rout one of Earth's worst enemies from the planet. Both of which she had accomplished. She didn't deserve the treatment she would get if he took her back. The Air Force he had devoted his life to had hung him out to dry the first time _he_ needed something from _them_.

Landry's attitude when he'd asked for help still irked him.

Carter's hadn't been much better.

And it was too soon for Maddy. She was dealing with Meret, but her battle was far from won. Earth and it's headaches could wait.

They had a healing device and a ribbon device that both of them could power. They had a zat. They had Bonnie. They had enhanced health and vitality.

They had each other.

If they went back to either Nirrti's planet or Earth, Maddy would find clothes to wear. Couldn't have that.

He set the auto pilot, kicked back, planted his feet on the console, and laced his fingers behind his head.

"I'm thinking of an alien..." he said.

Maddy giggled at him. "Is it... humanoid?"

"Mmm... more or less."

"Do they have sex?"

"God, I hope not!"

"The Asgard!"

"Nope."

He stared into the white dotted inky blackness as Maddy fired guesses at him. This wasn't the vacation he had planned, but it would do.

The End

Right! Like I could leave them out there...!

Note: I hadn't planned on a fifth installment of _The O'Neill Chronicles_. This was supposed to have been the last one, at least it was as far as I had mapped out in my head. As you can see, Jack and Maddy had different ideas. They write their own exploits- I'm just along to put it on paper. As with_ Plague_, I have a starting point but no exit strategy. (That's why it's taken so long. My apologies to those of you who have been anxious. Always enjoy the emails, though!) When I have a title for the next one, I'll add it to this footnote. Until then enjoy, and as always, feedback is welcomed and encouraged.


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